growing up porcelain doll

◎The mood was ups and downs for three or four months, Gong Qing felt that all the evil thoughts in her heart were finally suppressed at the source, then in the future life, that...◎

After three or four months of ups and downs, Gong Qing felt that all the evil thoughts in her heart were finally suppressed at the source, and then in the future life, those thoughts that went astray should slowly return with time. Get on track.

Due to the panic during this period, he didn't dare to chat with his elder brother. Every time his elder brother called, he would hang up after a few words in a hurry.He hasn't figured out whether those bizarre dreams he had were due to the influence of those photos or other reasons, and he still hasn't figured out what kind of feelings he has for his eldest brother, because the two have lived together since childhood , There is a strong family relationship between the two people, so those strange emotions are even more indistinct.

He has always attributed these ideas to derivatives of the "Hu Cong Incident".Perhaps the eldest brother has always been a man of the same age who grew up with him by his side, so when he first came into contact with "same-sex relations", he naturally substituted the eldest brother into such a role, but this is unreasonable. It is also impossible. Although he has had so many unspeakable dreams, he is more willing to believe that this is a consciousness that accidentally went astray. After everything calms down, this consciousness will come back, so he has been Avoid thinking about it as much as possible.

After the final exam was over, Gong Qing packed up her things in the dormitory and headed home, because the first year of senior high school had not yet been divided into subjects and the exam would take a long time, so Gong Qing didn't wait for Cheng Yue to come with her.He waited at the station for a while with his schoolbag on his back, and seeing that there were a lot of people on the bus, he suddenly didn't want to squeeze on it, so he planned to walk back.

It was less than six o'clock in the afternoon and the sky hadn't completely darkened yet, but it was also gloomy, as if a heavy snow was brewing.Gong Qing looked up at the gray sky, his heart was very empty, he should feel very relaxed, but now after unloading the burden of study and exams, he felt a little confused, with so much free time , a vacation in the future will be under the same roof with the eldest brother, and he seems to have the time and space for him to explore and think again to figure out those things he has decided to ignore.

But a real person is about to appear in front of him, how can he ignore it?He felt that his own mentality was really strange. On the one hand, he felt that he was being overwhelmed, and on the other hand, he was afraid that he was not. Disappeared, while thinking about the cause and effect of these things uncontrollably; while thinking about the big brother, but afraid to see the big brother at the same time, in short, my heart is full of contradictions.

He walked from confusion to preoccupation, and arrived at the door of the house before he knew it.He rubbed his face with his hands to sort out his mood before knocking on the door of the house.After knocking twice, he remembered that it was not even 06:30 now, and my aunt and uncle usually hadn't come home at this time, and there was no one at home, so he took out the key from his pocket and prepared to open the door.

Just as he was about to insert the key into the lock, the door opened with a "click". When he saw the face of his eldest brother without any preparation, he was a little dazed for a moment.

The warm light in the corridor reflected Cheng Yu's smiling face, making him look extraordinarily gentle. He was much whiter than in summer vacation, and his black eyes were brighter against this complexion.The heating in the house should be sufficient. He was only wearing a beige wool sweater, with his collarbone looming under the neckline, and a pair of light gray home trousers underneath, looking extraordinarily casual.He said, "Finished the exam?"

Gong Qing was a little dazed looking at his eldest brother, and for some reason, there was an urge to hug him tightly and kiss him. He could feel that his heart was beating like a drum, and even his breathing was a little unnaturally short.Those questions that he didn't want to think about suddenly exploded in his heart now, and an immature question popped up in his mind-this is me, is my heart moved?

He was a little nervous, and a thin layer of sweat broke out on his back. He subconsciously clenched the key in his hand, and unconsciously made a swallowing movement.

Seeing his slightly distorted expression, Cheng Yu smiled and asked, "Why, are you scared by me? Could it be that you think a thief has broken into your house?"

Gong Qing quickly blinked and put away those flustered thoughts and calmed down. He said, "Well, didn't you say that you would be back a few days later? I thought there was no one at home."

