salt by salt

I mixed into the carnival crowd, and soon found Yang Chen who was surrounded by several people.He looked indifferent and completely ignored the enthusiastic strike-up.

"Xu Junyan, where have you been?" As soon as he saw me, his gloomy demeanor of not getting close to strangers dissipated, and his face became frantic, "I've been looking for you for a long time!"

I hummed: "I found Andre, he is resting upstairs, let's go back first."

He followed me and stood up, complaining: "Next time this happens again, I won't come with you. It's none of my business whether that kid lives or dies, so don't worry about him."

My waist was a little numb, I tried my best to straighten my back and pretend nothing happened.

"and many more."

A burst of strong music suddenly exploded in my ear, and the light ball refracted an extremely strong beam of light that dazzled my eyes.

Yang Chen stretched out his hand to touch my cheek, my heart was hanging high, afraid that he would see something strange.

"Here." He twirled a sequin away from my collar, "I got it on my body."

I breathed a sigh of relief, took the initiative to hold his hand, and smiled: "Go home."

Yang Chen's expression relaxed, his expression improved a lot, and his movements were quite gentle with my fingers intertwined.I even felt a little excited from the upward arc of his mouth, and was pulled forward by him:

"Well, go home."

The excitement lasted until bedtime.

After Yang Chen made the phone call and entered the room, I just put down the water glass.The last sleeping pill was swallowed too hastily, and it stuck in his throat, and he couldn't swallow it no matter how much water he poured.Seeing my distorted expression, he sat beside me and asked, "What's wrong?"

"It's okay." I coughed, although it didn't affect my speech, the feeling of being there was enough, "Sleep, you have to go to work tomorrow."

He lay down next to me and asked repeatedly before turning off the light, "Are you all right?"

"I just choked on the water."

I closed my eyes and felt the room darken. Yang Chen held my hand under the quilt.

His hands have distinct joints, perhaps because of his different physique, and his palms are always hot.

"Hey, Xu Junyan, did you just sleep like this?"

I managed to catch the sly and sleepy tail, and was awakened by his words: "...what are you going to do?"

"Today is your birthday, anyway, wait until twelve o'clock, so boring."

I said vaguely: "Then just stay in Dulin just now and don't come back."

"Are you against me on purpose?" He put his arms around my waist and put a belt on his side, making the back of my ears itchy when he breathed, "I was just trying to subdue you, and you still put me outside push?"

"I didn't force you to hold back." I didn't even bother to open my eyes, trying hard to regain sleepiness.But I don't dare to say too much, I have seen the speed of Yang Chen turning his face many times, "I didn't push you out."

"joking with you."

As he said that, his hands had already circled around my waist and stroked gently, which was considered half of my sensitive zone.But I am indeed tired today, not to mention that I vented once before, so I turned sideways and gave way: "I can't do it today, I don't want to do it."

"Then chat with me." He gave in magnanimously, "Otherwise, if you lie beside me, I won't look like a man if I don't do anything."

I couldn't fall asleep at all, suppressed the irritability in my heart, turned over and faced him: "What do you want to talk about?"

In the space shrouded in night, I can only vaguely see the outline of Yang Chen's facial features. He seems to be smiling at the corner of his mouth, and his beautiful eyes are staring at me.

"You can really make a fuss." I sighed, "Don't you have to deal with company affairs tomorrow, just spend time with me here."

"My dad is at the top. If I don't go for a day, the sky won't collapse." He hugged me and said lazily, "I'm so annoyed when he comes back, he sees that I don't like everything, and he just picks on me."

"Where did the previous ambition go?" I paused, "Your temper is also contained, you are not sure when you will stab others, and if you have a chance, you will not like it and make a trip."

"Do you think everyone is as narrow-minded as you?" He pinched my face, "Don't worry, I have my sense of proportion."

He smelled of citrus shampoo.It may be that I feel guilty about what happened tonight, or it may be that I smell the light smell of liking in his arms at this moment, my mood can be called peaceful and peaceful.

"I said...Xu Junyan."

"Ok?"

"My parents and I have talked about it. This matter is not only their idea, but I also agree. What do you think of having two children through surrogacy in the future?"

It's fine if he doesn't say it, but when I said it, I felt like I was hit by a sap, and the drowsy state was swept away.My heart was indescribably complicated and heavy, and after a while I said: "You think too far."

"Not far." He played with my fingers, his eyes bright, "It's easy to settle this matter early. Just stop the outsiders, let them stop thinking they shouldn't have, and have an explanation with your family ; Second, don’t worry about being born, my mother is very happy, let her and the nanny help us take care of it.”

Yang Chen leaned closer and said in a low voice: "The third consideration is that Dr. Wu told me to help you build more connections, isn't it good?"

What does he regard life as?

A cost-effective and appropriate tool?

He and I are already on the verge of collapse, so why should we be dragged down by more restraints.

I was silent for a while, and asked, "If we separate, what do you want these two children to do?"

"We won't be separated." He frowned, "Don't think about it."

"Don't be so sure." I couldn't help but say, "What if..."

Yang Chen stared at me for a while, and finally said angrily: "There will be no accidents. Even if something happens, they won't suffer. My mother doesn't mind keeping her grandson by her side."

Isn't that the same as me?

An embarrassing identity, a miserable life.

There is always an indelible shadow running through the back.

"Let's talk about it." I turned around and stopped looking at him, "The situation between the two of us is so complicated, and neither of us knows where to go in the future, so be responsible for yourself."

There was a speechless silence. He didn't pull me back forcefully. He just put his arms around my waist and said in a tired tone, "What else do you want? You know that the situation is complicated. Now I will bear all the pressure for you. Just waiting for you to nod. Apart from being unable to get married, which one did I not think of? Who is the person who is unwilling to take responsibility?"

"I don't want to argue with you."

Especially for futures that don't even exist.

"I don't want to either, Xu Junyan, I never want to quarrel with you—but can you stop doing this all the time?" Yang Chen tightened his arms, his hot palms just pressed against my heart, his voice seemed a little light, " Responding to nothing, preparing for nothing, it's like...we're never going to get better."

I closed my eyes and said nothing. In fact, I missed the sleepy head and couldn't fall asleep at all.He also stopped talking, and the effect of the sleeping pills kicked in, until when I was about to fall asleep, a very soft voice suddenly came from behind me: "Asleep?"

Yang Chen buried his head behind my neck, hugging me like an attachment.

This posture was maintained for a long time, and I heard him say something in a trance while half asleep and half awake.As if in a dream, he couldn't hear the specific content vaguely, but he clearly remembered his bitter tone and half of his specious words.

"...I'm afraid too."

The next day I met Andre at my house as scheduled.

When I opened the door, he was already sitting on the sofa watching TV, and I realized that I gave him the keys, fortunately I got up early and drove Yang Chen's car over.

I went into the room to get the previous medical records, and glanced at Andre who was carelessly changing the channel: "Don't look, go to the hospital with me."

What answered me was a pair of wronged blue eyes: "Brother doesn't believe me."

"How did you promise last night, have you forgotten?"

He curled his lips and stood up reluctantly.I also specially warned: "Tell me about Song Cheng and me on the road, and you also promised. A gentleman can't follow what he says, so don't go back on what he says."

"I'm drunk, my brother is taking advantage of others."

I was unmoved: "Before speaking, think about the meaning of the idiom. I call it adaptable."

Andre blinked, and leaned forward to press an intimate kiss on my lips.His lips are soft, a delicate pale pink in the morning light: "Can I bargain?"

I smiled, stroked his soft and smooth blond hair, and said without hesitation:

"No."