phone lover

in the dark.He suddenly felt that he was ridiculous. Yesterday he was still thinking that he must find a chance to explain clearly to Song Zhifei.But what is clear?What relationship between him and Song Zhifei needs to be clarified?It's just wishful thinking, no one knows, no one cares except myself.

No, not right.

One more person knows, and he cares.

No, it's still not right.

What Shu Yan cares about is not that he has a secret love. What he cares about is that his secret love will never end. What he cares about is that he is trying to turn the secret love into reality. What he cares about is that he said:

Miss him, miss him too.

"An Yuan, do you hate them?"

Song Zhifei spoke suddenly, interrupting An Yuan's thoughts. An Yuan didn't react for a while, and he asked "Huh?" in doubt.

"An Yuan, how did you bear their faces?"

Hearing Song Zhifei's ambiguous accent, An Yuan knew that he must have drunk too much.

"We're all classmates, so there's nothing you can't bear." An Yuan threw the cigarette on the ground and stamped it out with his foot. He didn't like the question Song Zhifei asked. This shouldn't be something someone like him said. Song Zhifei should be A well-rounded person who is very good at chatting.But An Yuan forgot that it was Song Zhifei when he was sober, and at this moment, he was just an ordinary drunk.

"An Yuan, I still remember when you were in high school, you didn't like to talk, you didn't like to talk to people, you always drew in the studio alone, and when these people bullied you, you fought back. You looked fierce and withdrawn. But I was still I kind of admire you, you come here to study by yourself, and you don’t admit defeat, you’re much better than those idiots.”

"But why did you change when you came back this time? Why do you follow them? Why do you care about them? Why do you want to give them face? If you don't like them, just hate them! Why don't you do this? Why do you still have to fight with them? Are they laughing? What are they? Isn’t it just jealousy? Who is to blame for not being able to get along with others? I don’t understand you either! Anyuan, are you laughing again? I can’t see clearly, but I know, you must be laughing again. Hehe... Don’t contradict me, I just know! Why do I know? Guess Ah! You definitely can’t guess! Because I am also laughing all the time, because I am the same as you, ah, no, let me think about it, I am not as good as you, you have beaten someone, but I dare not , I can only laugh so that others will say good about me.”

"I went abroad for ten years, just for my dream. It seems to be very moving, right? I know why, because I am a wine learner, I must be able to drink it well, and I must be able to drink white beer and red beer. I don’t know why it’s a group of people wearing suits and ties, speaking either French or English. People, all kinds of this family, that family, this master and that master all love to talk about things in entertainment venues in private, and they are also willing to share their experiences with you. I thought I was a wolf who could go forward bravely alone, but the reality told me that no matter I was What, I can only do things for dogs."

"An Yuan, at the party I held before I left, I carefully selected every wine. I was only seventeen or eighteen years old at the time, but I liked this. I weighed each one and compared them. ...But now, I can no longer remember what I chose at the beginning, and they all disappeared with my innocence.”

An Yuan stretched out his hand and grabbed Song Zhifei's arm. He put Song Zhifei's arm on his shoulder, and said, "You're drunk, I'll take you back to the box."

Song Zhifei was very obedient and did not resist, allowing An Yuan to carry him away. When he reached the back door, Song Zhifei said, "I lost my temper."

An Yuan said softly, "You're just drunk, you can't count when you talk drunk."

Pushing open the door, behind the door is the radiant real world. An Yuan knows it, and Song Zhifei knows it too.

No matter how drunk you are, you can only close the door in the darkness.

The rest of the night passed peacefully. After An Yuan sent Song Zhifei back to the private room, people naturally came over to greet him. Song Zhifei only said that he had a headache, and didn't say much. He thought he was really uncomfortable and didn't want to talk... An Yuan Back to the box where I stayed before, I still found a corner to sit down and drink free tea.

It didn't take long before someone told me to go to the box next door, and everyone sang a song or two, had a drink or two, and then they were ready to leave.

When An Yuan passed by, he saw that Song Zhifei was already smiling and chatting with a few people nearby, and when he saw An Yuan coming in, he nodded his head as a greeting.

For a moment, An Yuan had the feeling that everything that happened in the dark alley was his own hallucination. This person does not look like he is so drunk that he can talk nonsense.

