hold a cigarette

24 Limo

I like rainy days, which is probably like Jin Shengyang likes darkness and cheongsam.

Rainy days can make me feel at ease, only the sound of rain can be heard, and other noisy sounds are gone.

On rainy days, I can rarely relax and think about the messy things that have happened to me.

Maybe Jin Shengyang's blind cat met a dead mouse and happened to want to trace my past on a rainy day, so he succeeded a little bit.

The reason why I say it is a little bit is because I didn't tell him everything, and I still have reservations about Jin Shengyang to this day.

I always thought that I was not afraid of the sky and the earth, and that I lived only to wait for death, but when I spoke, I suddenly found that the things that made me timid were still there.

I know how despicable I am, and Jin Shengyang knows it too, but I still don't want him to stare at me to the end like looking at a dry well.

I want to cover my dirty roots with dead grass and beautify all my unbearables.

I cast myself as a poor victim, and made him feel that someone else was to blame for all my bad behavior today.

This behavior made me worse.

My stepfather did beat me, and he never showed mercy to me when I was young.

But I'm not that polite either, I've learned how to destroy a person from a very young age.

The scars on my wrists were not forced by my stepfather at all. The scars he left on me were removed long ago. The only one left was drawn by myself. At that time, I was still young and had not become an orphan. If he didn't leave, his stepfather was still a stepfather.

I cut my own wrist, and after I was rescued, I planted it on my stepfather.

I want it to be a big deal, and everyone knows that he abused me and my mother.

But this incident did not really save me, on the contrary, it scared my mother away, leaving me and him alone.

It is said that it is not that the family does not enter the house, and the few of us are not good people.

Later, until the stepfather died, no one's life was easy.

After I was eight years old, I was sent to an orphanage. I was withdrawn and eccentric, and no one adopted me until I was an adult.

I told Jin Shengyang about the hardships and hardships I had suffered. In the end, he held my hand tightly and didn't say anything, but I knew that I had achieved my wish - he was caring for me.

This is what I want.

From childhood to adulthood, no one cared about me, I want to experience the feeling of being loved.

I pulled him over and kissed behind the rain curtain, I took his hand and caressed my body, and I didn't care whether there would be strange eyes on us from the cars passing by in the distance.

It was raining all the time, we hugged, kissed and touched each other. At first, I always thought that I could only hear the sound of rain in rainy days, but now, the sound of rain is getting quieter, and what I can hear most clearly is his breathing.

This man...

I thought I was controlling him, but when I thought about it, in a way, he was controlling me.

I was so naughty, I just wanted to tease him or even play with him, but I accidentally brought myself into the mud.

I don't long for love, and I don't want to have any emotional bonds with anyone, but when we came home wet and stripped each other's clothes, when Jin Shengyang kissed the scar on my wrist and asked me if it hurt, let me When I'm in so much pain now, I'm shaken.

I asked him, "Can you still leave me?"

"Nonsense." He said harshly, "What do you think you are?"

I laughed uncontrollably under him, very presumptuously, I raised my hand and hooked his neck, and said to him: "This is what you said, when I really leave one day, don't regret it."

The next day, I didn't go to Jin Shengyang's house at night, but went back to my place.

Half of the family was moved to Jin Shengyang's place by me, and it always felt empty when I came back.

I lay on the floor in a daze, not answering the phone or replying to the message.

After that, I was like this for a few days. I went to work as usual, didn't have any extra contact with Jin Shengyang, walked away after get off work, and went home without seeing anyone.

I counted the time and made a bet with myself and Jin Shengyang.

Regarding Jin Shengyang, I don't have the confidence to be sure, but I still want to gamble and push him forward.

He is the best at duplicity. I want him to be completely honest with me about what he wants.

Just like he wants my body, he wants my feelings.

I will tell you otherwise, but he must ask me for it.

On the third night, when I was sitting on the balcony drinking, I finally waited for him.

I watched Jin Shengyang walk in from the gate of the community, and followed him all the way.

It was late at night, and he walked hurriedly.

When he was walking towards me in that cheongsam that I was all too familiar with, I suddenly wanted to shamefully ask him: which cheongsam gives you more sense of security, or me?

I waited at the door early to welcome his arrival.

That's what I said when he appeared.

His answer to me was: "This question is too ridiculous, what you bring to me is simply uneasy."

I couldn't be more satisfied with his answer.

What I want is this answer.

I want to make him feel uneasy, make him worry about me.

"What are you doing here?"

He stared at me without answering.

With a cold beer in my hand, I pressed it on his face maliciously.

"Cheers," I said, "congratulations on your total love for me."