madness

"Do you know the movie Rashomon?"

Tang Hong once asked Su Zhiyun that.

"Because everyone will beautify themselves, even if it is the same story, the version they finally narrate will be the one that benefits them, so the complete truth will never be presented."

The name Su Zhiyun is very feminine. When he was a child, he looked like his mother, so he was even more indistinguishable from male and female. There were often naughty boys who bullied and insulted him, ripping off his pants, tearing up his textbooks, and spoofing graffiti on his desk. Said he was not a boy.

But he never spoke, nor resisted, silent, very quiet, like a lifeless doll.

Because Li Yanjiao has been stubbornly wanting a daughter, Su Zhiyun is here.

When I was pregnant, everyone said that looking at this belly looks like a girl.

Li Yanjiao was very happy, but in the end the real boy was born.

When Su Zhiyun was very young, Li Yanjiao liked to wear skirts and braids for him. She would eagerly call Su Zhiyun's name, kiss him on the cheek, and wear beautiful hair accessories for him.

"I don't want to wear a dress."

One day, Su Zhiyun, whose textbook was torn up by his classmates again, said so.

He seldom speaks, so his voice is weird and dry, but his pronunciation is clear.

Li Yanjiao was a little surprised, but she was soon distracted by Su Zhiyun's joy of speaking.

"Okay, baby, if you don't want to wear a skirt, we won't wear it in the future."

Later, Li Yanjiao really stopped wearing skirts for him, and Su Zhiyun gradually put on the trousers and sweaters that other boys would wear, looking no different from ordinary boys of the same age.

When Su Zhiyun was six years old, Li Yanjiao became pregnant with Xiaohua.

A real, soft, pretty girl.

She looks fragile, like she's going to break if you pinch it, but she's loud and can turn the whole house upside down when she cries.

The adults tried their best to coax the soft little creature.

"Get out of the way."

Su Tianlin was a little impatient. He had just come back from playing football and was dripping with sweat. Because Xiaohua was crying, he leaned over to see the crying baby in the swaddle, and poked her on the cheek, feeling a little disgusted. He said curiously, "Why are you crying again?"

The little baby gently held Su Tianlin's hand, so Su Tianlin began to yell: "Dad, Dad, look, she has held my hand!"

"Zhiyun is back?"

Su Tianhe, who was in a hurry to coax the crying baby, echoed Su Tianlin a few words, turned around and saw the award certificate tightly held in Su Zhiyun's hand, with a tired smile: "Did you get the award certificate? Great, but Dad has to coax my sister first, and later, Dad will also tell Mom, you go up and do your homework first, okay?"

Su Zhiyun thought that there would be Li Yanjiao's compliment and goodnight kiss, but he waited for a long time that night and she didn't come.

Later, as he grew older, he realized that those things were gone.

Xiaohua is always very clingy to Su Zhiyun, and she shows that she loves her brother very much. Apart from being cute, the spoiled girl is sometimes headstrong and arrogant.

If she saw Su Zhiyun with other people, Xiaohua would be very unhappy. Once she found Su Zhiyun talking to other children, Xiaohua got angry and climbed up the tree by herself, no matter how others tried to persuade her, she would not come down.

"You have to apologize to me!"

She spoke in such a childish voice and confidently.

The pearls hanging from the skirt of the other party were like the tears of a mermaid, shining brightly in the sun.

One after another, they fell into Su Zhiyun's eyes.

"I didn't do anything that warranted an apology."

"Anyway, you should apologize to me!" Probably because Su Zhiyun refused to give in for a long time, Xiaohua felt embarrassed, a layer of tears gradually filled in her eyes, and a string of teardrops rolled down after two puffs. With a crying voice: "I want you to apologize now, immediately, immediately!"

Su Zhiyun ignored him, and the moment he turned around, Xiaohua stumbled and fell from the tree.

"Xiao Hua is still a child, you, a big brother, why can't you let her go?"

Su Tianhe frowned, and was about to say a few more words, but when he saw the doctor's face changed, he eagerly greeted him.

"Doctor, how is my daughter?"

The injured hand was still aching, so Su Zhiyun put his hand behind his back.

The painful part became itchy with the passage of time, the incandescent lamp was too bright, Su Zhiyun stretched out his fingertips, and pressed the bright red wound on his palm.

Painful, itchy and numb, making the apex of my heart tremble.

Because there was grass below and the trees were not too tall, the little flower was fine in the end, which made everyone breathe a sigh of relief.

But after that, Su Zhiyun's grades dropped all the way, and he started to fight with people everywhere, causing trouble, and often came back with bruises all over his body.

