smoke like fire

There are open-air seats outside the 7-11, and each of us holds two cans of beer. No matter it is a cold winter night, we go out and sit there.

Zhao Kuanyi opened a can of wine, handed it to me first, and opened another can.

I drank the wine, sat crookedly in the chair, and looked up at the sky.

The signboard lights of 7-11 are dazzling, the dark sky looks like dark blue, and the high-rise Huaxia stands in it, which is also dim.The street is almost silent, except here, the shops are all closed with iron gates, and it looks like they are all black and ash.

In the distance, suddenly there are colorful fireworks rushing into the night, blooming in an instant, as few as morning stars.Fireworks were banned in Taipei early on, and I don’t know which one secretly released them. If you still choose this kind of time, you will be cursed by the neighbors in a while.

One thing from the past came to my mind, so I asked Zhao Kuanyi: "Do you remember? It happened to be Chinese New Year, we went to China Town, and we were sold a large package of fireworks, and it turned out that the fireworks were trendy and couldn't be lit."

During the Spring Festival that year, Zhao Kuanyi and I didn’t come back. I went to find him, and we went to Chinatown to enjoy the festive atmosphere at night, but we were forced to sell a pack of fireworks.

Zhao Kuanyi gave him a look, and he said, "I remember, that pack of fireworks costs ten dollars, which is almost the price of a dinner we had before."

I clapped my palms, "That's right, what did we eat then?"

While lighting a cigarette, Zhao Kuanyi answered, "Cantonese food is too sweet and greasy."

I laughed and said: "Yes, I still remember that the restaurant is not owned by Chinese, the owner is British, and the chefs are from Indonesia. Why did we go to that restaurant for dinner? Lu Mingchun is just a few steps away."

Zhao Kuanyi slightly raised his eyebrows and accused me: "Forgot? You said that you should try the newly opened restaurant, and you said that if you dare to open it in Chinatown, it will never be too bad."

I couldn't help laughing.

Zhao Kuanyi took a sip of wine and looked at me with a smile on his face.

The coldness that always lingered on the eyebrows suddenly faded away, and I saw the boundless wind and moon. I felt that there seemed to be a flame burning in my chest, stirring and clamoring.

The smile was still deep, I turned my face away slightly, for fear of being seen out.

He didn't find it strange, he just told me: "Still laughing?"

Of course I had to laugh to cover up my sudden bewilderment.I have long understood that it is not love or not, and all the panic and confusion are just because I am afraid of being too deep.

With mixed feelings, I drank the beer in one gulp.The heat rushed straight to the forehead, not uncomfortable, but sober, even more struggling and bewildered.

But there is no need to tell him about these, it is impossible.

I just said: "There are a lot of customers in that store. Who knew it was so bad. Once you entered the store, you didn't say a word, which made the clerk very nervous when he came to clean up. There is an old stain on the table. He wiped it well and was picky everywhere, he didn't know you could do it on purpose."

Zhao Kuanyi held a cigarette in one hand, and handed over a newly opened wine with the other, "You drink a bar, just remember this."

I laughed, stretched out my hand to take a few sips, and felt very relieved. After thinking about it, I asked: "Hey, during the West Wind circle, are you really helping me make cards?"

Zhao Kuanyi slowly exhaled the smoke, took a look, "Guess?"

I smiled.

No need to ask, no need to guess, I already knew it was right.

Gossiping outside until the night got darker, we finally know how to return.

The same alley, turning back is slower than going forward—it can’t be faster, the things you see seem to melt into the night, and there is no edge.

The alcohol buried in Bu's blood for one night has exerted its maximum effect at this moment.I walked slowly, although not wobbly, but top-heavy and unsteady.

Zhao Kuanyi was on the side. He also smelled of alcohol, and he was able to reach out to help me.

He laughed at me for being a poor drinker, and I made no comment.If only two cans of beer can make me drunk, on the contrary, he has not been significantly drunk for many years, which shows that he really drank too much.

But seeing him take out the key and open the door steadily, I am not so sure whether he is drunk.

There was no sound behind the hall, the crystal headlights had been turned off, only the porch lights remained, the dining room was cleaned up, and the couple seemed to have gone upstairs to rest early.

Zhao Kuanyi gestured for me to silence.I nodded and walked through the living room in the dark with him.There are small lights on the corridor, we tiptoe up.

