smoke like fire

On the Saturday before Chinese New Year, my mother came back from England with my cousin.

My aunt and I both went to pick up the plane.The flight arrives in Taipei at 08:30 in the evening. After the formalities are completed, it will take more than nine o'clock to pick up both of them.My aunt's hometown is in Tainan, so I will live in my aunt's house for the day.It is also because of the inconvenience of understanding the mother.

It was agreed that we would have dinner together the next day, my mother got into my car, and I drove to the home I had always been with.

The mother said: "You go home today, and I will discuss with you about going back to Kaohsiung during the Chinese New Year."

I don't answer, but I hesitate.One is because there was no such plan in advance.Today when my mother came back, I told Zhao Kuanyi, but I didn't ask him to pick up the plane with me, because there was also my aunt who went there, so I couldn't explain it for a while.He didn't even ask.

In addition, it is for the sake of the father.

After that quarrel, when I talked to my mother on the phone, I mentioned it a little bit. She seemed to want to persuade her, but she probably felt uncomfortable after saying a few words, so I didn't say any more.

As for the key that I discarded out of anger at that time, the aunt who cleaned it later put it away.When she gave it to me later, I couldn't explain it for a while, so I could only accept it, but I kept it alone.Of course not today.

Before my mother came back, she had contacted Secretary Zhang and asked him to forward the answer to my father, but to this day, my father still hasn't said anything special.I had expected it, and probably my mother, too, didn't expect him to be at home.

After thinking about it, I still didn't agree, but accompanied my mother upstairs.

Sure enough, my father wasn't there.

After putting down the luggage, the mother was not in a hurry to tidy up, but just looked around.But after not coming back for a while, this home is still as deserted as yesterday, and there are not many feelings.

Mother asked me to talk in the living room.This time she came back with her cousin, and she will go back together then.She has a full life in England, where she has some very pleasant friends.Of course, she also has friends here in Taiwan, but after all, she socializes too much.Besides, some people might as well not see them.

In the middle of the conversation, my father suddenly came back.My mother and I were quiet for a while, and the reunion of the long-lost family of three was not touching at all, only deeply embarrassing.

Mother raised her hand and brushed her hair, but didn't speak.Father's expression was not too stiff, but he still had a pompous attitude.He asked his mother, "When did you arrive?"

His mother glanced at him before replying, "Just arrived."

My father was silent before looking at me.His face darkened a little, he didn't want to see me, and I didn't want to see him; anyway, he was here, and it was difficult for him to talk to his mother, so he wanted to leave.

My mother stood up and stopped me, "Didn't you say stop?"

The father said: "If he wants to leave, let him go! What do you do with him?"

Mother paused and looked at him.I have gone out.When I opened the door, I vaguely heard them start an argument. Even though I felt sorry for my mother, I went out and left all the hatred for this family behind the door.

That night, my mother and father had another big quarrel.They were all clichés, and of course my mother insisted on a divorce, and my father questioned what kind of friends she had met in England.The two couldn't make sense, and in the end they still couldn't talk about a result.

The next day, my father left angrily, and did not return for the next few days.So my mother called my aunt to live in the past.

In the past, my mother and father would go back to Kaohsiung together during the Chinese New Year. This time, my mother didn't mention it at all, as if she didn't care. At this point, there was nothing to hide from relatives.Father always seemed out of place, or at ease, with Mother's relatives.

On New Year's Eve, I was the only one who accompanied my mother to Kaohsiung, while my cousin returned to Tainan two days ago.

This year, Zhao Kuanyi still did not accompany Ms. Zhao to Switzerland, but went to his grandparents for the festival.He asked me when I would be back, and of course I knew what he meant, but I hesitated in my heart and couldn't tell for a while; he didn't say anything more, his face remained the same, but he didn't seem happy.

The topic was brought up later, and no one brought it up until New Year's Eve.

This time I took the high-speed rail to Kaohsiung, and my second uncle still drove to pick me up.Because my grandma just left last year, everyone had to talk about it when they got together. The atmosphere was a little sentimental, but soon they chatted about other things, and it became lively again; the main reason was that I didn't want my grandpa to hear it and feel sad.

My mother and I went to greet grandpa.Since his grandma left, he has been a little bit less energetic; but he doesn't care about some things, which doesn't mean he doesn't know about them.

My mother stated to my grandfather in front of me, "Dad, it is impossible for me to get better with him."

Grandpa didn't make a sound, looked at me, and asked, "What do you think?"

I glanced at my mother, her face was very calm.I said: "It's fine if Mom decides, I have no objection."

Grandpa didn't say anything.

In the evening, a group of people had a good meal around the fire, and gathered in the living room to talk as usual.Grandpa talked with his uncles and uncles about the current situation for a while, and then went into the room to rest.

Everyone was still chatting, but once grandpa left, the atmosphere became much more casual.The elders listened to the young people of my generation talking and expressed their opinions in due course.

My little cousin didn't ask me about studying in America this time, but she still pestered me to talk about it.She asked me in public: "What does your girlfriend do?"