At the beginning Li Yanjiao could say a few words and sent him to the relevant military management school, but Su Zhiyun got worse instead, and as time passed, no one cared about him anymore.

All along, Su Zhiyun didn't hate things like wounds, blood, and pain.

Maybe fighting with other people is just an almost vengeful attempt to get everyone's attention.

he thinks.

Meeting Tang Hong was just an accident.

The other party is a rare person who takes the initiative to talk to him.

The summer vacation at grandma's house is very pleasant, with gurgling water, noisy cicadas, endless sun, far away clouds, and long days, and the watermelon soaked in the stream is cold and sweet.

Grandma will remember Su Zhiyun's hobbies and loves, and grandpa will go all the way to the town to buy roast duck because of Su Zhiyun's words.

The air conditioner made his skin very cold, so Su Zhiyun went to Tang Hong's house to make up lessons and slept on the other party's lap.

The young man was flipping through the book in his hand, and gently stroking the young man's fingers, there was the aroma of cocoa powder.

"Teacher, sometimes I feel that I am not myself."

Probably because he was a little sleepy, Su Zhiyun's eyelashes were slightly closed, slender and dense.

Tang Hong turned a page of the book and asked lightly, "Why do you say that?"

"I'm Su Zhiyun, but who is Su Zhiyun? Logically speaking, before I was born, everyone thought she should be a good-looking girl. Everyone would like her, and so would my mother. She should wear skirts and hair clips."

"But if this should be Su Zhiyun, then Xiao Hua is Su Zhiyun, not me."

"But if Xiaohua is Su Zhiyun, who am I?"

There was a slender wound on the boy's knuckles that was caught by the white cat. Tang Hong lowered his head to kiss it. Su Zhiyun's breathing gradually became heavy due to the warm touch of his lips: "You are you, Su Zhiyun is a smart little girl. A boy, not a little girl."

"Teacher." Su Zhiyun's eyes were red, and there was a burst of wet mist on his face: "I like pain, and I get excited when I see blood. Are these all bad things?"

"of course not."

Tang Hong looked at him from bottom to top, his eyes behind the lenses were as clear as running water.

"On the contrary, it proves that you are a very special, special child."

Later, because Xiaohua knew that Su Zhiyun was at her grandmother's house, she kept clamoring to come over.

This was the first time she went back to her hometown. Su Zhiyun and her grandfather went to the train station to pick her up.

The little girl was wearing a white dress with a red edge and a straw hat, and she called grandpa hello in a childish voice, which was very cute.

Grandpa was very happy, pinched Xiao Hua's cheek, and said that he would take her to go fishing the next day.

"Didn't you agree to go with me?"

Su Zhiyun asked.

There was a flash of embarrassment on Grandpa's face.

"Ah, when the time comes, everyone will go together, it's okay."

The next day, because he had to take care of Xiaohua, the grandfather who was a good fisherman returned empty-handed for the first time.

"what is that?"

Grandpa and Xiao Hua were both lying in the vegetable garden beside the pond, and the old man patiently named out the plants that Xiao Hua pointed to one by one.

The fishing rod responded. Su Zhiyun pulled up the fishing rod and hooked up a big fish.

Grandpa turned his head sideways to talk to Xiaohua, smiling.

"It's a pea flower."

The fish was still struggling in vain in the air, Su Zhiyun unhooked the hook from its mouth and threw him back.

After playing with her grandfather for a few days, Xiaohua found it boring, so she played with some older children from other villages.

"Do you want to go fishing together tomorrow?"

Through the mosquito net, one can vaguely see the old man in a white vest cautiously pushing open the door.

After a long time, Su Zhiyun's voice came from inside.

"I'm going to Mr. Tang's house tomorrow."

The old man had no choice but to leave embarrassingly.

"Teacher, isn't jealousy a very ugly emotion?"

After class, Tang Hong sent Su Zhiyun home. The sky was long and blank, the boy kicked the stones under his feet, and suddenly asked a question.

Tang Hong smiled slightly.

"Envy is a very common emotion."

Su Zhiyun didn't speak. He stared at the little girl surrounded by people in the distance. After a long time, he called softly, "Teacher."

The other party adjusted his glasses, as if guessing what he was thinking: "Just do whatever you want."

The girl squatting on the ground playing the role of a puppy is wearing a pink princess dress, and several older children are laughing around her, which is quite mocking.

The boy who took the lead was patted twice, and turned his head impatiently. As soon as he turned around, he hummed and fell to the ground.

