howling breath

Lin Lang felt that his life was riddled with holes.There are always rotten sores carved into the bone marrow, which can't get rid of even death.

There are times when you think you escaped and found your own light.Sometimes, you even mistakenly think that you can become the same as those lights one day.You are always too vigilant, and you easily let go of your defenses. When you feel a little warm, you get carried away and have delusions.

But in fact, your life is fragile and fragile, just a phone call can easily pull you back into the mud.

From then on, you can wake up from the dream, and you have to clean up the mess without changing your face or even bluffing.Only then can you see clearly: between you and Niao, there is still a bond that you can't get rid of throughout your life.

After saying goodbye to the green seedlings, Lin Lang was exhausted.

Together with Tang Yushu, they entered the nearby subway station.

"Where do you want to go?" Tang Yushu asked him, "Company? Go back to school and lie down? Or should we go to... the room and stay?"

Lin Lang looked at him and smiled, making a "three".

Tang Yushu listed the third option, not because he wanted something - he had a cold and didn't want to infect Lin Lang; he just thought it would give Lin Lang a space where he didn't need to feel the existence of outsiders at all.

Although it is true that as soon as he entered the room, Lin Lang took the initiative to ask for some lingering love.

Tang Yushu couldn't figure out Lin Lang's mood - he didn't seem to be sad because of that phone call, but only cared about finding joy with himself.

But Tang Yushu even if he cried at this moment - once he cried, he would have an excuse to ask him why, to comfort him, to help him resolve it.

But he enjoyed himself in this matter, a state of "I'm fine".So Tang Yushu felt that he had lost all ground to comfort him.

After it was over, Tang Yushu went to take a shower.

Lin Lang was lying on the bed staring at the ceiling, reminiscing about every touch Tang Yushu left on his body.

Being intimately entangled with him—Lin Lang felt that he was trying to feel something and prove something.

Anyway it is...

Only in this way can we be closer to the light and farther away from the darkness.

After Tang Yushu came back from the shower, he lay quietly beside Lin Lang.After lying down, Lin Lang was still looking at the ceiling motionlessly.

Tang Yushu picked up the topic first: "You are obsessed with asking for it - if you catch a cold tomorrow, I see what you will do!"

"Then let's lie down together and recuperate well."

"Are you in a bad mood?"

"Very good." Lin Lang turned around and smiled at Tang Yushu, teasing Tang Yushu: "What? Are you not confident in your performance just now?"

Tang Yushu also smiled along with him.After laughing, I still had the courage to ask: "When is it?"

"what?"

"...Mom's Memorial Day."

"the day after tomorrow."

"Why don't you go back?"

"Because I... am afraid when I think about it."

Tang Yushu knew the story about that woman.

While she wanted to kill herself, she also wanted to kill her son.

Tang Yushu didn't speak for a long time after getting Lin Lang's "scared" answer.

It was only when Lin Lang shrank into his arms that Tang Yushu came back to his senses: "Did you hate her then?"

"Hate... I can't get up, I just feel sick." Lin Lang rubbed Tang Yushu's body temperature: "I told others: when her blood splashed on me, I just felt sick-no one could understand what I was doing. What to say. They only said that I was cold-blooded and ruthless. They frowned and accused me: That's your mother!"

"That's your mother!"

In fact, there were signs of her suicide - if the young Lin Lang understood.

She is used to repeating a few words all day long: "Your father died in the orchard!", "I'll just die!", "I'll take you to die!", "When the dead man comes out of the orchard and finds us Both of them died a long time ago!"——The young Lin Lang still couldn't understand those fierce words, but they just put them in his mind temporarily, and recorded them as fixed phrases in the woman's repetition day after day.

But at the moment when she pulled herself and fell to the ground, Lin Lang understood it all at once.

"I just felt sick when I saw her blood splashed on my body."——So, as I wished: a heavy rain that could wash away everything, and a "heavy rain" appeared in my spiritual world.

"I'm afraid, so I won't go." Tang Yushu ran his hands along Lin Lang's thin back.

"I also want to 'not be afraid' - and even I know, that's a hurdle. If one day I get over it, forgive her... or... get over myself, I won't wet the bed, no I have mental problems, so I won’t be like this... I can’t live well.”

Tang Yushu said, "Then are you willing to try?"

Lin Lang didn't speak.

Tang Yushu said again: "If you dare not go alone...how about I accompany you?"

Lin Lang raised his head.

But Lin Lang didn't comment.

After just looking at Tang Yushu for a while, he lay back down again, closed his eyes and fell asleep.

When getting up and getting dressed the next day, Tang Yushu's gaze inadvertently fell on the "white centipede" on Lin Lang's right wrist.

I didn't dare to ask before, but now I seem to dare to ask.So Tang Yushu asked: "Where are you..."

"Oh." Lin Lang said concisely, "I cut it myself."

"why?"

Concisely and succinctly stated the succession and transition: "Being bullied, fighting, moving, and wanting to live."

"Who bullied you... classmate? You beat it back... why did you hurt yourself?"

"I can't beat you." Lin Lang confessed: "I can beat one, I can beat two, and I can't afford to mess with a bunch of them—have you ever been bullied when you were studying?"

"No."

"So you don't get it - 'beating it back' doesn't solve the problem at all."

It can't solve the problem at all.

Lin Lang occasionally sees some topics about campus bullying on social media such as Weibo. Usually, many people leave messages in the comment area to give advice to the victims: Call back!If you fight back, they won't dare to bully you.

