howling breath

I just ate two taels of cheap wontons near the subway station, and the pain from being scalded in my mouth has not subsided yet, and it is throbbing on my lips and tongue, as if I am showing off my might to Lin Lang.

Lin Lang couldn't pay attention, and poured himself a mouthful of cold water.

too many people.Countless torsos are squeezed into the abdominal cavity of the subway, so even though the air-conditioning is sufficient, the air is still full of human smell.

Lin Lang pushed the suitcase in the corner as a chair, leaned on it and closed his eyes, waiting for the train galloping in the dark to arrive at the station.

Closing his eyes and meditating in a trance for a moment, Lin Lang had a vague dream.

In the dream, I was in the same position, but what I was leaning against was not the wall of the subway car, but in the arms of a "person"; I seemed to be muttering something to this "person", but what did I say? Lin Lang himself couldn't tell the difference.

I can't distinguish the time and space in the dream, and I can't distinguish the face of the person in the dream, I just feel at ease.

At the age of five, this "person" began to appear in Lin Lang's dreams.to date.

He doesn't dream every day; but if he dreams, he must be there.

Lin Lang called him "Heavy Rain".

Although the "person" in this dream was given a name by Lin Lang, he never formed a clear portrait and personality, so he was not diagnosed as "schizophrenia" by a psychologist; A kind of "empathy psychology": In the entangled emotions of self-love and self-loathing, the subconscious creates a false character for sustenance.

——Even if I abandon me, there is still "you" loving me.

When hearing these professional explanations from the doctor, Lin Lang sneered, but stopped talking.

This feeling made Lin Lang very uncomfortable: it was like being dissected calmly and objectively by others, exposing a lie he had told, revealing his humble desire to be "loved".

Later, Lin Lang learned a lot of psychological knowledge, and gradually understood the cause of this symptom.

The definition of schizophrenia is not the same as that of schizophrenia; heavy rain did not form an independent "ge" in Lin Lang's world, but just an illusory image.If you have to make an analogy, it seems to be closer to the "faith" in the theological concept, which plays a role of "salvation".

Lin Lang was very afraid of ghosts when he was a child, and it was very difficult to fall asleep every night because of the fear.

Under rational circumstances, Lin Lang himself knew that there was nothing in the space he was in, but fear.As long as the darkness falls, the untucked corners of the quilt, the outlines of objects that cannot be seen clearly, windows, doors, walls...all become scary.

When he tried to ask for help, his classmates would laugh and his elders would scold him, but no one would take his fear seriously.But "falling into the night" is something that inevitably happens every day. Day after day, despair is like an inescapable reincarnation, imprisoning the young him.

So the existence of heavy rain became Lin Lang's only comfort.

Every night when he was soaking in cold sweat and curled up under the quilt, not daring to move, Lin Lang's only expectation was to pass out—it would be fine if he fell asleep.

Just fall asleep.

There was heavy rain in the dream.

If there is heavy rain, it will be fine.

Besides the scientific explanation, Lin Lang also heard another version.

When I was an undergraduate, there was a classmate in the same class who was a "half fairy", who claimed to have yin and yang eyes, and always liked to talk about gods, ghosts and ghosts.Lin Lang was not familiar with him, and had never even spoken to him.But one day after class, this half-fairy classmate suddenly called Lin Lang to stop, winked at Lin Lang and made alarming remarks: "I can see——you have someone else's soul hanging on you!"

"What?" Lin Lang was in a cold sweat.

"Hun'er—You Jing." Ban Xianer explained to Lin Lang mysteriously: "People have three souls and seven souls; and You Jing is one of the three souls, and it is in charge of lust. The You Jing on your body is from It was brought into this life from the previous life; occupying you! Blocking your peach blossoms! — Tell me, have you never been in love?"

"right……"

"Give me 50 yuan, and I will disperse the disaster for you."

"..."

Lin Lang naturally didn't bother to talk to him.

But after turning around and walking away, he still couldn't hold back the drumming in his heart—that half-immortal classmate mentioned "lust", as if he really saw something...

When he was around sixteen or seventeen years old, the young Lin Lang had panicked and rejected the existence of the "bamboo horse" in his dream—heavy rain for a while.

The heavy rain has not changed, it is still the same as before, quietly waiting for him to fall asleep in Lin Lang's dream; at that time, Lin Lang's emotions were just beginning to be chaotic, and he realized that he had no idea about this "" who didn't even have an outline. "People" developed a weird dependence.

There were several nights when Lin Lang asked Da Yu for love beyond the bounds in his dreams; and Da Yu never resisted Lin Lang's whatever he asked for.

These cloudy dreams, after waking up, can't recall any clear details, what is usually left to Lin Lang is only emotional joy.

At that age, Lin Lang was very contradictory - he realized that his already lonely self was more indulged in illusory dreams, so he felt fear; but sometimes, he still had to admit that he was already addicted.

so what?What can I do?

This "person" is lingering and unwilling to go; and Lin Lang has actually gained a tenderness rarely seen in reality from his existence.

So Lin Lang didn't take any explanation to heart, let alone plan to get rid of the heavy rain.

I always feel that agreeing to receive "corrective treatment" is to admit that the existence of heavy rain is a "morbid mistake".

And if the nonsense of "entanglement in the past life" spoken by classmate Ban Xian'er really comes true, Lin Lang thinks it's quite romantic, and he can divert his thinking and write a sadomasochism novel.

