but you never loved me

When the rumbling spring thunder sounded outside the window, Yan Zimu saw the last line of the report.He slumped down on the chair, tears streaming down his face.Ning Yi was speechless, and when he gently hugged him into his arms, he whispered: "It's okay, I love you."

That day Yan Zimu was crying like a child in his arms, while Ning Yi kept patting his back, saying that sentence repeatedly: "I love you."

The days since then were exceptionally peaceful, and they lived like an ordinary couple.Every morning before Ning Yi left the house, he would kiss Yan Zimu's forehead.

No matter how busy they are every week, they will find time to go to the supermarket together.Even the whole family travels every year.Ning Yi spends most of his time with his family because he knows that there is not much time left.

The vase on the TV cabinet at home was bought by Yan Zimu on the streets of Monaco.The murals in the living room were bought at an art exhibition in Paris.The sapphire on Yan Yan's neck was photographed in Sri Lanka.And the violin in the study was bought by Ning Yi from a wandering artist in Barcelona.

When they saw a down-and-out and unrestrained artist on the streets of Barcelona, ​​playing the familiar "Meditation" on an old violin, Yan Zimu's eyes were instantly attracted.Ning Yi looked at the longing in Yan Zimu's eyes, and stepped forward to talk to the artist in fluent Spanish.

It was not easy to get that violin. At first, Ning Yi wanted to exchange the Vacheron Constantin with him.But that was a person who regarded money as dung, looked down on the watch in Ning Yi's hand, but made a strange request, asking Ning Yi to exchange one of the most important things.Because this violin is the most important thing to him.

Ning Yi smiled and said that he would exchange a story with him.The artist raised his eyebrows, looking quite interested.Ning Yi smiled and told a story tactfully.

At this time, the sycamore trees on Rambla Avenue are in full bloom, and the sun shines on Ning Yi's face through the gaps in the leaves. warmth.

At the end of the avenue is the blue Mediterranean Sea, and the salty sea breeze blows over, blowing the broken hair on his forehead, revealing his charming eyes.The moment he saw his eyes, Yan Zimu had an illusion.It seemed that the fine sunlight was not shining on his face, but in his eyes.Because there is a gleam in those eyes, full of tenderness and nostalgia.

Yan Zimu couldn't understand Spanish, so he didn't know what he said to the artist.But in the end Ning Yi still got the violin.When they left, the artist looked at Yan Zimu with envy and blessing.

Yan Zimu asked Ning Yi what he had told him, and the artist didn't look like he would give up the violin easily.Ning Yi just smiled and said, "I promise to give him the most important thing to me."

But when Yan Zimu asked him what he gave, Ning Yi didn't give him an answer.Later, he tried to ask several times, but Ning Yi didn't answer directly, and he gradually forgot.

Until one day after returning to China, he found that the photo that Ning Yi had been keeping close to his chest had disappeared.Regarding that photo, he once asked Ning Yi why he kept it close to his body.Ning Yi said that because he left him, he would miss every second and be even more afraid...He stopped talking, and it took a long time before he smiled and said: "I'm even more afraid, after I leave you, I will forget your appearance."

Thinking of this, Yan Zimu's eyes were filled with sadness.He put the coat back on the hanger as if he hadn't noticed.From then on, I didn't go to Ning Yi for anything related to the violin or photos.

Maybe both of them have enough tacit understanding not to touch the hidden topic.It's like this, it can be treated as if that thing never happened.

But some things really don't exist if you don't ask or tell them.When Ning Yi started to have purple spots on his hands inexplicably, after he had a fever for a month in the hot summer, he went to see his personal lawyer.

When I drove home after seeing the lawyer, it was already twelve o'clock.He has always felt tired and weak recently, and he just wants to lie on the bed when he gets home.

But in the room, Yan Zimu hadn't fallen asleep yet. Seeing that Ning Yi had returned, he got up and went to the living room to make cold medicine for him.When he handed the medicine to Ning Yi, he said, "Take the medicine before going to bed, why did your cold last so long?"

Ning Yi took off his clothes and said with a smile: "I've been busy recently, so I don't have time to take care of it. But aren't you taking care of me? With you taking care of me, I'll be fine in a few days."

Yan Zimu didn't agree with him, and frowned and said, "Don't worry me." Ning Yi quickly went up and hugged him to please him: "Okay, I was wrong, next time I must pay attention to my body, don't let me I have a cold." Yan Zimu's complexion became better, and he pulled the quilt to lie down.

Ning Yi turned off the light and lay down, turned over and hugged Yan Zimu, and whispered in his ear: "I love you." Yan Zimu's heart trembled, but he didn't open his eyes.

