summer passerby

After closing the door, He Ting dragged Jiang Xindong to the bedside, dizzy and couldn't stop, so he sat on the bed first.

He hooked Jiang Xindong's hand with his fingertips, and asked unhappily: "Will he knock on your door at night before?"

"For the first time," Jiang Xindong sat down, raised his index finger to stroke his soft hair, "are you jealous?"

The light in the room was very dim, and it was orange. He Ting lowered his head, and the vague outline appeared gloomy: "I don't care about what happened to you before."

The expression is very inappropriate.

Jiang Xindong had just taken a shower, his half-wet hair was brushed back, and there were still tiny drops of water on the bridge of his tall nose.He hugged He Ting, the place where his skin touched was warm and humid: "But I have nothing to do with him before."

The window was opened a thin slit, and the cold moonlight came in through the slit.He Ting raised his head and looked at Jiang Xindong, the corners of his eyes were moist because of sadness: "In the past, anyone was fine, I only want you now."

"There is no one else," Jiang Xindong kissed the corners of his salty eyes, "I have been alone for the past few years."

A kiss from the corner of the eye to the cheek, from the lips to the collarbone, the air is filled with the smell of refreshing and clean shampoo.

The gentle and heavy palm stroked He Ting's eyebrows, eyes, mouth and nose, and finally slid down slowly along his Adam's apple, causing him to tremble.

Jiang Xindong pressed down on him, and unbuttoned the pajamas one by one.His palms were very hot, and the heat was transmitted to He Ting's body through the fabric of the pajamas, spreading like a crazy tropical plant.

Intermittent kisses, sometimes on the lips, sometimes on the neck, and sometimes on the lower part of the body.

He Ting panted softly, and the small hum made Jiang Xindong's ears warm. They entangled with each other passionately and kissed with great devotion, as if this could make up for the blank five years and the turbulent relationship.

The next day He Ting slept until twelve noon, Jiang Xindong had finished his breakfast and was writing in front of the window wearing black noise-canceling headphones.

He Ting only wore a fat T-shirt, and walked behind him with bare long legs, put one hand on his shoulder, and leaned over to read the lyrics on the paper: "Inspired?"

"Well," Jiang Xindong took off the earphones, took He Ting's hand and asked, "Are you hungry?"

"Hungry," He Ting nodded, "but I don't want to go out."

Last night I was as tired as a two-hour marathon, and my muscles and bones ached.

"Then I'll ask the hotel to deliver the meal," Jiang Xindong said while helping He Ting massage his waist, "I'll be lighter next time."

He Ting was determined: "Next time I will be on top."

Jiang Xindong raised his eyebrows calmly: "This posture is also fine."

He Ting: "... Get lost."

When Jiang Xindong was writing the song, He Ting was sitting on the bed playing with his computer, and the search bar for New York housing history appeared in the search bar.

He Ting looked at those webpages and fell into deep thought. It seemed that if he insisted on staying in New York, Jiang Xindong would really move here to accompany him.

But staying in New York is a toss for Jiang Xindong. In the second half of the year, there will be two concerts every month, and flying back and forth is time-consuming and labor-intensive.

So in the end He Ting decided to return to China, but he had to live alone.

He was sitting on the bed looking for a house, Jiang Xindong hugged him from behind after writing the song: "Do you want to go back to Shengyang International?"

Shengyang International is the place where He Ting lived in high school for three years.There he met Jiang Xindong for the first time and broke up with Jiang Xindong there.

"I almost never lived there after we broke up with you," He heard. "Because I always think of you, so my dad sold it later."

"I know," Jiang Xindong pressed his chin lightly on his forehead, "but I bought it back, and you can go back to live at any time."

He Ting was surprised: "When did it happen?"

"Last month," Jiang Xindong said in a low voice, "I wanted to tell you on your birthday..."

He Ting raised his eyes: "Isn't it, a birthday present?"

"It's not a gift, it was originally yours," Jiang Xindong raised his eyebrows slightly, "It will be your home from now on."

