she's rude

Anzhai, Ah Jing's only home, was destroyed by the war, and even our good memories were reduced to ashes overnight.

The only word hurt my heart deeply.

The night I gave myself to Ah Jing, we hugged each other sincerely and chatted. In the near future, we will have another home.

It's not called Anzhai, not Yuzhai.

We gave it a tacky name: Jingyinju.

Ah Jing said that her second home is my home.

Today it is today.

Without her, and without me.

What is home?

……

Picking up Ah Jing from the nightclub, I was eager to dedicate myself.I know very well that paper cannot contain fire.

All the truth will eventually come to light.

So I want to have a good lingering/tender relationship with my beloved Ah Jing before the conspiracy of Yu Zhengqing and Kahn is exposed.

She is so dumb.She is so stupid.She is so silly.she is so cute.She is so domineering.She is so gentle...

Ah Jing is a gentleman and abides by ethics.

If I hadn't taken the initiative, if I hadn't seduced me again and again, she would never have asked me to be innocent.

But I, can't wait.

Ah Jing was very tired that night and slept soundly.I'm tired too, but I can't bear to sleep.

After a night of indulgence, before Ah Jing woke up, I asked Sister Yunqing to arrange a driver to take me back to Yu's house.

I was afraid, afraid of seeing her affectionate eyes, afraid of hearing her call me "Yinyin" affectionately, afraid of her hug, afraid of her kiss... afraid of myself, desperate to stay.

The life of my family is far more important than my own life, just like Ah Jing regards Anshi and Anxi more important than herself.

Soon, relying on Ah Jing's sincere treatment of me, I completed the "mission" entrusted to me by Yu Zhengqing: let An Jing's reputation be ruined, and An Shi will never recover.

The day the newspaper published the kissing photo of Ah Jing and I, she came to pick me up.She took my hand and said: Come with me.

At that moment, my heart was riddled with holes and dripping with blood.

How much I want to just follow her away, wander the world with her, follow her ups and downs, and depend on her life and death.It's fine with her.

She didn't know that that photo was actually one of the traps we set.

So, how can I go?

After bearing the burden of humiliation for so many years, how can I fall short of success.Just let her hate me.Hate me at this time, maybe I can still have some thoughts.

Yu Zhengqing kept my promise and let my family go. I took them to the old city overnight and settled them in the house I bought earlier.I left some savings, touched the skinny faces of my younger brothers and sisters, and said "last words" to my mother.

I said: Mom, the life you gave me, I will give it back to you with the humiliation and the house of the past few years.Every day that follows, I will live for my hero.My life and death, your life and death, have nothing to do with each other.

These years, the lives of my biological mother and younger brothers and sisters have been held in Yu Zhengqing's hands. If I don't cooperate with him in carrying out the plan, they and I will die.

Life is like a mustard, it is our group of bottom-level ants living in the shed.

From life to death, you can't help yourself to choose.

From the day I stepped into the gate of the Yu family, every step I took was covered with thorns, and every step I took was like walking on thin ice.

……

Yu Zhengqing published a statement in the newspaper severing his father-daughter relationship with me, presumably Ah Jing must have seen it too.

I'm not sad, and I'm not afraid of being joked by idlers, let alone scolded by them for what they deserve. The only thing I'm afraid of is hearing ignorant people say "Yu Yinxia and An Jing are corrupt".

I love you, not immoral.I can't control their vicious mouth, I'm the one who hurt you.

After leaving Yu's house, I went to Aunt Hong's place.

The door is locked.

I have the key.

I don't know anything about Aunt Hong's whereabouts.

What I told Ah Jing a few months ago, the old story about Aunt Hong and Yu Zhengqing is true, and so is that child.

Only, that child is not me.She "died of illness" in the second year after coming to Yu's house.

Anyway, that child has never seen an outsider, and after I replaced her identity, I haven't seen an outsider for several years.We are all just tools.

She is unlucky.My life was tough, and I survived.

Aunt Hong lost her child. When life was hopeless, Yu Zhengqing led me, an "orphan", to appear in front of her, giving her a little hope for life.Aunt Hong and I, who is more miserable than the other?

So Aunt Hong has become my "mother" whom I depended on for life in name.

I stayed at Aunt Hong's house for two days, but I didn't wait for Aunt Hong.The neighbors in the neighborhood only said that she moved out, and no one knew where she moved.

During those two days, I often sat by the river and looked at the clouds in the sky.Whenever there is the sound of wheels rolling behind me, I will look back for a long time until the sound disappears, until the car disappears.

A mirror.

I miss the coolness after the rain on the day you drove me to pay the protection fee, the autumn wind blowing my hair, and the lost bicycle you bought...

What I miss the most is you.

