smoke like fire

I'm not entirely ignorant of Ms. Xu's life on the other side; when my mother and father quarreled, they often yelled.She accuses all that is wrong, compares this side with that side.

She most often said that it doesn't matter what she does, but a father should not be partial to his children.

Whether my father is eccentric or not, let me think about it, and I don't feel much difference.I have never been close to him.Even though they have grown up and left the society, they can empathize with some things, but there is still a deep gap between them.

Frankly speaking, I don't like or dislike the man who should be called my brother.What I hate is my father. I hate him talking dirty with another woman behind my mother's back. I hate his hypocrisy in this marriage.

I always hated my mother too.

In the end, her dispute was only a compromise to cover up, and because she was not reconciled, she often wanted to drag me into the water.But for her, I am still much helpless.

In any case, there should be someone on her side in this family.

He was unsuccessful once or twice, but finally Ms. Xu found a chance.

Chairman Yongfu held a reception at his private guest house, and she was also invited.Due to the large number of guests, I didn't pay attention at first, but I saw it later.

Ms. Xu is surrounded by Mrs. Huang, Chairman of Lisheng, and two other wives.Mrs. Huang and I are half acquainted. When I came to say hello, she followed.

On such an occasion, I wouldn't go away, say a few words of courtesy, and use an excuse to get away.

The long glass door leading to the balcony was open to two sides, and several men and women could be seen leaning against the railing to smoke or drink; I stepped in, said hello or two, and stood in an empty space.

I leaned my back against the railing, faced inward, and lit a cigarette.

After taking two puffs of the cigarette, I saw Ms. Xu's figure.She was accosting the others on the balcony while coming over to my side.

I really have nothing to say to her.It is impossible for me to be kind to her, or even to see her, if I feel uncomfortable-she is proud, showing me the failure of my mother and the shamelessness of my father over and over again.

Ms. Xu didn't seem to notice my unhappiness.

"Hello."

I said nothing, restrained my expression, and glanced at a place far away.

No one noticed this end.

Ms. Xu moved her high-heeled feet, and half of her body turned out of the balcony.The post lamp on one side made her figure hazy, as if she had to be pitied.

I looked at it indifferently and smoked silently.

Ms. Xu looked at me, she probably couldn't pretend to be calm anymore, and she smiled slightly with embarrassment.She opened her mouth: "Let me say a few words, please give me some time to listen?"

I didn't answer, but I didn't walk away either.

Ms. Xu squeezed one of her own wrists, and said in a low voice: "I can understand that you don't want to see me. I was mentally prepared early on. If it wasn't for Cheng Cheng—you might not know him, it was me and ——It’s my son, if it wasn’t like this, I’ve never intended to bother you.”

It's useless to say such things, how can the so-called interruption be mentioned so easily, I meditated, but my mood was unexpectedly calm.I always thought that when I heard that familiar name, I should be embarrassed, or at a loss, or some more indescribable emotions, but at this time I didn't have it at all.

Seeing that I didn't speak, Ms. Xu seemed to be authorized, and she continued, in a low and gentle way: "The last time he - your father was hospitalized, Secretary Zhang notified me, and I rushed away in a hurry." Pause , looked at me, "I met your mother, we... talked a few words, do you know about this matter?"

I am still practicing silence.

Ms. Xu said to herself: "I admit what your mother said, and I think it's right, but your father and I——it's been the truth for so many years, don't get me wrong, until now, I don't intend to ask for anything, I have been No. I know, I am very sorry for your mother, I owe it to you, and I have nothing to say. But the grievances and grievances of our parents should not affect our children. "

I dust off the ashes.I don’t want to hear her talk about these specious things anymore, so I looked at her and said, “Are you accusing me of my mother? No matter what she said that day, if she wants to make things difficult for you mother and child, you will ask for it yourself. ? I don't think she did anything wrong, and I don't care what method she uses. "

A trace of embarrassment seemed to flash across Ms. Xu's face, "I didn't mean that... I just..." She sighed, and said suddenly, "Cheng Cheng came back from studying in the United States and was looking for a job. .”