Behind the aisle is a small living room, there is a study room on the right, and there are three to four rooms in the corridor.

Zhao Kuanyi led me into the front room.He turned on the wall lamp, and the lighting came on. The room was not too big. There was a bed in the center, a wardrobe against the wall, a desk in front of the window, and the blinds were drawn.

The room was not vacant, and there were traces of people living everywhere.I stood by the wall next to the door, watching Zhao Kuanyi take off his coat and lose the key, and went straight to the bed.

I said, "Hey, where do you want me to sleep?"

Zhao Kuanyi fell on the bed in the past, regardless of whether his coat was changed.He patted the side of the bed with one hand, and said, "You can take care of yourself today and sleep with me."

I never thought much about it, but I couldn't help being startled, and then I smiled: "Okay, I have to feel wronged."

Zhao Kuanyi came over with a hazy smile on the corner of his mouth.

"Sleep, so many words."

Tonight, I saw how comfortable he looked, and I felt at ease. I went to the bed to lie down, and then I remembered and said, "Wait, I smell like wine."

"I don't have the strength, I'll wash it tomorrow."

As Zhao Kuanyi said, he moved slightly inward, and pulled up the quilt that was spread at the end of the bed.I didn't want to move either, I didn't know I was really tired until I touched the bed.

Anyway, Zhao Kuanyi doesn't care about it, I have nothing to care about.

"Just a quilt? How can we two big men have enough?"

"Huh? You also know that you are a man, so nonsense."

The tone of Zhao Kuanyi's answer was vague, different from the usual sharpness, and the tone of teasing was so soft.I couldn't help smiling, feeling relieved, and looked at the ceiling with my eyes open.

"Turn off the lights?"

"…what ever."

"I don't want to move."

"—You are so annoying."

I turned my head to look at Zhao Kuanyi, he was lying on his back under the quilt, with a lock of neatly combed hair hanging down his forehead.His eyes seemed to be half closed, and the shadow of his eyelashes hit the skin under his eyes.

"This year...why didn't you go to Switzerland?"

When I asked the question out of nowhere, those eyes lifted up.

Zhao Kuanyi didn't look at it, and replied: "Well, I'm a little tired every year, and I haven't celebrated the New Year in Taiwan for a long time."

In my impression, his relatives in Switzerland belong to Mr. Xiao. At the beginning, Ms. Zhao fell in love with him and was considered a goddaughter. Although she broke up with Mr. Xiao, she still kept in touch.

After the incident, Ms. Zhao also had the intention of going to Switzerland there - Zhao Kuanyi didn't mention it, it was Ms. Zhao who revealed it unintentionally.

Of course Ms. Zhao didn't mention the past, but occasionally she would express her emotions when she was touched.However, at this moment, I don't want to talk in this direction, and I don't think about it.

I just talk homely.

Perhaps it was due to relaxation or drunkenness, Zhao Kuanyi also chatted freely and talked about many old things with me.It's all trivial, and when it comes to the depths, we both have to smile.

Talking here and there, slowly mentioning the present.

Zhao Kuanyi's company and Chen Liren discussed cooperation again years ago, and the negotiation is still ongoing.I am not responsible for this part, but Ye Wenli.

Speaking of him, I am a little sober.At Ms. Zhao's Christmas party at the end of last year, Zhao Kuanyi finally came. Ye Wenli was still in the living room at the time, and the two had met each other.

But I didn't expect that Zhao Kuanyi would have an impression, but it wasn't that time, I had talked to him about it before.

"Did I say that? When?"

Zhao Kuanyi thought for a while and said, "You just started working then."

I whispered: "Really? I forgot."

Zhao Kuanyi didn't answer.

I smiled and said, "Speaking of which, I already had an impression before working with Fred."

"Oh?"

"You mentioned a few things about him—but I didn't think about it immediately. I saw his background and experience." I said, "You guys had a very good relationship in that issue, and it's not easy to meet regularly. .”

"It's not a good relationship, it's mainly because of Fred's organization." Zhao Kuanyi said.

I laughed out loud - Frde really had a heart.

"What are you laughing at?"

I looked at him and brought up another one: "What about Ms. Lin? I haven't heard you talk about it before. You are also classmates."

Zhao Kuanyi looked lazy.

