time for sysyphus

"Rest in peace, my love.

Your birth and your existence are just to convey hope, thank you for giving me dreams and happiness.You are together with the Father in heaven, but you are only parting from us temporarily, this world has no end, your soul will continue, so I will not be afraid, because your soul is with me.

My dear, dedicating these tears to you is my pious love language to you forever and ever.I believe that one day, we will reach heaven, meet you, and meet you for the first time..."

The pastor was reading the eulogy in his hand, and it was raining gray, and crows flew past the clouds, crying sadly for the deceased.

The four corners of the black coffin were nailed with hard coffins, and slowly lowered into the newly dug deep pit, shovel after shovel of soil was sprinkled on it, slowly burying Lin Si's coffin.

Lin Si had no family members and few friends during his lifetime. The people who came to the funeral were scattered, carrying flowers as white as snow.

"Sorry," everyone said to Ji Zhongnian.

But when they uttered this sentence, it was just two words with flat tones, and they didn't understand Ji Zhongnian's pain.

These people don't know how Ji Zhongnian spent that period of numbness and grief.

They didn't know that Ji Zhongnian knelt beside Lin Si and cried bitterly, they didn't know how Ji Zhongnian kissed the pale corpse, they didn't know that Ji Zhongnian held the black coffin and talked all night.

The joys and sorrows of the world are not connected.

The tombstone stood in front of him, reflected in Ji Zhongnian's empty, dark pupils. He looked at it for a long time, and the photo of Lin Si on the monument smiled brightly.

From the moment he lost Lin Si, Ji Zhongnian had already died at the bottom of the sea.

He was suffocated, hopeless, in pain, unable to see light or feel temperature.He is both blind and a vegetable.

Everyone couldn't bear to recall the most painful moments in their lives, so Ji Zhongnian didn't dare to recall the day Lin Si was kidnapped and killed.That day was the darkest moment in his life, but he was forced to think about it all the time.

...what happened that day?

Kidnapping, threats, the missing Lin Si, Ji Xiao's phone call, the tragedy happened so suddenly, people say it's gone.

In the daze, Ji Zhongnian couldn't think much anymore, he only remembered that he and Lin Si suffered the same despair at that time.

They are powerless, like two glasses that are far apart but shattered together, cutting each other's living hearts.

Lin Si didn't even ask for help, probably because he knew that there was no hope for his survival. He was abused until his face was covered with blood, and he tried hard to raise the corners of his mouth, fearing that Ji Zhongnian would feel sorry for him.

The person who called for help was actually Ji Zhongnian. He was broadcasted the scene of his lover's death. He couldn't breathe for a while, became dizzy violently, and then fell to the ground with a sharp pain in his heart and intracranial nerves.

"Master Ji... don't be sad, and, I love... I love you very much."

—these were the last words Lince said to him.

It should be, Ji Zhongnian can't remember clearly, the memory of that day is very fragmented, like a pool of gravel washed away by water.

When he found Lin Si, lying there was already a cold corpse.

The man's body was full of abuse scars, a dagger was stuck vertically in his heart, his body and hands were still bound with hemp rope, his clothes were torn and red, and the blood seemed to have drained dry.

He was so quiet, he just seemed to be asleep.

What happened afterwards was very chaotic, so chaotic that Ji Zhongnian could no longer recall it.

The gravel grinds his cerebral cortex, and whenever he thinks about any moment, it will bring unbearable pain, which is difficult to heal even with anesthesia.

Lins died, on this very day.

Ji Zhongnian lost his lover.

People who can still be seen when they wake up in the morning are gone a few hours later.

After that, losing Lin Si and the most precious thing, Ji Zhongnian's life became shattered glass.The past, the present, and the future probably don't matter anymore, because broken glass cannot be glued together.

——Unless Lins came back to life.

The whole period of memory was intermittent, the pain in the cerebral cortex continued, rolled and covered, and it was not known how many days later.

In the silent morgue, Ji Zhongnian stood there, only to feel that his eyes were filled with pale ice mist.

He bent down and kissed the silent Lin Si, the lips that were once bright red and slightly moist were now as cold as thin ice, as crumpled paper.

But this was the last kiss, so he was reluctant to part with this cold lips.

"If I knew it earlier, I would have listened to you." Ji Zhong said young.

Compared with Lin Si, what are those pent-up resentments?What is the settlement of those irresolvable hatreds?

Lin Si's life is the most important, and only Lin Si is important.

——If he could have understood this earlier, he would have listened to Lin Si in everything.Don't take revenge, don't pay back the hatred, just guard Linsi in peace and contentment, and live a good life.

"I regret it," Ji Zhongnian said again, "If I don't send Tao Die and the others out, will nothing happen to you?"

Without getting an answer from Lin Si, Ji Zhongnian asked again: "Pervert Lin, you said you...leave me alone. What should I do if I'm left alone?"

Lin Si still didn't answer, and closed his eyes, as if he was listening quietly.

In the past three years, the way the two of them get along seems to always be like this, with noise and silence.

For example, when chatting at night before going to bed, Lin Si would lie on the pillow by himself and talk a lot to Ji Zhongnian.

Ji Zhongnian also likes to hear his little pervert talking nonsense, and there is someone chirping in his ears, which makes him feel that he has finally found a solid place to settle down after more than ten years of fighting alone.

——That's it, always one person is mainly responsible for speaking, and one person is mainly responsible for listening.

But seldom, as it is now, the roles are reversed, and one person speaks, and the other does not answer a word.

Ji Zhongnian stroked Lin Si's temples, and said lightly: "You said you loved me 790 times after death, and now is the first time. How about the remaining [-] times?"

For a moment, it seemed that he was still on that sea breeze and salty night, on the green road called "Lover's Road", bowed his head and kissed Lin Si.

Lin Si said, even after dying eight hundred times, I still like you.

Ji Zhongnian thought it was funny, so he teased him and asked, how many times did he die?

Lin Si replied that he would like it so much after dying countless times.

What an unlucky love story, meaningless and childish.When the love was strong, these two people even joked about life and death.

But Ji Zhongnian always felt that Lin Si, who said the phrase "I will love you so much after dying countless times", would stay with him forever.

... It turns out that there is no life, only three years.

The gravel washed away by the water was grinding the cerebral cortex again, and along with the sometimes scattered and sometimes clear memory, there was severe pain.

The entire eyeball is hot and wet, and the focal length is slowly shrinking, blurring the inscription and Xintu in the field of vision.

There was no one in the cemetery, the wind blew through Asakusa, and those who came to the funeral all dispersed.

In the distance, there was an empty mountain shrouded in mist, and the rain was pattering, moistening the soil around the feet into a dark color. A black umbrella fell off from the hand and fell to the ground when it was slightly tilted.

The round and wide umbrella eaves rolled halfway slowly, the umbrella surface shook, and a few crystal raindrops slid down from it, and gently, without disturbing, dripped on the side of the white roses.

Ji Zhongnian stayed alone in Rimu Xishan. In the end, he didn't hold up his umbrella, and just sat by the tomb, resting his head lightly on the cold tombstone, talking to the people in the soil.

"I'm not going back, I'll stay here with you, okay?"

No one answered.

The man in the soil has probably gone to another world and met him in another world.