Cheng Yu smiled and said, "Well, at first the teacher said something was wrong and the exam would be arranged later, but the teacher was afraid that we would be delayed in school for too long, so the exam was brought forward by two weeks, so the holiday was brought forward."

Gong Qing entered the house with a oh, and after changing into her slippers, she nestled on the sofa with her elder brother, watching TV and chatting.Cheng Yu hadn't seen his dear brother for a whole semester, so he pulled him and told him a lot of fun things in school, such as a debate contest held in the school, all their dormitories were selected to participate, and the pros and cons of the final finals they The dormitory is divided into half, and after the quarrel in the debate field, go back to the dormitory and continue to quarrel; there was a class assignment where a classmate did not listen to the lecture, and under the teacher's nose, I compiled a few laws and was suggested by the teacher to ask him to fight for it when the National People's Congress is held next time. Be a representative; what window in the cafeteria has changed chefs this semester, and the spicy shredded chicken is delicious...

Cheng Yue talked in the sky, and Gong Qing listened carefully. The life he had never participated in was particularly attractive in the vivid description of his elder brother. He had never been so yearning for university life as he was at this moment.And those uneasiness and uneasiness accumulated in his heart disappeared in such a relaxed environment. The elder brother in front of him is still the elder brother he is most familiar with, and this kind of life is still the most comfortable life for him. This is the most normal between them Getting along with each other, the moment when I entered the door just now, the heartbeat... Maybe it's just because I haven't seen him for a long time.

This kind of thinking made him finally relax, and the big rock hanging in his heart finally fell to the ground. If he still has brotherly feelings for his elder brother, that's fine.

In the evening, everyone had a lively meal and chatted in the living room for a while. After Gong Qing took a bath, he lay on the bed and played games. Pajama bottoms and a black tank top came in.

He raised his head and took a look. His eldest brother's hair was wet and still dripping intermittently. There were still drops of water on his broad and strong arms. Thin legs.For some reason, Gong Qing felt as if a certain place in her heart had been poked, and then jumped suddenly. He only felt that there was a burst of dry mouth and a faint heat in the lower abdomen.

He lifted up the quilt unnaturally and sat in. He was not in the mood to play the game anymore. After a while, he heard the voice of "Defeat" coming from the phone.When he felt the changes in his body, he didn't dare to look at his elder brother anymore, but if he didn't look at his elder brother, his elder brother would come to him by himself.

After Cheng Yu heard the sound of the game failing, he walked to the bed, picked up his mobile phone on the quilt and sneered, "You still play Zhang Fei?"

Gong Qing said absent-mindedly: "Huh? Well, I just picked it randomly. It is thick and can resist beating."

"Why did you still lose the fight?" Cheng Yu laughed.

Gong Qing: "I haven't played this hero a few times, so I'm relatively unfamiliar."

Cheng Yu lifted the quilt and sat in, saying, "You're unfamiliar, then I'll teach you how to play this hero, and I'll see if I can win it back for you!"

With that said, Cheng Yu restarted the round.Gong Qing was very close to him, so close that he could clearly smell the refreshing scent of shower gel and shampoo on his body, and he could also feel the little bit of damp water vapor on his body.The eldest brother was telling him how to use the hero's various skills, and at the same time telling him about the battle situation in the upper, middle and lower lanes, but he seemed to be unable to hear these words, and his attention was not on the game at all, his eyes fell on The big brother manipulates the game button on the finger.Those fingers are white and slender, even the protrusions of the joints are so beautiful, and each piece of nails is neatly trimmed and beautiful.His eyes moved up the back of his elder brother's hand, and he saw his thin wrist bones and forearms. Although his brother was thin, his muscles were unambiguous. At that time, he felt that he was not only elastic but also very powerful.His eyes moved up again, and fixed on the neck of the elder brother. The Adam's apple, which rose and fell with the voice, exuded the unique charm of a man, which made him suddenly have the urge to bite on it...

His heart was pounding, and one hand was unconsciously clenched under the quilt. He stared at his elder brother's side face for a while, and closed his eyes impatiently.

