Why can't the lead singer control himself

As the night deepened, the sounds of people on the beach faded away.

Wan Jingjing and Zheng Hao lay side by side on the deserted beach, staring up at the moon, and finally explained the whole story of the car accident that changed his life.

It was only then that Zheng Hao realized that the real reason why he dared not touch the guitar and kept silent about music was not just the trauma, but also the mental shackles he couldn't get rid of for four years.

他 说:

"Four years ago, I graduated from college and played my graduation show with StableSort.

I invited my mother to be the audience.

After the show, I drove her back to the hotel.

It rained heavily that day, but at that time, I always felt that I was driving very steadily. I didn't take the rain seriously, and I even answered my dad's phone call on the way. "

Wan Jingjing grasped Zheng Hao nervously with his right hand, trembling intensified unconsciously.

Zheng Hao turned his head to look at him, his expression was blurred in the dark night, but he didn't dare to leave with a single glance.

Wan Jingjing took a deep breath, his Adam's apple moved, and continued: "On the M25 highway, a truck carrying furniture passed by my right hand side. At that time, I was arguing with my dad on the phone and didn't respond at all come over.

The steering wheel slid, my car hit the guardrail, was rear-ended by the car behind, and turned directly off the highway. "

Wan Jingjing began to speak faster, his eyes were looking straight at the night sky, as if he was looking at that rainy night in a foreign country through time and space, the person who could play the guitar, drive and quarrel with his parents at that time, but quickly lost all of them he himself.

Zheng Hao suddenly had a flash of regret, sat up, patted the sand on his hands on his trousers, held Wan Jingjing's right hand with both hands, looked down at him and said softly: "Wan Jingjing, look Look at me, it's okay, it's all over."

Wan Jingjing's eyes focused on his face, and his voice was mechanically numb, as if stating a deep-rooted opinion in his heart:

"I killed my mother."

"That was an accident." Zheng Hao stretched out his hand to stroke the broken hair on his forehead, and he also felt that such comfort was very powerless.

"It was an accident, but it was because I was paranoid. I arranged these things self-righteously. In order to achieve the goal of being a band, I only asked her to go to the show alone. I wanted her to help me persuade my dad. She promised me and supported me. Then, my dad called, and I insisted on driving on a rainy night, arguing on the phone, I couldn't control my emotions..."

The dark clouds in the night sky were floating, and the moonlight flowed through the clouds and sprinkled on his face. Zheng Hao thought Wan Jingjing was crying, but he didn't.

He used to cry for piano practice, for not being able to play ball, for scenes in movies, for resonance in a piece of music... But it was strange that after the car accident, the 23-year-old Wan Jingjing was in the ward When he came out and learned that his mother was no longer there, he never shed a single tear.

At the moment of the car accident, the mother of the co-pilot tried her best to protect his head. There was no other trauma on his whole body, only the window glass was embedded in the right arm next to the window. The muscle and nerve were damaged, and he could no longer accurately control the piano string.

But for Wan Jingjing at that time, his own injury brought a kind of relief instead.

He caused the accident to play the guitar;

And this accident took away precisely his ability to play the guitar.

So I don't know whether it was post-traumatic syndrome or subconscious self-selection. For a long time after that, Wan Jingjing would vomit when he entered any car, and hearing rock music would make him break out in cold sweat and feel flustered.

It wasn't until the symptoms subsided that he became a habit of pretending to be motion sickness and not listening to music, and he could consciously control himself not to fall into traumatic anxiety, so he returned to China and accepted Maggie's invitation.

A person who was trained as an artist since he was a child accepted a job as a broker, and passed by his dream every day.

Then it was arranged by fate and met Zheng Hao again.

"That……"

After Zheng Hao heard all this, he knew that the comfort of words was useless. No one could empathize with Wan Jingjing's experience, and it was not something that could be relieved by simply saying don't blame yourself.

And he's already saving himself, and has been on his own for four years.

If there is any use in being a "boyfriend", Zheng Hao thought, then only he is left with a big heart that is always looking forward.

"Then...tomorrow, let's watch the sunrise together," he said.

Wan Jingjing's expression was called back a little, he showed a little softness, looked at Zheng Hao and said, "My mother was buried at sea in England. Whenever I see the moon by the sea, I will think it is her."

Zheng Hao raised his head, also looking at the not-so-full moon, and said, "The moon can accompany you every night, but tomorrow's dawn will still be your own."

Wan Jingjing didn't speak. He looked at the moon for a while, and the person in front of him for a while. Finally, he sat up, put his arms around Zheng Hao, buried his head on his shoulder, and said deeply, "Thank you."

"Hey, hello", Zheng Hao couldn't hear him say this the most.

"Don't tell me thank you. Also, your hair is full of sand, and it's all in my mouth."

Wan Jingjing slowed down for a while, his control ability is getting better and better now, especially Zheng Hao's few words can help him get out of his emotions faster.

But as soon as he returned to normal, he crossed the river and demolished the bridge. He stood up and kicked Zheng Hao lightly: "Stupid"

Then he said: "Let's go".

"Where are you going?" Zheng Hao ran after him.

"Put up a tent and watch the sunrise tomorrow," Wan Jingjing said.

Zheng Hao hadn't camped by the sea yet, so he chased after him and asked, "Then can I have two more bottles of beer?"

"Drink, if you drink too much and won't wake up tomorrow, don't expect me to call you."

"Okay, I haven't fought wine with you yet, let's see who drinks more."

"You can't go into the tent if you throw up."

"Damn, did I dislike you when you were motion sick and vomited?"