"Home?" He Ting's eyes slowly fell, a little hesitant.

Jiang Xindong paused for a few seconds, suppressed his smile, and could not hear any emotion in his voice: "If you don't want to live, then leave it alone, then I will find another place for you."

"Don't look for it." He Ting grabbed his hand and finally nodded.

In fact, he has traveled to many places over the years, and there is no place that he remembers more than that house.

He and Jiang Xindong went from meeting to joy, from enthusiasm to breaking up, the cups they used together, the pillows they slept on together, the ambiguous touch, the romantic kiss, the joy and joy when they fell in love, and the misery when they broke up. Evidence can be found there.

If they can live there all the time these few years, they will be very happy.

Unfortunately not.

So He Ting has concerns - afraid of the old things repeating, afraid of repeating the same mistakes, afraid of the beautiful things being broken again.

But he was more reluctant to let Jiang Xindong be sad than to be afraid.

No matter how many times, as long as the person standing on the other side of the cliff is Jiang Xindong, he will choose to go through fire and water, even if the result is doomed.

The matter of returning to China was put on the agenda, and Jiang Xindong found a top psychiatrist for He Ting in China.

The doctor needed He Ting's medical records from the past few years. Mia saved a file belonging to He Ting on the cloud disk. During the last consultation, she sent the login account and password to He Ting.

He Ting didn't open it, thinking there was only one medical record inside, so he passed it on to Jiang Xindong.

The document has a total of 3 G, and Jiang Xindong downloaded all of them to the computer and opened them on the plane back to China to prepare for the concert.

Several written materials simply recorded He Ting's mental state over the past few years:

He Ting was severely depressed the year he first left the country. He attempted suicide three times, but he gave up for various reasons. He committed at least twenty times of self-harm, most of which were at his hands.

In the second year of going abroad, severe depression began to turn into moderate depression, and the main reason for recovery was drug treatment and He Chenxing's company.

……

After He Chenxing passed away last year, He Ting only went back for an interview once. At that time, Mia's record was: Suspected that her life had suffered a serious setback and her condition had relapsed, and she needed close attention.

Mia is used to recording interviews for better treatment and case analysis later.In addition to written materials, there are also audio and written records of He Ting's face-to-face consultation in the document.

Jiang Xindong opened the transcripts one by one according to the date line marked in the document. In the first few months of recording, He Ting hardly spoke. During the one-hour course of treatment, he and Mia had no more than three sentences in conversation.

Then He Ting gradually opened his mouth, and the recording of the interview was basically a question and an answer:

Mia: Do you think life is meaningless?

He Ting: Yes.

Mia: Then why did you come to me?

He Ting: I'm afraid he will feel a little sad if he finds out.

Mia: Him?

He Ting: Ex-boyfriend.

Mia: Like him very much?

He Ting: Yes.

Mia: Let me take a look at your hands. There are no new wounds. Has your mood improved recently?

He Ting: He has released a new album, which is very good.

Mia: Have you thought about contacting him?

He Ting: I thought about it, but there are too many people who like him, I can't think of any reason why he still likes me.

Mia: Don't always think about it alone, some things need to be clarified in person.

He Ting: Actually, I don't expect too much, he is such a dazzling person, having one summer is enough for me to miss him for a lifetime.

Mia: Do you plan to meet new people and develop new relationships?

He Ting: Tried, failed, always think of him when meeting others.

Mia: Keep trying, people can't always live in the past.

He Ting: There is no way, if you have seen the brightest star in the sky, you will find that others are dim and cannot be seen.

Mia: But he is in the sky now, what you see is his reflection in the water.

He Ting: So what if it is a reflection, I will continue to watch and fish.

Jiang Xindong listened to the passages, his heart seemed to be pulled open, with a deep gash, and there was a lot of pain.Rather than saying that this is He Ting's case in the past five years, it is better to say that this is He Ting's confession to him in the past five years.

Paragraph after paragraph, doomed to despair, silent, unresponsive confession.