What to do, he seems to be really tempted by his elder brother.If it is said that all the previous ideas cannot be verified before he meets his eldest brother, he can use the reason of the derivative of the "Hu Cong incident" to keep hypnotizing himself, and keep telling himself that this is a fucking accident. Other than family affection or family affection, those other feelings will slowly disappear with time, and he will not fall in love with a man, let alone his elder brother!

But now?Ever since he came home from school and saw his elder brother appear in front of the door after opening the door, he clearly realized that his feelings had really changed at that moment. He wanted to hug him, kiss him, and get closer with him. A way to express the thoughts that I suppressed by myself during these days.Until dinner, he was still using the reason "It's been too long" to comfort himself, but this reason is really too bad, no one can know it better than him, he only knows when he is with his elder brother He is the happiest and most relaxed, because his eyes and mind will always follow his brother.

And what kind of state is it now?Not only did his heart change when he faced his elder brother, but his body also reacted. The body changes with the heart, so the body can't lie, so can he escape?Can you still deny it?Can you still lie to yourself that you really don't like big brother?

Can't, can't anymore.Although he didn't want to admit it, all of this was true. He couldn't lie to himself anymore that he didn't like big brother. He liked him and wanted to possess him!

How ridiculous, he actually has a heart for his elder brother, he actually has such dirty thoughts about his elder brother, he actually wants to drag his elder brother into the abyss of secular ethics and morality!However, why should he?

When he really figured out what he wanted, the sourness and anguish in his heart were greater than the apprehension, because he knew that no matter what, he and his elder brother were impossible, and they could only be brothers, brothers in this life.His love just sprouted a little bud after peeling off the cocoon, but it was shrouded by this cruel reality, and it was doomed not to see the light, let alone blossom and bear fruit.This kind of love is not allowed by the world, society, and family, and he will not allow it. He can't destroy such a family that gave him love and warmth, and he can't destroy the brotherhood between them, let alone because He ruined his elder brother's life by himself.So he should bury this restless feeling in his heart. Since he can't see it, he should keep this secret so that it will never be known by others!

He sighed and leaned against the headboard of the bed, closing his eyes to hide the sadness in his heart.

Cheng Yu won the game, turned around excitedly and called Gong Qing, but saw him leaning against the head of the bed with some despondency, and asked, "What's wrong with you? Are you sleepy so early?"

Gong Qing opened her eyes and smiled lightly, and said: "Well, maybe it's because I'm a little tired from the exams these two days. I've been busy reviewing for the past few days, and I haven't slept well. Now I feel sleepy when I relax."

Cheng Yu laughed and said, "You will also have a day when you are tired from studying? It's unbelievable!"

Gong Qing rolled his eyes at him: "I'm not a superman."

Cheng Yu: "Okay, let's go to sleep."

Gong Qing lay down on her own, and the heat on her body hadn't subsided, so she turned her back to Cheng Yu. After Cheng Yu turned off the light, he found that Gong Qing's back was to him. He was a little surprised, but also a little confused awkward.Although he is used to sleeping alone, as long as he is lying on the same bed with his younger brother, he still likes to put his arms around his younger brother's shoulders as before, and the two of them sleep next to each other, but now Gong Qingming is lying next to him, but there is nothing wrong with him. He wanted to sleep with his arm, and he felt a little uncomfortable for a moment, so he asked, "Why are you turning your back on me?"

Gong Qing's body froze, and she felt that her psychological defense was about to collapse.In the dark, the visual sense is weakened, and other senses are obviously strengthened. He just listened to the rustling sounds around him, and felt the heat from the person around him constantly radiating towards him. Facing him, the two of them slept with their arms around each other, and he didn't know what kind of embarrassment it would cause.He bit the bullet and replied, "It's a little hot."

It's hard to say whether the reason is perfunctory or the attitude is perfunctory. Cheng Yu stared at Gong Qing's back feeling a little uncomfortable. Since he grew up, this was the first time his younger brother slept with his back turned to him.He felt that it seemed a little hypocritical for him to be too entangled in this issue, so he oh and lay down.