Lin Lang felt that it was a bit like "summer insects can't speak ice".

That kind of youthful and ignorant malice is the most difficult thing to deal with.

"It's like chewing gum flicked on your hair. It's okay if you don't pull it, it only sticks to a small piece of your hair. You wait until it hardens into one piece, and then you find a pair of scissors to cut it off. But once you get into a fight with it, it will be endless, and it will only get bigger and bigger, and finally it will become a mess—you kind people, the ideas you come up with are not practical."

Lin Lang's metaphor was so vivid that Tang Yushu felt numb when he heard it.

"They are like mosquitoes, circling around you; but you can't slap them to death just because you are annoying them, just like killing mosquitoes-killing people is against the law. Your solution is to avoid them and try to make yourself Get out of their sights and try to get out."

"Climb out?"

"Yes, crawl out, crawl out of that kind of mud hole."

All conflicts that can be resolved by "swearing back" and "beating back" are not called bullying, they are called "stupid communication methods"-but they are evenly matched and fair.But real bullying is unfair and unreasonable. It is just one party expressing malice to gain pleasure. If the other party can provide some "resistance" in the process, it will only increase the fun of the bullying game.

"Why didn't you tell the teacher?"

"Yes. But I told the teacher, and the teacher scolded them a few words; when the teacher was gone, they beat more fiercely - because at this time, their behavior of "beating you" was given the "even dare to disobey the teacher's order" ' A deeper level of pleasure."

"Is there no one to help you?"

"Helping me means fighting the idlers—they have plenty of time to torture you."

"How can there be such a bad person..." Tang Yushu frowned.

Obviously, given Tang Yushu's living environment, he seldom endured it, and it was hard to believe that such evils existed in the world.

The fights he fought when he was young and ignorant were all frank confrontations.

He had never seen dirty.

So Lin Lang told Tang Yushu a story: "When I was young, there was a retired veteran next to our school, and there was a retired police dog in an iron cage at the gate of his yard. The dog was old, dumb, and crazy. As long as someone beat it If it yelled and yelled, it would grin at people in the cage, but it could not make a sound; other than grinning, it would just turn around in a hurry. At that time, students passing by after school would tease it, scold it, Throw it with things. It is anxious every day, turning around every day. Then one day—I was there that day, and I saw someone throwing stones at it; that day it was also anxious, grinning, turning around, and then suddenly fell to the ground and died It was. Hard, hit the ground, dead. I later found out that it was overstressed — pissed off.”

Tang Yushu didn't speak, his expression became bitter unconsciously.

Lin Lang felt as if he had destroyed something in his heart, and suddenly felt a little guilty.

So I didn't talk anymore.

After checking out, Lin Lang said that he would go to the printing factory in the suburbs.

Tang Yushu wanted to go with him, but Lin Lang didn't allow Tang Yushu to follow him.

"This is the first time I've met someone who is more stubborn than me!" The boy who was repeatedly expelled was furious.

But Lin Lang didn't speak, and just turned on the phone screen to show Tang Yushu.Tang Yushu was still holding his breath, but seeing the two air ticket orders on Lin Lang's mobile phone, Tang Yushu laughed again.

"So you are in charge of going back to school to pack things up, and I'm in charge of taking care of things on my side - gather at the airport at 5 o'clock, okay?"

"I want it!" Tang Yushu was extremely happy.

The hotel where you stay overnight is located near the school.So after bidding farewell to Lin Lang, Tang Yushu wandered back to school alone.

Thinking of being able to accompany Lin Lang to face his most embarrassing scars, Tang Yushu felt: "Lin Lang must have recognized me more and more!"

Tang Yushu felt happy when he thought so.

But when he accidentally thought of Lin Lang's scar again, Tang Yushu's footsteps also sank a bit.

Tang Yushu arrived at the airport first, and while waiting for Lin Lang, Tang Yushu flipped through his mobile phone to find the post on the Film University Forum to refresh—it was a new joy he discovered by accident.

Because I left more than 50 crazy messages yesterday, I was restricted from speaking by the forum for 12 hours.Now I should be able to continue my speech - I will comment a few more words on this post, and Lin Lang will definitely be a little happier when he sees "more data".

In the post I just opened, the number of comments has changed to 142.

Tang Yushu was overjoyed: Lin Lang has a few more readers!

But when the corner of his mouth just raised, Tang Yushu was stunned again - he saw that one of the newly added messages said this:

Floor 135: "Oh, Lin Lang, we are in the same high school, I've heard of him. According to legend (it's just a legend, I'm irresponsible) he lived off-campus at that time, it is said that it was for the convenience of picking up guests... the whole school Knowing that he has an unclean disease, he was played until he became incontinent. Many of his junior high school classmates can testify."

In addition to this comment, several other comments were added under this comment:

Floor 136 - Reply to floor 135: "Damn it? Ask for details! [bench] [bench]"

Floor 137-reply to floor 135: "[Surprised] incontinence? We have had several lessons in the same classroom, but I haven't seen him incontinence..."

Floor 138 - Reply to floor 137: "Learn about diapers. [Eat melon]"

Floor 189 - Reply to floor 135: "People look like faces... I'll sell them if I look like him! [Applause]"

Before, Tang Yushu had never seen with his own eyes that there would be so many unreasonable malice in this world.

But at this moment, Tang Yushu clenched his fists tightly.

Although I don't know who I can swing it at.