I endure the pain of longing and don't care about your whereabouts.In fact, I didn't have the face to see you again.No news is good news.

I've been thinking, what else can I do for you?

Kahn, one of the culprits who set you up for ruin and displacement, he deserves to die.So, I dressed myself up and approached Kahn.

In the hotel room, Kahn's words and deeds were humiliating to me.I am a weak woman, if I want to get out of the body, it is as difficult as climbing to the sky.

I can't dirty myself, my body is yours.There is only one road ahead.

But why, why are you outside the window?Why should I let you hear Kahn's obscene words?

A mirror.

You hate me, don't you?

Living is more painful than dying.I deeply understand this sentence.

I risked my life by stabbing the wooden hairpin into Kahn's shoulder.Just when I thought I was going to die on the spot, you came back, my hero came back.

You took my hand and let Kahn die in my hands.I was shaking very badly, I was not afraid of blood, nor was I afraid of killing people, but I was afraid of the way you looked at me.

Those eyes that were supposed to be bright and clear, those eyes that were supposed to be tender and sweet, were filled with cold hatred.

There is also the wooden hairpin, on which I carved the word "mirror" with a knife in the night in the old city.That is what I hold dear, your name.

The wooden hairpin was abandoned on Kahn's neck.

How can I not understand?What was abandoned by you is not the hairpin, but your love for me.

In the hail of bullets, several brothers from the gang died, and Bo Yang, whom I was most familiar with, also died.

They all died because of me.

Being dragged by you to run barefoot all the way, my feet were numb with blood and pain, but what was more numb was my heart.

I am not qualified to cry out in pain, because I deserve death.

When you ask me if you have a heart, I want to say, I have a heart, and I have you in my heart, my hero.

You don't want to hear my voice.I see.I shut up.

You said, let me live in pain.

Ah Jing, you are so cruel.Blame only blame, I'm cruel first.

Finally, you fell asleep on my chest.

You didn't ask me for an explanation, and I had nothing to explain.

I am at fault and guilty.

I can't argue with a hundred words; also, I deserve what I deserve.

Xianle Ballroom is the beginning of the whole layout.As the leader of An's Enterprise, you fell into our carefully arranged trap very early on.

Yu Yinxia is a bad woman, in this "game", she is not innocent at all, and she does not deserve to be forgiven.

I can touch you well while you are asleep.The hair is shorter and the face is thinner.

Boom, boom, boom, my heart is beating fast.

Reminds me of my "first time" with you.

Going to bed was part of the original plan, but after I really fell in love with you, this item became very difficult to implement.

You regard me as a treasure, and you are reluctant to let me be wronged, and you have been reluctant to take it for a long time.But I was afraid that there would be no chance in the future, so I must give it.Even if you hate me after knowing the truth.

It's me, cheeky, selfish, and just wanting to be your woman.

I have learned about things in bed, both with men and women.

You say you won't.I believe.

My first time, your first time.The union of two pure bodies is also the union of souls.

I was sleepless that night.Your breath is long, gently hitting my face.

With the faint light of the bedside lamp and the close distance from you, I can see your face clearly.

Your eyebrows, your eyes, your nose, your lips... I have kissed each place countless times, and I will firmly remember each place in my heart.

Tears wet the pillow.

This night in the basement was the same.

With your face on my chest, I fell asleep listening to my heartbeat.How I wish you could hear my unchanging heart for you.

I shouldn't be asleep.

When I opened my eyes again, it was already the evening of the second day.Not in your basement, but in the concession, the new "home" you bought for Aunt Hong.

Ah Jing, do you want me anymore?

I hugged my knees and cried loudly. I have never been so sad and hopeless in 20 years.

You took my heart and you took my life.If I don't have you by my side for the rest of my life, I'd rather die in your arms yesterday than live and never see you again.

Crying and crying, I frantically turned over on the bed.

When Aunt Hong heard the noise and entered the room, I fell out of bed, grabbed her hand and asked, "Where's the handkerchief? My handkerchief is gray, with a series of numbers written on it..."

Aunt Hong squatted down, hugged me, and shook her head.

nothing left.

All the wooden hairpins, handkerchiefs, and cheongsams related to you are gone.

I pushed Aunt Hong away vigorously, opened the neckline, and saw that the marks you left on me from last night were still there.This "scarred" body is all that matters to you.

I am scared.Because of scars, there will always be a day of healing.

After that day, in the days of trance and repetition, I was like a walking dead, nestling on the bed without going out.

Every day, Aunt Hong would buy a newspaper and deliver it to my room. I wanted to see the news of Yu Zhengqing's death on it.

Many, many days later I realized that I forgot to tell you that Yu Zhengqing was not my father.It's up to you to kill or cut.Or, let me do it.

