little city

Looking back, the life of the first year of college, except for the military training and the time when Jiang Tao was there, the rest of the time was ordinary.Nostalgia for middle school, fear for the future, and dissatisfaction with the status quo, these emotions are intertwined, and I feel like walking on thin ice.

"Why do you want to go to Xiaocheng University?" Jing Shu once asked me on the first day of our reunion.

"This is life..."

"Why do you say that?" Jing Shu asked me with a smile.

"It's not what I said, it was what our high school head teacher said."

"Is he traditional?"

"He actually had a contemptuous smile when he said it."

"You heard it yourself?"

"Yes, not only me, but also a very good friend of mine who passed the Tsinghua University exam. After the class teacher finished speaking, I turned around and left from his house. When I walked to the door, I heard him calling my wife, hurry up." Order to cook and entertain his proud students. I closed the door of his house casually."

"Are you sad?"

"It was a little bit at the time, but later I thought about it. Thanks to the college entrance examination, thank him for making me realize the cruelty of life."

"Then why are you?" I asked back.

"Me? Maybe it's God's will?"

"God willing?"

"Ah."

"Your class teacher is more educated."

Jing Shu smiled lightly. "I summed it up myself."

"Oh, it's hard for me to think that at my age, there are people who believe in fate or God's will. There must be other options, such as repeating school."

"But we still chose to come here, this is God's will."

"If you have to think so, I believe this is good providence, not bad fate. There is still a difference."

"So the same thing, different people, from different angles, is not the same."

"Is this a philosophical question?"

"Maybe it's a psychological problem."

"So do you still miss high school?"

"Tell the truth?"

"Of course you have to tell the truth. Is it necessary to lie?"

"I miss my female deskmate!"

"You love her very much?"

"I don't know. I just feel a bit bitter, because neither of us was admitted to the ideal university, so we cut off contact. She didn't contact me, and I didn't contact her."

"Then why don't you write a letter, you don't have her phone number?"

"I don't know, it just happens naturally."

"Not once?"

"Uh, actually, once, on a weekend, she called our dormitory, and I happened to be away. After returning, my roommate Dongdong said that a girl called me and said that I must know who she is? Still staying I guessed it was her, so I went to the campus phone booth and called her back. But we just exchanged a few words, and then fell into silence again. We were at the same table for two years in high school, and we didn’t I got angry and quarreled, but it didn't go any further. We just admire each other, she likes the way I play basketball, and I like her sweet smile. She will prepare snacks for me thoughtfully, help me check my homework, and occasionally Blame me for being like a log.

On the weekend before the college entrance examination, we talked about ideals and life on the playground, talking endlessly.I remember that she was very beautiful that day. She took off our bloated school uniform and wore a floral dress, but I was really like a piece of wood all night, with only ideals and the future in my eyes. "

After the phone call that day, we lost touch again. Maybe if we can't let go of the past, we can't face the future.Sometimes I wonder if we all got into the ideal university, would the ending be different? "

"What about you?" I asked Jingshu back.

"Me? I don't think much about high school."

"Why? There are no boys you have a crush on? There are still too many boys chasing you, and you can't stand it."

"There are, and there are none, I just don't want to think about it."

"That's still there."

"Can you tell your story again? I prefer to hear your story, and I will tell you my story later."

It was a windy autumn night, and I started to wander around the campus alone.Although the campus is not big, there are all kinds of pavilions and terraces.The beauty of Jiangnan is exquisite and soft, colorful and unique, while the beauty of the hometown is rough and monotonous.

I saw some people gathered in the gazebo of the campus, I don't know what they were doing, and I took a closer look, and it turned out to be the English Corner organized by the English Association.In the center of the crowd, there is a foreigner with a long beard, about 50 years old, a foreign teacher at the school, sharing the customs of Australia.On the periphery of the crowd, students in groups of three or four were also introducing their hometowns in English.

I walked around the crowd, bored and had nothing to say, and when I was about to leave, I saw a familiar face on the other side of the crowd.

There is a vine at one corner of the gazebo, winding around the eaves corner of the gazebo, with slender and slender branches and lush branches and leaves, occupying a place.Jing Shu was standing upright by the edge of the vine, holding a book in her left hand, leaning against her chest, quietly listening to the two students next to her chattering in stumbling English.

She stood there without words, her demeanor was indifferent and gentle, there was always a faint smile on the corner of her mouth, but her eyes still revealed a wordless sadness.

In fact, since the train met, I have been thinking about Jing Shu.Every midnight dreaming, lying in bed, I always think of Jingshu on the train and the tears she shed.I can't figure it out, Jing Shu is young, why is she crying?I also thought of Jing Shu's faint smile before she left. I couldn't figure out whether it was just a polite gesture or something else. If not, why did it touch my heart so much?

