withered color

Xu Liangyun closed his eyes, his eyelashes trembling.

He didn't reach out to hug it back, just sat there stiffly, reached out and grabbed a ball of quilt - very hard.

He let out a long sigh, lowered his head, and said, "Don't pity me."

Statement Yan nestled in his arms, trembling slightly.

Statement Yan seemed to understand something, so he got up slightly from Xu Liangyun's arms, and looked up at him.

Xu Liangyun looked at him, his eyes were red, but no tears came out.

"You should hate me." He said hoarsely, "You should hate me."

The statement froze.

Xu Liangyun seemed to be in a daze, he rubbed back, as if he wanted to get away from the disgust of the statement, looked at him and said hypnotically: "I'm sorry for you...I'm so sorry for you, you have to hate me... ..."

"It's all because of me...it's all because of me." He said, "Don't hate me...you have to hate me..."

The statement was so disgusting that I couldn't speak for a long time.

Xu Liangyun looked at him so eagerly that he could only sigh, and said, "I hated you."

Xu Liangyun's voice choked up.

"But I never hated you for making me ... a victim," he said. "I just hate why you didn't come to see me, why you broke up with me because of this kind of thing. I know why, but I just Hate you for letting go because of something like this."

As Chen Yan spoke, he looked at him with sadness in his eyes.

"Why is Xu Liangyun so timid." He murmured, "I actually like such a cowardly person."

These words were quite murderous, and Xu Liangyun trembled visibly with the naked eye.

"How can I remember that you are not such a person?"

Statement Yan said: "I only hate you for this."

Xu Liangyun took a deep breath.It seems that this sentence really had a big impact on him, and he needs to stabilize his emotions.

He was silent for a long time, and then said: "...you are right."

"I'm really... cowardly. I don't dare to control anymore, really, I don't dare to control anymore... I have too many enemies."

"I'm a policeman. I'm used to this kind of thing, but you shouldn't be used to it So I actually don't want to start over with you."

"I still love you." He said, "So I hope you live in peace, and I hope you stay away from me, stay away from me... At least you don't have to... like that again."

"I dare not go to see you. I'm cowardly. Even if I have a reason, I'm sorry for you. It's not a bullshit reason... I'm sorry for you."

"...You don't need to look for me anymore...I'm done."

As Xu Liangyun said this, he stretched out his hand and slowly untied the bandage wrapped around his right wrist.

The bandage was untied, and slowly slid down circle by circle, like Xu Liangyun was peeling his own skin to show him.

In the end, an ugly and deep scar on his wrist appeared in front of the statement hater.

The scar was shocking, thick and terrifying, just looking at it like this made Chen Yan feel cold all over his body, his back was numb, and he took a breath.

"You guessed it right, I cut my wrist before." Xu Liangyun said, "I cut my wrist very hard and cut off my tendon."

The statement was taken aback.

He understood it all at once, so he raised his head with a face full of disbelief.

"I can't hold up a gun anymore, I can't even protect you, what right do I have to hold a gun again." Xu Liangyun said to him, "So... I can't go back, I'm useless.... Even if you and I I can't even start over..."

Xu Liangyun couldn't continue.

His voice trembled violently, he took another deep breath, and slowly withdrew his hands. He didn't have the courage to speak anymore, his hands were shaking like chaff.

But the narrator knows what he wants to say.

Even if he starts over, Xu Liangyun is not the Xu Liangyun he has loved for five years.

He can't go back, he doesn't dare anymore, his hands are useless, he can't lift a gun anymore.In the memory of the statement, the person in the police academy who would shoot a red heart in the distance with a big black sniper gun, and who would run across half of Liangcheng with an umbrella to shout to him that he loves him, probably died a long time ago. In that rain, or he cut his wrists and died because he couldn't forgive himself.

Either way, it's a death for him.

All of a sudden, the breath was choked in the chest of the statement, and he couldn't get up or down, making him suffocate.

No matter how hard it is to control the statement, he rushed over again, this time he hugged him very hard, and finally wept so hard in Xu Liangyun's arms that he was out of breath, as if he wanted to die.

Chen was so tired of crying that he couldn't breathe, but he stubbornly shook his head vigorously in his arms, his voice trembling intermittently.

Statement tired head dizzy swollen, full of strong past.

He remembered that when Xu Liangyun came home in those years, he would stand at the door holding flowers and look at him, or he would carry a supermarket bag and tell him that he was tired of me buying you delicious food.

Then he smiled at him, smiling so dazzlingly, so passionately, so sincerely.

He remembered Xu Liangyun who was shot three times in the report and fell in the rain. He remembered Xu Liangyun who knelt in front of the ICU that day and scratched his face with blood. He remembered saying to him in a haggard voice at night, "You hate me." "Let's go" Xu Liangyun.

Chen Yan couldn't bear it anymore, and shouted to Xu Liangyun with a choked voice while crying, his voice trembling intermittently.

"...I love you no matter what you are!" He wailed loudly, "I don't...I don't love you because you hold a gun!!"

"I can't give up...it's been five years, and as soon as you show up...as soon as you show up, I still want to run to you, how can I give up!?"

"After you tell me this, how can you still make me hate you!?"

"Can you be nice to me...can you stop torturing me!?"