Ah Jing, I know you are going to do something very important, I will not drag you down, I will guard our memories and wait for you.One month, two months, one year, two years, when you come back, I will welcome you.

Ah Jing, you must remember to come back.I still have a lot of love I haven't had time to give you, a lot of love words I haven't said to you, a lot of things I haven't done with you...

……

It was only after I lived with Aunt Hong that I realized that Ah Jing had put all her efforts into preparing a safe future for me and my "mother" Aunt Hong.

She is always in a place where I can't see, taking good care of me.As for me, I was always in a place where she couldn't see, and was instigated by others to use tricks on her to lure the tiger away from the mountain.

Our love is so unfair.It was I who owed her, owed love and owed money.

The poor will not be able to pay back in this lifetime.

……

Later, Japan launched a new round of war of aggression against China, and the poor in the shantytowns and old urban areas, including my mother, younger brothers and sisters, all died in the Japanese massacre.

I did not search for their bodies.

I cried.

Not for them, but for myself.

I thought that I could use so many years of humiliation in exchange for their freedom and stability, but in less than a month, they died.

Their death made everything I suffered in the Yu family a big joke.

My life itself is a joke.

Even if it's a joke, I want to live.It's not because of the fantasy of seeing Ah Jing, but because Yu Zhengqing is not dead yet.

If I could go back in time, the day Ah Jing came to Yu's house to pick me up, I would go with her desperately.

But time it, never stay.

……

Later, the domestic parties/factions deployed joint operations in a unified manner, and achieved an initial victory in the resistance/Japanese war in two months, and the Sino-Japanese/battlefield shifted to the Northeast.

The United Kingdom, the United States and France withdrew from Shanghai one after another and returned my country's territorial sovereignty.In Shanghai, there is no longer a distinction between the concession and the Chinese world.

……

Later, without the backing of Kahn and the Bureau of the Ministry of Industry, Yu Zhengqing, whose family property was confiscated by Chen Xu, suddenly fell ill and was lying on the hospital bed. I sneaked into the hospital disguised as a nurse and fed him a whole bottle of pesticide.

He only dispenses pesticides.

Ah Jing, look, I finally did something decent for you.

The same goes for Madam Yu who lost everything. She is not going to live long without me making it worse.

……

Later, I was arrested and imprisoned for intentional killing.

When I first entered the prison, I heard that it was snowing in Shanghai.It's snowing, it's Ah Jing's birthday.

I tried to bang my head against the wall to die.Sister Yunqing said: Why did you die?

She said that Ah Jing only asked her for three things, one was to ask her to borrow 10 oceans, the other was to ask her to settle down with Aunt Hong, and the other was to ask her to take good care of me as best she could.

She didn't understand at first, but now she understands.

Yeah, why should I die?

My life was saved by Ah Jing and the brothers from the gang. My life belongs to Ah Jing. She wants to see me live in pain, so I should be obedient, live in pain, and wait for her to come back alive to see.

Doctor Fu also came to see me.

She said: I used to think that if you don't speak out, you can protect her silently, and you can stay with her for a longer time.But now, I envy you and Master Jing's vigor and vigor.Even if this relationship does not end well, at least, you have loved each other.

I asked: Did she know?

She said: I know.I love her, everything about her.But her love has been given to the two children, and no one can separate them.

I asked: Are you going to let go?

She said: "She has made her own choice and there is nothing I can do to change her position.

I asked: when are you leaving?

She said: Maybe it was the day when I accompanied her to give birth to the child in my womb, maybe a year or two, or maybe any day, just leave as soon as you say.

I said: I would rather let her miss you than let her hate you.The hatred of your sweetheart will make you miserable.

……

Sister Yunqing spent a lot of money to open up contacts, and produced various evidence of Yu Zhengqing's crimes, so that I was released after only half a year in prison.

Half a year is enough for many things to happen.

On the day I was released from prison, sister Yunqing came to pick me up, and in the car was Fu Wenjing who was holding Xiaoning.

And, Xi Xi lying in the cage.Great, Xi Xi is still alive.There is one more connection between me and Ah Jing.

Unfortunately, you and I will depend on each other for our lives.

……

Later, the An family declined, and there was no more Master Jing in Shanghai.

……

Three years passed in a flash.

She has come back.

She is Boss An and Sister Jing, except that she is not my A Jing.

……

The war is cruel, and it has resulted in the destruction of countless families, the separation of wives and children, and the loss of life.

The war deprived An Xi of his life, and caused Ah Jing to lose his dear brother, and Ru Yue lost his beloved lover.

Ah Jing and Anxi have a deep relationship, and Anxi is a brave fighter.

