recession

"I mentioned the small theater so many times, I thought you could...can remember something." Wei Xiao turned his head and looked at Tao Liyang's profile.

It's been almost ten years, but this face doesn't seem to have changed much.

He was 14 years old when he met Tao Liyang for the first time, and he was in junior high school.His parents divorced when he graduated from elementary school, and they fought over and over to divide up every tile in the house, except for him.

He was thrown to his grandmother.

Parents don't give much money, and grandma's meager pension is not enough to support a child, so she does odd jobs in a small restaurant.

Wei Xiao would go there to find his grandmother after school. He was thin and small at the time, and the boss didn't dare to ask him to help out, fearing that he would be reported as a child laborer.

He could only wander around outside, and on a certain evening, he accidentally entered the small theater.

"I didn't know what that place was at the time, and I was curious. I saw a light and went in. Just when I got to the bottom of the steps, someone chased me out with a very aggressive attitude. I was timid at that time. He As soon as I scolded me, I panicked and didn't know what to do... Then you appeared, I still remember, you were wearing a blue coat, and your voice was very gentle, you said, 'If the child wants to stay, let him stay , it’s okay.” Then asked my parents if they knew they would come out to play, and then took me to a seat in front of me to sit down…”

Wei Xiao took a quick breath when he said this, probably because he was afraid of losing his composure.Tao Liyang frowned slightly, as if recalling, but other than that, there was no other expression on his face.

Wei Xiao slowed down, and continued to talk: "I didn't have many places to go. You kept me once, and I was like picking up a life-saving straw. I went there often, and I didn't meet you every time. ...When you are not around, sometimes people will chase me away. But if you are here, you will find me a seat when you see me. I can't understand what the people on the stage are doing, What to say, I asked you, if you were not busy, you would explain it to me very gently, and occasionally bring me candy, translucent sweet and sour... I won’t be able to find you after the winter vacation Yes. During the Spring Festival, my grandma slipped and broke her leg, so she couldn’t take care of me anymore. My dad made a little money in a small business at the time. When I came back, I probably saw that I was really miserable. I took it."

Wei Xiao never saw Tao Liyang again for a long time.

But he always thought of him, he was almost the best person Wei Xiao met in those days, except for his grandmother, and he was so decent and tidy, as if he came from a completely different world from himself.He couldn't forget Tao Liyang, probably out of mixed feelings of gratitude and envy.

"When I saw you again, it was an awards ceremony broadcast on TV. You won the best screenplay. I found out later that it was the first time you won that award. Now you have won it many times... ...I was also in high school at that time, my grades were not good, my life was muddled, and I didn't know what to do in the future. But when I saw you on TV that day, I suddenly remembered when I was in the small theater and saw Those dramas you explained to me, when I was a little older, I really began to understand the beauty and emotion in them... I thought I would also act, maybe one day I can act like what you wrote Benzi, we can meet again...Actually, I also wanted to be a screenwriter, but my grades were so bad that I couldn't pass the cultural class..."

It took two years for Wei Xiao to pass the art test.I went to the small theater for an interview, and I finally became a member of it after trying four times.He always wanted to follow Tao Liyang's footsteps step by step, but every step was very difficult.During the years of studying at the Drama Academy, he also had the opportunity to meet Tao Liyang several times, but he couldn't touch Tao Liyang either on the stage or in the crowd.

After graduating and signing a company, it was not so easy to shoot a scene written by Tao Liyang. He was lucky, and it took him a year to wait. Although it was a character with few lines, the week before joining the group , he was so excited that he couldn't sleep, he thought he could finally stand in front of him...

Tao Liyang listened to him calmly, looked at the rearview mirror and changed lanes, and asked after a moment of silence: "Do you really think you like my feelings?"

