is crazy

The distance between the sun and the earth is 8 million kilometers. The sunlight we can see is actually the light of [-] minutes ago.

You are like the sun, dazzling and warm, yet so far away from me, untouchable.

So can you understand-

Can you understand the meaning of the words "You are my sun"—

You are the sun, and I am the sunflower blooming in the field. I worship you cautiously and almost piously, greedily absorbing the warmth from your body, and even longing for your love.

I am so greedy and humble.

I want you to look at me tenderly, I want you to hug me gently, I want to leave my traces and breath in your territory, I want you to put on a pure black suit for me with your own hands, I want to hold me Your hand will never change until death.

That daredevil broke into Jiang Cun's world, brought in a handful of sweet and osmanthus-scented sunlight, and told him "I like you" with a smile.

In addition to being flattered, there is a trace of sadness in my heart.

He just felt that the other party was too dazzling, so gorgeous that he couldn't help feeling inferior.

Those who are hidden in the bottom of my heart, those who grow in the flesh, those who are unwilling and exude rotten inferiority complex.

Unfamiliar numbers repeatedly called into the phone, and Jiang Cun was so annoyed that he was about to block the phone, but accidentally clicked on the "Answer" part.

The other party's voice always felt a little familiar, but I couldn't remember who it was.

He said, "Hey, don't hang up yet, just talk if you have something to say. I just want to tell you that the school is going to take Lin Lian under the knife. You can enjoy yourself as you like. I just think Lin Lian is really pitiful. People are punished at school. The last time the teacher seemed to say... oh, he was going to be expelled from school or something? It's so pitiful, you have ruined your bright future."

What else was said later, but Jiang Cun couldn't listen anymore, as if a broken radio kept playing in his mind, the piercing sound of snowflakes made people frightened, and he only had one sentence in his mind——

"All the responsibilities are borne by him?"

It sounds ridiculous.

what about me?

I only deserve to be a clown who hides behind people's back and cries. I only cause trouble for them, right?

It seems... Brother Lian hasn't sent me a message for the past two days... Is it because of this incident?

The other party kept croaking and croaking, and at the end, he specially added a sentence: "I'll just convey his own thoughts, don't worry about it. He gets angry whenever he mentions you now, and scolds him so much... Tsk, I can't bear to look directly at you. Come back and take a look if you don’t believe me, the whole grade knows that you guys had a quarrel, and he kept saying, ‘I shouldn’t be playing friends with the fucking crazy’..."

In fact, in many cases, life is more bizarre than fiction. Those things that people dare not imagine may really appear in reality. Those plots viewed from the perspective of God seem naive and bloody, but when they actually happen, what can we do? ?

Who will trust whom?

It is rare that Jiang Cun took the initiative to send a message to Lin Lian, but the call was still unanswered; he thought everything was as the male voice on the phone said, but he didn't know that the boy in Chuzhou County I was struggling to choose a birthday gift for myself, and I left my mobile phone in the dormitory and forgot to take it away.

Once his emotions break down, he can't take it back no matter what.

In fact, Jiang Cun had lied to Lin Lian from the very beginning.

He has never been to a psychiatrist, and it is nonsense to take medicine on time—those pills are just ordinary painkillers and sleeping pills. One or two grains.

He didn't know when it started, but he never had a good night's sleep again—either he was circling a bunch of incomprehensible English letters in his heart, or he woke up in a nightmare and held back the tears in his eyes.

During those days when he slept with Lin Lian, it was rare for him not to suffer from insomnia. He didn't know what shampoo Lin Lian used, and when he got close to Lin Lian, he could always smell a reassuring fragrance.

For a while, he was really going to see a doctor seriously, but he didn't expect that Chuzhou County was so small that he would die without a problem.

Sensitive, inferior, fragile - Jiang Cun knows how to evaluate himself.

When he opened his eyes, Lin Lian was on the phone with someone. He hurriedly put his head back on the other person's shoulder, only to see Lin Lian looked over, moved his shoulders and neck a little, with a tired face: "I Nothing to say, I just know that if I can't find him - no matter who he is, I will feel sorry for my conscience. I just skipped the whole afternoon and a night study... oh, and now I have a morning study, If I don't come home at night, can I remember my demerits?"

"I know, I'm very impulsive, which makes you very worried... What about him? Are you just watching another student disappear without doing anything? There will be no next time, really. I will be impulsive this time. Teacher, I am really sorry, I must rush back as soon as possible, and I will not delay my studies."

Lin Lian lowered his eyes and was silent for a long time. He said "Hello" several times before he said softly, "Does being admitted to a so-called good university mean that I must be an upright person?"

If I hang out with guys, does that mean I must be a pervert?

The person on the other side probably didn't hear clearly, and said "Hello" again, Lin Lian stared at Jiang Cun, unable to guess the emotion in his eyes: "I will definitely come back tonight, I have already bought the ticket, and I can't refund it, so you are worried, really I'm very sorry."

"Brother Lian, I'm sorry."

"Jiang Cun," Lin Lian hung up the phone, "It's okay, you don't need to apologize. The doctor said you are fine, but you have to pay attention to your daily routine and diet. Also, next time you do something like this, there can be no second chance. Lin Lian rushed to rescue you..."

