madness

There will always be strange noises for no reason at night, like the rustling of someone wearing clothes, or the thumping sound of a wooden door being knocked accidentally in the dark.

It sounded like marbles falling on the ceiling, tinkling.

Horror stories say it was an eyeball rolling out of its socket and spinning around on the floor, looking for its other eye.

These sounds are particularly distinct at night, because the volume of the TV is really turned down, and even if you pay close attention, you can hear a slight breathing sound from the side.

The rainy season in the city is prone to mold, hot flashes, cheap, and sometimes with luck, small mushrooms will grow from the corners.

The smell of fungi is very special, mixed with a slight earthy smell, and it is difficult to wash off after a little bit.

Gu Zehuan actually didn't like such a hot and humid atmosphere, the continuous rain reminded him of the wet basement where he lived when he was a child.

The rental house is humid and hot all year round, but Su Zhiyun smells very clean in it, maybe because he hasn't stayed here for a long time, and he hasn't been soaked in the damp, dirty musty smell.

Gu Zehuan often has an illusion. He thinks that Su Zhiyun is sweet, and it tastes different every time. It will change with the change of mood, just like it is natural for bubbles to reflect colorful colors under the sun.

Yellow lemon candy when you are sad, green apple candy when you are happy, hot milk and chocolate when you want to sleep.

Gu Zehuan's taste buds are very peculiar, it is usually difficult to distinguish between sour, bitter, salty, and spicy, but he is particularly sensitive to sweetness.

Su Zhiyun tasted very sweet.

This is the conclusion he came to after trial and error.

Whether it was his lips, his fingers, or the blood that flowed from the wound, it tasted as soft and sweet as a delicate candy displayed in a glass window.

What a wonderful and incredible experience.

It sounded like one of those bizarre summer nap dreams, not at all real or normal.

This is more likely to come from Gu Zehuan's crazy imagination. He imagined Su Zhiyun as a candy with different flavors, and he was full of interest and curiosity about it.

Gu Zehuan has been such a weird and abnormal child since he was a child.

His way of looking at the world is different from most people. For example, he used to think that the goldfish in kindergarten was a piece of red velvet cake, and firmly believed that as long as he cut it open, sweet jam and syrup would flow out of it.

But unfortunately, until Gu Zehuan graduated, he failed to get close to the little goldfish - since the last time he saw the disassembled rabbit brought by Gu Zehuan, the kindergarten teacher began to prohibit him from contacting other animals.

Including his classmates.

"Don't touch it."

The teacher always said that, as if Gu Zehuan was a completely different creature.

Gu Zehuan also obediently refrained from touching those things, people and things.

The world has gradually been divided into two simple categories - "me and other animals."

In fact, Gu Zehuan didn't care too much about what was being played on TV. After all, he had watched it many times, and he even knew the lines of all the supporting characters by heart.

Su Zhiyun was very quiet when he was asleep, hardly any other movements, he was too obedient.

His profile was reflected by the moon outside the window, and his lips were also red, soft to the touch.

Gu Zehuan touched his lips, and then touched his own.

Didn't notice much difference.

In the past few days, Su Zhiyun has been relying on Gu Zehuan to fall asleep. He shows a dependent mentality. He needs Gu Zehuan, yearns for Gu Zehuan, acting like a person needs water and a refugee needs stability.

On the contrary, as long as Su Zhiyun relied on Gu Zehuan, Gu Zehuan couldn't fall asleep.

He couldn't sleep with people around him, he had to be absolutely safe and secure.

This is probably because of a not too unpleasant experience for a long time.

Many times, Yan Zilan, including Gu Zehuan himself, forgets that old wounds can actually be painful, but it is not as painful as new wounds. It will only happen one night, in a certain familiar encounter, that the long-lost and painful pain will suddenly appear. Timeless pain.

"I love you so much, why don't you look at me?"

The woman with curly hair knelt in front of Gu Zehuan, lowered her head and kissed the scars on his body, and murmured repeatedly as if possessed: "Teacher loves you so much, how can you look at others."

Love is wrapped in hatred.

All contributions require warm rewards and praise.

There is no unrequited love.

Extreme admiration has blurred the boundaries of emotions, and it cannot be described in words. Is this the love of a mother for a son, the love of a teacher for a student, or the love of a man for a woman.

