Three thousand Mauser guns

02 Sibei

I remember it was pouring rain that day.

The stagnant water on the ground was mixed with blood, and was splashed in all directions by the non-stop raindrops, splashing into the eyes and mouth.I was crushed by a huge collapsed earth and rock, which almost smashed my right calf and made me lie on the spot, unable to move left or right.

But I still have a clear brain, feel the pain, and hear the sound.

There were desperate cries everywhere, and it seemed so helpless and ridiculous amidst the non-stop gunfire.Some on the street didn't even have a gun, just took an ax or a machete, wandering around like a god of death.After catching people, they slashed randomly, letting the blood spurt out so high that they splashed all over their faces.They didn't care, but became more and more ruthless.The blood stimulated them and dragged them down to hell, turning them into demons walking in the world.

The fallen comrades were stacked one on top of the other, corpses pressed against corpses, transparent rainwater fell on them, and when they stayed, they merged with the bright red on the ground.Beside them, there is a place of "Report to the People", which has been destroyed and rotten.

Some were not quite dead, but were dying, lying on the ground twitching wildly.The people standing next to him didn't glance at him, and slashed a few more times.

I know that person.

Last night, he just told me dancing, his wife gave birth to a beautiful child, and he became a father.

Irony?Maybe.

Perhaps the world is impermanent, and the path of development is doomed to be accompanied by sacrifices.When Si Nan was still alive, he talked to me about Marxist philosophy.He said that there is a law of negation of negation to describe the dialectical development of things.The process of negation of negation, formally speaking, is a process of spiraling up or advancing in waves.

Therefore, the road to revolution is doomed to be tortuous.When we embark on this path, we are ready to sacrifice all the time.

I have no strength, my limbs are cold, and the pain in my right leg is fading, or rather, it is peeling away from me.

Now that I'm standing in front of the gate of hell, if I have any unfulfilled wishes, the one I want to see the most is Sheng Lin.Even a small glance, from a distance, as long as I can see that he is safe, death is not a pity.

When I met Sheng Lin when I was young, I was not close to him.How old is Sinan when I am older, and he is younger than Sinan, every time we get along, it always feels like there are two generations behind.He is childish, crying, but mischievous.Every time I make a mistake, I always like to hide behind Sinan, showing a small head, and looking at me timidly with his red eyes from crying.

I still remember one time when it really pissed me off.Before it was mandatory to cut my braids that year, Meng Shenglin mischievously cut my braids while I was asleep.There are many rules in my family, and he offended my family's taboo this time, which caused me to be punished quite a bit.As soon as I got angry, when I saw Meng Shenglin, I wanted to compete with him and fight to the death.Sinan took a lot of effort to separate us, but Sheng Lin still hid behind him with tears in his eyes as usual.

I sighed, my heart relented.The moment he looked at me watery, my heart softened.I said that I blamed Sinan for meddling in his own business, but in fact, I still hoped that he would meddle in such nosy matters more.

If it is said that brothers in the blood have the most tacit understanding, Si Nan has thoroughly implemented this point.After that day, he always found excuses to push Sheng Lin in front of my eyes and let me take him around.Later, when Sinan met Li Song when he was going to school, he even stayed away from home all day long. On the contrary, I spent more and more time with Shenglin.

After Sheng Lin got to know me well, he saw that I was no longer as cold and angry or fighting with him as before, and became an octopus-like existence.The kind that sticks to me with long hands and long legs, and I can't get rid of it no matter how I shake it off.When he was tired of me, I surprisingly didn't find him annoying, but rather enjoyed the days when he was by my side.

Bouncing around.Very cute.

Compared with his precocious younger brother, Sheng Lin should look like a young man.It seems that I can pick off a round of bright moon along the breeze, and it may be thrown into my arms in the next second.

Later, he and Si Nan went abroad together.Si Nan said that he volunteered to study medicine because he wanted to save more people.Before I left, I hurried back from the police station and gasped for several breaths in front of the house before I got my breath.Then pretend that you came home because of something, not in a hurry to send him back.

But Sheng Lin didn't seem to care about these minutiae. When he saw me, he jumped on my body, wiped all his tears and snot on my police uniform.I was slightly stiff, and Sinan thought I was going to be angry again because the police uniform was dirty, so he quickly pulled Sheng Lin down.

This is the first time in many years that he has guessed me wrong.

When Sheng Lin's warm breath gushed against my ears, I was the one who panicked, so I froze slightly for a moment.He cried to me for a long time, and I watched him silently for a long time.From the bright red eyes, to the tip of his nose, to his lips, his throat, every tip of his hair.I wanted to say several times that if I could not bear to part with me, then I would not leave.