……

The two of them, one behind the other, bickered and chatted aimlessly to the sound of the waves, and walked in a swaying manner.

Two strings of footprints on the beach, filled with bay after bay of moonlight, left behind...

That night they drank two dozen beers, opened another bottle of Chivas Regal that Zheng Hao disliked, chatted on the beach, fought or kissed, and filled their clothes and shoes with sand.

At night, he didn't know what time he fell asleep in a daze. The next day, Zheng Hao was woken up by the sun shining through the tent.

Of course he missed the sunrise, and he searched for Wan Jingjing angrily.

I saw this man sitting on the beach, taking off his dirty vest, and sunbathing alone with his upper body bare.

Doesn't look decadent after a hangover.

Zheng Hao sniffed the smell on his body, resisted the urge to jump over, and asked with a dark face: "What time is it, why don't you call me, my plane will be late."

Wan Jingjing turned his head: "I'm looking at the time, it's not good to let you sleep a little longer, because I have to work again when I go back."

The stuck Zheng Hao had nothing to say, but fortunately he had two changes of clothes in his backpack, and hurriedly put them on for himself and Wan Jingjing, threw the electric car to the clerk for safekeeping, took a taxi and rushed to the airport.

After getting in the car, Zheng Hao unscrewed the mineral water he took from the store and handed it to Wan Jingjing: "Where are you medicine for motion sickness? Take it first."

Wan Jingjing usually carries medicine with him, and he usually takes a taxi in a lot of cases. He takes one tablet in time every time, which lasts for more than half an hour.

But this time he didn't look in his pockets, looking at the water bottle hesitantly: "Yesterday the doctor said that this kind of psychological motion sickness, motion sickness medicine is actually a kind of dependence, and I can try to overcome my current situation by myself."

"Really?" Zheng Hao was a little happy when he heard that, but then he was worried again: "But it's a bit far from the airport, so why don't you take it step by step, and you drank too much yesterday."

Wan Jingjing turned to look at him: "In fact, it has little to do with the length of the ride, but mainly with the state of mind.

Also, are there any other distractions around you. "

Other diversions...then your bf sits next to you, nothing else of course.

Zheng Hao took on this role very consciously, with a hoarse voice after drinking for a long time, he began to talk about it, and he talked about his own affairs thoroughly, and he was still gossiping about his brother behind his back;

Talk about how Chen Xiyue pretended to be sick to ask for leave with the unit leader, but was bumped into by the section chief's daughter in the LiveHouse;

Said that Li Minghui named the worry-free dessert shop, and his wife scolded them to death for the messy names they came up with;

Said that Song Yi had a good time in Guangzhou, and showed Wan Jingjing the photos of him pretending to be in class...

Wan Jingjing listened with a smile, and occasionally answered a few words. Zheng Hao observed that his face was gradually turning pale, and the blood on his lips was also fading.

But when he arrived at the airport, it took more than 40 minutes to drive, and he was not so serious that he vomited when he got off the car, which was already a very, very pleasant surprise.

"Great, I reward you with an ice cream".

After entering the waiting hall, Zheng Hao was afraid that he would be sick, so he ran to a fast food restaurant to buy a cone.

But Wan Jingjing didn't appreciate it very much: "I feel sick to my stomach after drinking, why do you still let me have a cold drink?"

"It's really hard to serve", Zheng Hao took a bite himself, but he was also taken away unexpectedly.

"Don't eat it too," Wan Jingjing said.

Time was running out, and Zheng Hao had no choice but to say, "Then I'll go in quickly. You go and have breakfast before returning, and take some medicine on the way back. You've performed very well today, so don't force yourself."

"Got it, I'll take the subway." Wan Jingjing replied.

"Ah, what about the subway?" Zheng Hao sighed ignorantly.

After thinking for a while, he said, "Then you should treat it well, the hands are the same, and the place is the same."

He pointed to Wan Jingjing's chest.

Wan Jingjing shook his hand quickly.

Zheng Hao went on and on, sighing and saying: "Hey, I wanted to urge you to go back and take you away.

But if you are more relaxed here, live here first, do what you like, don't think about anything else, find a husband if you have no money. "

Wan Jingjing smiled: "Okay, then you should record the show well when you go back, and earn more money to support me, husband."

"Oh, good good good good good good good good", when thinking of going back to record the show again, the melancholy clouds in Zheng Hao's heart drifted away again, "I grit my teeth and hold on, in order to support my family."

Wan Jingjing didn't want to be poor with him, he looked at the time and urged him: "Let's go".

Zheng Hao was in a hurry when he came, and he was embarrassed when he left.

With crumpled clothes, the smell of sand and wetness in the hair, the smell of alcohol rolling in the stomach, the burden of idols has been fed to the love brain, and I bid farewell to the lover and the coconut grove that I finally hugged.

He slept in the dark for more than four hours on the plane, and when he landed in Beijing, he was intercepted by the driver sent by Lin Zhangzhang without even bothering to go home to clean up.

"How hot am I, brother, you can't do it, can you?"

After entering the company, he searched for the snacks at the cleaner's booth, complaining while eating.

Lin Zhangzhang came over with his computer in hand: "If you leave without saying goodbye like this again, I'll tell Maggie that your salary will be deducted."

"That won't work," Zheng Hao recalled the conversation at the airport: "I still have to make money to support my family."

Lin Zhangzhang nodded, with a look of success: "Okay, let me tell you something, you cooperate well, let's earn this money, shall we?"

Zheng Hao stared at him for three seconds, then closed his eyes: "Speak."

"The next recording, the program team said they will eliminate you."