"It wasn't very close before."

I couldn't control my mouth: "So we're getting close now?"

Zhao Kuanyi looked away, but said: "It's okay."

I was silent, prepared in my heart, and asked: "Last time you said you were considering talking to someone, then you and Ms. Lin..."

Zhao Kuanyi said: "No."

I was taken aback.

"Why not together?"

Zhao Kuanyi seemed to smile, and he looked at me, "Did I say that I want to talk to her immediately?"

I froze again.

Zhao Kuanyi said lightly: "Besides, she may not be the right person."

I couldn't help asking: "Who else?"

"Well, you guessed it."

I smiled wryly, "How could I guess."

Zhao Kuanyi kept quiet, and said for a moment: "There are many good conditions in the social circle, which one can't be considered? But those are always my concerns. At present, Nova is suitable because her family is simple, and her parents and professors are abroad. If Together, many things are simpler."

I was stunned. It turned out that he had considered these things.

But thinking about it, it's understandable. In the past, he said that he, Ms. Zhao and some relatives in the family were not too close.He is in the Zhao family, and his position is sometimes not so easy.

When Zhao Kuanyi started his business, he really relied on Mr. Zhao, but his achievements over the years were all due to his ability, and it was his best effort to enter Liantian.In business affairs, he has always been clearly separated from the Zhao family, but there are always many people who want to use him to make friends.

Some even questioned him.

I could only say: "Since this is the case, you should be careful to think about it for too long. Ms. Lin is in good condition, so it must be that no one is chasing you."

Zhao Kuanyi raised his eyebrows, "Don't just worry about me, what about you?"

I don't understand, "Me?"

"Miss Wang from that day."

I was startled, and said with a smile: "I just met each other, and there is no sign of horoscope at all."

Zhao Kuanyi responded to me: "Miss Wang has good conditions, you have to be sure, she must not be unchased."

I have nothing to say, only a smile.

Zhao Kuanyi turned his head to look at me with a smile on his face, and his eyes seemed docile.

I had mixed feelings, and couldn't help but say, "It's been a long time since I talked to you like this."

Seemingly understanding what I said, Zhao Kuanyi was silent for a moment and said, "It's been a long time."

I turned my head and felt lost, "Why is this happening?"

Zhao Kuanyi was silent for a while, and said, "Yes, why do you say?"

I said—what can I say.I stared at the fluorescent lamp holders and felt dizzy.The atmosphere was silent, and Zhao Kuanyi suddenly heard a sigh for a while.

He said, "Cheng Jingcheng, you really... will remain the same no matter what."

I froze for a moment and turned to look at him.

"what?"

"You won't change no matter what." Zhao Kuanyi said, turning over to me.He looked calm, as if his drunkenness had subsided, but his eyes were still hazy.

I was still in a daze, trying to laugh, but I couldn't move the corners of my mouth.A deep injustice suddenly rose in my chest, and I couldn't help but reply to him: "How do I change? You always say that, but I don't know."

Zhao Kuanyi was silent, and after a while he said: "Cheng Jingcheng, you are so strange, relatives are always fighting, not to mention friends, you helped my mother lie to me back then, should I be happy?"

I opened my mouth, but I couldn't refute him at all.

He continued: "I'm angry because you never thought about confessing. You have many opportunities to tell, but you still choose to take care of your mother and don't even think about me. Maybe there are many things I haven't said to you, but friendship After so many years, there will always be, isn't it?"

My mind was perplexed and tangled into a ball.

"Zhao Kuanyi, I..."

"Things are over, besides, it's not your responsibility, I can't blame you anyway." Zhao Kuanyi interrupted: "It's just friends who quarrel, and it's not uncommon to make peace afterwards? But it seems that I ignore you, You don't dare to talk to me."

I am dumbfounded.It's not that I haven't thought about taking the initiative, but every time I face the indifference in his eyes, I always think of the sentence he said, and then there will be no more words.

But it is true that I owe him a sentence for many years.

I said calmly, "I'm sorry."

Zhao Kuanyi didn't respond, he glanced at me, he smiled suddenly, and covered my head with his hand.I was stunned, seeing him smile, I couldn't help laughing too, turned over, and messed with his hair in the same way.