I can't imagine how deep Ah Jing's grief is.I only hate myself and can't share it with her. For 100 years, An Xi, who was closest to her, failed to accompany her to the end.And I am no longer her favorite person.

Fortunately, the four of us watched "Thunderstorm" at the Pearl Theater and survived tenaciously.

Every sunny evening, I will try my best to go there to watch the sunset.

I will stand on the stone slab where I used to stand side by side with Ah Jing, watching the bustling crowd coming and going, watching my own long, long shadow in the afterglow.

Watching and watching, tears will fall down involuntarily.

Ah Jing was wearing a light-colored riding suit that day, which was cool and beautiful.My mirror looks good in anything.

I wanted to ask that day, can Master Jing know how to ride a horse?If yes, can you teach me?

I didn't ask.

Because of confusion, hesitation.

Ah Jing, you know, after that, I dreamed of riding a horse with you on the grassland chasing the sunset many times.Until I got the answer this year, I never had such a dream again.

It won't be me who rides with you.

At the racecourse outside the pomegranate garden, you handed Mr. Qiang your hand and your smile.There is no place for me beside you.

He also calls you: Ah Jing.

You grew your hair long for him, and you became his mirror, so you are no longer a hero for me alone.

Ye Hao, Ye Hao.

Master Qiang, Sister Yunqing, they are all better than me in loving you.

what am iI'm not even qualified to be jealous.

Fortunately, the photo of you and me in the sunset is still there, and the photo with you in front of the theater, Lord Qiang must not have it, right?No one can take away the mirror in the group photo.

This photo has become the belief that supports me to live without you.

When Sister Yunqing handed it to me, she said: "If I had known that her sweetheart could be a woman, I would not let her heart be occupied by any woman, including you, including me."

At that time, I was enlightened. Maybe many years ago, sister Yunqing's feelings for you were also love.It's just that I realized it later and missed the opportunity.

I feel sorry for Fu Wenjing, and I admire her persistence and openness.

Compared with Sister Yunqing, I am much inferior.

Ah Jing, what can I do?She has been protecting you and helping you; but I have been lying to you and hurting you.

On the back of the photo, there are six words written in black pen:

Sweetheart.big hero.

I've seen Ah Jing's handwriting, but it's not easy to recognize.However, these six characters are extremely neat.Every stroke is cautious, and every stroke hides joy.

I pressed the photo under the glass, and couldn't help but want to take it out many times, and look at those six characters again.

But I dare not.I'm afraid.

I am afraid that it will not be able to withstand the baptism of the years, that it will turn yellow, and that it will fade...

I am afraid that in the photo, I will not be able to see clearly again, big hero...

Although I know that my sweetheart is no longer in your heart.

It doesn't matter Ah Jing, you are in my heart, and will be there for every lifetime.You are my sweetheart.In the next life, I will say this sentence.

You wait for me, wait for me to speak.

Okay?

……

Sister Yunqing said that the day when the first snow falls every year is Ah Jing's birthday.

But it rarely snows in Shanghai.

Not the year before last, not last year, this year, I don’t know if there will be.It's my fault that I forgot to ask her if Ah Jing was born in Shanghai.

The last time the snow fell was the winter when I hurt Ah Jing's heart.

I'm also to blame for thinking that truth can overshadow lies, that broken mirrors can be reunited, that we have a future.

I missed that snow.

Missed my love too.

I only hope that in the coldest time of this winter, when I still have the courage, there will be snow in Shanghai.Give me a chance to spend her birthday with her, and cook a bowl of egg noodles in tomato soup for her.

Ah Jing once said that she has eaten countless delicacies from mountains and seas, but the noodles I cook are the most suitable for her taste.

In the following three years, whenever I thought about her late at night and couldn't fall asleep, I would cook a bowl of egg noodles in tomato soup.In the first few times, I ate a few more bites.

With tears, every mouthful is salty.

For every bowl after that, I only tasted it before the tears fell.

This bite is to confirm the taste of the noodles.

Because I am very afraid, I am afraid that after a long time, the taste of the noodles I make will change.I'm afraid that if it changes, Ah Jing won't like it anymore.

But why,

Before the taste changed, she didn't like it.

I know, it's not that she doesn't like noodles, she just doesn't like the person who cooks noodles anymore.

It's okay, Ah Jing, that person deserved his own fault, so you don't have to feel sorry for him.

……

What should I do, A mirror?I still love you very much.

That bad girl Yu Yinxia has already died in hell, how about replacing Hongying in the world to love you?

She will be more considerate and gentle than her, understand you better, know how to measure, and know the general situation better.She won't hurt you any more.

She loves you, everyone in Shanghai knows it.She loves you and has nothing to do with you.