[Tuyan] Yimu

#after many years#

At dusk, day birds return to their nests.The sun of the deep golden sunset also fell on the window gloomyly. I listened to every truth that I didn't know told by Shen Tu, and tried hard to get my stagnant thinking to work again.Moving the soul from one body to another consumes a considerable amount of spiritual energy, and the soul in a different body also requires more spiritual and spiritual power than staying in the original body. These excessive consumption are reflected in the weakness of the soul And the rapid aging of the original body organs.

In other words, no matter whether it is moving souls or solid bodies, these methods of extending lifespan under normal circumstances have lost their effectiveness.Nothing can stop this irreversible process of decay.

"Moving the soul back from Su Zhi's body, Xiao Yu was very opposed to it, because she knew that my life would be shortened. But I hope that when Su Zhi can finally be buried in the ground, she will be more than just a tomb. It's time to go to sleep in a dignified and peaceful manner. And more importantly, I hope I can touch you with my own hands."

Shen Tu's voice is very deep, he may finally be able to expose the secret in his heart to the world, but he doesn't want more people to know it. "Even if it's my own soul, even if it's just holding hands and hugging, I don't want to use other people's bodies, and I don't want you to look into other people's eyes when you look at me."

Don't want me to be possessed by someone other than him, don't want me to look at anyone but him.What Shen Tu expressed made me feel sore and swollen. The warm feeling of being cherished rapidly swelled, and the bitterness caused by waiting for too long and being tortured by time all blended together in my heart.If these had been known to me on that snowy night many years ago, my life, Shen Tu's life and even everything would have been completely different.

Shentu, your feelings have only reached my heart now, isn't it a bit too late.Even when you come back to me, you can only respond with resistance. For me, the word "love" has only a bitter taste that can't even be seasoned.

In the last week, Shen Tu basically spent in the personal intensive care unit.I spent day after day waiting empty on the bench outside the intensive care unit, listening to the doctor explaining to me one by one the physical values ​​on the report sheet that were getting closer and closer to the threshold of dying.Even so, once he got better, I stuck by his bedside and held his hand, telling him I would keep an eye on him until he passed out again.

This is the first time I have been so close to a person with whom I have a deep and continuous relationship, waiting for him to die.

Continuous staying up late made my spirit extremely weak, and I fell into an unexpected sleep that morning, and it was the assistant of the attending doctor who woke me up hastily from the bench in the corridor.She hurriedly told me that the IV drip had completely failed.My heart sank, and I knew that the time limit for my body had come. According to the previously determined critical illness procedure, the intensive care unit will stop the rescue of Shen Tu completely.

There is not much time to say goodbye after the oxygen supply is stopped. Shen Tu told me the day before that he had an unfulfilled wish and wanted to tell me when he was dying, but no matter how I asked him, he would not reveal the content of the wish. So I must seize the remaining 2 minutes and ask him what he still has to miss.To fulfill his last wish for him, I should be able to afford this level of tenderness.

I put my ear next to his lips and let him tell me.

Shen Tu had already started to lose strength, but he still grabbed my sleeve and exhaled word by word: "An... Yan, hug... me." He used the tone of begging me.

I was almost stunned, but I did as he said.The last breath of his life was slowly lost in my arms.

"Finally willing to hug me..."

These are the last words that Shen Tu left with his body while leaning on my shoulder.Afterwards, that cold lips never spoke a word.

He died in my arms as he wished.

I still can't sum up everything this person brought to me in one sentence.Whether what I have experienced is love or tragedy, and how to characterize it, I can't tell at all.

After returning to Yanping, she also returned to the usual life of a person, the difference is that there is an extra daughter who is not related by blood.Su Yu was very busy in Guangling, and I was in Yanping to help form a new THA relying on my previous relationships.Get up in the morning and make tea first, get the newspaper, and after reading the news, go to a neatly closed book box in the middle of the bookshelf, and take out the next yellowed old envelope according to the mark left by yesterday morning.

I kept reading only one or two letters a day, as if I was reading a novel written by him unilaterally, and also like the man who was deep in loneliness, pain, and unable to let go between negation and affirmation of himself hidden behind the words In conversation.

Soon after Shen Tu was admitted to the hospital in Guangling, he had a premonition that his physical condition was not optimistic. Before Su Yu came to see me, he began to write his last letter to me. "Write more now while you can. After I die, you will only read two pages a day, and it will take a year to read the whole thing, so you won't feel tired after reading it dozens of times."

"It's really lingering. Besides, don't keep talking about 'death', you can still live for at least half a year."

Shen Tu's physical body is aging several times faster than his soul's weakening rate, and the doctor has diagnosed that the organs can only be delayed for another two weeks at most.Using the Su family's forbidden technique to transfer his soul to a powerful spiritual weapon, his soul can exist for about half a year.This is the way he came up with to halve the one-year lifespan left by his soul.