Gu Zehuan became addicted to sugar in the pain, addicted to sweets, old and new injuries made him doomed to sleep tonight, or maybe the pain and inability to fall asleep were sequelae brought about by childhood memories.

Su Zhiyun's face looked fragrant and soft in the night, like another creature similar to himself but fragile.

Gu Zehuan lowered his head and kissed Su Zhiyun's palm, making sure that he was indeed still sweet and warm.

Like a freshly baked snowflake crisp.

as imagined.

……

The next day, Gu Zehuan received a call from Lin Yuansi. It didn't rain today, but it was a beautiful day. The sun was shining brightly, and there was a majestic sunrise in the sky in the early morning.

Lin Yuansi's voice was distorted on the other end through the phone.

"Your mother is in the hospital, come here now."

There are many hydrangeas planted outside the hospital, but the season has passed, and they no longer bloom, leaving only a misty green.

The lights in the corridor were very bright, and the doctors coming and going looked in a hurry. Gu Zehuan smelled the smell of disinfectant, and he was cold and unkind. It doesn't look like a family member whose relative is undergoing an operation, and there is not much sadness or nervousness on his face.

Lin Yuansi looks decadent. The man who usually takes care of himself delicately and decently has forgotten to shave his beard. His eyes are full of bloodshot eyes. He grabbed his hair in pain and muttered to himself: " If only I hadn't fallen asleep . . . just for a while, I slept for a while."

"I really don't know that she will post those photos. How dare she, how dare she... How can she do it? She knows that your mother can't stand the excitement."

Gu Zehuan was sitting on the chair outside the operating room, and the tip of his tongue began to dry out, which was a sign of his smoking addiction.

He has always had a slight addiction to smoking, but it is not serious. Smoking is not allowed in the hospital. Gu Zehuan thought about it and took out a candy from his pocket.

It was the leftover milk candy from eating last night. He unwrapped it and put it in his mouth. He didn't bite it into pieces, but held it slowly.

A burst of sweetness melted on the tip of the tongue.

Li Jinjin stripped off Yan Zilan's clothes, took nude photos, and sent these photos to all their relatives and friends after the funeral.

Yan Zilan couldn't bear the humiliation, and committed suicide by jumping off the building while Lin Yuan was not paying attention.

The memory of my mother is actually very far away, and it’s no wonder that it’s those things that have been turned over and over again. The dusty Transformers, the Rubik’s Cube that was rubbed so that the paint fell off, and the flowers and plants on the balcony forgot to water, so I agreed. Robots to buy that never delivered on their promises.

The two of them used to live together in a cramped and damp basement. There were always a lot of small bugs growing in the dark place, and they couldn’t kill them all. The air will float upwards and turn into a light blue.

But even so, life doesn't look sad, every day when Gu Zehuan returns home, Nie Zilan will reward him with a piece of candy, sometimes it's a white rabbit, sometimes it's taffy, and sometimes it's chocolate.

It melts slowly in your mouth, and the water you drink after eating sugar will also be sweet.

When the sugar is gone, the meal is almost ready.

"Today there are Huanzai's favorite eggs."

Nie Zilan is very beautiful when she smiles, her eyes are curved like the moon.

She has always been a person who can take care of herself very well. Even if she is poor and poor, she insists on maintaining a decent and elegant posture in front of outsiders.

In the morning or before going to bed, Nie Zilan would use clean water to clean her long hair, and occasionally use a cheap, shabby curling iron that does not cost more than 15 yuan to create beautiful curls.

The ends of my hair were burnt and burning, and there was an eerie scent, more sugary or fruity shampoo, I couldn't tell.

There is only one prohibition in the family-everything about the father must never be mentioned.

No grandparents, no grandparents.

There is only my mother in my memory.

Both mother's love and hatred for Gu Zehuan originated from that man.

Her love and fear, avoidance and dislike.

They are all the fruits planted by the father and the flowers planted.

But Gu Zehuan didn't know anything about his father.

After Gu Zehuan finished eating the candy, he watched the white coats flapping one by one, flapping their wings, and silently landed in front of him like a pale moth.

Some say that when a relative in the family dies, a moth will fly at the funeral.

Now this moth also came, and flew into Gu Zehuan's palm, shaking off many itchy scales.

The doctor walked over slowly and shook his head slightly at Lin Yuansi.

"Feel sorry."

"Give me one last look at your mother."

For a long time, Lin Yuansi said so.

