father - home

"Fabian!"

"what?"

Are you calling me?Why did I forget Zhao, he saw the scene just now?My quarrel with my mother?And the reprimand to the old housekeeper?God!He saw it all!He must be very sad.No matter how others treat him, he will not complain, he will only blame himself.

I immediately turn on the light.Zhao still kept his eyes open, staring at the curtain on the top of the bed, almost unchanged from before.I felt a little relieved, but suddenly felt that there was something wrong with Zhao's eyes.I raised my hand and waved it in front of Zhao's eyes, but his eyeballs didn't move, but his pupils dilated and flickered.What's up with him?

"Fabian, forgive me, please forgive my innocence and ignorance. I thought I was helping you and protecting you, but in fact I was harming you...I am far from being as strong and mature as you imagined. I am as ignorant as you are. It can be so cruel, and at that time, I didn't even understand what you were going through... I killed you, Fabian, I'm sorry... Gabriel loves you. I think you are back together. No matter what Wherever you are, I will pray for you."

I get scared.Zhao has a pulse and breathing, although it is a bit fast, but it is still steady.He was alive, talking with his eyes open, yet unresponsive to my touch.Zhao faced me, but he was talking to another person, talking about other things.Is Zhao awake?Could this be delirium?It is one of the more serious symptoms of withdrawal.I don't know what to do, should I wake him up?Can you wake him up?What would be the consequence of calling him?I remember that waking a sleepwalking person was very harmful, even dangerous, but what those harmful effects were, I had no idea.what do I do?

"Afran, you shouldn't, you shouldn't!... How I have nothing to do with you, I'm not important to you... You forgot Ban Ruier, your son? You are his father, his hope. Have you forgotten your wife? They are still looking forward to you, waiting for you, are you worthy of them?... You are paranoid, you are cowardly, you have abandoned your responsibilities... No, I will not appreciate you, I won’t forgive you either, I’m only mad at you and at myself.”

I don't want to wake him up.I don't know what the result of waking him up will be. I won't do anything that might hurt him, even if it's possible, I don't want to.Yes, don't wake him up.He is calm now and not in pain.How rare this kind of peace is, even if he meets other people in another world, that is what he hopes to see, there is no harm.And... and... I don't deny it, I'd love to meet some of his other friends, another part of his life, and if possible, I'd even like to get out of my body, out of my body, and become a mass floating in the air mist.That way, I could follow him without being seen, and I could see what he saw and experience what he experienced.There is no despicable psychology, not to satisfy the desire of peeping, just not to disturb him, just to understand and love him more.

"I don't know how to thank you, Ellen, no words can express my gratitude to you... I know that during the days when I was in a coma, you and Marty worked hard together, without your superb medical skills and a Kind, loving heart, Marty can't do that, and I won't wake up, and you're the first to bless me and Marty... You know, I've been having trouble with my heart, and neither have I People who can ask for advice and talk, I have been lonely and afraid, I am afraid of this strong, unethical feeling, and I am afraid of causing greater harm to Marty. When I was found guilty, my heart was calm. I'm not gay, I'm just trying to save people. When I realized Marty's feelings and longed to respond, I was terrified. Do I deserve what I'm suffering? It's just ahead of time. Ellen, you I don't know how precious your blessing is to me. Thank you, Ellen, it's just for me... well, let's not talk about it, it should be a happy thing for you to meet the wife you have missed for a long time. I also You are happy. She must be beautiful."

I knelt by the bed and prayed for Zhao.This is the safest and safest way.God knows what's going on and what to do.He has always protected Zhao, and today will be no exception.

"No, Martin, it's enough, it's enough. You know I never hated you. There's a lot of things I don't understand at the beginning... If I did, I'd try not to let it happen. But the big mistake has been made Well, I can't make it up... I just met Ralph once, and I fell in love with him, he is so cute, not to mention you are his brother... As long as you can calm down, it can ease your pain of losing a loved one , whatever. I don't hate you...you've done enough for me, don't blame yourself...if you can, put a flower for me in Ralph's memory."