This matter was mentioned by Zhao Kuanyi last time.Thinking about it, I shouldn't feel anything in my heart.I didn't say a word, just swallowed my breath.

Frankly speaking, I always thought that my father would want her son to join his company, but unexpectedly, I introduced my resume to Zhao Kuanyi.

Ms. Xu said again: "I don't mean anything, he has already joined a company. However, it's not with your father." She paused again, as if hesitating, "I just thought that you started doing things early, and you can do it in many ways. Know better than him."

It turns out - I figured it out.I will never waste all these years of struggle.In my words, to determine a person's success or not, you think highly of me.

I twitched the corner of my mouth, "If he is capable, no one will make things difficult for him."

Ms. Xu was silent.

And I've run out of cigarettes.

After the meeting, my other two friends and I decided not to go home directly, but decided to sit in another place.After I said goodbye to the two people and the owner, I walked out of the door and waited for the driver of one of them to come to the side.

Many cars stop and go in front of the door.The men with their families can't get away for a while, and the wives of several families don't always end up easily.

Here comes our car.A car stopped behind.It was a black Volkswagen, and the man driving it was getting out of the car.The night is not clear, only the outlines of people can be seen vaguely.

Someone in the back is boasting.I caught a glimpse of the man coming up to Ms. Xu.I got into my friend's car and slammed the door shut.

As if it had been foreshadowed, Ms. Xu could often be seen on many subsequent occasions.For many years, she has been hiding for my father and her son. Now maybe it is the father's acquiescence, and maybe he feels that the son is old enough to come out to do things, and he can get ahead.

She doesn't necessarily come to greet me.She has always been a very capable woman, which is different from Miss Zhao's.She is a kind of intangible graceful tenderness, people would be reluctant to say a sad word to her.

No wonder her father followed her way at the beginning.

However, I've always leaned toward their relationship as a can-or-do-it, most ridiculously cheesy drama.

I never asked my mother what she had said to Ms. Xu.It must be a bad word.But my mother couldn't do anything, if she had to, she did it early in the year.

Zhao Kuanyi has been very busy these days.The news of the investment cooperation with other companies came out, and his company attracted a lot of attention. Various news circulated frequently in the industry, and everyone was guessing his next move.

He couldn't find time to meet me. I can't say I was disappointed, but I felt a little bit lost in my heart.It was the beginning of a previous separation. At that time, I was not in the mood. Looking back and thinking about his words, it seemed that there was some meaning of separation.

When talking on the phone, he couldn't go back without a moment, and the atmosphere was not right. He wouldn't be too perfunctory, but he couldn't take care of his tone when he was busy.

It's not just him, it's me too.

It has been a week since the last visit to his home.Since they were together, unless he went abroad, they would meet at most once every two to three days.

Regarding this situation, I was a little numb, unable to express my emotions, and let myself be busy to annihilate my exhaustion.

On this day, I have no entertainment, Zhao Kuanyi wants to have dinner with his grandparents, so he asked me to come with him.Facing the two elders, I am afraid that I will not be able to pretend to be ordinary with him, so I don't want to face them for now.

Zhao Kuanyi didn't force it.

So I went home early.My father came back first, and when he saw me, he still had a serious and almost numb expression.

My mother was surprised that I came back so early, because I mostly didn't eat dinner at home, so she hurriedly asked sister Xu to cook two more dishes.I thought no need, but she hurriedly gave orders.

The family of three went to the table to eat at the same time, relatively speechless.There is no rule of not talking at the dinner table.I can't remember the last time it was like this, but the atmosphere was probably just as suffocating.

The food was tasteless like wax, and I ate it carelessly, so I put down the bowls and chopsticks and brought tea to drink.

The father who sat on the head also put down the bowl and chopsticks.