An Yuan felt that he didn't understand Song Zhifei too much.

Finally, after another half an hour of commotion, the show really started to end. Everyone was free to form groups, or go home or continue to continue the stall. Naturally, men and women would chat with each other late at night. An Yuan waved goodbye to everyone and said that he would go back to the restaurant to get some thing.

It was already midnight, and even the streets of Jiangzhou were starting to get a little deserted.

An Yuan walked down the street smoking a cigarette.This night there is no wind, no stars, no moon, and the humid and hot air foretells that there will be a heavy rain in the near future, and this rain will last until the red bayberry is in the market. This is the season that Anyuan hates the most.

I don't know if Shu Yan can adapt to the weather in Jiangzhou.

An Yuan took out his phone, thought about it, and sent Shu Yan a text message.

[Buy a few more clothes, the time will soon come when you will not be able to wear as many clothes as you want. 】

Buzz buzz... An Yuan heard the phone ringing, and he didn't know whether he should be happy or unhappy. What was happy was that Shu Yan replied in seconds, but what was unhappy was that he hadn't slept yet at this hour.

【You haven't rested yet? 】

An Yuan felt his head start to hurt.

【Should I ask you this?why are you still not resting? 】

Buzz

【Insomnia. 】

An Yuan immediately called, and after two rings, "Hello" came from the other side.

"Why insomnia?"

"I just can't sleep for no reason."

"Then go to sleep."

"They said they couldn't sleep."

An Yuan felt his head hurt more and more.

"Then how can you fall asleep?"

"Your schoolmates have been together until now?"

"Um?"

An Yuan didn't react for a while, the topic changed too quickly, he froze for a moment before replying:

"Yeah, it's only now that the show is over, so tired."

"Oh."

"Why are you unhappy?"

"No."

An Yuan sighed deeply, looked up at the dim street lights, and said, "School reunion is very boring, but I drank a lot of wine, and now I have a terrible headache."

"headache?"

"It hurts."

"Is boring?"

"Very boring."

"I go to sleep then."

An Yuan smiled softly, and said, "So heartless, I said my head hurts."

"Ah, yes." Shu Yan's voice was much softer, he paused for a few seconds, and then said:

"Drink more water."

An Yuan smiled and hung up the phone.

The air pressure dropped a bit, and An Yuan felt as if he was standing in the sea in the middle of the night, with only his head above the sea, and he was waiting, waiting for the tide to recede.

But suddenly it rained heavily, and An Yuan could only run.

Just like in the past ten years, he has been running continuously, for the high-pressure but alienated family, for the shrewd and indifferent society, for the people who can only look at the back forever, he can only run, he dare not stop.

He was afraid that once he stopped, everything would go away from him, and he could only stand in the endless deep sea, without day or night.

He once wondered if there would be someone willing to accompany him, to accompany him here, to endure the humidity and the cold.

But when you really meet that person, you will suddenly realize:

You will never let him endure the wet, and you will never let him endure the cold.

You still run, keep running, out of the dark, out of the dawn.

Like, not lonely together.

Like, not torture each other.

like.

I like you.

like you very much.

Shu Yan hung up the phone and still couldn't fall asleep.

He thought of Mr. Ji, who made tea, saying that Anyuan had a high school classmate who he had a close relationship with. He thought of Mr. A who had a crush on him for ten years. After all, he should be a classmate.

They all had someone they liked, no, maybe it was someone they liked, but for themselves, they liked Mr. A, and now... they still like him now, because they always think of him easily, and all they think of are his. good.

But thinking of An Yuan going to attend the class reunion, thinking that he might meet that high school classmate, Shu Yan was so upset that he couldn't sleep.

Why does everyone have a past?

Why can't it be me in the first place?

Mr. A is, Mr. An is, and I am too.

Shu Yan no longer wants to worry about whether he likes An Yuan.

I like it.Shu Yan thought, it should be liking, at least favoring, more than favoring.

But I also like Mr. A very much, I like it very much, I like it very much, I can't forget it.

Shu Yan began to understand Mr. A's feelings at the beginning, he should also like her, right?But Mr. A can't forget that person, he can't forget the feelings he gave, so when that person appears in his life again, he will want to hold on tightly and never let go, right?And what about myself?He may become a past event that he accidentally recalled, and the wind blows, and he floats away...

