dedicated to memorial day

The night Zhou Yu came back from the moon, he had a dream. Since that rainy day, he hadn't had a dream for a long time, and he hadn't woken up in the middle of the night for a long time.

In Mengli, Jingshen held the pliers and said to him: Your teeth are broken, I have to pull them out and install dentures.

Zhou Yu asked puzzledly: My teeth are very good, and I ate cake yesterday.

Cheng Jingshen smiled meaningfully and said: Look in the mirror yourself.

Zhou Yu looked in the mirror, hey, good guy, where are there any teeth, two rows of empty gums.He stuck out his tongue and licked it twice, but it didn't hurt, but the picture of a young man's face without teeth was a bit weird.

Cheng Jingshen leaned over and blew into his ear: I'll fix your teeth.

Waking up from the dream, with goosebumps all over his body, Zhou Yu quickly turned on his mobile phone Baidu and asked, "What does it mean to dream about tooth loss?" Duke Zhou answered the dream: someone died in the family.

Only then did Zhou Yu heave a sigh of relief, throw away his phone and fell asleep.Where does he have any relatives to die.

When I woke up the next day and thought about it carefully, I thought it might be the reason why my mother's death day was approaching, but because of this reason, I dreamed of Cheng Jingshen, and I always felt a little guilty.It turns out that Cheng Jingshen's image of a dentist is so unfavorable in his heart.

On the day of my mother's death, which happened to be March 3, I had a video call with a psychiatrist and said that I was going to worship my mother.The psychiatrist pushed his glasses, showed his rare warmth, said "sorry" to him, and asked him if he would like to order a cake for him for the first time.Zhou Yu thought of the two rows of gums in his dream, and shook his head firmly.

In the afternoon, I told Xiaoxi that I had something to go out and asked her to watch the store.Then I bought paper money and incense sticks to visit my mother.Zhou Yu brought his mother's tablet here, and put it in the tablet storage place closest to his place of residence.

It's not a rest day, but there is some congestion on the main road in the afternoon.

Zhou Yu asked the driver what happened ahead, and the driver said that it seemed that a dog had been killed in the middle of the road.

When Zhou Yu passed by, the dog hadn't been cleaned up yet.Lying there quietly, a pool of red blood stained the asphalt road.Passing vehicles avoid walking and slow down around it. This is probably the greatest mourning for another species.

Sometimes that's the case, and the death of a dog can set off a mini-meltdown.It could also cause a brief breakdown of the transportation system if no one cleans it up in time.

"what……"

I seem to remember.That last millimeter.

Dog of 49 years died without warning in kitchen 15 days after mother died.Zhou Yu wrapped the body in a plastic bag and buried it in the flower bed downstairs.

The dog met on a rainy day when he got lost. He had forgotten the reason for getting lost, and only remembered that it was far away from home.That day, his mother put on a beautiful navy uniform for him, and the long tie fluttered in the wind with his movements.I bought him all kinds of sweets that he likes to eat. My mother put him on a huge rock with marshmallows in his left hand and candied haws in his right, and told him to stay where he was. She was going to buy something. Nodded, dangling two little feet obediently sat on the stone and waited for mother to pick him up.

He waited from noon to night, cold and hungry, and it started to rain.He had no choice but to hide in the small flower bed next to him, where the dog also hid, looking at him with wet eyes, shivering from the cold.He held the puppy in his arms and said to it, don't be afraid, the mother will definitely come to pick them up.

In the middle of the night, my mother finally appeared, holding a blue plaid umbrella. She looked a little tired and sad, as tired as she had fought against herself.

He showed his small teeth that hadn't changed, and said innocently to his mother, "Can we raise it?"

The mother who never allowed Zhou Yu to keep any pets said yes this time.

The mother in my memory is always rigorous and serious, meticulous, has no friends, and never contacts with relatives. The profession of a middle school teacher gave her a natural sense of majesty, but that day's mother was extraordinarily gentle, and Zhou Yu often remembered her tenderness. .

There is no doubt that his mother loved him, even though he was not her own.

He was abandoned by his biological parents, and his mother was forgotten by the whole era. When sorrow and loneliness meet, they are destined to depend on each other.

We depend on each other for our lives, that is, we can only live by cuddling each other.But growing up is destined to be a process of separation from parents.When you have a lover, you have a family.

The last meeting with my mother was in the hospital morgue.

After he told his mother that he had a "boyfriend", his mother calmly asked him to go out for a few days after being silent for a long time.He wanted to explain something again, but his mother smiled and interrupted, saying that she needed some time to accept it, and asked him to wait patiently.

So, for 17 days after that, he waited every day.

Then he waited for his mother's cold body.The other party lay quietly on the bed. Because he had been dead for a few days, his body began to stiffen. Without the assistance of the freezer, it might rot and stink in a few days.

The police said that he committed suicide by burning charcoal, please mourn him.

Moderate sorrow.

How can sorrow be restrained?

Mother died because of him.

Zhou Yu took out the memorial tablet in the small square and wiped it clean, lit three sticks of incense, and bowed again.The face of the mother on the tablet is very young, less than 30 years old.He did not find a single photo of his mother, and he cut this photo out of a group photo.But my mother probably wouldn't mind, after all, a person's death is a card, a handful of ashes.

