come close to me hold me

An Xun's habit of not talking while driving gave Jiang Yien a chance to catch his breath this night, he looked out the car window silently, and was a little drunk.

The chain of the tricycle was broken, and the soy milk that was not sold out in the morning was overturned on the ground. The grandfather looked helplessly at the crying child in the back seat, held back his temper, and secretly wiped away the tears from the corners of his eyes.Today, I lost money again.

The green light, the car has passed, and in just 40 seconds, it seems that I have seen all kinds of life.

With a sigh, the window was blurred.

She thought that her parents' early death had made her experienced in the world, that she could be relied on by her lover if she was more mature than her peers, but the reality was that she was slapped one after another, waking her up again and again, she was too naive and naive.

I thought it was sensible to rush to pay several times in the supermarket, I thought it was thoughtful to remember to tidy An Yi’s sister’s room every month.How much is the monthly utility bill for the house?How often is the property fee paid?How to maintain the car at home every year, how many round trips to the hospital can be made with 200 yuan of gas, these tacky things that she has never noticed, An Xun is silently taking care of them.

She gradually realized that one person's innocence will always be complemented by another person's maturity.

I thought that love could carry everything, but only now did I realize that love needs everything to carry.Money, experience, planning...

In love, there are not only the moon and the sunset, but also the trivial matters of firewood, rice, oil, salt, soy sauce, vinegar and tea.

I always talk about the future, but the future is illusory, like the moon in the water, or like a flower in the mirror, which is beyond reach.She didn't know when the future would come if she didn't change.

"What are you thinking? Are you drunk? Is there any discomfort?"

A few words of gentle concern pulled her back from her thoughts. She looked out the window all the way, but she didn't even realize that she was home.

Seeing An Xun's worried eyes, for a moment, she felt no different from that child who could only cry.Frustration welled up in my heart again, I pursed my lips, and whispered bitterly:

"Sister An, I'm sorry, I asked you to pick me up so late, but I can actually go home by myself."

"You know it's so late, too?" An Xun scratched her nose and unbuckled her seat belt: "Of course I want to take you home. I learned to use alcohol to relieve my worries at a young age... Wait I'll make you some soup when I get home, and drink it to sober you up."

Jiang Yien curled her lips sadly, An Xun was always so gentle that she couldn't help but want to act like a baby.Her head was indeed a little dizzy, but most of the drunkenness had dissipated. She remembered that An Xun was in the whole class today, and she also remembered that An Xun had nightmares and insomnia last night. She woke up at three o'clock in the morning and took medicine before falling asleep again.So, she held back.

"Sister An, how are you today? Are you tired?"

"Not tired, there is nothing to do in the department today."

An Xun answered casually, and everything went well at work.As always, she handles everything well, and intractable illnesses never tire her out.She seems to be omnipotent, but the only thing she can do is love.Not only love, but also family and friendship.

But the girl didn't seem to believe what she said, and still asked her with a frown: "Is there really nothing wrong, or I can't help you if I tell you, so I said nothing?"

An Xun was stunned for a moment, then curled the corners of his mouth in a stalemate: "Xiao En, what's the matter with you recently?"

The girl didn't answer her, but lowered her head sadly.

The heartache was clogged in her chest, and she couldn't help sighing softly, rubbing the girl's hair: "Cory is indeed fine, but..." Then, from the back seat, she took the courier that she signed for earlier and handed it to Jiang Yien: "I'll help you I signed a document, would you like to tell me what this document is?"

She thought, sooner or later she would have to face it.

Jiang Yien was startled, and took the delivery with some hesitation.

Because the visa materials are very cumbersome and may be rejected at any time, she originally thought that she would tell An Xun after the matter was fully settled.Up to now, I have to say.

"A foreign school sent me an email three months ago, and they hoped that I could go there this year, and I could just participate in a professor's research project on minimally invasive thoracoscopy."

An Xun frowned, and his lips were tightly shut.

"I can't get the visa, and I'm not sure I want to leave, so I didn't tell you." Jiang Yien explained again, his tone was very calm, but his eyes were looking at An Xun uneasily.

She didn't find an intermediary agency, from sorting out the transcripts and course descriptions, taking them to the notary office for notarization, handing in the signature, and waiting for the news, she didn't know if she could go until the signing was signed.

This is the second time I have submitted a visa. The last time I was stuck due to lack of proof of kinship and assets. This time, I asked the school to come forward as a guarantee.

If she put aside her eagerness to be strong, why would she not be greedy for An Xun's embrace, so even if she tried her best to fight for it, deep down in her heart, she still held a trace of luck. In the country.

However, this document ruthlessly shattered her last fantasy.

Both of them were silent for a long time. The quiet parking lot and the air conditioner in the car made the atmosphere even colder.

"when are we leaving?"

An Xun avoided looking at her, and asked her softly with lowered eyebrows and nodding.

"Since the visa has been issued and the school has been connected, you can leave at any time after the rent is settled and you buy the air ticket." Jiang Yien tried to hide his loneliness as much as possible, and replied calmly.

"Since you don't want to take Renzhuo's project, you need to investigate which school and which tutor you choose, and you have so much preparatory work in the early stage, I can help you..."