I couldn't hold back my heart that was just beginning to open in love. After many days of longing, I mustered up the courage to walk in front of Jing Shu, my eyes were as hot as fire and as deep as the sea.

"I thought I'd never see you again."

"Well? What?"

"Don't you know me? I was on the train that day."

"Oh oh oh, I have a bad memory." Jing Shu said politely, lowering her head shyly.

"I thought I would run into you at school, but I haven't seen you all this time. Fortunately, I finally saw you today." I couldn't hide the joy of meeting, my enthusiasm was high, and my usual shy self suddenly became active.

"Well, yes, our school is so small." Jing Shu lowered her head, not daring to touch my burning eyes.

We started to leave the crowd and stand alone in a corner outside the gazebo.

"Have you adapted to life here?" I asked.

"It's good, the climate is very good, here is green all year round, the leaves in the north are yellow, right?"

"Yes, it's autumn in my hometown. There is a large poplar forest behind the teaching building of our high school. At this time of year, the whole forest is dyed golden yellow. Looking around, it looks like a beautiful oil painting. My favorite Leaning against a big tree, sitting on the ground covered with fallen leaves, holding a martial arts novel, watching the leaves fall in the wind, sometimes imagining that I am very light, with long hair flying, and holding a sharp sword, shuttling between the trees; My mind is amazing, I can stare at a leaf, control its rise and fall, float and float, and fall in the wind."

"Are you dreaming? Such a poetic life."

"Can you understand, it was really this feeling at that time, body, mind, time, space, at that moment, there is no boundary, they are free to shuttle."

"Well, I have it too. It's not just free shuttle, but the border is constantly being built, and then it keeps collapsing. You see a wall in front of you, but you can pass through it. Turn around, the wall disappears, and then appears in front of you." A wall."

"Your boundary is a wall, but mine is unbounded, that is, it is empty and boundless. I really want to find a place to lean on and rest, but there is no place to float and wander freely."

"You are the inadvertent passage of time, and I am struggling to pursue the passage of time."

"No matter what, it's still gone, and I can't go back."

"In fact, it has not disappeared, it still exists in the space-time tunnel. I can't go back, just stay in memory

Jing Shu didn't speak, she was in a daze silently, my lost youth, in her eyes, was nothing but self-pity and trouble.She looked into the distance quietly, the past time, the water flowing and the people leaving flashed in her eyes.

Jingshu's quiet temperament, like a black hole in the night, captured my heart.I originally thought that Jingshu's sadness also came from the failure of the college entrance examination, which was the only sadness I could think of, but I was obviously wrong.I am full of curiosity and questions. What kind of life experience has created Jingshu today?

For a week, I have been thinking about Jing Shu, those eyes full of stories, attracted me deeply, even shimmering in my sleep.From midnight to day, when will we meet again?

When another English corner came, I specially put on the newly bought white and blue striped sportswear and red and white basketball shoes, hoping to present a youthful and sunny appearance in front of Jing Shu.I seem to have found the throbbing of youth that has been silent for a long time.Youth is not only the persistent pursuit of ideals, but also the selflessness of love; youth is not only the sinking after failure, but also the raging flames burning in the sinking.

I am like a bird that has just learned to fly, flapping its wings happily in the campus; I am like a knight who has just learned peerless martial arts and is going down the mountain for the first time, full of confidence and pride.I'm just in love, and I'm stepping on a hot wheel, impatient, rushing to the Garden of Eden of love.

After coming out of the dormitory, it was still dark, and the previously dead and silent campus suddenly glowed with brilliance.The dilapidated dormitory buildings seem to be European-style castles, with stubborn ivy attached to the gray-brown walls, which makes the castles more mysterious and noble.For the first time, the camphor tree on the side of the road lowered its branches to say hello to me. The grass under the tree raised its drooping head and smiled at me. The blue newsstand by the tree danced cheerfully. With the slogan of blessing, the students passing by all looked happy, and even the usually vicious guard watched me leave kindly.

After a year of depressing life, I started to turn a new page today, and I felt the power of new life accumulating in my heart and slowly bursting out.

I stood happily by the gazebo of the school, pacing in circles.More and more people came to participate in the English corner, the foreign teacher was still surrounded by a big circle, he stood inside and blabla talking, only a few students dared to talk to the foreign teacher, and more students just watched Listen quietly, other students gather together in groups of three or five, and the voice of "I, I, I..." can be heard everywhere.

After waiting for a long time, Jing Shu was never seen, and my heart began to cool down.I wanted to give up many times, thinking that Jingshu would not come, I was anxious, disappointed, sad, and kept circling around the gazebo, absent-minded.

Just when I was about to give up completely, Jing Shu came slowly, her steps were light, her posture was graceful, and she was full of fairy spirit. I was as happy as a child.

