but you never loved me

When Ning Yi returned home, it was already twelve o'clock in the middle of the night.Pushing open the door, the room was empty and cold.When Yan Zimu left last time, he took everything related to him with him.This time he came back too short, and he didn't have time to rearrange it.

But there is still a smell that belongs to him in the air, a faint scent of soap locust, sober and clean, just like him.

I never paid attention to it before, but now I feel that the smell is so good, I like it so much that I can't wait to take it into my heart.But he had only left for less than a day, and the smell in the air was almost gone.

After standing in the living room for a while, Ning Yi walked straight into the bedroom without turning on the light.After returning to the bedroom, he sank directly onto the bed. He lifted the quilt to cover his body, and after a long while, he couldn't help pulling the quilt up and covering his face.When he was finally surrounded by Yan Zimu's scent, he took a deep breath in satisfaction.

It is easy to be out of breath when people are pressed under the quilt, but Ning Yi has always maintained this posture.After a long time, he lifted the quilt and went into the bathroom.

He stood naked under the shower, letting the hot water wash over his body, as if this would make him feel better.But when his eyes rested on the bathtub, his heart twitched.He remembered last night when Yan Zimu looked at him with cold eyes, and said in a calm tone that he thought he was dirty.Looking at it again felt pain in his heart, he turned his head, dried his body with the bath towel, put on a bathrobe and went out.

Lying on the bed again, he didn't feel sleepy.Because as soon as you close your eyes, Yan Zimu's face will appear in your mind.There are scenes where he looks at him with a gentle smile, and there are scenes where he slaps himself when he gets angry, but what is most clear is that his dim eyes are as calm as stagnant water.

The more he thought about it, the more bored he felt, and Ning Yi went to the wine cabinet in the living room to get two bottles of wine.He returned to the bedroom, only to find that it was snowing outside the window. It snows every winter in City A. Yan Zimu grew up in the south, so he has a soft spot for snow.

In the winter of the first year of college, City A had the heaviest snowfall in ten years.Yan Zimu was so excited that he wanted to go out and build a snowman, and then woke up Ning Yi, who was about to fall asleep after a long weekend, from the bed.

Ning Yi was annoyed to get up, looking at the culprit who woke him up.Ning Yi pressed Yan Zimu on the bed and punished him. As a result, Yan Zimu couldn't get up all day, and his plan to build a snowman fell through.

Yan Zimu, who only woke up at night, felt a pity to see the darkness outside.But under the illumination of the indoor lights, you can still see the snowflakes falling outside the window.

At that time, the air conditioner was turned on in the room, and the warm air met the cold floor-to-ceiling windows, forming droplets of water on the windows.Yan Zimu wrote Y&N on the glass with his hands, and then drew a big heart frame, looking at his masterpiece and smiling happily.

Ning Yi stood behind him, looking indifferently at the two letters on the window.He sarcastically said: "Why do such meaningless things? Anyway, it will disappear in a while."

As if to confirm his words, the water drops began to slide down, and finally the original pattern and letters were a little out of shape.Ning Yi saw Yan Zimu's disappointed eyes, but he just pretended not to see them.

At this time, Ning Yi was doing something he had disdained. He walked to the window, wrote Y&N with his fingers, and then drew a big heart circle.Then he took a few steps to the hanger, took out the phone in the coat, and took a photo before the pattern disappeared.Looking at this photo, he thought it might not disappear.

People are so ridiculous sometimes, if you don't cherish them when they are there, you will scratch your heart and scratch your liver when they are gone.Ning Yi is this kind of person, and he didn't realize until now that he remembered everything related to Yan Zimu.It turns out that love has already penetrated deep into the bottom of my heart, so I will unconsciously remember everything about the other party.

When did you fall in love?Ning Yi himself can't be sure, maybe from the blank eyes of the young man when they met once, he has already fallen.

If he was willing to face his own heart earlier, and realized it when Yan Zimu left him seven years ago, wouldn't it be possible to cause today's situation?

It's a pity that at that time, I only thought that I should be angry, but in fact, the anger was just on the surface, and I was just panic in the bottom of my heart, and I was afraid that I would lose this person forever.But at that time, he didn't want to admit it at all.

But what's the use of admitting it now, that person is no longer around.And even if that person was by his side, he would never accept such feelings.That person has always been gentle and stubborn, even if he would compromise under his persecution, he would reject himself from the wall of his heart.

What if he breaks up with Gu Yang?Will that person accept himself again?But Gu Yang's liking for him is so obvious, obviously he provoked him, how can he abandon him?Is it enough to hurt one person and make another suffer too?

But if she can never have anything to do with Yan Zimu in this life, or never see him again, just thinking about it is unacceptable.

Feeling too entangled and depressed, Ning Yi drank glass after glass of red wine.In the end, when he was so drunk that he was a little out of his mind, he felt relaxed instead.I just hope that I can sleep like this and never have to think about any problems again.

But for some reason, the more he drank, the more he became sober, and when he closed his eyes, Yan Zimu was still there.Ning Yi let go dejectedly, letting the wine glass fall on the carpet.With pain in his eyes, he stared at the blurred pattern on the window.

At this time in Xinghai Villa, Yan Zimu was sleeping on the big bed with his daughter in his arms, but he didn't feel sleepy at all.In fact, he is a bit resigned, and every time he moves to a new place, he will adapt to it for a few days.

Without sleepiness, he couldn't help thinking wildly.Until now, he still can't believe that he is Gu Yang.For this identity, he rejects more than accepts it.Although it is heartwarming to find long-lost relatives.

But for this name, Ning Yi has been torturing himself emotionally and physically.Although I can't say how much I hate this name, but when I mention it like a scar, I feel very uncomfortable.

He smiled self-deprecatingly, why did God make such a joke?He wished he wasn't Gu Yang, otherwise what was the entanglement between him and Ning Yi all these years?

He hugged his daughter's small body tightly, only to feel a little comfort.Forget it, forget it all, even if he is Gu Yang, Ning Yi has always loved only the person in his memory.And the past that I have long forgotten, I can no longer become that Gu Yang.

Everything goes wrong, perhaps proving that they were not meant to be together.Since this is the case, whether it is love or hate, there is no need to think about it anymore. It is the best result not to see each other again in this life.But why did my heart feel empty after thinking about it this way?

This night, in the same city, but in different places, they both couldn't sleep through the night.