ashamed

There are many children in the park on weekends. Pushing the wheelchair, Si Jun naturally slowed down his walking speed. There were children chasing and playing with each other and running past him. He wanted to hold on to the handle of the wheelchair to avoid the side of the road at any time, and the hot wind came blowing .

His father ordered dignifiedly in front, "Smoke."

Like a eunuch following the emperor out of the palace, Si Jun winked all over his body, leaned forward and stuffed a cigarette into his father's mouth, and the two of them lit the lighter together.

Then just when his father cleared his throat and was about to express some lofty ideas, Si Jun interrupted it mercilessly, "I won't force you to quit, and don't force me to quit, shut up and beat you."

So his father also became impotent.

The clear sky after the rain is a whole piece of flawless blue, leisurely reflecting the artificial lake in the center of the park, with rippling water plants, and the white plaster sculpture that was demolished ten years later still stands in the middle of the lake.Young lovers sat on the bench and talked, or smiled tacitly at each other when they met their eyes. Si Jun's father took a breath and asked, "Your... object, who is it?"

Si Jun bit his cigarette butt and pushed the wheelchair to the path that was as wide as one person in the middle of the grass. He looked down at the colorful pebbles under his feet, "He's a medical student. He's just over 21 years old. He looks good and treats me very well."

"Tell me about you," Mr. Si tapped the silver-gray armrest of the wheelchair with his big withered hands, "Didn't you date a few girls before? Why did you manage to change to a man?"

At the moment, Si Jun is quite afraid that his father will ask which old lover - because the person who didn't put much effort into it has been worn out and has no memory at all.Now that the story has come to this point, he said frankly, "To be honest, Dad, I don't have such strong views on this man and woman. I just like whoever I like. It's the same if he is a girl."

"But," Mr. Si rubbed his sunken eye sockets, "I didn't have such a person when my mother and I were together."

Si Jun pulled off the wrench that fixed the brake under the wheelchair, sat on the public bench next to the parked wheelchair, spread his hands on the back of the chair, and stretched his long legs with a casual expression, "You Think about it, if my mother was a man at that time, you would not want to have sex with him when you looked at him, so this is purely preconceived; as for the idea of ​​men and women based on the tradition of passing on the family line, liking men and women What I like is exactly the same, no difference."

After he finished speaking, he turned his head slightly to look at his father's pondering side face. He was almost 60 years old, and the traces left on him by the years had become more and more profound. Every wrinkle was evidence of aging, bringing a sad premonition of the imminent parting .But sadness is useless, Si Jun knows that it won't help.

And now they can chat in the sun in the park, and share their time generously with each other. The difference is that one person has plenty of time, but the other has to start counting down. At least at this moment, they are fair.

"Does the child's family know?" His father put out the cigarette, "You went to someone's house last time, what did his parents say?"

"I don't know, we didn't tell." Si Jun looked at his toes, "His parents' personality... can't accept it."

"Do you think I should tell the truth, or just keep it hidden?"

Si Jun's father looked at the thick clouds accumulated in the distance, and the honey-colored sunlight spread on him, and it was still there after shaking off.

"What do you think will happen if you say it?"

"Maybe we have to sever ties with his parents." Si Jun smiled wryly, "Being treated coldly by others, and treated as a different kind, there is no worst but worse."

"Then don't say it."

He buried his face in his hands and took a deep breath, turned his head to look at his father, under his nose was the rich and pungent aroma of green grass in summer.

"If it's best for him, it doesn't matter if you hide it for a lifetime."

"Other people's approval is not so rare, why fight for that. Let me see, all the people who die in love all over the world are idiots." His father didn't look at him, "Who do you like, it's not that you die with him in a good way, it's that two people even No money, no matter how poor or miserable we have to live together, do you understand."

After saving the half-written social practice report, Tong Youming closed the screen of the laptop, leaned on the low wicker chair and stretched, with the cool and smooth sleeper against his tired cervical spine, he smelled An old taste that can only be left in time.

The table in front of him is a polished black marble slab, which maintains a cool and constant temperature even in the hottest dog days. These days, it has been volunteering as a platform for everyone to take a nap; Tong Youming has no habit of taking a nap. He prefers to be alone instead of chatting, so he will read and write reports here, do small things that will not disturb others by making noise, and go for a walk after sitting for a long time.

After discussion, the presidents of the two clubs of the school decided to choose the lodging place in a city near the sea. They rented a youth hostel close to the coastline. Years of sea breeze blows the old double-storey cottage. Sandy and fine.Tong Youming has a kind of obsessive love for old things. He thinks that only the temperament given by the years is irreplaceable. The students sitting together laughed when they heard this, and some even booed and said, in this case, Youming You will definitely like someone who is older than you, mature and full of stories.

He laughed too.The bonfire on the beach reflected his face into a warm orange, and the girl next to him stared at him for a long time, but he misinterpreted his gaze as some kind of need, and handed her a full glass of fresh orange juice.

The night covered the sea, and from time to time one could hear the sound of sleeping tides.When Tong Youming stood up, he patted the gravel on his pants, and walked towards the foam that was pushed ashore in the distance.

There was already a boy standing there.Coincidentally, this is the student who met Tong Youming in the downstairs of the new dormitory last month. Tong Youming knew that his name was Xia Xi when everyone introduced himself on the first night of the dormitory. He was a freshman in the Department of Foreign Languages. , from the music club - without exception, everyone has a sense of identity that fits his appearance.

He stood with his trouser legs rolled up in the sand that had just been submerged by sea water. His exposed skin was very white, his hands and feet were long and slender, and he always wore earphones around his neck.He stroked his hair messed up by the sea breeze and turned to look at Tong Youming, "Hey."

"Ok?"

The junior with a sparse expression pointed to the girl who was sitting next to Tong Youming just now, "That senior likes you."

Tong Youming was taken aback.Perhaps this fact was revealed too calmly by him, but it didn't surprise people. "Ah, oh. How do you know?"

"I can tell." Xia Xi chewed gum, tore off the silver wrapping paper and gave Tong Youming a piece.

"Senior, you don't seem to like her."

"Yes."

"I don't like women."

"..."

Tong Youming laughed dumbfounded, and after a long while still admitted in a low voice amid the sound of the tide, "... yes."

Suddenly the wind picked up, Xia Xi put his hands in his pockets and raised his toes to reach for the shells sunk in the sand, "Why do I know?"

"Because me too."

Tong Youming reached out and rubbed the short stubble of the boy's hair, "Who wants to exchange secrets with you?"

Together they blew bubbles and burst them together.No one heard.