bad derailment

The quarrel between me and Chen Feng was never about throwing things and cursing people with great fanfare, but sitting on both sides of each other, the atmosphere condensed to freezing point, and each sentence was calmer and more stinging.

His voice rushed straight into my brain, with a terrifying force like piercing eardrums.I froze for a few seconds before opening my mouth with difficulty, "...Are you doubting me?"

Chen Feng sneered, his eyes pierced the shell of my pretended calmness, and his sentences went straight to the most fragile crack, "Lin Yao, I want to believe you, but I don't want to doubt everything you said, but it's been too many times, how many times Even if I want to believe you, I can't do it. I love you, but you can't fool me around like a fool, is my sincerity really that cheap to you? "

He tried his best to control it, but still let the voice of the last sentence tremble slightly, wrapped in a strong unwillingness to laugh at himself, the voice weighed heavily on my shoulder, and gradually became breathless invisibly.

"Chen Feng, can we stop arguing?"

"Noisy, do you think I'm arguing with you now?" Feng Chen paused, "You weren't at the hotel at all that night, let alone with your classmates, he said you left after drinking, Where did you go? Was it with Gu Mingsheng?"

Thousands of thoughts flashed through my frozen brain, and I heard myself asking with difficulty: "Who told you all this...Ren Han?"

I remembered the only time Chen Feng and He Jin met each other. It seemed that at that time, I felt flustered for a moment when Chen Feng and Ren Han disappeared together. At that time, I didn't know what I was panicking about, but now I finally know .

I am afraid that my lie will be found out.

"It's him." Chen Feng stared deeply at me, the knuckles of the fist placed by his side turned white, "Are you admitting it if you don't refute it?"

I had no time to think about how much Ren Han had told Chen Feng about me, everything was messed up, but I unexpectedly calmed down in this suffocating atmosphere, and met Chen Feng's eyes.

"Since you already knew that I was lying to you, why did you wait until now to ask me?"

"That's because I want to trust you, and I can't trust you again? If it wasn't for you and Gu Mingsheng again and again..."

I interrupted him heavily, "I have nothing with Gu Mingsheng. I was drunk and he took care of me. There is nothing else. I was afraid that you might misunderstand when you knew it, so I didn't tell the truth."

Chen Feng stood up abruptly, and shouted at me in a low voice: "Then have you ever thought that you will really misunderstand me by hiding it from me like this?"

He never cried, at least not in front of me, except for the unconscious tears after he had a fever last time, Chen Feng usually had red eyes at most, and he wouldn't look embarrassed even if he tried hard.But at this moment, even at a distance, I can still see a red mark under the corners of his eyes, shining with a fragile watery light.

"Chen Feng..." I moved my lips and lowered my voice. In the end, I didn't know what to say, and my thousands of complicated thoughts converged into one sentence, "I'm sorry."

"sorry......"

He murmured and repeated these three words, and let out a low laugh from his throat for a while, "Yes, you are sorry for me."

"My trust and feelings, you are all sorry for me, besides this sentence of sorry, do you have anything else to say?"

I was choked by the tight air, just repeating the phrase 'sorry' mechanically over and over again.At the end, my voice also started to tremble. I clearly didn't want to cry, but my body seemed to be sour uncontrollably, completely drowning me.

"I'm sorry, Chen Feng, I'm sorry."

I've done too many bad things, I'm sorry about Chen Feng's things, but I can't control it, just like I can't control the grief that surges at this moment, the control gate of my body is on the verge of collapse.

He didn't answer, as if he was completely disappointed, he picked up his coat and walked towards the door after silence.My legs were fixed in place, and I watched Chen Feng's leaving back, but I couldn't say anything to let him come back, even if it was just a word.

Suddenly, he turned his back to me and said, "Lin Yao, do you really love me?"

I slowed down a few beats before recovering from my absence, "I..."

I wanted to say I love him, but the last two words were swallowed up by the awkward silence and turned into nothingness.

All the pretense was smashed, I can no longer tell any lies, in front of Chen Feng, at this very moment.

"I understand."

He seemed to laugh at himself, but he didn't seem to, and closed the door forcefully in the silence.

After a loud 'snap', the room was so quiet that the sound of a needle falling could almost be heard.

After a few minutes, maybe half an hour, I slowly relaxed my tense body and leaned against the cold sofa.The temperature penetrated into my skin and internal organs through the clothes, and I was so cold that I couldn't make a sound, and I couldn't think about things. I could only let the unbearable pain slowly sweep over, and my vision was blurred in the damp halo.

I don't love Chen Feng, I just selfishly don't want to lose his kindness, I'm just a complete liar.

But what is the reason for the emptiness and tingling pain that seems to have been taken away from the bottom of my heart?