come close to me hold me

An Xun probably wouldn't have imagined that the little girl who laughed heartlessly would usually talk to herself at night, wake up from a nightmare, think about some people, and cry hard at the thought.

"This bear is for you."

"In the future, don't be alone again."

It's that voice again...

Waking up from the dream again, with tears still hanging from the corners of her eyes, she took a deep breath between her lips and teeth, and after a moment of relief, she looked out the window, and the moon could already be seen after the clouds cleared.And the moon seemed to rise from a dream.

But there was not only the moon in the dream, but a faint light that illuminated the shadows around her a little.

Holding the old bear in her arms, she couldn't help but recall 15 years ago...

At the age of seven, she was chased, torn and fought by a group of girls, unable to resist, she skipped school for the first time.She curled up in the corner of the secret base, biting her lip and clenching her fists, as if she was rebellious, but her eyes were fragmented and sentimental.

That shouldn't belong to her age.

At the age of seven, she hated everything, hated false comfort, hated inexplicable kindness, and even more hated bullying the little by the big, hated the strange eyes of the adults around her that made her feel uncomfortable, hated the adults who always lied...

I hate when people say that her parents are heroes.

Until a clear music came from a certain corner, and it was sent to her ears, like a forest bath, like a sea breeze.

She heard the sound and walked over, it was a violin, and it was held by a pair of slender hands.Curved, under the soft light, the woman in a champagne-colored dress gently lowered her head, her eyes were bright when she looked up, and she smiled like spring.

She is like the moon.

The little girl was stunned in a dark corner, carrying a broken schoolbag and dirty school uniform. She was clearly in two worlds with the woman who played the violin, until those bright eyes saw her, and the two The world had its first intersection.

"Little friend, what's wrong with you? It's so late, why don't you go home?"

"This is for you. The little bear has magic and will protect you. Don't be bullied again."

"No matter what, don't force yourself to hate the world, and don't force yourself to smile."

"Go home, kid, it's okay to act like a baby now and then..."

So far, that stranger like the moon has become an eternal gleam in the shadow of her life.

Withdrawing her thoughts, and hugging the little bear in her arms, Jiang Yien murmured to herself: "Tiantian, I dreamed of her again..."

"What are you going crazy again? Jiang Tiantian is really the worst bear I've ever seen..." Ji Xiaoyu, who was sleeping soundly on another bed two meters away, was woken up, turned over and muttered.Jiang Tiantian is a bear doll with a name and a surname. Jiang Yien often hugs and talks with it. As a roommate, Ji Xiaoyu has long been accustomed to it, and there is not much shock on his face.

But this little girl will only keep her sorrow and sorrow in the night.

Because only at night, there is the moon.

"Previous cases."

The internship progressed to the third day, and Jiang Yien came across a morning shift. He was indulging in the novelty of visiting the room with Director An for the first time. He looked left and right with curious big eyes, and suddenly found that the whole group of people were looking at him in unison. I only realized it later.

"Ah? Case! I'll look for..."

"No need, go back and copy it twenty times. If you don't memorize it later, you won't use it for morning rounds."

Everyone was still dumbfounded, An Xun had already collected the records and went to the next ward.Jiang Yien stayed where he was, under the eyes of so many patients, he was so ashamed that he wanted to take off his white coat.

When he returned from writing the review, An Xun was seeing a doctor.Just like the previous two days, facing the patient was the most tender time of her day.Patiently and carefully inquiring about the cause of the disease, sometimes writing with lowered eyebrows, and sometimes listening to the stethoscope, no matter which scene it is, he is so focused.

Jiang Yien watched from outside the door, and couldn't help wondering if he could be as calm and steady as her when he was able to receive medical treatment independently.After all, it was the appearance of a mature woman she expected.

Occasionally, though, mature physicians run into some thorny issues.For example, at this moment, the helpless mother hugged the crying child and said anxiously: "Don't cry! I'm sorry, doctor, the child is too young..."

"It's okay." An Xun calmly comforted his mother, and took back the stethoscope in his hand.

Jiang Yien finally found an opportunity to take advantage of, how could the Iceberg Demoness coax children!So he volunteered to step forward and coaxed softly: "Little friend, don't be afraid. This is a stethoscope. The doctor sister needs to listen to your heartbeat to know where you are sick."