"Of course!" Wei Xiao was a little excited, "Maybe not at first, but later... When I was in high school, I knew that I didn't have feelings for girls. In the dormitory, sometimes I would watch those things, roommate Comparing women in every movie, I...my eyes are always on the men in it. I was actually panicking, I didn't know what to do, until I saw you again on TV , I don't panic at once, I understand, I like you!"

Tao Liyang didn't speak, and stopped at a nearby convenience store: "Wait for me."

He came back after a while, and handed Wei Xiao a box of hot milk and sandwiches: "Let's eat something first." He opened the cigarette box and took out a cigarette: "Do you mind?"

Seeing Wei Xiao shaking his head, he lowered the car window and lit a cigarette.

Wei Xiao tightly gripped the sandwich bag until it was deformed: "I didn't want to tell you, I didn't want you to sympathize with me, feel sorry for me...I want you to think about it yourself. Get up, but I don't say it, I'm afraid you may never remember it. You will only think I'm weird, thinking I'm looking for resources from you... You asked me the other day if you didn't want to be an artist anymore , but I took this path because of you, these are not so important compared to you."

"There is nothing unimportant about the foundation of one's life. Unless you find the next way to support yourself and live a good life, don't say such things, and don't think so." Tao Liyang stubbed out the cigarette, and threw the cigarette butt into the In a trash can on the side of the road, "I don't want to sympathize with you, and I don't feel sorry for you. You want to go to drama school, you pass the exam, and you want to act. No matter what your original goal is, but these halfway You've accomplished your goals bit by bit, there's nothing pitiful about that. It's just..."

He paused, and then said: "At that time, there were occasional old people and children nearby who came to see the small theater. Some senior brothers didn't like it very much, and it was somewhat disturbing. I didn't think it mattered. People see it. Everyone has their own reasons, and everyone is very talkative. Generally, if someone asks to stay, it’s fine... But, it’s been too long, and I really can’t remember everyone’s appearance. Feel sorry."

Wei Xiao looked at him, as if he was trying to discern the truth of what he said.However, Tao Liyang's expression told him that this was true, and those things that were important to him were not worth mentioning to Tao Liyang.Even if he lost his self-esteem and said it, Tao Liyang still had no impression.

The plastic bag was squeezed by him and made a harsh sound, Wei Xiao struggled to adjust his breathing: "It's okay, brother Liyang. It doesn't matter if you don't remember, I always remember..."

"Wei Xiao." Tao Liyang interrupted him, "If I knew from the beginning that you took the initiative to find me with such a mood, I would not have given you that room card. However, I don't think I would have fully understood it at the time. Wrong meaning, so, before you came to strike up a conversation, you should have heard about my private life from other people..."

Wei Xiao lowered his head, he had heard of it, but at that time he didn't mind using that method to find a reason to stay first, he had to start first, in order to have a future...

"I don't accept a stable relationship." As if seeing through his thoughts, Tao Liyang said, "It's been like this all these years. Many people have an appointment once and then there is no follow-up. If the time is long, there will be several appointments, but there will be other appointments in the middle." Man, besides not accepting groups, my life is much more chaotic than you imagine...I can't give you what you want."

"Then what if I accept a one-night stand?" Wei Xiao blurted out.

"Are you telling the truth?" Tao Liyang raised his eyebrows and glanced at him, before he answered, he shook his head with a light smile: "I have just contacted the field manager to rebook the ticket for you, the flight at 01:30 is about the same time now. "

He started the car while talking, Wei Xiao bit his lower lip hard, and asked him in a dry voice when he was about to enter a tunnel ahead: "Do you not accept a stable relationship, or do you not accept a stable relationship with me?"

He looked at Tao Liyang, and his voice seemed to come out of his lips: "I know who you like. When I met you in the small theater, you were always looking at him. At that time, I didn't understand, but later I knew. It's the same now, you hide better, others may not know but I know, because I've been looking at you all the time, so I can still see your eyes on him...but... Mr. Xu, he didn't respond to you, did he? Are you not tired... I can wait, when you stop looking at him, can you look back at me?"

