God knows

I really don't know myself.

Of course, it was Phoenix that I couldn't figure out at first, but after thinking about it, I never understood her.

I flipped through the textbook and turned to see Phoenix throwing himself out the open window again.

She doesn't like to fly. Wings to her may be like a bicycle to me. They are a means of transportation in normal times. If you really have a whim, you can use them as a pastime.

I looked at her figure flying in the distant sky, her limbs were as neat and beautiful as a very graceful dancer, her expression was quite relaxed, compared to the gloom she was talking to me by my side, this moment is so peaceful peaceful.

Maybe the problem is with me...

"Are you mind wandering?" I heard Jeffrey ask me in a low voice before I had time to think about it.

I turned my head and realized that my whole body was drifting away from the window.For others, I'm just staring at the blue sky.

"I...I..." I sighed, not even being able to explain myself.

"You're pretty sluggish today. Did you get too scared this morning?" Jeffrey asked me in a soft voice, which was rare. I wanted to deny it, but finally nodded.

He has helped me find a good reason, so there is no reason not to accept it.

"I feel like I'm about to lose her even though I don't know her that well..."

Jeffrey nodded, but he didn't know I was talking about the other her.

"Life is like this. You can't be sure what will happen next. Sometimes you get a good ending and you count yourself lucky."

I smiled slightly and nodded at Jeffrey, but I couldn’t actually smile, because it’s really ironic to the extreme that Jeffrey doesn’t have many good endings.

Why did his attitude towards her change so much overnight?Although Phoenix is ​​so amazingly beautiful, there is no reason why I can't bear to leave her eyes so much. Staring at her back and looking at her silent face, I feel anxious that I am going to die. Not sure what it was that was spreading in his chest thinking about her.

Even when she was only a few meters away from me under the sky, the distance felt unbearably far away.I think I fell in love with her madly and inextricably in an instant without knowing it.Maybe I couldn't bear her loneliness from the very beginning, but I was just unwilling to admit how much I wanted to be the one who was by her side.

Phoenix will find out, and she will find out that I love her.

Falling in love with someone who is in charge of love is impossible to hide.

As I thought about it, my heart felt as complicated as a tangle of twine, and I anxiously turned my head to look at Phoenix soaring outside, so worried about what she would think of it.

It's just that within half a second when my eyes found her, I saw her wings flapping anxiously in the air, and then Phoenix's body fell forward and fell straight.

I screamed, and Mr. Browning and the whole class turned to look at me in horror.And I didn't have time to wait, I turned my head and ignored Jeffrey, who was staring in astonishment, and ran straight out of the classroom, running towards the direction where Phoenix might land.

The classroom is on the sixth floor!Phoenix... how high did Phoenix fall from?

Frantically, I kept running through the empty corridors and saw scattered students not in classes chatting by lockers.

"Hey, Swingersen, hurrying to hell?" Derek yelled mockingly at me, leaning against the locker.

I didn't even have time to raise my middle finger to him, so I urged myself to move forward again.

Eros... Eros is God, right?It should... Nothing should happen, right?

I pushed open the door of the building, and a gust of wind hit me in the face, like a heavy curtain that couldn't be pushed open, and like an awkward child screaming to prevent me from going out.I stretched out my hand as if to push away the strong wind, but when I came back to my senses, I found a feather between my fingers.

Phoenix's feathers scattered in the wind like cotton wool.

I saw Cupid in the middle of the grass, lying there on his back, motionless.

"My God! My God..."

Running to her screaming, I felt like I was going crazy.

The untrimmed grass surrounded her wantonly, and her already fair skin was made paler by the green grass. Her eyes were closed tightly, and she looked unusually calm.

I have never seen Phoenix with his eyes closed, and this abnormality made me panic.

"Phoenix...please, please..."

I fell to my knees, feeling the slight pain of grass thorns on my knees.I reached out and pressed her arm lightly, not sure if Phoenix's skin should be so cold.

"Oh... Phoenix..."

Her hair was slightly lifted by the wind and fell on her dead and unmoved face.

I sobbed softly, not knowing what to do.

"Please! Please! Please! You can't die..."

"...Phoenix, please wake up..."

If she just leaves...

I found that I couldn't bear this thing. Every pore in my body was resisting the fact that I might lose her.

"...This joke is not funny, please don't be like this..."

"... Phoenix..."

"install."

Phoenix's pale purple lips moved slightly, calling me in a low voice.I almost cried with joy, but her next sentence threw a bucket of cold water on me.

"Your emotions are too complicated and noisy."

I was almost on the verge of yelling at her.Why did I worry about her, how nervous and sad for her just now, she clearly knew all about it, why did she speak to me in such a tone?

It's just that when I looked up, I saw that her pale face almost meant some kind of trauma, and the way she looked at me was full of condemnation.

This made me not know how to speak. Phoenix has always blamed cold and indifferent words, and the target is always some vague concepts, but now he looks at me with such a clear expression, which makes me feel a chill on the neck.

"Will Venus... get hurt?" I murmured, it seemed like it was my fault, but I couldn't figure out what was wrong.

"No." Phoenix patted the grass off her body, spread her wings and stood up, "but it will hurt, just like you." After she finished explaining coldly, she passed me and walked straight into the building.

I thought that after Lisa, Sam, and Cynthia, Phoenix and I were at least close, if not close.Why is Phoenix so cold to me all of a sudden?I felt heart-piercing pain, and I didn't know what to do. I just maintained my kneeling posture, right in the middle of the huge grass, watching her figure getting farther and farther away from me.

"Phoenix, Phoenix."

I caught up with her as if thinking of something, followed her and whispered, but she always turned back reluctantly at the last second.

"Is it me..."

"...Did I cause you to fall?"

I think about how much I just realized how much I love her in class. The complex emotions at that moment are like a boiling pot of soup, full of strong love, loss, sadness, confusion and helplessness, mixed with some anger With despair as a condiment, this "feeling" in Phoenix may be too complex a stimulus.

After all, it was all about her.

Phoenix looked at my face that was trying to maintain my composure and not to be broken. In the end, I didn't say a word, just nodded, turned around and left.

I distract her.

I used to hate how much Phoenix was by my side, I hated her cold tone, her dialysis eyes, her accurate and cruel predictions, I hated everything about her, once I wanted her to go.

But now, I wish everything could stay.

I'm in love with her, I'm her burden.