burial

I suddenly felt quite boring.It's boring to be stuck like this.The people I care about the most will still be hurt, and the people I love the most still can't understand me and forgive me.

It's as if no matter how hard I persist, how hard I try, how I don't want to give up, there is no hope in sight.

I started to stay in the room quietly, and my gentle and obedient appearance made my parents feel very relieved. They only thought that I had figured it out, and they didn't lock me anymore.It's just that my mother always said that I don't like to eat. I just smiled and didn't talk. Anyway, I would spit it out after eating.

I woke up early on Sunday morning, I washed my face and brushed my teeth seriously, and then stood in front of the closet to pick out clothes, but no matter which one I tried, it looked very spacious, I curled my lips, I was too thin, Chu Zhian will not like it.After thinking about it, I laughed again, he wouldn't dislike me.

I happily changed into a white T-shirt and jeans. At this point, my dad hadn't gotten up yet, and my mom should go shopping for groceries. I slipped out without a hitch.

Along the way, I hummed happily, walked straight to the largest department store, and then took the elevator to the roof of the top floor. I sat on the railing with my feet dangling in the air, and sat there with my eyes closed, blowing the wind quietly.

Suddenly, I wondered if the plane that Chu Zhian was on would fly over my head.

The sun began to rise higher and higher, and the crowd began to make noise.When I opened my eyes, a policeman was approaching me carefully. I turned my head to look downstairs, and I could vaguely see many people standing there looking up.

The policeman saw me open my eyes, and stood there cautiously. There was a doctor beside me. I heard the doctor tell him about self-harm, mental condition, depression and so on.

"Mr. Police, I want to ask you a question..." I looked at him seriously. "The person I like is a boy. I'm gay. Is this a crime?"

"Not guilty," the policeman made a reassuring gesture, and said to me equally seriously: "There has never been a law in any country that stipulates that homosexuality is a crime."

"Thank you," I smiled, and looked at the red-eyed female doctor again: "Then am I sick?"

The female doctor's voice trembled: "No, the WHO removed homosexuality from the category of mental illness in 90."

I nodded to thank her. Seeing what she wanted to say, I reached out and made a stop gesture. Because I lost the support of my arm, my body suddenly swayed back, and the faces of the people in front of me suddenly turned pale.

"Student..." The policeman tried his best to restrain his nervousness: "You are still a student. If you have anything to say, if it is because of what you just said, if you come down, uncle will help you, the doctor will help you, and we will all help you... "

I shook my head and said softly, "You can't help me."

"An'an!" During the silent stalemate, I heard Chu Zhian's panicked voice, he rushed in from the door, I have never seen him so frightened and urgent.

Seeing him coming, I smiled and rolled my eyes: "Brother, you are here, I thought I would never see you."

Chu Zhian was very embarrassed, with disheveled hair, red eye sockets, fresh stubble on his chin, clothes that hadn't been changed for several days, and a bandage on his forehead.

Seeing him like this, I pretended to be disgusted and said: "Why do you make yourself so ugly?" Then I loosened my brows and tilted my head with a smile, "But you look good like this, no matter what."

His eyes fell on my arm full of knife marks, and when I noticed it, I shrank my arm subconsciously and muttered to myself in a low voice: "Don't be angry, I didn't do it on purpose, I really didn't do it on purpose , I'm in so much pain, I can't stand the pain, that's why..."

Chu Zhian's face was tense, his eyes were full of panic and distress, and his voice trembled: "Brother was wrong, brother came late, please forgive brother, let's come down, okay..."

He approached me step by step: "Didn't you say that I am so ugly now, you come down, you choose clothes for me, I listen to you, we have the best vision..."

"Stop!" I grabbed the railing nervously: "Don't come over!"

Chu Zhi'an didn't dare to go any further, he stood there, smiling at me more ugly than crying: "Okay, I won't move, I won't move, I won't go."

When I saw him stop, I regained my smile and dangled my legs under his nervous eyes: "Brother, I just asked Mr. Police and Auntie Doctor, and they said that I like you. You are not breaking the law, nor is it a disease."

I smiled: "I'm really happy."