But she immediately slapped her in the face, how does a child know what a stethoscope is and what a heartbeat is.

When she was in a dilemma, she happened to see An Xun holding the chest piece of the stethoscope in her hand, and after a while, she put it tentatively into the child's clothes. "Good boy, it's not cold now, is it? Come on, take a deep breath with Auntie..."

Although his face was still cold and aloof, with no smile visible, his tone of voice was still calm and unwavering, but full of gentleness.For the first time, Jiang Yien discovered that this iceberg devil has such a delicate heart.Even the child's mother couldn't understand the crying, but she could immediately know the reason.

Jiang Yien stared at An Xun, the corners of her mouth raised inadvertently, thinking that Dr. An would be a good mother in the future.Thinking of my mother, my nose suddenly became sour and I almost shed tears.

"what happened?"

An Xun noticed the red eyes of the little girl, seeing that she was still holding the self-criticism in her hand, thinking that she was still sad about what happened in the morning, her eyebrows frowned slightly.

"Yen, come here."

It was the first time Jiang Yien heard Dr. An calling her that, and his heart tightened. During the few steps he walked, the soft voice echoed in his mind several times.

"The work of a doctor needs to be rigorous at all times. It is very important to be familiar with previous cases. If you want to accomplish a big thing, you must first accumulate every little thing. I know you are an excellent child, and I am very strict with you. Yes I don’t want to see your talents being wasted in the future, you know?”

"Director An..." Jiang Yien thought of the word persuasion, and wished to call her a teacher. She was serious and cold on weekdays, but now her tone was soft, and her eyes seemed to be a little warmer. Jiang Yien suddenly understood that Director An showed in front of others. , but part of good intentions.

Before she could respond, there was a rush of footsteps outside the door, and for a moment, Dr. Su was panting and holding on to the door frame: "A building materials truck hit the rear on the highway, five pneumothorax and two penetrating injuries! I have an operation in a while, you go Let's see……"

An Xun's expression changed suddenly, and he got up immediately.

Seeing this, Jiang Yien hurriedly followed the steps. Seeing the hem of the white coat of the man in front of him rising up in the wind, countless images of heroes appeared in his heart, and then he suppressed this idea. She doesn't like the word hero, and she still doesn't like it. in this way.

Following An Xun to the emergency department, he conducted a preliminary examination. After An Xun inspected the two penetrating injuries, he and several doctors and nurses pushed him to the operating room. Before leaving, he told Jiang Yien to cooperate with the emergency department to treat the other patients Pneumothorax.

The emergency department was in a mess, and Jiang Yien was busy helping him up and down, not daring to stop for a moment. Fortunately, pneumothorax was not a difficult problem, and the first aid was over within 10 minutes.

Just as I was about to go to the surgery observation room, before I moved away, I heard a nurse next door yelling: "Director Li! Come and take a look! The heart rate on the fifth bed is not good!"

Immediately, Li Min was seen rushing forward and drew the curtain.Jiang Yien couldn't see clearly what was going on inside, he could only hear the urgency.

"blood pressure."

"..."

"Heart rate."

"..."

"Intubate immediately."

"The patient's heartbeat has stopped." The nurse on the side said hurriedly.

"CPR."

"Director Li, no response!"

"Defibrillation."

"still……"

"Continue CPR!"

The nurse followed the instructions step by step, 10 minutes, 10 minutes on the second, 10 minutes on the third... Li Min watched the data, but there was no movement, and sighed solemnly:

"enough."

The curtain opened, and when Li Min came out, her expression was gloomy. She shook her head, but she didn't have time to stay any longer, and went on to check on the next wounded.The head nurse inside had no choice but to announce her death with regret.

In an instant, the family members rushed forward, cries and tears gradually enveloped the surroundings, Jiang Yien stayed out of the matter, and could only watch from a distance, she was still an intern, she couldn't do anything.

I just feel that the surroundings are so deafening, and so deadly quiet.Her tears couldn't stop pouring out. This was the second time she experienced the shock of death, and the last time it was her parents.Such helplessness, such heart-piercing, almost swallowed her up.

