winter past

The inner office is very spacious, the light green walls are matched with soft pea green carpets, there are windows on three sides, and some landscape paintings are hung on the walls. After looking around so casually, he was almost blinded by the sunlight in the room. He lowered his head, sat down on a leather recliner, and first apologized to Chen Wan'er: "I'm sorry, Doctor Chen, I caught a cold today, so maybe I'm not feeling well."

Chen Wan'er sat on a single sofa seat opposite him and asked him, "Have you had breakfast?"

"Eat." Xiaoman began to report the name of the dish, "Red bean dumplings, dipped in sugar, soy milk, warm, it's hot, I wanted to drink ice, but it's not good for the stomach to drink ice early in the morning." He smiled , opened the fashion magazine that I brought in just now, flipped to the horoscope column, and asked Chen Wan'er: "I remember you are a Pisces?"

Chen Wan'er said: "Yesterday Zhang Huifen's lawyer contacted me."

"Oh, inquire about me?" Xiaoman looked at the constellation column with a smile, and took care of Chen Wan'er: "You should pay attention to the health of your throat this month, there is a risk of tonsillitis, you can consider buying lottery tickets, it seems to be quite lucky "He raised his head and blinked at Chen Wan'er, and asked with a smile, "Should a psychiatrist keep the patient's medical history absolutely confidential?"

Chen Wan'er nodded, sitting very relaxed, with her feet under the recliner where Xiao Man was sitting, she said: "He told me about Lu Yang's situation, and it was out of concern for you, so he asked me. If you let Will your separation from Lu Yang have any impact on your mental state, he knows that after all these years, your relationship with Lu Yang is still very deep."

"Does he think I treat Lu Yang as a pet, as a younger brother or as a son, or does he suspect that I am molesting a minor, or that I am a pedophile?" Xiaoman pressed the magazine on his lap with his hand, Stared at Chen Wan'er.

Chen Wan'er smiled: "You think too much, we all know you wouldn't do something like that."

"Then what did you tell him? Did you tell him that if I want to live a normal life again, I must try to re-establish an emotional relationship with others, and I must find an emotional sustenance object. You suggested to me at that time You can keep pets, and I tell you, a boy needs my care, you think it would be a good idea to try to live with him, he and pets have the same effect on me, you are so with him Did you say that?"

"That's not what I said." Chen Wan'er was still smiling, and she asked Xiaoman, "Would you like something to drink?"

Xiaoman still stared at her closely: "Then what are your original words?"

"I said, you are trying to overcome your psychological shadow. Lu Yang is a very successful attempt for you. He means a lot to you, just like a life-saving straw caught by a drowning man."

Xiao Man couldn't help laughing: "Have you ever thought about how Lu Yang felt when he heard such words?"

"How do you think he will feel?"

Xiaoman clasped his hands tightly together, and the tinnitus was playing in his ears again. He pressed the magazine under his hand and said: "Yesterday, he asked me if I could be his second guardian, and he told me that he and His mother is related by blood, he can't abandon his mother, his mother will always be there, is his first guardian... he is stupid, second guardian... there is no such thing in the world, Do I deserve it?" Xiaoman shook his head, trying to shake the growing tinnitus out of his ears, and at the same time, he said, "I'm sick, and I want to get better, tell me, not all relationships are With aggression, it will hurt people. You suggested that I should get up from where I fell. Don’t be afraid. You encouraged me to reach out to people, to accept others again, to complete a life by caring for others, by letting others accept me first. A mutually compensating emotional relationship..." He suddenly couldn't hear his own voice, and had to raise the volume, and then he heard himself say: "I think I hurt Lu Yang, and I took advantage of him."

He raised his arm, pressed his lips against the intertwined fingers, he let out a long breath, and said, "I've talked to this point, and I've confessed to you to this point, now you know me Are you okay?" After speaking, he glanced at Chen Wan'er, "I want to see a doctor, the kind that can cure a cold, I'm really uncomfortable."

Chen Wan'er asked him again: "Can I ask what you saw in 404 that day? Can you tell me as frankly as you did just now?"

"It's all in the news... there's nothing to say." Xiaoman looked down at the magazine.

Chen Wan'er said, "You're not a policeman anymore, can't you just gossip?"

Xiao Man found Ben Yue Yuncheng, a Capricorn, and said while watching: "I saw a woman, a child, a baby, very small, yellow all over, the air purifier was on in the room, it was a little noisy, like My tinnitus..." Pointing to the magazine, he said in surprise: "It is possible to catch a cold this month, so be careful not to be greedy for cold, isn't it too accurate?"

Chen Wan'er said, "This is the March magazine."

Xiaoman laughed out loud, closed the magazine, leaned on the recliner and said, "A woman who looks like 25, except for her complexion is a bit strange, her skin elasticity looks good, her hair is of good quality, shiny and shiny, her hands are They are painted with dark green nail polish, like this..." He pointed to the cover of the fashion magazine over there, "Oh, it turns out to be this year's trending color."

"Somewhat like moss." Chen Wan'er said.