He didn't understand why someone would be as stupid as He Ting, wishful thinking during the few years when no one cared about him, talking about love repeatedly without letting that person know.

This kind of love is silent and painful, but in the years that have been run over by time, it is so quiet that it is heart-pounding.

"Hello, hello," the stewardess waved her hand in front of Jiang Xindong, "Are you okay?"

Jiang Xindong frowned, his voice was low and hoarse, almost inaudible: "It's okay."

"I just called you three times," the stewardess smiled, "What do you want to eat?"

Jiang Xindong shook his head: "No need."

After the stewardess left, Jiang Xindong turned on the most recent recording, and the time showed that it was recorded a week ago.

Mia: I'm really happy for you and him, but why do I always feel that you still have some concerns?

He Ting: I am suffering from severe illness, so it is not his best choice.

Mia: So what are you... thinking now?

He Ting: He can withdraw at any time in the future, and I won't make things difficult for him.

Mia: But have you asked him what he thinks?Don't underestimate his feelings for you.

He Ting: He deserves the best, but I don't.

……

After getting off the plane, Jiang Xindong asked Zhuang Gaoyang to come out for a drink, and after drinking enough, he told all about He Ting's affairs.

Zhuang Gaoyang's face turned pale from time to time, and sometimes he was shocked. It can be said that there was a wave of ups and downs, and his words were incoherent: "Fuck, fuck..."

"I'm just saying that I hope you don't have prejudice against him." Jiang Xindong's eyes fell on the wine glass, and his eyes tightened. "If you, if you have any thoughts about him, don't show it at all, otherwise I won't As good-tempered as today."

"Damn it... If there is a woman who cares about me like this, I'll be moved crazy, right?" Zhuang Gaoyang put the wine glass on the table, "What can I think? I just think he's manly and ruthless , awesome enough..."

"Okay, the acting skills are too exaggerated," Jiang Xindong didn't bother to listen to his nonsense, just in time the phone turned on, it was a WeChat message sent by He Ting when he woke up, he picked up the phone and turned to Zhuang Gaoyang, "Go out and make a call."

He Ting had been discharged from the hospital and was brushing his teeth in the apartment when the phone vibrated.

He rinsed the foam from his mouth and turned on the video.

It was already dark on Jiang Xindong's side, and he seemed to be standing on a certain rooftop, with flickering colored lights and loud music in the background.

He Ting teased: "It seems that the nightlife is very rich."

"Come out for a drink with Zhuang Gaoyang," Jiang Xindong's hair was blown by the night wind, and the contours of his facial features were slightly depressed in the shadowy light, "I'm not in a good mood."

"Not so good?" He Ting asked, "Why?"

Jiang Xindong's eyes were dark, and when he looked at him, his eyes were soft, but there was a helpless smile on his mouth: "My boyfriend seems to be ready to break up with me at any time."

"Ah?" He Ting was taken aback, his eyes flickering, "I didn't..."

"I listened to the recording of your psychological consultation on the plane. In the case files you shared with me," Jiang Xindong's pupils shrank, and although the corners of his mouth were smiling, his eyes turned cold, "He Ting, don't try to fool me."

He Ting shook his hands and was stunned for a moment: "Which passage did you listen to?"

"A lot." Jiang Xindong said.

"You know, I didn't mean that," He Ting was nervous for a moment, unable to speak clearly, "I just..."

"No matter what you mean, but listen to the following: You are the best to me, no one can compare to you," Jiang Xindong leaned on the railing, staring at him, his dark eyes bottomless, "I don't care about other people's opposition, and I'm not afraid to treat illnesses with you. The most painful thing for me is that you choose to alienate me and leave me because of these things, understand?"

He Ting paused for a few seconds, lowered his eyelids, and let out a soft "hmm".

I don't know how long after Hengchang's silence, Jiang Xindong raised his hand in surrender, standing in the wind and sighed, his voice was muffled, vaguely mixed with a bit of grievance:

"Don't leave me, please."