I smiled, perfunctory: "Who said I have a girlfriend."

"Huh? Have you got a girlfriend?" Of course the others heard it and asked.

Several married cousins ​​were holding their children, and they had been advocating the benefits of marriage to unmarried people since just now. Now they became more enthusiastic, and I dealt with it patiently.

The little cousin seemed to think it was not lively enough, so she told me about the last time I dug out the cigarette case in my car.One of her married brothers said, "Well, it's not good for girls to smoke."

Another said: "Not necessarily, maybe it's from a friend—isn't it?"

I let them gossip without explaining.Of course I noticed my mother's gaze and pretended not to see her.Just when the phone rang, everyone clamored again.

I got up from the sofa all the way, and while picking it up, I walked towards the empty aisle.

"Hey?"

There was some noise at that end, but Zhao Kuanyi's voice was very clear: "Your place seems to be very lively."

I smiled and said, "You're not bad there either."

Zhao Kuanyi smiled, "Oh, grandma and the others are about to play cards, wait a minute—"

After a while, I felt that the noisy sound was far away. After a while of silence, I suddenly heard a very light click, as if something was pushed away, and I heard a faint whirring sound like the wind blowing.

I think of the terrace above his grandfather's house.I smiled and asked, "Did you go to the terrace on the second floor?"

Zhao Kuanyi said: "Well, there are too many people downstairs."

I couldn't help but also looked towards the living room, where everyone was still chatting and laughing, and a few people seemed to be looking here.I turned my back and walked a little further inside.

"It's the same with me here, but it's called New Year's Eve like this."

Zhao Kuanyi smiled, stayed there for a while, and suddenly said: "It's strange, but it's not a day, but it seems that I haven't seen you for a long time." After a pause, "I think, I miss you a little bit."

His voice was only heard through a layer of layers, it seemed to be muffled, but it was clear.I never thought that he would say such blunt words to me, I was startled for a moment, and my heart became hot.

I couldn't help but confided: "Me too, I'm thinking of you too."

Zhao Kuanyi smiled and said, "Really?"

I also laughed and said: "Of course, I promise I miss you more than you miss me."

Zhao Kuanyi said: "But don't think about me too much from now on, otherwise, you may not be able to sleep well later."

I understood it, and my face turned hot, but I said in a low voice, "It doesn't matter, I sleep alone, so I can think of you anyway—you know."

Zhao Kuanyi snorted, and suddenly lowered his voice: "Well then, if you still can't fall asleep, you can call me, I have some ways to make you sleep better."

I didn't ask him what the method was, I just coughed, but he laughed.After a while, he paused and asked me, "When will you be back?"

I said, "Probably the fourth day of junior high school."

Zhao Kuanyi said: "When the time comes—"

Before he finished talking, he heard someone calling him at the other end.It was a woman's voice, and he hurriedly said goodbye to me.I'm not surprised or suspect that there are so many relatives of his, it's impossible for him to not have a woman.

I turned around and saw my mother unexpectedly.She didn't know when she came over, and the lights in the aisle illuminated her thoughtful face.

I remained calm and asked, "What's wrong?"

Mother said: "Oh, no, I'm going to the kitchen." And walked forward.

I glanced at her back and went back to the living room.I couldn't help being ridiculed, I was only perfunctory, these cousins ​​probably sensed it, and the topic was changed later.

When it got very late, the number of people talking in the living room gradually decreased, and I went upstairs as well.Fang entered the room, the door was knocked suddenly, I went to open it, it was my mother.

She said she was sleepy before, and thought she had gone to bed early.I asked her to come in and asked, "What's the matter?"

The mother was still standing, but after looking around, she took a step forward and closed the door slightly.She asked, "Who was it that called you at that night?"

I paused and didn't make a sound, just looking at my mother.

Mother, as if embarrassed, said, "Oh, I heard you as I was going--"

I coughed, interrupted her, and said, "It's just a friend."

But my mother smiled and said: "Which friend would talk like that? I can feel that you are very close. Everyone is asking you today—is it her? Your aunts are asking me, and I don't know."

I said, "Mom, you don't need to worry about this."

The mother paused and said: "I know, you don't like me asking, forget about your previous ones, but you should let me see one, if this is a very good girl, you don't have to hide it." .”

I am silent.I was struggling in my heart, but looking at my mother, there seemed to be a glimmer of hope on her face.I couldn't get my words out of my mouth a few times, so I could only say: "It's really just a friend."

Mother sighed, and finally gave up asking, and didn't bring it up the next day.But whenever others are making fun of me, I can't help but look at her.

She always had that look of anticipation.

On the fourth day of junior high school, I went back to Taipei.I am alone, and my mother is still in Kaohsiung. She plans to live there until the sixth day of the Lunar New Year, and then fly to the UK with her cousin.

When I go back today, Zhao Kuanyi knows, but he is still at his grandparents' house.Last year, his aunt in France delayed her return to Taiwan due to the blizzard. This time, she flew back today as scheduled, so she must have a good get-together. He probably won't be back until tomorrow.

