Confess to you in early summer

After the bathroom door was closed, Yan Wei casually threw another set of pajamas at the end of the bed, then sat where Jiang Youyi sat just now, and saw that special diary with blue background and white stripes from a row of idle books.

This diary is relatively new. She found it in a small stationery store on the street last year.

She picked up the bag and found an older diary from it.

Yan Wei took a deep breath, with a solemn expression full of sense of ritual, as if before opening the diary, he made a set of sacred prayers.

Then, she opened the title page.

"She is the light."

The three words that were the same as those in her memory made her eyes turn red unexpectedly, and memories of youthful youth came to her heart, and every stroke made her face unmoved.

Jiang Youyi has the habit of keeping a diary. She writes almost every day. Most of them are just one or two lines to describe the mood of the day. She hardly records a certain event in detail, so that there are some contents in the diary that Yan Wei actually can't understand.

But this did not prevent her from understanding Jiang Youyi's temperament.

The first page of the diary is September 2012, 9, the beginning of the new semester.

"I'm at the same table with Xueba. Although I'm not Yangou, I have to say that she is really beautiful."

May 9, same year

"It's so boring. Am I crazy at the same table? I started doing mock papers right after school started. I don't understand the world of a top student."

April 9

"I want to go to an Internet cafe to play games, or read Sherlock Holmes again."

……

The first few pages were full of similar complaints, Yan Wei couldn't help laughing as he watched.

But the content on the next page made the smile disappear again on her face.

April 9

"Fucking madman."

It was the weekend, and Jiang Youyi was beaten at home.

April 9

"Teacher's Day, although I'm in a bad mood, I still reluctantly wish teachers a happy holiday."

"I went back to the dormitory with my deskmate today. She walked in front and I followed behind. I watched her secretly for a long time. Tsk, it's obviously the same school uniform. Why does it look so good on her?"

"I wrote this like a stalker, but I'm not."

Yan Wei remembered that when the second semester of high school started, one day she found Jiang Youyi had a bruise on the corner of her mouth, and she was not in a good mood. She didn't seem to want to go back to the dormitory. It happened that she didn't finish the set of questions that day, so she stayed in the classroom to write the test paper .

The students in the class all left without knowing it, and she and Jiang Youyi left one after the other until the security guard knocked on the door and urged them to go back to the dormitory.

But I didn't expect that it was still taught today.

teacher's day.

For a while, nothing happened, until...

April 9

"Why do girls come to Auntie?"

April 9

"I received brown sugar ginger tea from my deskmate."

"Sure enough, I still hate ginger, and it's too hot, and my tongue is blistered."

"..."

"She's a little flirtatious."

Yan Wei has read this diary many times, and every time she turns to this section, her speed always slows down. Jiang Youyi's emotions and delicate and soft thoughts are hidden in these scribbled and wild handwriting.

April 9

"Why do we have classes on Saturday tomorrow? Mid-Autumn Festival and National Day are obviously two festivals. Why do we have to combine consecutive holidays?"

April 9

"I wanted to skip class, but my deskmate found out, and she wouldn't let me go."

"It's too roundabout, like a fool, I don't listen to what the teacher says."

……

April 10

"She seems to be still angry and ignores me."

"My God, what about it? It's been a week."

April 10

"Today is also a day when I didn't talk to my deskmate."

April 10

"Stingy."

April 10

"It's nice to see the angry look at the same table."

"..."

"I've probably lost my mind."

April 10

"Why is it Friday again, still raining, still wrestling, and still being seen by the same table."

"She was laughing, she was so angry that she laughed at me."

"..."

"It doesn't seem so bad."

April 10

"Something's wrong."

April 10

"Why is the picture quality of the game so bad, it's not as good-looking as my tablemate."

April 10

"Confronted her and asked her if she was still angry, and she replied to me..."

"I thought we were already friends, but we're not."

"The mood is a little strange."

I didn't write anything for the next two days, and the next page skipped directly to the third day.

April 10

"I care too much about her."

From this day on, the style of the diary has changed, and it has become sad for spring and autumn.

"The monitor is a bit annoying. He seems to like her. Many boys like her."

"I saw a notebook. It's very pretty. I bought it and wanted to give it to her."

"I don't seem to have a reason to give her something. Are I friends with her?"

……

winter vacation.

"A day of doing nothing is worse than watching Xueba do his homework."

"Is the story in that novel true? Girls and girls, can there be love?"

"Do I like her?"

"Impossible."

"..."

"I want to know what she is doing, but there is still half a year left after school."

moon. "

……

The school starts after the year, 2013.

April 2

"She seems more beautiful."

April 2

"Change seats, come on."

April 2

"She has made new friends, her new tablemates, they seem to get along well, and they are both top students."

"I'm just an uneducated scumbag."

April 2

"It's better to stay away, I'm not normal."

April 3

"I'm not special to her."