"Brother Lian," Jiang Cun panicked, feeling that Lin Lian's expression was uncharacteristically different, and he didn't want to hear him continue, "I..."

"I bought you porridge, and I went to your landlord to borrow an insulated lunch box. It's still hot, and you can eat some later..." Lin Lian took a deep breath and smiled softly, "And there is , let's just break up."

The magic of time stopped at this moment—the hospital was no longer noisy, the dust was no longer floating, and even the air condensed. Jiang Cun was at a loss, staring at him blankly, unable to speak a word.

"Jiang Cun, I'm a little tired. I like someone..."

Really tired.

Lin Lian was usually not sad, but when he was sad, it was not normal. The small details that he didn't care much about on weekdays were magnified countless times. Wronged, wronged, still wronged, this kind of emotion lingered in his heart, haunting him.

I want to know how you are doing there, whether you miss me too, whether you will think of me when you buy one get one free at the milk tea shop, and whether you put me in that place called The position of the "heart", I will always open my arms to you, but you have never hugged my waist once, I am not sure whether the love I want is like this.

The greatest sorrow of separating the two places is that my secretive thoughts cannot be conveyed through cold messages, and your hysterical crying in the dark night cannot let me know through the screen.

I admit, I provoked you first, the plantain outside the curtain provoked the rain, and the door knocker caused the patina, then I accidentally passed by the door of your classroom and provoked you—I know, I know, you like me, and I like you too You, but, I don't want to go on like this, so tired.

"The previous promise is still there. I must not dislike you. I just don't want to roguely occupy the position of 'boyfriend' next to you."

Lin Lian's voice was a little choked, and he wiped his eyes viciously, and took out the painting from his empty backpack: "I owe you, happy 17th birthday."

A clumsy, childish and ugly painting, but Jiang Cun regarded it as a treasure, and said softly: "Okay, let's break up, Brother Lian, I'm sorry."

From then on, each lives in peace, and the road ahead has nothing to do with it.

Lin Lian only felt that Jiang Cun was like a kite, pulling the string and responding a bit, but no matter whether it was thunder or rain, he would not fart or say anything.

After living for more than ten years, it was the first time that Jiang Cun listened to the doctor's orders peacefully, rested, slept, and ate. Lin Lian brought him several books for him to read when he was bored, but he didn't want to. Open it, touch the cover, and wander off after thinking about it.

A copy of "Xu Sanguan Selling Blood", a copy of "Nie Zi", and a copy of "The Besieged City". At that time, Lin Lian didn't care whether Jiang Cun was suitable for reading these books, so he picked a few of them and brought them together; He also didn't know that a short essay he had inadvertently inserted in the book at that time would make the boy cry all night under the quilt.

He said, "Yi Le just wants a bowl of noodles, Xiangzi just wants a car of his own, Crow just wants to guard his treasure chest, Wu Min just wants Mr. Zhang's cleanliness, Xiaoyu just wants to realize a dream of cherry blossoms." , Countless Anle towns opened and scattered again, but they never gave those fiery souls a stable place. I also stood on the side of the wall, looking at the high and endless city wall, powerless. Everyone is ordinary I lived an ordinary life and dreamed an ordinary dream; but after being shackled and shackled, I didn’t say a word. After reading a few books, I suddenly became sour again—where are there any stories and shortcuts in the world? But it’s all blood and tears that came out of the predecessors, twists and turns, twists and turns, and I can’t see where the exit is.”

Jiang Cun didn't know if he understood Lin Lian, the sense of powerlessness and decadence beat his heart like a swimming dragon, and the tide was uneven.

In the future, maybe really, no one like Lin Lian will hug him again.

When Lin Lian returned to school, he was immediately dragged back and scolded by the school leader.He didn't refute a word from the beginning to the end, looking at his dirty sneakers, Anshun looked like a little sheep.

This guy Wen Mingche looked heartless, but he was the first to hug him when he left the office, wiped his snot and tears all over Lin Lian's clothes, and almost got into a fight with him: "Fuck you!" You idiot! Do you know how worried we are about you!"

Interesting, if I have only yelled at others, now it is the turn of others to yell at myself.

"What about you and Brother Cun? How is he? Is everything okay?"

"separated."

"separated?"

There was indescribable shock on Wen Mingche's face.

"Why did you break up when you were fine before? Did he mention breaking up?"

"I."

"are you crazy?"

"I'm sick."

Wen Mingche saw that his face was not looking good, so he didn't dare to ask any more questions, and said, "I told your mother that you went to the main city to participate in a speech contest, and told her not to worry, and you can call later."

"I know, unfortunately I lost the election."

Back in the dormitory, He Jingran was still tinkering with his musical instruments. He was sitting on the small balcony, blowing the night breeze, playing the erhu while singing a tune of unknown name, a bit chilly.

After so long, it was the first time that Lin Lian had a friendly exchange with him.

"What song are you singing?"

"I wrote it myself, does it sound good?" The sound of the erhu stopped abruptly.

"It sounds good, but it's a bit ugly."

"Neuropathy."