While standing aside, waiting for the incense stick to burn out, I saw a familiar figure walking into the narrow tablet room.Cheng Jingshen was holding a bouquet of white flowers in his hand. The gloomy lighting in the tablet room cast a cold light all over his body. His sharp edges and corners were nothing like the gentle Cheng Jingshen. Zhou Yu almost thought he was blinking. .

"Why are you here?" Zhou Yu looked at the person in front of him in a daze.

Cheng Jingshen said calmly: "My father's tablet is also placed here."

Zhou Yu asked: "Today is also his... death day?"

Cheng Jingshen said, "No."

Zhou Yu frowned: "Then why did you come here?"

Cheng Jingshen looked at him silently for a while, then smiled and asked, "May I pay homage to your mother?"

Zhou Yu turned his side and said "Of course".

Cheng Jingshen put the small bouquet of flowers in the small grid, lit the incense and bowed three times to the tablet, then sat aside with Zhou Yu, waiting for the incense sticks to burn out.

Worship is very simple, wipe the memorial tablet, light the incense and burn the paper money, and it's over.In fact, when people are gone, they are gone. Those who do these things just want to live feel better.People in busy lives are stuck in their daily routines and have no time to miss the dead, so they have to set aside a day to miss them.

Cheng Jingshen stood next to Zhou Yu, and accompanied him to finish burning the paper money.When he stood up, Cheng Jingshen gave him a hand, and Zhou Yu gently pushed him away.

The two of them walked out of the tablet room in silence, the sun was relentlessly filling every corner, and only when they heard the sound of vehicles speeding by outside, mixed with the sound of some children running and fighting, did they feel as if they had come to life.Zhou Yu couldn't help but closed his eyes, and stretched out his arms a little, so that the sun could shine in all directions. It was too cold inside, and Zhou Yu didn't wear much clothes, and his nose was a little red from the cold.

Cheng Jingshen looked at him and asked softly, "Are you going to cry?"

Zhou Yu opened his eyes and smiled: "No, how can it be so easy?"

A person who didn't shed tears even when his mother died, because he was called a heartless and indifferent person by relatives who had never met.Why are you crying here?

Cheng Jingshen said suddenly: "Actually, when my father passed away, I cried while pinching my thigh."

Zhou Yu looked at him in surprise, Cheng Jingshen still had a smile on the corner of his mouth, that expression didn't look like he was joking or sad, he was just narrating a not-so-pleasant event.

"I don't know what's going on, but I can't cry. But it's an occasion where I have to cry, so I had to pinch myself hard." Cheng Jingshen pointed to his thigh, "It's here."

Zhou Yu followed his gestures and saw nothing but black pants.

The atmosphere eased a bit, Cheng Jingshen smiled, and the two continued to walk along the road, he said: "Afterwards, I blamed myself very much for this, and felt that I was too indifferent."

Cheng Jingshen paused for a moment, and took a long breath.Zhou Yu felt that he should say something to comfort him, but it seemed that he had nothing to say. He was quite tired and didn't have the energy to do everything thoughtfully.

Fortunately, Cheng Jingshen didn't need his comfort, he said: "Until one night when I couldn't sleep, I wanted to ask my father if I wanted to have supper together, and when I opened the door, I suddenly realized, ah, it turned out that my father had passed away. Completely, completely passed away. It seems that I really woke up at that moment, I must not be able to eat supper, I cried all night, and I only recovered from a serious illness."

Completely, utterly dead.

Zhou Yu remembered that this description was written in the book he lent Cheng Jingshen, it seems that the other party has already read the second half of the book.

Just like when watching a horror movie and feeling that a scary picture is about to appear, they close their eyes first, they close themselves before the pain comes.It seems that only in this way can I live a good life without thinking about anything, but there are always times when I am caught off guard.

On the night when the dog was buried, Zhou Yu cried so heartbreakingly in a room alone that he could barely breathe.

He asked, would everything go back to normal if it weren't for being gay?

No one answered him, and the silence was like particles floating in the air.

Perhaps it was at that moment that he really realized that his mother had "completely and completely died", along with his life.

Suddenly Cheng Jingshen stopped and looked at him with a serious expression, Zhou Yu came back to his senses and asked, "What's wrong?"

Cheng Jingshen said: "Let me first declare that I am definitely not someone who likes to share my sadness with others casually as a topic of conversation, so I hope you can keep a secret for me."

Zhou Yu nodded: "I understand."

Cheng Jingshen smiled again: "However, some things are like broken teeth. If you ignore them because you are afraid of pain, then they will become more and more difficult to remove. In the end, all the teeth may be broken. .”

Zhou Yu lowered his head and did not speak.Cheng Jingshen reached out and rubbed his hair, as if comforting some kind of small animal.

"If you want, you can also give me a chance to help you keep a secret."

Zhou Yu raised his head dumbly, and saw the sincerity in Cheng Jingshen's eyes.

Secrets for secrets, pain for sorrow.Cheng Jingshen did not say "sorry" to Zhou Yu, but divided his grief into two in this way.

I have to say thank you, but at the same time, there is a voice in my heart asking softly: Why?Why do you want to do this?