In the past, in the United States, when we met and joked, we would occasionally quarrel with each other like this. Zhao Kuanyi and I looked at each other, and we smiled at each other's appearance.

My chest was thumping, my emotions were surging, and my thoughts were growing vaguely. I asked him in my mouth, "Do you remember watching the movie in [-]?"

Zhao Kuanyi smiled and answered me: "Jeuxd'enfants?"

"Correct."

Frankly, we never saw a movie together, but I went to see him in Paris for Thanksgiving that year, and he and I went to see one to pass the time.

For the content of the movie, I actually didn't expect much, but until now after watching it, I can still clearly recall the plot.I thought I wasn't supposed to be romantic.

I asked Zhao Kuanyi: "Capoupascap?"

He froze for a moment before seeming to react.

"Cap, Biensör."

Without hesitation, I asked him again: "Embrasse-Moi, Cap?"

Zhao Kuanyi smiled.

"Oh, should I say Cap?"

I looked at him, emotionally, "Capoupascap?"

Zhao Kuanyi also looked at me, the warmth in his eyes did not diminish.

"Why don't you dare?" He said, hooking my neck immediately with one hand.

I opened my eyes slightly to meet Zhao Kuanyi's bullying gaze—his lips brushed mine lightly, very quickly, almost once, but the separation was not far away.

Zhao Kuanyi and I looked at each other, lowered our gaze for a while, and drooped our eyelashes.

"Well, the smell of wine is very strong."

He said, smiled, lowered his head and leaned into my neck.I didn't move in a daze, and after a while I called out to him softly, but he only responded vaguely, as if he was sleepy.

My heart was pounding, but my mind was much clearer.I can't help but smile wryly.Zhao Kuanyi must have been very drunk and tired. If he was sober now, he would never agree to such a joke.

But I can't push him away.

Emotions surged, I felt flustered, I raised my hand and put it down again, not daring to put my arms around him.I closed my eyes, endured it, and murmured: "Zhao Kuanyi, you have considered many people, but you never thought about it—if you don't hate being with men, can you consider me?"

"Think about you?"

I suddenly froze when I heard this sound.

I opened my eyes, and before I could push Zhao Kuanyi away, he had already stepped back a little, with a faint hint of confusion on his expression.

"you say…"

My heart was trembling, and I pretended to explain calmly: "I don't mean anything, I'm just talking nonsense, it's already very late—" Before I finished speaking, my arm was suddenly held down, Zhao Kuanyi and I looked at each other, "Cheng Jingcheng, I can hear you very clearly. "

I shut up.

Zhao Kuanyi asked me: "You asked me to think about you, what do you mean?"

I looked at him and felt embarrassed, but I couldn't help thinking that I might just give it up and maybe get a relief.I said: "It means to talk to me. You have never been with a man before, but how long have we known each other? I know, you may not be unacceptable, right?"

Zhao Kuanyi remained silent.

I smiled wryly and moved my arm, but was pressed firmly again.I was startled, and looked at Zhao Kuanyi, who looked thoughtful.

He said: "I know what you mean, you are right, I may not be able to accept it, but in fact, it's not that I don't accept a man, it's just that I haven't considered this aspect."

I was surprised, and twitched the corner of my mouth, "You calm down and think about it carefully."

Zhao Kuanyi looked at me: "I am calm, but you are not."

I am dumbfounded.

Zhao Kuanyi was silent for a while, and said slowly: "I really never thought of taking you as an object, but it's not that I don't like you."

I was stunned, and immediately understood the meaning.Of course he has to like me, otherwise how can we be friends for a long time, but this is not what I want.

I want to tell him, I understand, but I can't open my mouth at all.

Zhao Kuanyi seemed to think about it again, and continued: "But I think you are right. We have known each other for a long time. If I talk to a man, you are indeed the most suitable."

I froze: "What?"

Zhao Kuanyi frowned and said in a low voice, "You and I can try."

I was stunned, and all kinds of emotions flooded in at once, but I didn't feel a little bit happy.I didn't know what expression to use to face him, and I forced the corners of my mouth to open: "It's too late, we are all tired, you have to think carefully before saying these words."

Zhao Kuanyi looked at me quietly, then suddenly raised his hand and pressed it on the back of my head.I rested my head on one of his shoulders, and heard his tone as if sighing: "Okay then, I'll talk to you carefully tomorrow."