Life is a wonderful and incredible existence, and its passing is completely different from the beauty described in novels or movies.

This is not a foggy morning, nor is there an ambiguous light like gauze mist, nor is it like the understatement in the book - "The face of the deceased is still the same as before, it looks like he is asleep."

It's actually brutal and shocking.

Dead is dead, dead at first glance, there is nothing to refute, Yan Zilan's appearance is very tragic, even a little unbearable to see under the light, her skull is shattered, like a person who accidentally fell to the ground and fell apart Watermelon, brain tissue spilled from the crevices stained the sheets dirty and sticky.

Most of the face is tattered, with many cracks and lines, but the eyes are still tightly closed, and it looks very quiet.

This kind of tranquility was different from Su Zhiyun's sleeping face last night, it was heavy and meaningful.

She looked dirty and clean, the viscous body fluids overflowing from various wounds looked dirty, but the skin on her face was clean, without any messy things.

The doctor didn't expect that Gu Zehuan would suddenly lift the white cloth, so he was caught off guard.

The silent boy gradually bent down, lowered his head and kissed his dead mother.

This scene is really absurd and weird. A young man who is so beautiful and alive that he is almost shining is kissing a dilapidated corpse with his head bowed.

This contrast is cruel and tragic, contradictory and insane.

There was neither disgust nor compassion on the young man's face.

He kissed the woman, like giving a goodnight kiss to a girl who was about to go to sleep, calm and safe.

The repeated blows had already made the middle-aged man a little numb. Lin Yuansi waved to the boy who had been waiting outside the operating room for a long time: "Go back and rest for a while, and uncle will call you later."

Gu Zehuan nodded. He left the hospital, but he didn't go back directly. Instead, he went to the supermarket to buy a pack of cigarettes and a plastic lighter, and smoked the pack of cigarettes one by one beside the trash can.

The smoke floated upwards, breaking in the air one by one, and the clouds turned from light white to dark blue.

The evening wind in summer is warm, and the flower shop not far away has a strong fragrance of flowers, which makes people want to sneeze.

When Su Zhiyun found Gu Zehuan, he was sitting alone in the park. The sky had already turned a delicate duck-egg blue, and the people were also foggy under the misty night, one piece after another, walking on the bluestone road together, like a light blue silhouette .

The snow-white perfume lily in Gu Zehuan's hand was lit, and it burned slowly, illuminating his face.

Bai Baihe burned and bloomed rapidly in the fierce flames, and then died completely.

Seeing the bright red flames climbing all the way up, about to lick and eat away at Gu Zehuan's fingers, Su Zhiyun knocked down the flower branch in his hand.

The lily fell into the ashes of the pile of flowers on the ground, and a puff of smoke and dust bounced off.

"I heard that there was an artist who would burn a branch of flowers for his dead wife every day." Gu Zehuan lit a second branch, and his tone was still not salty: "I just don't know if his wife received it."

There are still puddles on the ground that are not dry, and the sky is reflected like a mirror.

Su Zhiyun looked at it for a while, and then asked, "Who do you want to burn it to?"

"My mother."

Gu Zehuan looked down at the burning lily, which trembled and swayed in the night wind because of the pain, and turned into another completely different and completely unfamiliar flower in the fully blooming flame.

"She loves lilies."

Su Zhiyun didn't show a surprised expression, he didn't say anything, picked up another lily on the ground, and lit the lily in his hand with the fire brought by the burning white lily in Gu Zehuan's hand.

The orange-red lily flowers grow bright petals by the wind, extending and spreading as much as possible. From a distance, the burning flame is magnificent and unstoppable. It changes color and shape in the wind, and quickly withers away after losing the burning material. .

Burn, bloom, die.

Su Zhiyun and Gu Zehuan repeated such meaningless actions.

Pedestrians on the street cast strange glances at this place.

The last two lilies intertwined and burned, and all the flames were reduced to ashes, and when they were completely inseparable, everything disappeared into nothingness.

Gu Zehuan suddenly lowered his head and kissed Su Zhiyun's lips.

The flame burned his finger, and it used it to illuminate Su Zhiyun's eyes.

Gu Zehuan didn't let go, the red light gradually died down in his palm, burning hot and bright red scars, he sucked the tip of Su Zhiyun's tongue, tasted the hot and humid mouth, it was indeed dizzyingly sweet.

The author says:

The previous chapter may be rewritten, or the order may be adjusted.