The two greeted each other. I originally wanted to chat with Jingshu alone, but it was obviously impossible. Soon, two boys joined in, both with bright eyes, and girls also started to join in. Our small circle gradually It became a big circle of eight or nine people.The theme of the day is childhood anecdotes. I grew up in the countryside, digging out voles in the fields, catching fish in the water, trapping rabbits in the mountains, digging out bird eggs and touching snakes, encountering wolves while walking at night, all kinds of interesting things , I don't know which part to share.

Jingshu calmly talked about various questions and puzzles after hours, such as natural phenomena such as sunrise and sunset, flowers blooming and fading.Jing Shu also said that the teacher said in class that the sun is during the day and the moon is at night, but she has seen the sun and the moon appear in the sky many times at the same time.

Jing Shu's tone of voice is ups and downs, but also reserved, and the combination of static and dynamic, I was completely attracted, and what Jing Shu said resonated with me very much. .

When it was my turn, I told the story of swimming in the river in my hometown when I was a child, the lifebuoy leaked, and I almost drowned. Because of excessive nervousness, the entire English expression was not fluent.While I was talking, I watched Jing Shu's face, and I was very happy to see that Jing Shu was very focused.

As time passed, there were fewer and fewer people chatting, and we were finally able to break away from the group and stand in the corner of the gazebo.

"I have also experienced what you said."

"Ok?"

"Those natural phenomena."

"I'll just say whatever I want."

"But it is true. Why are you uneducated? You are so curious."

"I liked science before junior high school, and I liked arts in high school. Mathematics, physics and chemistry are really difficult. Besides, natural phenomena exist objectively. With the advancement of technology, the answers to mysteries have been solved one by one. Only then did I find that the most difficult thing to solve is actually people."

"Oh, people are very simple. They are part of nature and obey objective laws, right?"

"Then you are a materialist?"

"do not you?"

"Materialism cannot solve the problems of human spirit."

"Then you believe in ghosts?"

"I believe in the possibility of the unknown."

"Oh, I only believe in the known scientific conclusions, and there must be no ghosts and gods. But looking at the unknown universe, maybe there is a multidimensional world, and science needs to prove it."

"Well, in fact, I have personally experienced ghost possession. My grandma's sister once possessed my grandma. Grandma was unconscious at the time. Later, she was exactly the same as her sister in terms of speech and expression. She cried and said Many unfinished things in the world, people who are reluctant to let go, and concerns that cannot be let go lasted for an hour. The relatives cried and begged her to go back. Later, the family invited a Mr. Yin Yang to feed grandma vinegar, and needles to let her blood out. I lit the fire and burned the paper again, tossing for a long time, and slowly, grandma's sister really left, and when grandma woke up, she didn't know what happened just now. How do you explain this?"

"Is this true? Maybe it's because grandma misses her sister too much." I didn't know how to answer.

"Of course it is true. I also thought, does this prove the existence of a world of another dimension? And that world may be parallel to ours, and there will be occasional intersections; maybe that world can see us, and We can't see them; maybe the world we experience in our dreams is an out-of-body experience, a trip to another dimension?"

"This assumption is too scary. According to your assumption, maybe the world we imagined is also a real world of another dimension. How terrible would that be? Am I switching between two dimensions at any time?"

"Maybe so. If objective existence is materialistic, it is not only material existence, but spiritual objective existence is also a kind of existence, and this kind of existence is also a world. If the world of material existence is ugly, then this spiritual objective existence The world that exists must be beautiful. If "existence" itself is a kind of material in a broad sense, it also obeys the law of conservation of matter, so good, evil, beauty and ugliness are all balanced, and the world can be harmonious."

"That's probably what religion is all about."

"It can be said, because religion is also a kind of existence."

"It also exists." I said it almost at the same time, and both of them laughed.

"Are you religious?" I asked.

"I don't believe in a particular religion, maybe I will in the future. In fact, I don't know what to believe. My previous beliefs have been disillusioned." After Jing Shu finished speaking, she fell into deep thought.

I saw Jingshu's mood turn into sadness in an instant, and I felt a little distressed.The girl in front of me, at a young age, seems to have seen through life. What kind of experience can make a person so pessimistic?In front of Jingshu, I suddenly found that my sadness seemed so innocent, it was not worth mentioning.In the past year, the heavy spiritual shackles that were pressing on me seemed to be untied all at once.

At this time, it was late at night, and the chatting crowd gradually left, leaving only a few people on the other side of the gazebo.The light of the street lamps is dim and chaotic, the sky is pitch black, the night is deep and boundless, and the footsteps of youth are helpless.

"Do you like mountain climbing?" I asked bravely.

Jing Shu readily agreed.