is crazy

The closer it gets to New Year's Eve, the emptier the city becomes.The strangers wandering outside have already missed their loved ones in their dreams, and the bustling big cities in the past have become deserted, only the lonely neon lights are humming songs.

Lin Lian said "goodbye, uncle and aunt" and got out of the car in a hurry. He ran so fast that his hat and scarf almost fell off.The breath exhaled when he took a deep breath turned into large swaths of white mist on his face, blocking his unclear vision at night.

After nine o'clock in the evening, it was completely dark.

He saw Jiang Cun standing at the fountain outside the community, rushed up and hugged him tightly.

"Baby, brother Lian came to see you, are you happy?"

Jiang Cun hugged back and laughed: "I'm very happy, I've never been so happy."

"Then hurry up and kiss your boyfriend. Brother Lian has worked tirelessly to see you in the car. He is very tired."

He was just used to such an inconspicuous way of speaking, thinking that Jiang Cun also knew he was joking, but unexpectedly he blushed and kissed him, just kissing his cheek and lightly touching his skin.

"I really, really, really like you."

Lin Lian pinched Jiang Cun's face domineeringly, smiled even brighter, and almost narrowed his eyes: "You are so, so, so, so, so naive, especially multiplied by ten times naive."

"Obviously you are a childish ghost!"

Jiang Cun shook off his hand vigorously, and ran forward, Lin Lian took his hand, and the two of them ran together in the winter night.

The surroundings were lonely and empty, and the sound of their footsteps was particularly clear, as if they were running towards the full moonlight.

"New Year's Eve is 29, tomorrow is New Year's Eve [-], and the day after tomorrow is the real New Year's Eve." Contrary to usual, Jiang Cun uttered such a meaningless sigh.

"Fortunately, I have this luck, otherwise you must be crying alone."

"How could I cry? At most, I just miss you so much."

The two of them sat on the sofa, wrapped themselves in the same soft quilt, and chatted about various things jokingly. A little farewell to a newlywed in three days, it’s been a long time, Lin Lian is full of stomach If he said that, he wanted to touch Jiang Cun; the lights in the living room were turned off, leaving only the faint light of the TV screen shining on the smiling face of the boy. The performance, beautiful music adds a sense of tranquility.

That's it - sitting with someone you like and doing whatever you want.

Lin Lian has been refusing to let go of Jiang Cun's hand, staring at Jiang Cun carefully, looking at him openly: "You said that when we get old, do we just sit and chat in front of the TV like this? I really like it This kind of atmosphere is like home, very warm.”

"After all, no one would have guessed that the person who asked me to borrow my student ID card at the beginning of school is now playing a hooligan on me." Jiang Cun lowered his head slightly, not daring to accept Lin Lian's fiery gaze, but glanced at his expression from the corner of his eye .

"You are really..." He started to approach him, and the two of them could almost smell their breath, "You are so bold and cute."

In the second half of the night, both of them were sleepy, lying on the sofa staggered, the TV was left on, and they just fell asleep in a daze.Jiang Cun was a light sleeper, and felt that Lin Lian had gone to the bathroom and then came back to sleep. He didn't expect that guy to press him directly, wrapping him in his arms like a pillow, and the sound of gentle breathing Into Jiang Cun's ears.

Lin Lian didn't seem to have said that he could sleepwalk...

Jiang Cun felt that this posture was too embarrassing. He was so imprisoned that he couldn't move, so he called "Brother Lian" softly, but Lin Lian was indifferent. Instead, he hugged himself tighter, probably because he realized that he was about to get off the sofa. He fell down, put one leg on Jiang Cun's waist again, and murmured: "Don't move..."

The voice has the hoarseness of a sleeper, and it is particularly provocative in such a night, and the tone is particularly doting.

But Jiang Cun felt that he was going crazy.

Lin Lian didn't change his posture all night, and he talked in his sleep all night, most of them were whispers that didn't form sentences, and the number of times he called "baby" and "Jiang Cun" was obviously very high.

As the ultimate representative of a closed conservative, Jiang Cun Leng didn't fall asleep all night, and fell asleep for a while the next day, when he suddenly heard the sound of Lin Lian turning over and falling to the floor, he woke up suddenly .

"Brother Lian?"

Lin Lian sat on the ground, frowning, and rubbed his head slightly annoyed, his eyes still closed, as if he was thinking about why he fell to the ground.

Looking at him, Jiang Cun couldn't help laughing. Fortunately, the air conditioner was turned on in the living room, otherwise both of them would have to catch a cold.

"How did I sleep with you..."

Early in the morning, before he woke up, he got up talking to himself, seeing the messy sofa and Jiang Cun's expression, he was really confused.

Jiang Cun bit his lip, trying to keep his laughter in his chest: "You still have the nerve to say, who came to hug me yesterday when he fell asleep?"

"Me? Impossible..."

After saying the next four words, Lin Lian's voice dropped significantly, probably because he suddenly remembered the good thing he did last night, his old face flushed, and he became unusually shy.

"I dreamed of you yesterday."

However, the content of the dream is not easy to describe. Jiang Cun seemed to be quite interested and asked "What did I dream about?" Lin Lian blushed and felt very ashamed. Avoiding Jiang Cun's gaze on the balcony.

"Brother Lian, did you really dream about me?"

"Dream, don't mention it."

"I wonder... I never dreamed of you..."

"Fuck, I told you to stop asking."

Lin Lian wanted to cry but had no tears. How could he have the nerve to explain to Jiang Cun the dirty little thoughts in his heart?Do you want him to sit upright and stare at Jiang Cun, and say it in a straight voice-I dreamed that I fucked you?

realistic?ah?