"Sister An, I've already done everything, I don't want you to worry about it." Jiang Yien held the file bag, nervous and at a loss.

"What about the housing? Do you know the security situation over there? Is there someone to take care of you if you don't know the place? Jiang Yien, this is not a trivial matter. You want to go abroad alone,"

An Xun was so impatient that he was a little annoyed, and finally couldn't help but ask that sentence:

"Why do you have to wait until you're sure you're leaving before telling me?"

In his tone, Jiang Yien couldn't hear any emotion, neither sadness nor anger.

It's not that she hasn't considered An Xun's feelings, it's not easy to bear the pain to send her lover on a long voyage, how could she have the heart to force An Xun to build the boat by herself.

Every time you successfully complete a step, you are pushing your lover one step away. It is enough for you to bear the conflict and heart-wrenching pain.

"Sister An, the experience of studying abroad is only this time. I know that if you help me take care of it, I will avoid a lot of troubles, but there are always some pitfalls. I have to fall myself before I know how to be careful. I don't want this year to end. I Still a nerd who doesn't understand anything."

She also really wants to use this year to grow up to the maximum and untie the knot left in her heart by grandma as soon as possible.

Afraid that An Xun would be worried, she timidly added: "I've already prepared everything, the security over there is very good, if you rent a house, just take a taxi according to the address...you...don't need to worry about me..."

An Xun groaned for a long while, with a thousand puzzles stuck in his throat, he was about to say something.

She just replied flatly: "Got it, let me know when the ticket is booked."

Then, he got out of the car calmly.

After returning home, An Xun went to cook hangover soup as if nothing happened.

"Go and take a bath first, you should be able to drink it after you take a bath."

"it is good……"

Jiang Yien was a little surprised that An Xun was not angry at all, and actually talked to her in a friendly voice and made soup for her.

"Sister An, aren't you angry?"

An Xun rummaged through the refrigerator, and replied casually: "Why am I angry? I should be happy that you won such a good opportunity yourself."

Jiang Yien's heart sank, she was worried that An Xun would be sad, that she would not be able to accept it, it seemed that she was just being self-indulgent.

That's right, from the very beginning, you were only worried that I would stay, and never worried that I would go away.

She complained silently in her heart.

She is not without childish emotions. She also once imagined that An Xun would give up her reason and tear up her passport one day. She also hoped that An Xun could get angry with her like all unreasonable partners.

But even if he knew that An Xun couldn't be like this, his current reaction was too calm, even indifferent, as if he didn't care that his lover would leave him soon.

Eyes chasing after the ordinary figure, an empty heart finally sank to the bottom of the valley.

"Then I'm going to take a shower."

"it is good."

An Xun took out half a fish from the refrigerator, and at some point, the tail of the fish cut her fingertips.

Holding the soup spoon, stirring in circles in the pot, every time you slide a circle, it becomes more dignified.Hearing the sound of the shower, the tears finally couldn't help falling down.

She didn't know what else she could do. The girl didn't need her to take her home, she didn't need her to take care of going abroad, and maybe she didn't need this bowl of hangover soup either.

In the end who is being self-indulgent.

How could she not have a little bit of reluctance, she was about to be overwhelmed by reluctance.Watching the girl who she healed until she was almost healed was covered with scars again, she thought she still had a year to start from scratch, but now, she was going to leave this stubborn child alone to a foreign country, how could she You may be relieved, but how can you not be afraid.

She is not afraid of the past being in vain, nor is she afraid of starting all over again, she is only afraid that she can do nothing to help her.

For three months, she suffered every day.Sun Meifeng was right, Jiang Xueer's condition worsened, she was not innocent.The girl was desperate for her again, and she was also terrified.She just let go of all this to appease the girl, but in her heart, she never let herself go for a moment.

Did my misfortune affect you?

If it's not for me, don't you need to worry about growing up?

She often asked herself this question.

Finally, she still couldn't bear it any longer, her chest felt uncomfortably stuffy, her eyes were blurred, and that tiny hole repeatedly bit her heart, causing it to die of pain.

I had to turn off the fire, leaning on the stove and squatting down slowly.In a place where the girl can't see, hide and cry.

After Jiang Yien took a shower, there was already a bowl of hot fish soup on the table, but An Xun was nowhere to be seen.

She held the bowl and gulped down the soup, quickly wiped her mouth and ran to the door of the bedroom. She wanted to open the door and go in, but the unusual sound made her stop again.

Inside, is there sobbing?

Opening the door with a gap, I saw An Xun lying on the bed with her back facing. She was only curled up in a corner of the huge bed. She could only find out when she looked closely that her thin shoulders were trembling. Sometimes, a few restraints could be heard. Forbearable collapse.

Is she crying?

Although that lonely and frail figure broke Jiang Yien's heart again, the heart that sank to the bottom of the valley seemed to float lightly to the surface of the water again.Sure enough, I still can't bear to part with me. Sure enough, my sensibility still overwhelms my reason.

He approached quietly, climbed onto the bed, got under the quilt, pulled An Xun into his arms from behind, and kissed her lingeringly on the ear.

"An Xiaoai, are you secretly crying?"

The author has something to say: 262593 is the acronym for the nine-key input method "An Xunai Jiang Yien"~