withered color

Xu Liangyun went back to the bedroom.

But he looked very disturbed. Before he left, he clutched the statement button, hesitating to speak several times, as if he wanted to say something, but he dared not say it.

After holding him and standing there stubbornly for a long time, Xu Liangyun pursed his lips and choked out a sentence with great difficulty.

"Before... I hid some things from you. After you hear this, if you want to leave... I won't stop you."

Statement Yan felt a little helpless: "I won't go."

"You can leave if you want." Xu Liangyun was very stubborn, "You can leave if you want...you should listen to him first."

There is nothing to say about the statement.Xu Liangyun's attitude was too stubborn, he knew that it would be useless to say that he would not leave several times.

"Okay." He decided to be stubborn, "but I will definitely not leave."

Xu Liangyun was silent when he heard the words, did not answer, lowered his head, said sorry to him softly, turned his head to look at Zhong Tang, said nothing, got up and walked into the bedroom, and then closed the door.

There was a soft click.

Chen Yan watched him go in and close the door, his eyes couldn't leave for a long time, he always felt that Xu Liangyun was out of his wits now.

Zhong Tang walked over holding a carton of milk.

Statement Yan turned his head and looked at him.

Zhong Tang shook the milk in his hand and said, "Let's start."

Zhong Tang didn't smile when he said this, his expression was very solemn.

He walked over and pushed the statement to the sofa.

He sat on the sofa next to him, and also sat next to Statement Yan.

Zhong Tang leaned forward, pondered for a moment, and asked, "Do you know what PTSD is?"

"I checked in the morning," said Chen Yan, "is it a mental disorder caused by mental stimulation?"

"In simple terms," ​​Zhong Tang said, "but a more complete explanation is that an individual experiences, witnesses, or encounters one or more actual deaths involving himself or others, or is threatened with death, or is seriously injured, The delayed emergence and persistence of mental disorders caused by threats to physical integrity or physical integrity are commonly referred to as traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD for short.

As soon as he opened the conversation box, Zhong Tang put the milk in his hand on the coffee table in front of him, then lightly clenched his hands into fists, pursed his lips, and frowned slightly.

"A mental disorder that results in uncontrollable psychological and physical reactions, including but not limited to insomnia, panic, mania, anxiety, fear, nightmares, self-injurious or suicidal tendencies, increased alertness, tingling, choking Feelings, even a sense of near-death. And the most immediate symptom is that you can’t help but recall the traumatic event—involuntarily.”

Zhong Tang turned his head while talking, and looked at Statement Yan: "You didn't think of it on your own initiative, it's like a mad dog, it will rush out to bite you from time to time, you can't control it at all."

"And the most terrible thing is that every time I think about it, it's like being pulled back to that scene at that time again, and going through it again."

Statements: "..."

"Okay, where do I start telling you." Zhong Tang said slowly, "Let's start when you are in the hospital."

"When you were in the hospital, Xu Liangyun was also in the hospital. You know, he was shot." Zhong Tang said, "Oh yes, I have to tell you about that day - when he was shot that day, I felt Something is wrong."

"On the day I arrested Ye Xia, I was afraid that something might happen to him, so I didn't dare to go downstairs. It's on the rooftop stairs—you should know the structure of your community. The elevator goes to the top floor, and then climbs up two floors before you can go up. rooftop."

"I was waiting for him in that stairwell. When he came down, he was drenched in the rain so that mom didn't recognize him. He should have caught a cold at that time, and he coughed when he came down."

"I went downstairs with him, and the police car was parked outside the building. When we went down, the two colleagues who were escorting Ye Xia also came down and walked in front of us. Ye Xia refused to leave, so they held him down. She dragged her forward."

"Then, do you know what happened?" Zhong Tang recalled slowly, "Ye Xia fell down. When my colleague lowered his head to help her, she pulled out the gun from his waist."

Statements are sick of hearing this.

But when he heard it again, he couldn't help but twitched the corner of his mouth and lowered his eyes.

He knew what was going to happen next.

Zhong Tang continued: "Then, as soon as I turned my head to look, Xu Liangyun suddenly pushed me away and didn't move."

The statement was taken aback.

He had never heard of this, and suddenly raised his head, looking at Zhong Tang in disbelief.

Zhong Tang knew that he would react like this, so he looked at him without any surprise, and calmly and slowly told him what happened back then: "He stood there motionless, and Ye Xia shot him three times."

"At that time, he already had a problem." Zhong Tang said, "He has already started to torture himself. His guilt towards you makes him have to stand there and get hurt because of it, or he will really go crazy. .”

Statements: "..."

"We later sent Xu Liangyun to the hospital. Before the ambulance arrived, he grabbed me and told me, don't tell you that he was shot."

"He said he was sorry for you, let us take care of you, and when you are well, no one will appear in front of you."

"I knew he had a mental problem. So after the operation was completed and he recovered a bit, I wanted to take him to that hospital to see a psychiatrist."

"But he didn't go, he told me, he will go after you are discharged from the hospital."

"At that time, I felt that I really couldn't force him, so I had to compromise... I'm also to blame. If I had dragged him forcefully at that time, maybe it wouldn't be like that later."

Zhong Tang sighed while talking.

He rubbed his hands together and was silent for a long time.

