God knows

When I woke up, I saw the sun shining into the room, sprinkled a little golden on the edge of my bed, and the homework I wrote last night was still scattered on the table.

The phone was on the bedside table, vibrating in those three or four Injustice comic books.

"Jeffrey?"

"Today I decided to wake you up myself. If you didn't come, Browning would make things difficult for me. Do you know how much pressure it is? As if you are my responsibility, come on?"

"Okay! I'm awake, and if I continue talking with you, those who are not late will become late."

As I said that, I jumped out of bed, stepped on the groaning wooden floor, and began to lower my head to pick up things and throw them into my backpack.

I tried my best to suppress my emotions, and kept calm thinking: I couldn't see Phoenix, or was she missing from the moment I opened my eyes?

She is gone.

I expected her to leave one day, but it shouldn't be this abrupt.

I threw the packed bag on the ground and began to search every corner of the room, checking the window frame where she usually straddled, all the books she would read page by page, and even the trash can of the computer folder , web browsing history?

?I thought that even if Phoenix was a little angry with me, it would be impossible for her to leave without saying goodbye, but she left nothing behind, leaving only the loneliness of the entire space. Without her quiet figure, this room is really empty. .

"Ann, can I buy a box of eggs on the way back from school?"

When I was about to open the door and go out, I heard my mother say, I turned around and shouted "no problem" before striding out in the morning sun.

I arrived at Burt's newsstand, deliberately slowed down, and bent over to pick up another scattered magazine for Burt.There was no sign of Phoenix.

I walked across the road, stood still at the intersection where we met for the first time, and let the vehicles pass by me in all directions, as if waiting with hope.There was no sign of Phoenix.

I saw the school bus deliberately approaching the intersection to check, to see if she was in the back seat looking at the sky boredly in the familiar position?No.

Finally I turned my head and walked back to my commute to school.

"You know you've been acting weird all day?" Jeffrey said.

I walked and looked at the sky, carefully inspecting every passing face in the corridor, I thought she must still be nearby, if I accidentally missed it, maybe I would never have a chance to see her again.

All the signs prove that she existed. The comic book I bought is still new, and it is the trace of her casual flipping method-she will fold the page she sees at will, and wait until she thinks of it. Open it to see.The last comic website she browsed on the computer is still there, and it even clearly marked the last time she used it.Everything was so normal, but it seemed to be abruptly cut off at that point in time, as if she was fine before that, until she disappeared completely after that second.

I think of her vanished wings.

I wondered uneasily, could it be her whole person, her existence that disappeared this time?

"no need to say sorry."

I remembered what Phoenix said a few days ago.

"I think I might owe you more someday, and I hope you can say the same if you can."

It made me believe almost intuitively that she had been prepared to leave.

But since she knew it would hurt me, why did she do it?

Did she have to, or did she just not care?

If I meet Phoenix again, I just want her to tell me why she left?Why this time?As long as I know the reason, a reasonable explanation can provide an exportable answer in my future thoughts.

...she can't just leave.

After living a normal life for half a day, I felt empty and fragile in my heart, like a dead branch that would snap off.

"Does it mean that if you fall in love with the wrong person, you have to accept punishment?"

"What's the matter with you?" Jeffrey looked at me worriedly, and asked me closer.

"Fuck," I pushed Jeffrey hard, almost yelling, "you just answer the fuck!"

Then I burst into tears uncontrollably.

Without her by my side, it was as incomplete as if a piece was missing. I had nothing, nothing left.

Do you have to accept punishment if you fall in love with the wrong person?

But it’s not my fault that I fell in love. I tried hard to control it but couldn’t control it. I tried my best to erase it but I couldn’t suppress it. If I could, I don’t want love to be so laborious and painful?

Is Phoenix to me what David is to Lisa?Or Fang Sihua to her fiancé?It's a pity that no matter which plot, I'm doomed to be bruised and get nothing.

"It was hurt by someone you love, can you still be willing?"

I think the question is the answer to the affirmative, even though she left without saying goodbye, I kept asking myself what did I do wrong?

Am I overstepping the bounds?Is it because I am always wantonly thinking about her around her, making her feel noisy and finally impatient?Or because of that unknown reason of anger?If I had apologized earlier, wouldn't she have left?At least he won't leave so early and so mercilessly?

"I couldn't keep her! I hate myself for not being able to keep her!" I cried, regardless of whether the sentence made sense to others, "I hate that I was not destined to have her! This is really a Fucking unfair life!"

"OK OK…"

Jeffrey put his arms around my neck.

To my surprise, he didn't understand at all, but his voice was full of understanding.

"...It's not fair. Life is not fair. There is no grass anywhere in the world, right? Love is such a thing, don't worry about it..."

He whispered, probably guessing my meaning, trying to comfort me and make me happy.

"As you said, Ann, even Cupid himself can't figure it out..."

Geoffrey probably didn't understand what effect this sentence had, but I couldn't help crying even harder.

That whole day, I didn't see Phoenix again.

I think my guess is correct, there is a premonition, even a tacit understanding.

I understand that she's gone forever and won't be coming back.