"Yes, her person is also like moss, I mean her lying posture, just like moss is attached to a big tree, attached to a stone, very quiet, and harmoniously co-existing with them, she is attached to the bed sheet , very quiet, very harmonious coexistence with that room, I once suspected that she was not dead... a baby boy was lying next to her, maybe it was her child, I don't know, there was a long scar on her belly Traces of stitches, where the child may have been dissected, and the umbilical cord on his navel is tied in a knot. Both of them are so quiet, so peaceful, only my ears are noisy, and my tinnitus is very serious," Xiao Man sighed, looked at Chen Wan'er, "Doctor Chen, do you have any cold medicine here?"

Chen Wan'er shook her head, poured him a glass of warm water, and asked, "I heard that you found the body with another person?"

Xiaoman took a sip of water, and then said: "It's two other people, one of them is the owner of the hotel, and the other is one of my guests, I went to the Aegean Sea with that guest, I asked her to wait downstairs, and the result When I was chatting with the boss, she came up by herself and insisted on going to 404. The boss refused at first, saying that no one had lived here for a week, and many guests thought this room was unlucky and didn’t like living there. Usually the residents of that house are some novelty hunters, and there are some horror live broadcasts. Later, she gave him a lot of money, and he opened the door. He refused to let me in at first. You know me and the boss It was somewhat contradictory. The boss called the police after discovering the body."

"Tell me about your guest."

"Girl, she's pretty, a university teacher who teaches Chinese to foreigners." Xiao Man said, "There is such a person, you can ask Dai Rou, she is definitely not my illusion."

"Is she a guest at your ballroom?"

"A client of the private detective business, she is obsessed with perverted serial killer cases, and modern people seem to be obsessed with such cases."

"What do you think it is?"

"Because thanks to these people, they have a long story to read when they go to the toilet, which is good for passing the time?" Xiaoman drank two more sips of water, scratched the center of his eyebrows, looked at Chen Wan'er and said, "I think she Looking for a way out, it is possible that she had some special experience in the relationship between mother and child. When she saw the woman and child in 404, she reacted very much. It was not like the ordinary frightened reaction, like lingering fear. I was very scared, but I was forcing myself to face it again, and then I fainted..." Xiaoman paused, scratching her hair with a smile: "Don't gossip about others, of course, it is also possible that she has passed the wind for more than 20 years Living a smooth life, getting bored, not liking my current life, just looking for excitement, some kind of comfort, some kind of sense of accomplishment? Just like the author of a popular post analyzing a case on the Internet, "

"You mean the Qingshi storyteller who is very popular on the Internet?"

"Are you also paying attention to these recent cases?"

"I also need toilet reading materials when I go to the toilet." Chen Wan'er smiled.

Xiaoman also smiled, sat up, and put the water glass on a tea table.Chen Wan'er said: "Some people guess that this storyteller is actually the Aegean killer and the one who is currently committing the crime. He seems to know a lot. Have you read the post?"

Xiao Man looked at Chen Wan'er: "I know that post." He said, "He is not the Aegean killer, he is not Lin Midong, Lin Midong is dead."

"I know that you shot him dead. The situation was very critical. If you didn't shoot, Dai Rou's life would be in danger."

Xiao Man rubbed his face vigorously with a smile, and sighed, "You remember my story so clearly!"

Chen Wan'er pointed to the desk behind her: "I reviewed my previous records yesterday."

Xiaoman held his face, bent over, looked at the tea table in front of him, and said, "Then you still remember what I told you about when I was a special police officer."

There was a faint reflection of a person on the coffee table, Xiao Man couldn't help covering his mouth and nose, poking his fingertips under his eyes, and he closed them.

Chen Wan'er said: "Remember, when you were 15 years old, your father was fighting drugs at the border and was killed by a local drug lord..."

Chen Wan'er's voice was soft, gradually softened, and gradually faded out, as if she was waiting for someone to take up the conversation.

Xiao Man continued: "From then on, my dream was to be a policeman, to catch that Kunnu who killed my father. At 08:4 am on April 15, 28, I caught him and handed over to him. He put on handcuffs, and since then... I have no dreams anymore, I feel that my life is enough to reach there, my life can actually end at that point, for example, when I was performing that During the task of collecting the net, Kun Nu and I died together, what do you think would be a perfect ending?" At this point, he changed the subject and asked Chen Wan'er: "I told you about this story and these words. After so many times, don't you get bored? Are you actually very impatient now? "

Chen Wan'er said: "My daughter recently raised a little rabbit. When she was at home, she would spend a lot of time every day, almost every 5 minutes to tell the rabbit that I love you. Say, won't you get bored?"

"She loves that rabbit, I regret it, can this be compared?"

"Of course, what's wrong? They are all emotions in essence. Whether it's love, regret or hatred, they're all just extremely strong emotions that linger in people's hearts."

"Does her rabbit love her too?"

"She hoped that she would love it so many times every day, and that it would love her too."

"Maybe she doesn't love it, but just wants to get its love. This is her trick. She is cheating on its love."

Chen Wan'er thought for a while and said, "Maybe."

"I seem to think too badly of your daughter." Xiaoman asked, "Did she sleep well?"