"Brother..." Chu Zhian began to cry as soon as he opened his mouth. He cleared his throat and tried to restrain his emotions: "Brother is also very happy, An An, have you forgotten, brother told you that I will give you money at the age of 80?" Hey, you also said that when we are all bad old men, we will stick together..."

He choked with sobs: "You come down, brother will take you away, we are, let's go to a place where no one knows us, brother is very smart, you know, it's easy to re-enter the university, you can take the test if you want, and we can do it if you don't want to Don't take the exam... I will earn money for you. When we buy a big house, you will be responsible for eating, drinking and having fun at home, and raising a kitten or a puppy to see what you like... If you miss your parents, we will Come back and have a look, wait until you are over 40 before adopting a child... Hey, do you like boys or girls, I prefer something like yours, more lively..."

Chu Zhi'an was so choked up that he couldn't speak, tears fell silently, and his body trembled.

I was stunned. In my memory, he has never shed tears since he was sensible, but now he is crying. I want to wipe his tears and kiss him, but I can't.

I raised the corners of my mouth, tilted my head and looked at him and smiled: "Okay, I like puppies, but cats are too difficult to feed..." I laughed tears, my vision blurred: "My child, I like someone like you, It's like I'm not easy to raise, I push my nose on my face every day..."

Chu Zhian also laughed, crying while laughing: "Okay, then we adopt two, you can adopt as many as you like..."

My tears fell drop by drop, as if I really saw the future in his mouth.

"Come down An'an," he almost begged me, "Brother is here, come down."

I wiped my tears and shook my head at him: "In the future, if you meet the right one, give it a try, don't tie yourself down for me for the rest of your life..." As I said that, the tears I just wiped fell again, "I was originally I thought so, but as soon as you came, I regretted it, you can't like others, you are mine, you can only like me..."

Chu Zhi'an red-eyed: "I only love you, in this life, in the next life, and in the next life, it will always be you."

I smiled and sighed: "Let's forget it, brother, forget it in this life, I can't bear it, in the next life, I will be a girl in the next life, we will grow up together, fall in love together, when you grow up, go to my house to marry Me, okay?"

For the first time, this 1.8-meter-old boy cried out in front of me: "In this life, An An, I can marry you if you don't want to be a girl, and I will marry you in the next life, and I will marry you in every life..."

The eyes of several people not far away were red when they heard our conversation, and the aunt was already crying.

I traced his face carefully with my eyes, wanting to engrave it deeply in my heart, and don't forget it in my next life: "Two boys are too difficult. When I become a girl in my next life, I will wait for you to marry me."

Inadvertently, I saw my parents' figures appearing at the entrance from a distance, and I couldn't see their faces clearly from too far away.

"That's right, you tell my parents for me, let them hurry up and have another child," I smiled, and said to myself, "Just pretend that I don't have this son, I'm sorry for them, let They were ashamed and made them suffer so much, please help me to apologize to them, I can't repay them for their kindness..."

Seeing my parents getting closer and closer, I took one last look at Chu Zhian, closed my eyes and let go of my hands, and leaned back: "I'm sorry, Chu Zhian, I love you, you want to live."

Forgive me, I have no way to face them, I am afraid to see the painful eyes of these two people who have devoted all their efforts to me.

Sorry parents, I really can't do it.

The moment my body flew into the air, I heard Chu Zhian's heart-piercing sound of Su An, and the chaotic "hold him" and "someone passed out" on the rooftop...

Tears rolled down from the corners of my eyes, and there was a smile on the corner of my mouth, Chu Zhian, I will be a girl in my next life, you must come and marry me.

…………

"An'an, I like you, earlier."

"Can't you feel it at all?"

"You just need to know that brother likes you so much that he can give you his life."

"Don't even think about it, we've been tied together like this for the rest of our lives!"

"As long as you are here, I will have courage."

"I love you too, I don't know what to do if I love you..."

"I will feed you when you are young, and I will still feed you when you are 80 years old."

"I only played with you when I was eight years old, I only loved you when I was eighty years old, and I still only love you when I am 80 years old."

"As long as I can remember, you have been throughout my entire life."

"My whole youth and life will be devoted to loving you."

"I only love you. In this life, in the next life, and in the next life, it will always be you."

"I can marry you even if you don't want to be a girl, and I will marry you in my next life, and I will marry you in every life..."

…………

Sorry, I Love You.