The round of rescue gradually subsided, Li Min found Jiang Yien standing there blankly, patted her on the shoulder and comforted her:

"If it doesn't work, let's go rest first."

An Xun's operation was successfully completed, but he didn't see Jiang Yien when he turned around, and he heard about the emergency department, so he felt a little worried in his heart.She also didn't know why she walked to the door of the medicine storage room intuitively, and happened to see the girl curled up on the bench between the medicine cabinets through the glass, hugging her knees and crying.

Thinking about it, it was probably because when she first came to Renzhuo and encountered the first death case, she locked herself in the small dim pharmacy for a whole day.So much so that her leader at the time, Qin Shi, the current director of thoracic surgery, sternly said:

"An Xun! You have to remember that you are a doctor, and you can never run away in an emergency! This is a hospital, and people die from injuries and diseases every day. If you can't get used to this, take off your white coat as soon as possible. !"

At that time, she wished that she was a fairy and could save everyone.

But after all, they are just ordinary people in white coats.

Even if she didn't say anything, An Xun was somewhat worried about this girl, how could she not understand how scared and helpless this girl was.Hesitantly pushed open the door and walked in front of Jiang Yien, wanted to say something, but hesitated.

Jiang Yien realized that there was someone standing in front of her with a hint of elegant fragrance mixed in with the potion, she raised her head, surprised that it was An Xun.But looking up at her for a moment, I was so familiar with it. I knew that her heart softened, and thousands of sorrows and sorrows surged for a moment, and tears flowed:

"Director An...can a person really go to heaven after death?"

An Xun didn't say a word, only her eyebrows frowned slightly, and the corners of her lips trembled twice, only she knew it.

"It's funny, I still believe what grandma said to coax me..."

Looking at the girl in front of him, An Xun couldn't blame her like Qin Shi blamed himself back then, but sighed helplessly, stretched out his hand, hesitated for a long time before landing on her back, and patted her twice.

"I know it's wrong. But I'll never be numb to death."

An Xun's hand paused, his eyebrows and eyes froze, and his heart trembled slightly as if he had been poked.Yes, people's awe of life and death should not be numb.It's just that in hospitals where casualties are normal, most people choose to be numb. Only in this way can they continue to walk.

Staring at the little girl in front of him, An Xun felt relieved that he had not seen her for a long time.

"It's the best if you can keep this heart all the time."

After finishing the sentence, he took something out of the pocket of his white coat and handed it to Jiang Yien.

"This is... a small paper boat?" Jiang Yien took it lightly, the folding technique was very immature, obviously it was made by a certain child.

An Xun nodded and explained: "The youngest daughter of the patient in bed No. [-] stayed in the emergency department and said she would give it to the sister who saved her mother. So, it's not all regret, right?"

Jiang Yien's heart softened again. In his memory, An Xun had never comforted anyone like this before. Except for patients, he had never been delicate to anyone. Now, is he actually comforting her?Why does it feel so familiar again... and then the tears fell again:

"Thank you Director An..."

"Don't call me Director anymore. You and I are both medical practitioners and colleagues. Just be like them. Just call me Dr. An."

"Is it possible?" Jiang Yien asked hesitantly, after all, An Xun is a deputy director, and he is an intern.

"Of course. Or, like the first day, call me sister?" An Xun raised the corner of his mouth slightly, jokingly.

"Sister..." Jiang Yien knew that he had made a mistake, his face turned red like a monkey's ass, and then he smiled wryly, and his brows also frowned.help!When I give you milk candy, God knows you are my leader!She growled inwardly.

"Okay, I won't give you too much time to be sad, so our little Jiang doctor must cheer up quickly." An Xun raised his eyebrows slightly, showing a touch of tenderness.

Jiang Yien's eyebrows became clear in an instant, tears were still hanging on his eyelashes, and the blush on his face did not fade, so he raised his head and smiled at An Xun:

"Well! I listen to Dr. An!"

She couldn't call out that elder sister, so she still had to show some face.

An Xun's heart is still trembling, is it a girl in her early twenties, she is as simple and clear as a child, crying, laughing, arrogant pride, or shyness hiding her head, all emotions seem to them easy.She sighed softly, her eyes full of loneliness.

"Yen, what a good boy."