"Won't you be bored hanging on the wall of my house every day?" I asked.

At that time, Shen Tu suddenly stopped writing and smiled, showing a very relaxed smile that he hadn't seen for a long time, but he didn't say anything in the end.

After putting away the old envelopes and putting them back in the bookcase, I went back to the living room and walked to the kitchen, where I neatly placed the breakfast steamed in the morning on the dining table.I have always lived alone, and I didn't need to pay attention to the beauty of the dishes, but when someone was watching, I unconsciously noticed these details.

The ritual before the meal is to take out the Jingzhe from the decorative cabinet embedded in the wall of the living room, wipe it with silk that is better than my clothes, and kiss the handle and body of the knife.This matter must be done before meals, because Shen Tu will say that he doesn't like the smell of soy milk buns when kissing, but he doesn't hate the smell of tea.As for where to kiss, it's up to me, because the spirit body with the knife as its host no longer has as many sensory differences as the human body, in short, it's all the same.

Most of the time, I would leave him alone in the closet. As long as I don't touch Jing Zhe's peach wood body, the spirit body can't communicate with people directly, so I don't care about his useless nagging.Apart from observing my life, unfolding the spiritual enchantment in my house, chatting with the young people who came to my house for dinner, and pretending to be a talking wooden toy to amuse the children next door, he only sleeps.

Recently, his sleeping time has been getting longer and longer, and sometimes it takes him a long time to get an answer.This means that his spiritual power is getting weaker and weaker, and soon even the spiritual power residing on Jing Zhe will be exhausted.

During the critical illness process, we agreed that when his physical body reached its limit, we would transfer his soul to Jingzhe, which was stored in my house.I can't repay the feeling that he tried his best and wanted to stay by my side more, so I gave him a good morning kiss every day on my own initiative.

Is this a love affair with Shen Tu again?But apart from staying with him for a while in the morning and evening, I was stingy to leave some time for him, lest he really think that I was moved by his guarding gesture and get carried away.

This wonderful relationship, which seemed like an emotional game, ended earlier than expected.One morning after more than five months, I woke up and put my finger on Jingzhe, saying good morning to him every day.He didn't talk to him.I have been calling him persistently all morning, but still no reply.

I went back to the sofa and took out a cigarette to smoke, then took out my mobile phone and called Su Yu.

"Shen Tu is gone."

I only said these five words, and the other side was silent for a while, and said: "Uncle An, I will buy vegetables and have dinner with you at your house tonight, so don't go out."

I didn't notice my tears until I hung up the phone.I have been tossed by his departure over and over again for decades, and every time it makes me feel dull pain, not to mention that the deadline this time is determined forever.

I don't feel like I forgave him in the end.The fact that it has left me alone for more than 20 years and left me so quickly is enough to annoy me for the rest of my life.But at this moment, I am glad for him, he is finally completely freed from fate and worldly troubles.He should go to rest. It is extremely selfish to expect him to stay any longer with any reason.

That's fine too.

I once loved a person - he took me to hang around in heaven, and then caused sin to step me into hell.After his death, he also used death to redeem me and return to the world.Years later, in the last hours of our lives, when I thought of him, I was freed from a lifetime of hatred for anyone.

What this person brought me in the end may be my life.

The author has something to say:

"Finally finished writing", the first reaction was indeed this.It has been dragged on for three years, and every time I pick it up and reread it after a break, there is a feeling of "oh my god, how I wanted to write here".Sure enough, I can't stop writing for too long...

Regarding the writing, I have thought a lot about each development, and I am worried that readers will feel that the plot is not reasonable enough and the behavior of the characters is too far from the original work.As a person who has only lived for 20 years, it is necessary for me to figure out the way of thinking of a person in his 50s, and to write and write about the whole process of change from when the other person was in his 20s. A whole new challenge.In my impression, this is also my first completed fan-length novel that is published with chapter updates instead of the full text. For myself, it is a gratifying thing.

Regarding the plot and the ending, when the article was first written, I decided to incorporate some of my own life reflections, so it was the decided framework of "can't be together".Writing this article is also due to other reasons, completing a redemption for myself, and seeing a lot of things.As for what this article can bring to each reader, it may be an ordinary story of Tuyan cp, or a tragedy worth crying, and perhaps some emotion can be gained from it.The charm of the novel lies in the fact that the author does not limit the information that the story conveys to the readers. The many encounters, acquaintances, and separations through words are just a story that takes place in a virtual object.And everything that can be experienced behind the story is handed over to readers to confirm with their own experience, the world they have experienced, and their own eyes.