So choosing to quit is to relieve him and fulfill him.And what Shu Yan can give herself is the last bit of dignity left in love.

If I finish first and say goodbye first, will it appear that I am not so humble.

If we were still muddling along as before, what would Mr. A and himself be like now?

Are you still a lover on the phone, or have you become a lover in reality?

Thinking of this, Shu Yan shook his head self-deprecatingly.

lover?impossible.He didn't even want to see himself, he just said give me a little time, give me a little time... Then, after a lot of time, he became a stranger.

Shu Yan sat on the sofa and drank the last drop of wine.

So sweet.Shu Yan likes this wine very much. It tastes sweet, has slight bubbles, and tastes refreshing but soft. Mr. A once said that he would give himself a box, but this only promise was not fulfilled in the end.

Turning on the phone, I saw An Yuan sent another message, which said that he had arrived home, so I asked myself to sleep obediently.

He said: Be good.

That tone was exactly the same as that of Mr. A.

Shu Yan buried her head in her knees and whispered: An Yuan, are you him?

is not it?

How easy it was for him to ask the question so easily.

It's not difficult at all, is it?But why is it difficult to speak to that person?

Shu Yan impulsively wanted to ask An Yuan if he was Mr. A countless times. Countless times, countless times, he was finally suppressed by himself.

He tried to convince himself that knowing the answer wasn't really important.

He has already broken up with Mr. A on the phone. In reality, it doesn't matter who Mr. A is. What matters is when he can let go of this relationship and when he can get out of this relationship.

But Mr. An is really like Mr. A, not only in voice, but also in feeling.

Shu Yan, like Xu Pingchuan, scoffed at such inexplicable things as "feeling" before experiencing these things. He would think it was the same as a woman talking about "sixth sense" or "intuition".But when it comes to him, Shu Yan will really feel that way: Mr. An is Mr. A, although Mr. A has never mentioned his occupation to Shu Yan, his family and his relationship before meeting Shu Yan. In the past, but Shu Yan had this feeling.

Although Mr. A is more considerate than Mr. An.

Although Mr. Ann is more real than Mr. A.

But you can't ask.

I really can't ask.

Because no matter what answer you get, you won't feel happy, right?

Shu Yan thought: I'm just tired, really tired, so don't make me think, I just want to go on like this, at least for now, just go on like this.

In the next few days, Shu Yan was busy with work. He and An Yuan kept in touch with each other by mobile phone, occasionally calling, and often sending text messages. Say you don't have many friends?

Xu Pingchuan pointed to Shu Yan and said, "Aren't you my friend, are you so sticky with me?"

Shu Yan said, "We live together and still need to call and send text messages?"

"When you didn't live with me a few years ago, you didn't call me and send me a text message? Oh, it's not impossible, let me see, during the Chinese New Year, yes, during the Chinese New Year, you sent me a New Year's greeting text message, or sent it in groups kind of..."

Shu Yan lowered his head guiltily and ignored Xu Pingchuan.Song Zhifei sent a text message saying that he was temporarily called to go on a business trip again, and he would be back in a week, so let's make an appointment for dinner when he comes back. I feel really sorry for always procrastinating.Shu Yan looked at the calendar on his phone. Saturday was Anyuan's opening day, so he thought it would be good. He would take Song Zhifei to dinner after Anyuan's opening, so that he wouldn't have to trouble Anyuan to open the back door for him.

It has been a few days since we met each other, Shu Yan misses An Yuan a little bit, he thinks this is very bad, as if he wants to go the old way, but he can't help thinking about it.

Xu Pingchuan was still saying that it's okay to fall in love, don't you want to fall in love? Everyone is GAY and it's just a good match.

Shu Yan said softly: "It's not that you don't know that I broke up not long ago."

"Break up, isn't it to meet the next love?" Xu Pingchuan said doubtfully, "Is there a shelf life for breaking up? Is it true that you can't fall in love during the warranty period?"

Shu Yan didn't speak.

"You still like that person very much? So much that you can't accept others?"

Shu Yan sighed.

"Then what if, what if that person comes back to you? Will you turn back?"

Shu Yan shook his head: "He won't come back. He has someone he likes more."