"... On the day you were discharged from the hospital. I went to complete the formalities for you, sent you home, and helped you arrange some things. Then I turned around and went to the hotel. I planned to find Xu Liangyun and take him to see a psychiatrist. Xu Liangyun was discharged from the hospital more than half a month earlier than you, and rented a hotel outside for a long-term stay. At that time, he was not in the mood to find a house, so he stayed in the hotel all the time."

"When I went in, I heard the sound of water in the bathroom." Zhong Tang said, "The water was so big that it overflowed to the floor."

"There is blood. Although it is very shallow, there is blood in the water."

Stated tiredness and stagnation of breath.

"I went over and opened the bathroom door."

Zhong Tang's voice slowly described to him, every sentence was clearing away the thick fog of five years for him, and took him to see the blood dripping.

"He turned on hot water, and when he opened the door, the room was filled with water vapor, like thick fog."

"The shower was turned on in the bathroom, water was all over the floor, and when the door was opened, it smelled like blood."

"Hot water was pouring down like rain," he said. "The water was so hot that it filled the room with steam."

"Xu Liangyun was sitting on the ground. He was drenched in hot water, as if in the rain. He was holding a utility knife in his hand and was cutting the wrist of his right hand."

"He's still awake, he's very sober. He's soberly looking at his right wrist, looking for his tendons in a pool of blood."

"—his hands were shaking, and the shaking was terrible."

Statement disgust was like being stabbed, his heart throbbed with pain, and he could hardly breathe.

"I was scared to death, turned off the shower, dragged him out, dialed 120, and took emergency measures to stop his bleeding. I kept scolding him, but he looked at me like a fool and didn't say a word, as if he didn't listen. Don't see me talking."

"Later, 120 came, and I took him into the ambulance, and the doctor debrided him. Maybe it was really painful at that time, and he finally spoke."

"He was very hoarse. He asked me if you could hear me."

"I asked him what he heard."

"He said he could still hear." Zhong Tang said, "He said he still heard the sound of electricity, and he still heard you calling him. He said he had to go, but he didn't know where to go."

"He's hallucinating."

Zhong Tang said: "His hands are useless, he can no longer hold a gun, and he can't usually carry heavy things, he can only carry light ones, and he is also affected by PTSD. Sometimes his mental state is not good. , the right hand would shake so badly that I couldn’t even pick up things.”

"I took him to see a psychiatrist. The doctor said that there is no other way to treat this disease, but to weaken his negative emotions and get out of this matter step by step."

"But he doesn't want to come out. He said that he caused this situation, he is not qualified to come out, even if he lives in this mental disorder all his life, he deserves it."

"So he has been taking medicine. Now it is only controlled by medicine, and it probably hasn't improved at all. Mental illness, if people can't reconcile with themselves, they can't take the first step."

When Zhong Tang said this, he looked at Chen Yan: "You should have noticed that there is basically nothing in his house on the bright side."

Statement Sweat answered with great pain and difficulty: "Yes...is this also linked to PTSD?"

"Of course." Zhong Tang said, "Sometimes he has nightmares at night, often dreaming about the Ye Xia case. When he wakes up in the morning, he will have an attack. Sometimes he will panic, and sometimes he will become manic. When he is manic, he will throw things, The house was smashed to pieces by him, and it was troublesome to clean up, so he simply didn't put things on the bright side."

Chen Yan frowned upon hearing this: "Isn't he taking medicine?"

"Sometimes he doesn't take it on purpose." Zhong Tang replied, "He doesn't want to let go of himself, and he always makes it happen on purpose from time to time-I planned to take it last night, and I gave him sleeping pills before he took it. Water, don't thank me."

Statements: "..."

Statements are boring.

"He was traumatized." Zhong Tang continued, "As soon as he lay down in a tall building with more than three floors, he always felt that someone was watching him. Back then, Ye Xia rented the third floor of the building opposite you and was always watching you. "

"This house is black and white, and he is also afraid that if he puts some nice colors on it, he will think of you. It's not that he doesn't want to think about it, but he has been emphasizing the Ye Xia case to himself. He has always made himself remember that incident deeply. He thinks nothing else. Qualified to think about it."

"You sure don't know. In fact, when you were hospitalized, he didn't go."

"He has been there, he has always been there." Zhong Tang said, "He woke up after three or four days of coma after the operation, and the first thing he said was to ask me how you are."

"You are in a hospital. He limped on crutches to see you within a few hours of waking up, but he didn't go in."

"He never went in, but he was always at the door of your ward. He listened outside when you were debridement, and in the middle of the night he opened a crack in the door to watch you secretly, but he refused to go in no matter what."

"I still remember that when you debride the wound, he always sat at the door." Zhong Tang said slowly, "He lowered his head and scratched his face, his hands were shaking. I said you can't go back, but he refused to leave , I scratched my face when I heard it and refused to leave."

After Zhong Tang said this, he fell silent.

The statement also did not speak.

The air is very quiet, only the wind outside is whistling.

The two were silent with each other for a long time, and then said: "That's all I want to say. You two know about the two of you, and I have no right to say it. After all, you know better than me."

The statement was silent.

He looked at Zhong Tang, his eyes turned red at some point, and he just kept silent like that, his breath trembling slightly.

He took a deep breath, leaned forward, covered his face with his hands, and exhaled slowly into the palm of his hand.

After a long silence, Chen Yan asked, "Can he... be okay?"

Zhong Tang said: "As long as he reconciles with himself."

"Forgive yourself, get over it, forget it. There's only one way to heal."