Morbid domestication

The rain still has no tendency to decrease.

A gust of cold wind blew, and I couldn't help shivering. Seeing this, Feng Jue took off his coat casually, as if to put it on for me.

I raised my hand to reject his kindness, looked up at him and said, "Let's talk."

The expression on Feng Jue's face froze for a moment, but he quickly returned to normal. He said, "Okay, let's go back and talk."

The journey from work to home was infinitely prolonged due to the weather. I insisted on sitting in the driving seat at the back, looking at the wet car window with my head tilted, without saying a word.

Feng Jue also seemed to realize something, and he didn't take the initiative to talk to me, but turned up the heater in the car a little bit.

I was silent all the way, and it was already an hour later when I got home.

After entering the door, I took off my coat as usual, before hanging it on the wall, Feng Jue picked it up first, I glanced at him and said nothing more.

After changing my shoes, I went to the sofa in the living room, Feng Jue said "wait a moment" right, and went straight to the kitchen.

I frowned, and didn't ask him what he was going to do. I just sat on the sofa and waited for him to come out.

Anyway, I made up my mind today to talk it over with the other party.

Feng Jue came out quickly, but within two or three minutes he came out of the kitchen again, only holding a steaming white porcelain bowl in his hand.

He came over, bent down and put the bowl on the coffee table in front of me, and said in a warm voice, "Yu Nian, drink a bowl of soup first to get rid of the cold."

I glanced at the soup in the white porcelain bowl. The ingredients inside were soft and rotten, presumably it had been stewed for a long time.

Just as I was about to refuse, I saw the focused eyes of the other party. I paused, picked up the bowl, and calmly took a mouthful of soup with the spoon inside.

The sound of porcelain clashing suddenly resounded in the quiet room.

I didn't drink it fast, but it took only a few minutes to drink a bowl of soup slowly. I put the bottomed soup bowl back on the table.

"The soup is finished, let's talk now."

Feng Jue saw that I sat on the single sofa beside me after drinking the soup. After hearing what I said, his expression became lighter, "What do you want to say?"

"You move away." I said calmly.

He shouldn't have stayed here in the first place, and I shouldn't have softened my heart to take him in. The confusion I feel now is all because of my own faults.

So, it's time to end.

Feng Jue seemed to have expected it a long time ago, so after I finished saying this, his expression did not change, he just looked at me with deep eyes and said: "Yu Nian, give me a reason."

My heart was numb from being watched, so I had no choice but to avoid his sight, looked down at the empty bowl on the coffee table, and continued: "From the beginning, you didn't need to live with me, did you?"

"Don't you care about the Feng family? Don't you want the Feng family?"

"If you drive me away for this reason, there's no need. The Feng family has my father here now, and..."

His tone was a bit self-deprecating: "I don't remember anything now. For the current Feng family, I have no value. I can only rely on borrowing to live with you."

I couldn't help looking up at Feng Jue, and suddenly hearing Feng Jue say such dejected words made me feel inexplicably depressed, even if he lost his memory, he shouldn't be like this, he should always be that kind of aloof, everything Calm posture.

And, did he really lose his memory?

I didn't want to bother to explore anymore, so I asked him directly: "Do you really remember nothing?"

When I said this, I kept staring at his face, trying to find any flaws, but there was no trace of panic on Feng Jue's face, he just raised his eyebrows slightly, and asked me in a calm tone.

"Yu Nian, do you think I'm lying to you?"

Yes, I think so, and when he asked, it directly brought back some unpleasant memories in me.

"Didn't you lie to me from the very beginning?" I replied mockingly, "For your own ridiculous and perfect emotional sustenance, you trapped me in the villa with amnesia, and you gave me a fake name ,identity..."

I knew I shouldn't say that, but I still couldn't help but say, "Even my hobbies, everything I have, you imposed on me."

"You even tried to manipulate my emotions, and when you failed, you trapped me in a dark room, chained to you like a dog..."

I stared closely at Feng Jue, speaking faster and faster, and finally had to stop and let out a sigh of relief, calming down my excited emotions a little.

"Of course, it's all in the past. I don't want to worry about it anymore, and I got it back in my own way. Between you and me, who owes whom more, it's unclear in the end."

"But I have already changed the city, why do you still show up?" I sat up a little bit and let out a chuckle: "Now you tell me that you have amnesia, what do you want to do? Beg for my forgiveness?"

Feng Jue didn't speak, but still looked at me quietly, the room was silent, only the sound of raindrops hitting the window outside.

"Yu Nian, but you left me." After a while, Feng Jue said, "After I did so many unforgivable things to you, you still left me."

I was annoyed for a moment, but I couldn't refute his words.

After a while, I saw him get up from his seat and walk towards me step by step. I didn't know what he wanted to do, and my body froze in place uncontrollably.

"you..."