I noticed he glanced at his mother.The mother seemed to notice it, and ate in silence after a meal, with a vague expression on her face, as if there was a vague sense of clarity.

There was an uncoordinated embarrassment on the father's face.I suddenly had an intuition, and I heard him ask a question.

"You stay in Xinya, you've always been okay, right?"

Xinya is Chen Liren's company.In response to the thought in my heart, I was not too surprised, only ironic.As a father, it's too late to ask this now, and it seems that it shouldn't be brought up at all.

I said: "It's okay."

My father seemed to comment: "There are Chen Liren in Xinya, and they have developed a lot in recent years." After a pause, "The experience you have accumulated there can just be brought back to the company for use."

I was taken aback for a moment, thinking of going to see my mother for some reason.She really looked eagerly.

The father said in a flat tone: "At the beginning, I didn't tell you to join the company directly. I thought it would be better for you to go outside to hone your skills first. After you have experience, it would be more appropriate to join the company."

I didn't expect this pile, and I was stunned for a moment.

But just for a moment, another more intense emotion came into being. I couldn't figure out the details at the moment, but it was really sad.I refrained from answering or responding.

My father didn't urge me to drink tea.He seemed to finish his lines, finish his mission, and become an outsider.

Mother was in a hurry, and said, "You should consider quitting that side."

I couldn't help but say: "My position is not too high, but I will leave after I have learned the experience. I am sorry for the reuse."

The mother said again: "You have been working there for several years, and Chairman Chen also knows about your father, and even cooperated a little bit. He should have understood that you would return to your father's company at any time."

I glanced at her, "I should have known earlier—then he should have refused to hire me, and I should have actively tried to get into Dad's company."

Mother was speechless.My father couldn't hear such a confrontation, he frowned and scolded me: "Why do you talk like that!"

I looked at him and only asked, "Does Dad really want me to work in the company?"

Father said in a deep voice, "Then what do you think I was talking to you just now?"

I simply opened the skylight and picked it out.

"If I go in, what are you going to explain to the other side?"

The father paused, while the mother's face sank.

I said: "I don't want to make it too clear, but I'm so old, I should know, I should know everything. One son is a son, and the two sons are also sons, but Dad should know who he values. "

Father frowned, "You don't want to work in a company?"

I was silent, and said after a while: "I never thought about it." I pushed the chair away and stood up, "I'm full—I just remembered something, I'm going out."

Father didn't answer.My mother stood up and chased after me.

"Wait a minute! What did you just say? Why did you say—"

"Mom!" I interrupted her with a yell, and looked at her, "Does Dad really want me to join the company?"

Mother froze for a moment, "Of course."

I didn't say a word, just stared at her, she seemed very uncomfortable.

"Mom." I smiled wryly, and said in a low voice, "I know you're doing it for my own good, but joining Dad's company doesn't mean anything at all. You...don't always come to me, he and you—you have a legal relationship anyway. , he can't treat you badly in this part."

My mother looked at me with hatred in her eyes.

"You father and son are the same, you all think for yourself!" She dropped the words, turned around and walked back.

I stand where I am.Sister Xu came out suddenly, her face was a little cautious, "What's wrong with Madam, talking so loudly?"

I didn't answer, just changed my shoes and went out.In fact, I don't know where to go.I didn't expect to get drunk, but I couldn't bear the upset in my heart.

I take out my phone.Looking at the number of the previous call, I hesitated and dialed it slowly.After a while, the other end picked up.

There was some excitement at the other end, with hidden chatting and laughing, and the light touch of cups and plates.My mood slowly eased down.Without waiting for Zhao Kuanyi to ask, I said first: "It's nothing, I was looking for someone's number, and I accidentally pressed yours."

Zhao Kuanyi was silent at that end, and said, "That's not much to say."

I said hello and told him to hang up the call.I held the phone, my heart was already calm, and I was in a trance about the behavior of calling just now.

I don't know what to say to Zhao Kuanyi.I couldn't have said it.