Jiang Cun is not a fool either, at first he was purely curious, but gradually he saw something different from Lin Lian's repeated refusals, what kind of youth is in full bloom, what kind of vigor and blood, he wisely wanted to close his eyes. mouth, Lin Lian choked out a few words to describe his dream last night.

To your boyfriend, be honest with each other. Anyway, this kind of thing will happen sooner or later. Tell him earlier that both parties are prepared, right?

"Baby, listen, I'm very serious." Lin Lian took a deep breath and held his forehead in a speechless manner, "I dreamed of you and me, on the bed, uh, get it?"

More than just understanding, Jiang Cun couldn't listen anymore when he heard the words "on the bed". He ran to the bathroom with bare feet, turned on the faucet and slapped water on his face.

These three words were like a curse, Jiang Cun felt that the temperature of his cheeks should be unprecedentedly high, and many inappropriate images popped up in his mind involuntarily, and he couldn't suppress it.

After all, Lin Lian was still Lin Lian. After calming down for a while, he looked away. He didn't have the nerve to continue talking to Jiang Cun about this topic, so he changed his clothes and started to wash.

He slept soundly that night, but it's a pity that Jiang Cun stayed up almost all night. Brother Lian, who knew he was wrong, obediently went downstairs to buy breakfast. He bought a lot of steamed stuffed buns and fried dumplings. In the heavy sky, standing on the windowsill, chatting and eating.

After all, it was time to prepare for the Spring Festival, so the two cleaned the house meaningfully.This room was where Jiang Cun's grandparents lived. When the two old people were still alive, Jiang Cun had been living here.

It's funny to say that even though I have parents, I seldom live under the same roof with the two of them.

Later, his grandparents passed away one after another, and the house became vacant. Jiang Cun occasionally came back to live for a while. This small house condensed all the memories of Jiang Cun's childhood.

There are good ones and some unpleasant ones; even if the unpleasant memories account for the vast majority, every time he thinks of those happy things, his chest will feel warm.

The real meaning of tidying up the room is not cleaning, but looking through the old things in the room cheerfully, lamenting how time flies, and recalling how the previous self can refresh the realm of stupidity.

Lin Lian was sitting on the floor with great interest right now, looking at the dusty photo album under the bed with gusto.

"Jiang Cun, is this when you were a child? I was too cute when I was a kid, wasn't I?"

"The older I get, the better I look. I'm really sorry."

Jiang Cun's grandfather was also a person who had studied abroad in the past, and he was depressed because of playing with pens. He became silent and serious in his later years, especially after his grandmother left, the remaining romance in his heart was exhausted, and the whole person looked even more serious. old.

Grandpa has a little hobby, that is, he likes to take pictures.

Cameras and film were still used in that era. When Jiang Cun was a child, he found a lot of film in the cabinet. At that time, he couldn’t understand what those things were. He just held the yellowed, paper-like thing in his hand and thought it was magical. .Almost all of his childhood was accompanied by books and paintings, and the photo albums were basically full of him reading books and paintings.

There are black and white photos, but also many in color.

Among them, Lin Lian's favorite picture is probably when Jiang Cun was three or four years old. I don't know why he smiled so happily. His face is full of innocence that only children have. There are a lot of paint on his body. With a pencil, it looks so cute.

There are several photo albums, but there are very few photos of Jiang Cunxiao.

I don't know if it's "painting like a person", Jiang Cun's own temperament is just like his own paintings, lonely, deserted, and gloomy, which can only remind people of the cold rain in the winter morning.

The most recent photo was when he was in the fifth grade. Jiang Cun gently stroked himself in the photo, and sighed a little melancholy: "Grandpa is not very talkative, but he likes to take pictures of me. When I graduated, I took my graduation photo..."

The second half of the sentence is submerged in regret—but ah, this promise cannot be fulfilled in this life.

Lin Lian said softly "I'm sorry", since he was young, he had no relationship with his relatives at home, so he couldn't understand the sadness in Jiang Cun's heart.But he also thought that sooner or later, his parents would grow old and die, and every time he thought of this, he would feel an inexplicable panic.

Life is short and fragile, and all emotions and desires seem so insignificant in the face of death.

That night suddenly flashed through his mind—Jiang Cun was sitting in the classroom, scratching his arm with a knife.

Before the brain reacted, Lin Lian blurted out: "Jiang Cun, are you going to hurt yourself?"

An abrupt and embarrassing question.

But Jiang Cun didn't evade, he rolled up his sleeve and showed him his right wrist, which had many healed wounds: "Brother Lian, I stay awake most of the time, but once I fall into certain emotions... I can't control myself at all..."

In fact, those scars are more than that. Jiang Cun can't even remember what it was like when he was crazy about self-harm. He never wears shorts and short sleeves, and in summer he will insist on wearing a T-shirt. A light coat; he didn't want to be noticed at all, to be asked "how did you get all those wounds on your body".

"But now I have more ways to vent my emotions, and I'm actively receiving treatment," Jiang Cun watched as Lin Lian touched his wrist distressedly, and closed his eyes, as if he had made up his mind, "Lian Lian Brother, when you were sick, I was thinking, I want to tell you something, but I never had a chance to speak; I told you before that I have depression, do you remember?"

Lin Lian gave a bewildered "hmm". Whether it was prosopagnosia or depression, he didn't understand it very carefully. He thought that patients with depression just like to make a fuss and moan without illness. Until now, he has never thought about how serious the consequences of this disease will be.

He probably knew that patients would be negative, suicidal, and self-harm, but he didn't expect it to be so violent.

However, in fact, Jiang Cun thought that the self-harm and self-suggestion he had done to himself was considered very light.