As if I was nailed to a chair, I watched Feng Jue walk in front of me.

He squatted halfway in front of me, he was no longer aloof as before, he raised his head slightly and looked up at me with a very serious tone.

"Yu Nian, now I have amnesia, I have nothing, I will now give you the right to dispose of me."

"You can snub me, deceive me, or even hurt me. You can do whatever you want. I will hand over this right to you."

I felt that the blood in my whole body was congealed, and my throat was so dry that I couldn't make a sound.

He was so close to me that I could even clearly smell the familiar scent on his body. We had lived together so intimately for so long, and I had an indelible physical memory of this man.

Rationality clamored wildly, I should continue the anger just now, and firmly tell him my decision, but I was so disturbed by Feng Jue's words, it seemed that I even lost the strength to raise my hand.

Feng Jue looked at me for a long time, like a prisoner waiting for the final sentence, his eyes were as deep as the sea as always, filled with affection that was about to overflow, I just felt like I was going to drown in his eyes.

After a long time, Feng Jue held my right hand and placed a feather-like kiss on my ring finger.

He showed a smile: "Yu Nian, if you can't abandon me, can you give us a chance to start over?"

Feng Jue didn't move out in the end, and still lived in my bedroom well.

The conversation that day ended with my hasty escape. On the second day, no one with whom I had a tacit understanding with Feng Jue had anything to do the night before, and he still helped me prepare breakfast.

And I took my clothes home from the hotel that night.

The words on the day of Feng Jue were like sharp thorns, piercing the most secret thoughts deep in my heart. The shameful desire was so strong that I couldn't ignore it.

I acquiesced to his continued stay, which may also mean that I accepted his proposal.

I have been entangled with Feng Jue for so long, I can't break free, I can't escape, so let nature take its course.

I don't know if my decision is right or not, it's actually very inconsistent with the values ​​and creeds I've been following for so many years, but after making this decision, I feel a lot more relaxed, and getting along with Feng Jue again feels a lot more natural.

Feng Jue also quickly adapted to the do-it-yourself life. Apart from breakfast, he can also do some housework with ease. At least there will be no such thing as washing two dishes and using up half a bottle of dish soap.

We are not people who talk too much, but many times we have a tacit understanding. Although we don't want to admit it, we have been alone for too long. We understand each other's living habits, which have been engraved in our mutual body memory.

I was lying on my own bed, thinking back to the past few days with Feng Jue, I suddenly had an illusion that it would be good if it continued like this.

The mobile phone on the bedside table vibrated twice, and someone sent a WeChat message. I picked it up and saw that it was sent by a colleague who just came two days ago.

- miss brother!Rivers and lakes emergency!

-What's wrong?

- I remember two days ago, Brother Nian, you said you had the book "White Hat", right?Brother urgently needed!Thank you Brother Nian!

It's not a big deal, I sent the other party a message that I could, then got up and turned on the light, ready to find a book for him.

I stepped on my slippers and walked around the house, only to belatedly realize that the bookshelf was in my original bedroom, which is the room where Feng Jue lives now, and I didn't move it here.

I glanced at the time, it would be eleven o'clock, I hesitated, and pushed the door and walked out.

Feng Jue and I's bedroom is door-to-door, I opened the door of my bedroom, and found a ray of light coming through the crack of his door, Feng Jue's bedroom door was not closed tightly.

I stood in front of his door, a little puzzled, and after a while I raised my hand and knocked on the door.

I only knocked on the door with my hand, and I don't know if it was because of my too much strength or the convective wind. It opened slowly.

It's not big, but the angle is enough for me to see the scene inside the door clearly.

I saw Feng Jue sitting on the bed, half naked, sticking a tube of injection into his arm.

I immediately stayed where I was, as if a stormy sea had set off in my heart.

Feng Jue, what is this doing?Why did he give himself an injection?What kind of needle is that?

I just felt that my teeth were sour, and an inescapable fear welled up from the bottom of my heart. The act of getting an injection reminded me of some unpleasant memories.

As if he heard my knock on the door, he looked up at me slightly, then lowered his head, and quickly pushed the tube of medicine in.

I watched Feng Jue pull the needle out of his arm indifferently, and threw it into the trash can at his feet.

The needle fell into the empty trash can, making a loud noise, and I seemed to be awakened by the sound, I couldn't help but look at Feng Jue, and found that he was smiling gently at me.

"Yu Nian, is there something wrong?"

"You..." I paused, and I still asked the question in my heart: "What are you doing?"

Feng Jue picked up the pajamas on the bed and put them on, and fastened the buttons one by one slowly. He replied in a nonchalant tone: "It's nothing, it's just some medicine to treat my amnesia."

He said he fastened the last button, and put the alcohol and other things scattered on the bedside table into the medicine box, then he looked up and asked me: "Do you want to get something?"

I stood where I was, with mixed emotions.