Chen Yan cried and yelled at him for a long time, Xu Liangyun was hugged by him, listening to his almost out of breath yelling, his eyes were already red and weeping silently.His breathing was heavy and his head was buzzing.

Chen Yan wailed loudly, and every sound hit Xu Liangyun's heart, making the past five years shaky and almost collapsed.

In the end, the statement weariness calmed down a little, but he was still choking up.

"Let's not do this," he said tremblingly.

"Let me go, Xu Liangyun." Chen Yan said, "I can't hate it anymore, I really can't hate it anymore...It's not easy for us...I can't forget it long ago, if I can't forget it, how can I give up... ... come back... I beg you, come back..."

Xu Liangyun's eyelashes trembled, and his heart ached.

His precariousness finally collapsed completely in the crying of the statement, rumbled and collapsed into ruins.

He stretched out his hand, grabbed the statement, and pressed him into his arms very hard, his breathing trembled and his voice choked.

He seems to have a lot to say, but he hesitates to speak, and he can't say what he wants to say.He hesitated for a long time holding the statement, but he couldn't say a word.

After stalemate with himself for a long time, Xu Liangyun finally hugged him and nodded, tremblingly said hello.

Statement Yan suddenly had a sore nose.

The tears that were finally held back burst again.He lowered his head and burrowed into Xu Liangyun's arms.

Statement Yan broke down in tears again.

"I'm sorry..." Xu Liangyun murmured over and over again, "...I'm sorry."

The statement did not answer.He shook his head desperately in Xu Liangyun's arms, clutching his clothes tightly, like a drowning man grabbing a life-saving straw.

Xu Liangyun hugged him, then lowered his head, buried his head in the socket of his neck, and let out another breath.

This tone is like the rest of my life after a catastrophe, a relief from a heavy burden.

His right hand holding the person trembled.

"...I'm really sorry for you."

Xu Liangyun said.

They hugged each other on the hospital bed for a long time without letting go.

After waiting for a while, Chen Yan cried enough, and Xu Liangyun didn't let go.

Statement Yan didn't let go, even if he didn't speak, he still hugged her.

After the tragic ending, they naturally ushered in peace.

Chen Yan hugged Xu Liangyun, didn't say a word, took a few breaths occasionally, and still had a bit of crying, pitifully, he hugged Xu Liangyun tightly and didn't let go, as stubborn as a child.

After being quiet for a long time, Chen Yan called out to him: "Xu Liangyun."

"Hey."

"Does it hurt?" Chen Yan hugged him and asked, "Does it hurt?"

Xu Liangyun paused and froze all over.

"...It doesn't hurt." He said, "I don't hurt, far less than you do."

"I'm not in pain." Chen Yan said, "I've been in pain for a long time."

Xu Liangyun did not answer.

He didn't say a word, just patted Chen Yan's back once and for all, like coaxing a child.

He said to Chen Yan: "When you are discharged from the hospital, you can move to my house with the dog."

"Ah."

"...I... still have a few things I haven't told you."

"Ah."

Statements about knowing what is disgusting.

When Xu Liangyun first woke up in the morning, it was as if he had been possessed by an evil spirit, and he hadn't mentioned it yet.

Probably some mental illness.

State disgust.

He leaned against Xu Liangyun's arms, obediently waiting for him to speak.

After a moment of silence, Xu Liangyun opened his mouth.

"Traumatic stress disorder," he said. "Been on meds for years.  … So if you're going to live with me, be prepared."

Statements are boring.

He thought about Xu Liangyun's frightening appearance this morning, and couldn't help frowning slightly: "Is it serious?"

"...It's not as serious as you think. The police have to do a mental state test. If it's really that serious, I can't even be a policeman. It's just..."

just what?

Xu Liangyun didn't say anything.

He stopped talking at this point.

Chen Yan raised his head and saw him looking down at him, without saying a word, but his eyes hesitated to speak.

He seemed about to say something.

But in the end he didn't say anything, just sighed.

"...how about this." He said, "I'll call Zhong Tang over at night and ask him to tell you... I really can't tell."

Statements: "..."

Statements are boring.

Since Xu Liangyun said so, it is estimated that Ye Xia's case is not the only thing that will be involved in his illness.

It may involve more things than the statement had imagined, and it was something Xu Liangyun himself could hardly talk about.

There was nothing he could do about the statement, so he had to answer twice and agreed.

Xu Liangyun pursed his lips and gave him a rare smile.

He opened his mouth, and just when he was about to say something more, the phone buzzed and vibrated inappropriately.

Xu Liangyun pouted and picked it up.

"Hey."

Statement Yan arched upwards, stuck to him, and eavesdropped on the phone by the way.

Xu Liangyun accepted it and moved his hand down without saying anything.

"One piece of good news, one piece of bad news." Straight to the point, Zhong Tang said on the phone, "Which one do you listen to?"

Xu Liangyun: "...whatever."

"The good news is that after picking Wu Xiashu's former friends according to your words, the criminal locked up a ten-person circle." Zhong Tang said, "The bad news is that Yang Lu disappeared from his home after receiving a report 10 minutes ago."

Xu Liangyun was startled when he heard the words, and after a moment of silence, his face darkened, and he asked, "Is there any flowers at the scene?"

"Yes." Zhong Tang said, "This time the ground is full of blue bellflowers."