After packing my luggage, I received a call from Zhao Kuanyi.After a few words, he asked me to come over.I didn't know how to answer for a while, because at this time, I suddenly remembered the conversation with my mother on New Year's Eve, and the very vague and inexplicable resistance.

I said, "I made an appointment with a friend to visit."

Indeed, there had been such an arrangement, but it was canceled early for some reason.But Zhao Kuanyi at the other end heard it, and said lightly: "I haven't heard you say that before."

I felt guilty and said, "It was also agreed yesterday suddenly."

Zhao Kuanyi was silent again before asking: "Can't you refuse?"

I didn't expect him to make such a request, so after a pause, I said, "Probably there is no way."

Zhao Kuanyi didn't speak.

I tried to explain: "It's a person I haven't seen for a long time. I have dated me a few times before. I haven't had time. I can only meet at this time of the Chinese New Year."

Zhao Kuanyi said: "You mean that friend is more important."

I was stunned, but I could hear his tone cool down, and hurriedly said: "I didn't mean that."

Zhao Kuanyi asked: "Isn't it? At this time - when can't friends see each other?"

I didn't expect him to be unreasonable sometimes, and I was a little stunned.But because I was wrong, I said patiently: "Didn't I just say that I usually can't make time with this person, only this time is the best time to meet."

Zhao Kuanyi said: "So you still think it is more important to meet that person."

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, and said, "You tell me something."

Zhao Kuanyi said: "You are the one who is unreasonable first! That's not a business friend - my request is not too much, why do you think I am asking you for this?"

Of course I understood his intentions, but I was even more unhappy.Because he has always known my embarrassment, and on such a particularly sensitive festival, why can't he think more about it.

I said: "Didn't it be agreed before, especially at times like this, you don't have to always ask me to go. I don't ask you to come meet the people here at my house either!"

Zhao Kuanyi snorted: "Now you say such a thing?"

I couldn't hold back my temper anymore, and replied, "Otherwise, what should I say?"

Zhao Kuanyi said: "Needless to say—" and hung up the phone.

I froze, stared at the phone for a while, and was instantly filled with anger.

I put the phone away, took off my coat and put it on again, took the key and went out.Then he drove the car and shuttled aimlessly in the urban area, instead of being so angry, it was replaced by a kind of helpless irritability.I don't want to always argue with Zhao Kuanyi over this kind of thing, but it's unavoidable.

I parked the car on the side of the road and was about to make a phone call, only to realize that I didn't bring my mobile phone out at all.I took out a cigarette instead, but I couldn't touch it. The cigarette case was put on the coffee table.

I sighed.

At night, when Zhao Kuanyi opened the door and came in, I was lying on the sofa flipping through a magazine, and I was shocked for a moment.

I took the magazine away, sat up, and looked at him a little blankly.When I came back in the afternoon, I checked my phone first, but he didn't call again.I thought, he must be very upset, maybe the next day or even two or three days before his anger subsides.Didn't expect him to be back now.

Zhao Kuanyi was expressionless, he was always like this, but at this moment he looked particularly indifferent.He came over and asked casually, "Didn't you just say it?"

I was stunned for a moment, then came to my senses, and said falteringly, "Oh, that...it's for the afternoon."

Zhao Kuanyi stood by the sofa and looked at me, and sat down next to me after a while.He seemed to glance at the ashtray on the coffee table, which was full of cigarette butts.

He looked at me again.

I couldn't help explaining: "I didn't notice—"

Zhao Kuanyi interrupted: "I'm not talking about quitting smoking, but don't smoke too much." Checking the time, he asked again: "Have you eaten?"

I froze and said, "Oh, not yet."

Zhao Kuanyi said: "Me neither."

I looked at him, hesitated and asked, "You're coming back today, isn't your grandfather saying anything?"

Zhao Kuanyi was silent before saying, "Anyway, I don't care."

I was taken aback, and couldn't help laughing, "It's really not like you to say such things."

Zhao Kuanyi looked at me, "Then why does it look like me?"

I couldn't help saying: "You always know what to look like when."

Zhao Kuanyi remained silent, and after a while, said: "Sometimes I don't necessarily know."

I stared at him blankly.

"I said before that I don't have two standards." He added: "I also understand that I can't get involved in those things in your family, but I don't think it has nothing to do with me, like grandparents, or other things I think I don't want you to be just a stranger among them."

I still looked at him, but didn't know how to respond for a moment.

Zhao Kuanyi smiled, as if I didn't need to say anything.He patted me on the shoulder and stood up, "Okay, let's go eat."

I nodded silently and stood up slowly.He had already taken my coat and handed it to me.I looked at him, reached out to grab his arm, and hugged him.

I said, "I know what you said."

Zhao Kuanyi didn't speak, but both arms came to hug me.After a long while, he and I let go of each other's hands and looked at each other with smiles.

I took the coat in his hand and put it on, "Let's go, let's eat."

Zhao Kuanyi looked at me with a half-smile and said: "Did you know that my aunt's cooking skills are very good, and she will cook tonight. In order to make up for my loss, you treat me."

I smiled, but dare not refuse.