But I dare not.I can't destroy his future, maybe the future of the country, for my own selfish desires.

In the end, I sent him and Simon to the car.

When we met again many years later, he was more manly and energetic than before.Suddenly, I felt that he was the future I was looking for.When he saw me, he was still the same as he remembered, if he said a few aggressive words, he would hide behind Sinan and look at me aggrievedly, but Sinan could no longer completely block him.In the past few years, he has been changing after all.

Later, I was imprisoned in embarrassment for protecting students, and my life was hanging by a thread.In order to save me, Sheng Lin sneaked towards me to treat my gunshot wound and almost sent himself in.Si Nan pried open the cell door by the mouth of the east wind, leaving him a small gap, and he took the opportunity to sneak in, risking his life to escort me to Shanghai overnight.

In fact, I didn't want to leave him at the time.But he changed his old style, resisted me for the first time, and sent me out forcefully.

During the years I lived in exile in Shanghai, I kept in touch with him all the time.I found that I was thinking about him uncontrollably, thinking about him, hoping that after the situation changed, I could return to Beijing as soon as possible and see him.

In the heart of sending me, he always likes to explain a lot of things, what did Sinan do, what did Li Song do, but there is very little about himself.

Once I finally couldn't help it, and asked him in a reply, what about you, I want to know what you have been doing.Before long, I received a reply letter with seven or eight sheets of paper densely filled with your ramblings.I read every word and every word, and my heart is full of joy.

After the limelight passed, I returned to Beijing.Those who were together when they were young finally ushered in the reunion when they grew up.But the sky didn't go my way, and I learned the news that Sinan was going to die soon after I returned to Beijing, and I didn't know how to deal with it.I drank big wine for three days and three nights in the winery in despair, and Sheng Lin also drank with me for three days and three nights.

He has been enlightening me, saying that at least Sinan is doing what he wants to do every day and being with the person he loves the most.He doesn't regret his choice, so he doesn't want those around him to regret it either.Being able to accompany each other through the journey is already the luckiest thing in his life.

Sheng Lin said, sorry.It's because of his inexperienced medical skills that he couldn't save Brother Sinan.

I stroked his head drunkenly, comforting him in turn.I said, don't blame you, blame this era.So you have to work harder, grow up, and change this era.

After Si Nan died, Li Song also disappeared.Sheng Lin and Chen Ping and I lived together in the huge city of Beijing.Later we were inspired by Marxism and all the outstanding gentlemen, and joined the political party.The labor movement is booming and everything seems to be going in a good direction.

Sheng Lin and I are together at sunrise and sunset, preserving some warmth under the turmoil.I was wondering if a trace of warmth had been woven into a rope, locking me firmly in the world, to firmly believe that tomorrow will always come.

We often recall Sinan's last words before his death.

Let me see the dawn for you.

Not only Li Song, each of us wants to see for you, and also for ourselves.

The past passed through the forest into the sea, walked through the bloody rain, and came to me.The wailing has weakened everywhere, and the instigator has retreated from the battlefield.When they return to the warm room, they can easily wash off the blood stains and start a new life the next day, but some people can no longer have a steaming meal with their families and take a look at the newly born child.

I don't know when, the only weak senses in my legs are sending information to my brain.

The earth and rocks were removed.

The person who moved it didn't seem to be very good at walking on his own.He was working extremely hard, and even had to stop and rest for a while in the middle.After removing it, I was able to move a lot lighter and even move around a little.

While I was trying to move my hands, a bloody face appeared in my field of vision.

Familiar with a slightly immature outline.

A deep bony gash ran from the center of his forehead, through his right eye, and landed on the cheekbone.The edge of the wound was slightly turned outward, and the blood that flowed out mixed with the rain, dripped down the bridge of the nose, and finally dripped on my face.

The wound ruined his handsome youthful appearance in sevens and eighties, together with the bright world in one of his eyes.

I didn't feel that he was ghastly at this time, but I felt a sense of lightness after a catastrophe, spreading from the bottom of my feet to filling my whole body.

"Si Bei."

He didn't pay attention to the injuries on his face, because he was missing an eye, and he looked at me with his face slightly sideways.The next second he was lying on my chest, listening hard to the sound of my heart beating.

"I finally found you."

We are all alive, and a heart beats mightily.No one left anyone behind, leaving a lonely soul wandering tastelessly in the world.

The author has something to say:

A little bit of Si Bei's mental journey.