He touched his forehead and opened it to see that it was full of blood. He was startled and horrified, and immediately burst into tears.

Seeing this, the other children also backed away in fright.

Hearing the crying from the door, the boy's brother ran out, and then the boy's parents also appeared, and more and more people gathered.

"What did this little bastard beat our Jia Lele into? He bleed! All the folks in the village came to comment. There is still a reason in the world to want to leave after beating someone? Although we Lele are from the countryside Humans can’t compare to the wealth of children in the city, but they are also born by parents! How can you beat people like this!”

Aunt Li looked extremely angry, spitting all over the place.

"Then tell me, Aunt Li, what do you want?"

Tang Hong still looked slow and unhurried.

"I want him to pay in blood! Today's matter is not so easy!"

The blood-stained stone was still lying peacefully on the grass, Su Zhiyun picked it up and smashed it on his forehead.

"Is it enough?"

he asked so calmly.

The strange thing is that he didn't feel afraid, and the bleeding wound didn't make him feel very painful.

Su Zhiyun's vision was also red, and the sky he saw when he raised his head was blurred.

At that time, how many of them were angry because they saw Xiaohua being bullied, and how many of them were revenge because they had nowhere to vent their accumulated emotions.

Su Zhiyun himself didn't know.

"But it's funny how the bitch gapes."

Tang Hong said.

There was a wind at night, and the magnolias rustled.

Su Zhiyun was taken home by Tang Hong to bandage the wound. The bandage on his forehead was oozing blood, like clusters of flowers.

"Bitch."

Su Zhiyun also repeated like a parrot.

Tang Hong was taken aback for a moment, and then burst out laughing. He seldom laughed out loud like this, as if he was genuinely happy.

He smiled for a while to recover, and said to Su Zhiyun, "Good boy."

The woman was hit to death by a car in the middle of the night. Su Zhiyun saw it when he was walking with Tang Hong. He stared at her and remained motionless.

Tang Hong therefore stroked his cheek, giving him praise and encouragement.

"You're doing the right thing."

A few days later, Aunt Li's funeral was held, and Xiaohua was stopped by her grandfather, telling her not to go out, so she played with her grandmother again for a short time.

She is a naturally lovable child, with a smile that melts people's chest like honey.

Su Zhiyun told Tang Hong that Xiao Hua picked up an injured bird recently.

It looks like a sparrow, only the size of a palm, and it chirps, sometimes at night, which makes people unable to sleep.

Tang Hong asked: "Does Xiaohua annoy you?"

Su Zhiyun shook his head.

"She's been at home these days and doesn't go out very much, she's been clinging to grandma."

"Then you bring the sparrow with the little flower the next day."

……

"There is no movement."

Su Zhiyun looked at his wet fingers, as if he could still smell some blood, he raised his head and looked at Tang Hong.

"teacher."

Tang Hong came over, parted Su Zhiyun's forehead hair, and kissed him lightly.

"You did very well."

Su Zhiyun lowered his eyelashes, and suddenly asked: "If I kill this cat, will the teacher praise me as a good boy?"

Tang Hong followed his gaze and landed on the little white cat fleeing in the distance. After a while, he exhaled a puff of smoke.

"Who knows."

……

"I wanted to kill him later, but this coward ran away." Tang Hong snapped, broke Su Zhiyun's finger, and muttered to himself: "But I can't blame him, if I didn't soften my heart then Without him, he can't run away."

"But there's no way. How else can you say that this kid is very cunning and a little bitch? Knowing that I like him very much, he begged me so bitterly."

"But one shouldn't backtrack, right?"

There was a "click".

He twisted another Su Zhiyun's finger.

Su Zhiyun remained silent.

"I agreed not to run away, not to leave, but you lied to me."

"You actually guessed who Xiao Hua's new friend is, and you also guessed that I got the necklace. You saw Xiao Hua get up and go out in the middle of the night, but you didn't say anything."

He let go of his hand completely, and the boy collapsed on the ground, his black hair covered his cheeks, and his expression could not be seen clearly.

Tang Hong looked at him condescendingly, and stepped on Su Zhiyun's shoulder blades.

"It's the same at the police station. You don't know what kind of mood you felt when you were slapped several times by your mother in public? This is still when you are dishonest and try to distance yourself. If you tell the truth, your family What will people do to you?"

There was pity in his eyes.

"You saw me at the police station, but you didn't say anything, you dared not say anything."

"You're a complete, phony piece of shit."

The author says:

Let's scold lightly... Anyway, continue to be high-energy...