Every day since then, from the time they hug each other under the quilt in the morning, to before falling asleep at night, he will hear Ning Yi say that he loves him.

He has never dared to delve into why the man suddenly behaved like this.But the most painful thoughts hidden in his happy life began to torment him over and over again.

Finally he couldn't take it anymore, he didn't dare to ask Ning Yi, so he contacted Ning Yi's attending doctor.The day he went to see the doctor was the sunniest day of that summer.

It was an extremely ordinary morning, and they had breakfast together.Before going out, Ning Yi pressed a kiss on his forehead.

But that day was so different. When Ning Yi opened the door and walked out, he suddenly turned around and looked at him.With gentle and calm eyes, he just stared straight at Yan Zimu with those eyes, and said in a low voice for a long time: "I love you." The man looked very calm, but Zimu felt it from him. A trace of sadness.

Yan Zimu's heart tightened suddenly, he suppressed the panic in his heart, and wanted to reach out to touch that person.But Ning Yi's sadness was well hidden in the next second, he smiled softly and said: "I'm going to work, wife."

Hearing his address, Yan Zimu froze for a moment, and when he came back to his senses, he could only see the man's back.That was the first and only time Ning Yi called him that.

For the rest of his life, he recalled the scene of that day countless times.If he knew at that time that it was the last time he saw Ning Yi in this life, he would try his best to keep that person.At least when that person says he loves himself, tell him: "I love you too, Ning Yi, my little sun."

But time can't turn back, when he got home that day.Everything about Ning Yi at home was intact, but that person never appeared again.

He has been sitting in the room waiting, neither eating nor drinking nor sleeping, no matter who tries to persuade him.In the end, Yandudu's earth-shattering cry woke him up. He watched the child throw himself into his arms, touched his face and asked him, "Dad, what's wrong with you?"

He grabbed the child's hand and rubbed it repeatedly with his face.

Since then, he has returned to normal.Working, living, and taking care of children every day, everything is done in an orderly manner.

The house is no different from before Ning Yi left, even the daily bowls and chopsticks are still arranged in six sets.Yan Zimu would even take out Ning Yi's clothes to wash frequently, even though those clothes were always hanging clean in the closet.

No one dares to expose this illusion, but everyone knows that these illusions will collapse one day.So everyone held on, fearing that day would come.

One day three months later, a guest came to the Ning family.Du Chenfeng didn't enter the door, he handed the small dark box and a document to Yan Zimu's hand and left.It's just that when he left, his eyes were full of pity.

Yan Zimu stood in front of the door blankly, and it took him a long time to turn around and enter the room.He didn't come out for a long time after entering the room, Ning Yaotian and Mrs. Ning stood by the door but didn't dare to knock on the door.

After a long time, the sound of crackling and breaking things came from inside.In the end, there was a faint cry, and the cry became louder and louder, and finally turned into a heart-piercing cry.

Hearing the commotion inside, Ning Yaotian sighed and turned to leave, with exhaustion and sadness that could not be concealed on his face.Madam Ning watched him leave, looked at the door with pity and sadness, then turned and left.

The day Ning Yi was buried was late autumn, and the maple leaves on the trees next to the cemetery were all reddish red, like a sunset in the sky.When putting the urn into the tomb, Yan Zimu was still thinking that Ning Yi should like such a beautiful scenery.

During the whole process of burial and sealing of the tomb, he was very calm.When the family members presented flowers, he asked the two children to kowtow to Ning Yi.

Yan Yan's eyes were red and swollen, and when she knelt down, tears rolled down her cheeks and fell to the ground, but she didn't cry out.Instead, it was Dudu, who wrapped his small arms around the tombstone, weeping uncontrollably: "Daddy, I don't want you here, you get up and play with me."

Yan Zimu couldn't help but stare at him, this child has never been close to Ning Yi.Until Ning Yi left, he never heard Dudu call him "Daddy".

He stroked the tombstone sadly, and said with a smile: "A Yi, Dudu called you daddy, did you hear that?" He smiled, his eyes gradually filled with tears.

After the funeral, he was left alone.He stood quietly in front of the tombstone for a day.It wasn't until the sunset glow in the sky mixed with the crimson maple leaves that he stroked the tombstone and pressed a kiss lightly.

The sunset glow reflected his face red, and he seemed to have turned into the shy boy he was when he was young.He was thinking about his little sun, the little sun that existed the warmest in his life even though it burned him.

There was a wind blowing, and the wind blew away the whisper when he was sticking to the tombstone: "My little sun, sleep well, it's okay, I will always love you."