His voice was not high, and even lowered as he went back, but it did hit Tao Liyang's heart harder than every sentence he said just now.He wasn't surprised, he just didn't feel like talking, but he had to say something.

He thought for a while: "Your so-called favorable impression of me at first may be because I gave you a place in the small theater. But in fact, it was Yun Qing who agreed to let outsiders watch in the small theater at first, not me. Just doing what he likes..."

Tao Liyang spoke at a very steady speed and started a seemingly strange head, "I don't have much impression of what you just said, I won't lie to you. But I remember the blue coat you mentioned, with white letters on the back , It’s Yun Qing’s. He went to rehearsal. Sometimes I wear his coat when it’s cold. I also remember the candy. It tastes like plums. I don’t like candy. It’s not very easy to buy. There’s only one on the east side of the city that sells it, and then it stopped producing it... and you said that I won an award for the first time, and that was also the first book I sold. I bought it for the manuscript fee. Zhibiao, at Yunqing's place...do you still want to listen?"

Wei Xiao opened his mouth in vain, Tao Liyang continued slowly: "Wei Xiao, look. The memories you have of me, the tenderness you feel, there is another shadow behind it, no matter me and What is he now, what will he be like in the future, do you really want to be shrouded in this shadow forever? You think that you like me because you find yourself liking a man. I am not, I am because When I liked him, I realized that I like men."

"You asked me if I could turn around." Tao Liyang smiled, "If it is possible, I think about it more than anyone else. But in fact, this is not something that can be done by turning around. From the first time I saw him, he grew up It’s in my eyes. You said I’m hiding better now, maybe I’m hiding, I don’t want to trouble him, but it’s also because he’s been in my heart for too long, I know every movement and every expression of his, It doesn’t make much difference whether you watch it all the time or not.”

Wei Xiao clasped his hands tightly, as if only in this way he could not let himself tremble: "Teacher Xu doesn't even accept you, are you worth it?"

"The beginning of the relationship is a momentary thing. I don't have time to think about it. I like him to conform to my own heart, not to let him accept me. This is not a transaction. If I like him, he must respond to me. ? There is no such reason to buy and sell by force, and he doesn't owe me anything. As for whether it's worth it...whether it's worth it can only be determined by comparison, who should I compare him with?"

Tao Liyang's tone was understated, and he even smiled: "Really, he is more innocent than me in this matter. I can't help but like him, otherwise we can all get along more easily... .What's more, I haven't defended myself for anyone in these years... As long as you pay attention to safety, there is nothing wrong with sleeping with different people... You don't have to make me look like a victim, I I don't recognize it. But Wei Xiao."

He changed his tone: "We all understand that dewy love is not enough for you. I can't get what you want. It is precisely because I discovered this that I have been avoiding you in front of me. I also feel a little Strange. Today you told me... I shouldn't have said so much to you, it's not good for anyone. But it's my fault. Be clear, and you should be more sober. Kid You can live on the warmth of others, but from 14 to 24, you are an adult, and you can no longer regard others as your goal and meaning.”

After Tao Liyang finished speaking calmly, he put his hands on the steering wheel and didn't speak again. It was very dark in the tunnel, so he couldn't see his expression clearly.

Wei Xiao never knew that he was such a cruel person, but he remembered that when Tao Liyang mentioned Xu Yunqing just now, his whole body softened, which can be felt without looking, and what Tao Liyang once gave him and others Gentleness is different, the latter is just because of family education and nature, only for Xu Yunqing, it is because he loves him...

Wei Xiao turned his head to the other side of the car window.

The car was very quiet, but Tao Liyang knew that Wei Xiao was crying.He didn't comfort him, but just turned on the stereo to help him hide the tears that he didn't want to be discovered.

Every cry from the heart is very precious, so after crying, you must learn something so that it is not in vain. He hopes that Wei Xiao can really let go.

Fortunately, the tunnel will soon be finished.