I couldn't concentrate on praying, because my mind, or rather my soul, really left my body and followed Zhao to another world.Is it heaven, or where?That doesn't matter, what matters is that his friends are there.Zhao Yi is pure white, his skin is dazzlingly white, his hair is darker, his eyes are brighter, and the colorful rainbow in his eyes, and the eternal, warm and confident smile on the corner of his mouth... and others, I can't see them, but I know them Zhao can see.

"Carl, I think you know that I used to despise you. I used to think so foolishly: I'm a victim, and you enjoy it. You're good at it, and you enjoy it. Until the day you offered to take my place... If I couldn't live without you, Karl. I've always wanted to say thank you personally, but I didn't have the courage. I also want to thank you for saving that painting, Fabian's. It's a pity that I haven't had a chance since then, until the last time you came to see me, I couldn't open my mouth and say to you clearly: Thank you... Karl, in our place, personal feelings are not valued, let alone people Unspeakable same-sex love... Carl, you are my good teacher and good friend, you let me know what is the basic right of equality in human beings, and what we should fight, sacrifice, and strive for. Important It's not who we love, but we have the right to pursue what we love, and we have the right to choose our own way of life. Carl, I am honored and proud to have you as a friend."

I gently wiped away the tears from the corners of Zhao's eyes with gauze.

"Kristen, people say I'm stupid, but I think you're even more stupid than me. We made an agreement at the beginning and never revealed a word. Why didn't you keep your promise? Don't you Germans value your oath the most? Look What you've done, let parents lose their daughters; brothers lose their sisters; put old people in danger; lose themselves a wife they love. What do you make me do?  … What? Natalie asked for it? She's amazing But why did you tell her? You said that we men are born to take responsibility and protect our wives and children, so why did you tell her?"

……

"Ernie."

Oh Ernie!I want to see you too.But I still couldn't see anyone except Zhao.I am a bystander, I want to walk into Zhao's heart, can I?God help me, let me in!

"It all happened so suddenly...We should be used to misfortune and death, but no, your passing is something we have never been able to accept. Marty and I have not been able to talk about you calmly and remember you, As long as you are mentioned, I can see thick, dark clouds of sadness in his eyes. As time goes by, the dark clouds are getting darker and thicker, but there is no sign of dissipating. In that sad And then there's loneliness and solitude... You know, I'm worried about him. He's a lonely guy and it's hard for him to open up to others... I don't know if he has anyone to trust but you, Ernie Friend. In this country and in this era, he is destined to be lonely and always in danger. I thought that after I left, he would still have you as a loyal friend, but now... I heard that you like the Iron Cross very much Medal, I was going to give it to you as a souvenir. Although I have no shame in getting it-I got it not for killing people, but for saving people-but, after all, it was in an invasion. My country Suffering the same, how can I keep it, I want to give it to you, I haven't had time to tell you..."

……

"You've lost your mind, Shenk."

Schenk?I was startled and looked at Zhao nervously, but fortunately his tone didn't change much.

"Whatever... Do you think I care? I'm a soldier, my job is to fight, and people die in war. Do you think I care about sacrifices?... Shenk, you underestimate me. I'm not afraid of death, What else? Just use what you can think of and see what effect it will have... Schenk! I can't use human thinking to understand you. You have a beautiful wife, a newborn child, happiness, Beautiful home, why did you destroy it?... I will not curse you to hell, maybe you are already there. The devil has lost the ability to do evil, but he has to watch people around him love each other, tender and sweet, that is It is the greatest pain, the greatest torment."

……

"Babel, I don't know what to say to you. Thank you for loving me, thank you for the wonderful and happy time you brought me. Unfortunately, I can't return your love... If there is any hope, or I wish, I just hope you forget about me and all your unhappiness, and I hope you can truly get your own happiness."

I couldn't get into Zhao's heart.I still knelt by the bed and prayed for him.I am already very satisfied, I am content to stare at his serene face, his flashing pupils, I am content to hold his hand, and I am content to listen to his voice.Zhao was still talking, but I couldn't understand it anymore, it was Chinese.I only heard Yu'er's name, as well as father and mother.Probably the languages ​​of the world are similar when calling father and mother, especially "mom"-the easiest syllable for human vocal cords.Zhao started to sob when he called "Mom".