"It's not bad, but recently I pretend to sleep, and then hide under the covers and play on the tablet."

Xiaoman smiled: "Is it a headache?"

"A bit."

Xiao Man put down his hand and looked at Chen Wan'er: "Do you have a picture of that rabbit?"

Chen Wan'er got up and walked to the desk, and said softly, "I didn't make up a story to lie to you."

She picked up a mobile phone that was on the table and walked back.She gave Xiaoman the phone, and the screen saver of the phone was a picture of a seven or eight-year-old girl hugging a little white rabbit. The girl was laughing with her mouth open, and her two front teeth were crumbling.Xiao Man said, "It's so cute."

"There's also a video." Chen Wan'er found a video and broadcast it to Xiaoman. The video showed the little girl in the screensaver photo stroking a rabbit, saying earnestly over and over again: "Little rabbit, I Love you, I love you."

Xiao Man returned the phone to Chen Wan'er, and lay down on the recliner. He folded his arms and curled up and said, "I really want to sleep." He smiled and said, "I'm really honest with you, thinking of I'll tell you anything."

"Go to sleep for a while, my next patient today won't come until the afternoon."

"Doctor Chen, can you hypnotize me?" Xiaoman asked, looking straight at the water glass on the coffee table.The outlines of the people who landed on the coffee table before turned into strange lines like ripples.

"Why do you think you need hypnosis?"

"I want some deep sleep."

"Is the quality of sleep not good recently?"

"I can sleep more than eight hours a day." Xiaoman said, and joked, "You can also ask me more gossip about my guests after I am hypnotized."

There was a smile in Chen Wan'er's voice: "I thought you had confessed enough to me and told me all the gossip you knew."

"Yes, I have told you everything. You are my psychiatrist, and you will keep it a secret. Is there anything I can't tell you?" Xiao Man said, and nodded himself.

Chen Wan'er asked him: "Are you still sleeping during the day recently? Are you still unable to sleep at night?"

"Yes."

"Then isn't it time for you to sleep? You don't need hypnosis, do you?"

The ripples on the coffee table trembled a bit, Xiao Man leaned on his arm, and said with tinnitus that rose and fell on the pillow: "Yaoting 20, 604, Zhu Yuewen's mother and son, 23 years old, one year and two months old, came back from Australia to visit relatives; 25-304, Hongmu Street, this autumn, Zhang Guifang and his wife, 66 and 65 years old, are going to attend the wedding of their niece. The old couple are both retired, and they are planning to travel around China in an RV; 8, Building 204, Danxiangyuan, Feng Liyuan's family of three , 45 years old, 48 years old, 21 years old, a middle-aged couple and a daughter who just graduated from university and found a job. Yan Zhizhong, a water delivery worker, is 21 years old. He did not find a job immediately after graduating from university. A white-collar worker with a high salary and doing all sorts of part-time jobs, and sending 3000 yuan home every month; Kong Ting, a girl, 20 years old, studying at a university with excellent grades, and eligible to recommend graduate students; He Junjun, a boy, 17 years old , a sports school student, a strong swimmer, and his dream is to participate in the Olympics."

"None of these guys made it through the summer of '08."

"They're all in the past."

"I went back to Qingshi...I survived that summer..."

The sunlight shining into the room suddenly became brighter, Xiaoman's eyes were stinging, and his temples on both sides were swollen. He blinked and said, "I just want to sleep and not dream...or know that I am dreaming, and then I can wake up soon... I only feel this way when I am hypnotized."

Chen Wan'er said: "Then try to relax a bit, and try to adjust the rhythm of your breathing."

Xiao Man closed her eyes and lay down in the sun.

"Inhale, exhale..."

"Inhale, exhale..."

"Focus on my voice."

Chen Wan'er said: "Now, imagine that you have come to a lawn, the grass is very green, the breeze is gentle, and you can see rolling hills in the distance."

In front of Xiaoman's eyes was a sea.

"You lie down on the grass, the temperature is right, and the air smells like flowers."

The sea is calm.He was sitting in a small wooden boat, there was no wind, and the boat was motionless.

"Everything is comfortable, there is no one here but you."

Many other people were also sitting in this small boat.Some of them were lying flat, some were curled up, some had a black line on their stomachs, some had centipede-like stitches all over their arms, some had very red mouths, and a baby was lying on his back with his limbs spread out. at his feet.These people were all naked, with calm faces, and they all looked at him with their eyes open.

"Now, I'll count to ten and you'll fall asleep..."

Xiaoman moved, and the boat sank.

""one two three……"

He sank to the bottom of the sea.He saw Lin Midong sitting on the bottom of the sea, holding a cream cake in his hand, he seemed eager to say something to him.

"Four."

He said: "I used to think that the room number 04 was unlucky and unlucky. To be honest with you, room 4 was my childhood shadow, but it was so strange. The first time I saw you, you chose room 404. I fell in love with this number all of a sudden, and from then on, seeing room number 4 felt very happy."

"Five, six, seven..."

"When I'm with you, I'm very relaxed and relaxed, as if I don't have any troubles, don't you think so?"

"ten……"

Xiaoman opened his eyes.