April 3

"Obviously I've never been in love, but I feel like I've lost love."

"My ex has a new love, and I'm drinking at home to relieve my worries. If there is wine, it's better to be Lao Baigan."

April 3

"She caught me skipping class again, and dragged me back as before."

"It's fierce and cute."

"My heart beats a little faster."

April 3

"It's my birthday next week, and I'm going to confess to her."

April 3

"She said we can only be friends."

Until this day, the contents of the first half of the diary are exactly the same as Yan Wei's impression, and later on, it will determine her cognition, confirm which world she is in at this moment, and whether all of this is her imagination or not.

April 3

"She seemed to have something to say to me, but I didn't think I should listen or think about it."

thump.

Yan Wei's heartbeat began to speed up. This text was something she didn't have before she left the dormitory to attend the party.

Even though it was something she had read, it was before Jiang Youyi's bed when she went back to the past and was hospitalized in a coma.

Another page turned.

April 3

"It's been a tough two days, but in fact, I didn't feel easy when I got home."

"I'm still thinking about her."

April 3

"Sooner or later, that crazy man will get into trouble."

April 4

"April Fool's Day."

……

April 4

"One of the three major illusions in life: You think the person you like likes you too."

"But the person you like is a straight girl."

April 4

"She actually likes reasoning, likes Agatha, and said she wants to be my first reader."

"But she won't like what I write."

……

April 4

"She's the best girl in the world."

"I'm afraid I'm going to fall in love with her."

……

April 4

"I met her mother."

"She kept me away from her."

April 5

"Youth Day Cultural Performance."

"Little Pine Forest."

"She confessed to me."

"She actually likes me too."

April 5

"The weather is very nice today."

"It turned out that she liked me first."

……

April 5

"I made an appointment with her. She won the first place in the monthly exam this time. We will go on a date on June [-]."

"Actually, if she doesn't take the first place in the exam, I am also willing."

April 5

"Her parents are afraid that something is wrong."

April 5

"Dating tomorrow, hee hee."

"I want to ride the Ferris wheel with her."

"If the legend is true."

April 6

"I recited it a little yesterday. A good date was messed up, and I couldn't relieve myself after beating them all."

"I didn't go to the Ferris wheel, and of course I didn't write a diary."

"I had a strange dream at night."

"..."

"I want to kiss her."

The diary during this period is full of vigor, and Yan Wei can empathize with the joy in Jiang Youyi's heart just by reading these words.

But at that time, Xiao Jiang must have never imagined that the first half of her 17-year-old life would be the most splendid time in her short twenty-odd years of life, which would support her entire future and overcome every hardship in the future day.

Until a certain day in August of this year.

"I'm not good enough for her."

From this day on, Jiang Youyi stopped writing diaries frequently, only a few pages, with a pessimistic tone and self-loathing.

"I'm just the mud in the stinky ditch, I can't stand up by myself, and I always drag others down."

"it's all my fault."

Yan Wei looked at it once, and it hurt once.

For her who had just parted with Jiang Youyi in the past, this kind of pain was more vivid. She hated herself for not being aware of Jiang Youyi's abnormality earlier, and even more hated herself for not thinking of a better way.

She turned back, her fingertips resting on that page, and tears fell suddenly.

The densely packed handwriting is more neat than ever before, and each stroke penetrates deeply into the paper, forming undulating indentations.

"I can't wait for the appointed day."

"When I accepted the alms, I lost the qualification to meet you. Counting the remaining time, there is only hopelessness that is far away."

"If I hadn't confessed to you, maybe things wouldn't have turned into what they are today. The hurt you suffered was also a punishment for my impulse."

"It doesn't matter if you say I'm selfish or greedy, but I don't regret it. Thank you for being the hot and warm light in my short 17 years of life. I also have a past that makes me smile when I recall it."

"I hope you in the future will forget about me, meet a lover who understands you better, and have more happiness."

"Don't feel sorry for me, please all of you can live a better life for yourself."

Holding the diary, Yan Wei burst into tears again.

She took out two pieces of paper and covered her mouth, trying to calm down as soon as possible, so that Jiang Youyi wouldn't see him when she came out of the shower.

But on the next page, a few new lines of handwriting came into view.

The date was not written, and the same neat few sentences were content that Yan Wei had never seen before.

"I fell in love with someone who gave me the whole world."

"But I'm here, which will disturb her normal life."

"She should have her own experience and a colorful life, but I will only bring her tears and pain. She should not be restrained by me, let alone be dragged down by me, and fall into the boundless abyss together."

"Now I want to return her world to her. This is my belief in living."

"One day in the future, I am sure that I have the ability to bring her happiness, and I will come back again."

The author has something to say: There is a bug in the last chapter. The diary on the table is Weiwei’s. Xiaojiang’s diary is in the bag. After it is fixed, it will be written in Weiwei’s diary 2333