God knows

Actually I'm not sure what to do.

Because of the Derek episode, I left some things that I should have not dealt with.

After returning home that day, Phoenix fell asleep. When she was awake, she used my laptop to read comics online. I thought that if the number of lovers in the country decreased and the birth rate was dragged down, the comic company would be the first to blame. It will be the people who invented and built the network.

I've been continually amazed by her recent human behavior.

In addition, because of her human nature, I suspected that she was angry with me.

I'm not sure if it's because Phoenix never got angry with me, she would get angry and express that she cared, but she always accommodated me, felt helpless, or gave in, or sympathized with me, she wouldn't and didn't need to care about me.

But she was behaving strangely, and after thinking about it, I only thought that being angry was a possibility.

"Do you want to go out for a walk?" For example, I asked.

"Don't." It's usually a rather indifferent and concise language pattern, but recently she chose silence to represent negation.

She sleeps on my bed at night, but it is difficult for me to see her lying beside me when I wake up like that day, usually she is not pacing by the window, or she has turned on the computer and started to use it .So occasionally when I wake up at night and find that I have the audacity to hold her and fall asleep, I will quickly let her go and turn over to the other side.Even this kind of part makes me feel cautious and afraid.

I was wondering if it was something I said at the comic shop that day.

"...'With great power comes great responsibility', if there is no mercy, no compassion, how empty is this sentence..."

Then I thought over Phoenix's answer: "I wouldn't take that as an offense. People can have their own minds, Ann, and you're more suited to brutal honesty than pretentious embellishment."

I don't see the phrase as feeling offended, or not feeling offended.She didn't say much at the moment, and the interaction with me later was the same as before.It's just that I think Phoenix's life is very simple, and there is a lot of time to think about the past, and maybe find a reason to be angry after thinking about it...

This is bad, because I still haven't figured out how to apologize and redeem it.

I also wondered if I disturbed her because of Derek's affairs, which made her unhappy. It seems to be a very reasonable link, and judging from her later expression, it is more likely.

Or was it... or was it actually the kiss when I woke her up?Did that kiss go beyond the bounds?But…

The truth is, she's mad at me, and I can't guess why, nor have I the guts to ask her myself.

"Go and ask that girl for directions."

Walking on the road that day, Phoenix suddenly pointed to a woman who was waiting for a bus.

The command was so abrupt that I was momentarily surprised.

"what?"

"Go ask her for directions, talk to her."

"But, I know the way very well..." This is too weird, why do you ask me to do strange things?

"Go and ask."

In the end, Phoenix's tone was very blunt, a little fierce, with impatient anger.It made me feel timid and a little bit angry at the same time.

I suppressed my dissatisfaction and followed Phoenix's instructions.

"Excuse me, which direction is the subway?"

"Subway? There is no subway station near here!" She said, I already knew the answer, but I didn't know why I was asking!

"Then, how do we go to the nearest one? Which direction is it probably?"

She looked at me in bewilderment, then began to look left and right.

"Direction...this..."

The problem of orientation is a bit troublesome, not everyone has a sense of direction, so she took out her mobile phone to help me search.

"In that direction... ah..." She stretched out her finger, raised her eyes and found that her bus had gone away, "...too bad."

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry, I...I..."

I'm really sorry, I couldn't suppress my anger towards Phoenix at first.

The woman smiled wryly and shook her head. She turned her head and looked in the direction of the bus entering the station. A man just got off the bus passed by and met her eyes.

I saw an arrow go straight into the man's chest just like that.

Strangers fall in love at first sight.

I suddenly realized, and ran away after hurriedly thanking.

"I was mad at you just now, sorry." I apologized to Phoenix in a low voice.

They would have missed it if she hadn't asked me to hold up the woman.

Phoenix didn't respond, shrugged and walked on.

I was about to ask, and her reaction was a perfect fit for a follow-up question, "Are you mad? Why?", but I didn't, because at that moment I remembered something else.

She is the person in charge of love, and she can see the veins of fate.

Could there be a day when she turns around and says, "Ann, go talk to that man," and shoots an arrow in my chest without even warning me, when I'm off guard?

Or in fact, when I stand in front of fate, I will completely forget my feelings for Phoenix?

can you?

Just as a dying person ceases to worry, if I do see love, will other things matter so much?Since it was true love, would that person give me the same feeling as Phoenix brought me?would be better, maybe?

can you?

I know that I am afraid at this moment because I don't want that kind of link to happen.

I just realized that I was really afraid of losing.

But I never thought about it, maybe there are so many symptoms, which means that the thing I am worried about is not the presentation of the hypothetical tense, but may actually be a present continuous tense.