When "Huazhaobi Station arrived", Lin Lang failed to get out of the car because he accidentally fell asleep.

Not annoyed when I woke up.After confirming the site with a sleepy wink, he quickly forgave his "mistakes". He firmly clamped the handle of the trolley case with the index finger and thumb of his left hand. Picking up the bloated sack, apologizing indifferently all the way, struggling to get out of the car door amidst the "tsk" sounds of the crowd.

One stop has passed.

But he didn't have the patience to go to the opposite side to wait for the return trip, so Lin Lang dragged all his belongings out of the subway and walked to the new school on foot.

When he entered the school gate, Lin Lang saw his honor from the bright aluminum alloy frame - the hair on his forehead was soaked into several pieces with sweat; the cheap T-shirt was wrapped around his body like a plastic sheet; one of the sacks broke at some point The hole reveals the pattern of flowers, red willows and green on the mattress.

After a pause, Lin Lang tidied himself and his luggage in a mess.

After a moment's pause, he regained some strength, took a sharp breath, and smelled his sour sweat again.

Lin Lang then closed his eyes in disgust; buried his head, and walked into the campus.

When he dragged a pile of heavy luggage to the sixth floor of the dormitory, Lin Lang was already exhausted.

The arm carrying the sack was exhausted and completely lost its strength. It couldn't even hold the weightless key securely.Unable to align the keyhole for a long time, Lin Lang leaned forward impatiently, lending some strength to his hand; this time, he found that the door was not closed, so he lost his focus and took a step, Lin Lang knocked it open. 601 door.

There was already a person inside.

He looked up and smiled to himself.

The short hair with a bit of natural curls should have just been washed, so it was divided into strands and strands.From the face to the body, the skin color is generally dark, as if it was deliberately tanned to make it even.There was nothing on his body, and his movements stopped in a strange posture of raising his legs because of his sudden intrusion, and one foot had just passed through the bottom of the trousers held by his hand.

Lin Lang was surprised: "Who are you?"

"My name is Tang Yushu."

Lin Lang turned his head to confirm the number on the door——601: "Isn't this a single dormitory?"

Tang Yushu was overjoyed—it turned out to be a brother who shared the same bed: "Oh, I added money later—I don't like crowds!"

Lin Lang stood at the door and stared blankly, his mind disconnected with a "click".

The hatchback was stunned for a long time, and Tang Yushu, who felt the cool wind passing by, blushed and shrank his legs belatedly, and pointed to the crotch with his chin: "Brother, if there is anything wrong, come in and say At this moment, there are at least three people walking behind you and looking at me... here."

Lin Lang was upset, so he didn't enter the house, but turned around and slammed the door heavily, and left again.

Tang Yushu curled his lips, puzzled, but he didn't care too much, and continued to wear his trousers.

The dormitory environment of the postgraduate department of the Film and Television University is not good - the school is too small, and most of the dormitories are rooms for four or six people.In addition, there is a room on the outermost side of each floor, which is very small, and there is almost no place to stay after filling two beds.

It is said that it was originally a utility room, but because of the expansion of enrollment and more people, it was forcibly changed into a dormitory.

Before the start of school, Lin Lang called to confirm: "Is there a single room?"

The life teacher quoted a price: "It's only 600 yuan a year for a six-person bed, and [-] yuan a year for a single bed. Are you sure you want to live?"

One thousand is not a small amount to Lin Lang, and he couldn't help but feel a little "thump" when he heard it.But after struggling for a long time, he gritted his teeth and nodded, and realized that the nodding motion could not be received by the person on the other end of the phone, so he asked weakly, "Can it be cheaper?"

"Are you shopping for food?"

Ben didn't hold out any hope, Lin Lang sniffed after getting a negative answer: "Okay, I want a single room."

"Okay, I'll write it down for you—but let me tell you in advance: Although it is said to be a single room, it is actually two beds. If you come to a hypocritical room that insists on living in a room with few people, then you can't be a single room. .”

"Huh?" Lin Lang was not happy.

The life teacher is impatient: "If you are really particular, then go out and rent a house—the rent in Chengdu is not expensive, you can share a room with office workers nearby, and you can choose a small bedroom for yourself, and it only costs a thousand yuan a month! "

One year is [-]——Lin Lang made a simple calculation, "Please record the single room for me."

"Okay." - The voice on the receiver side gradually pulled away: "Now the child is so hypocritical-poor and hypocritical! Why didn't you hook up the phone..."

The swear words that Lin Lang countered were one-tenth of a second behind the busy tone that hung up on the other end; the emotions he vented did not have a strong focus, but were blocked even more angrily.

Angrily, he went downstairs, only to see that the dormitory management office was full of people because of the registration of freshmen.

After trying to open his mouth several times, he failed to successfully intercept the life teacher's attention. After calming down, Lin Lang felt that he had no position in coming to "question". Come in alone" possibility.

Only blame... poverty is the original sin.

Lin Lang wiped off his sweat, and the expression of the "dove occupying the magpie's nest" in 601 flashed in his mind and looked at him with a smile; after hesitating in place for a long time, Lin Lang walked back upstairs.

The author says:

Opened a hole!It is estimated that the weekly update will be 1.5w.

You can read this article whether you have read "Old Dreams of Chen Tan" (CP: 179819), and you will have a different reading experience.

Two kinds of logic are given for everyone to substitute: as the healing process of "mild mental illness patients"; or as a romantic story of "past life and present life", the logic is logical.