north of the arctic

In the two years since Shuibei left, 1000 yuan was transferred to grandma's account on time every month.At first, my grandma wondered who the 1000 yuan came from. Later, our whole family agreed that it was from Shuibei, who was working hard outside.

I don't know where Shuibei is, what he's doing, he rarely updates his Weibo and Moments, and only posts updates during the holidays, proving that he is still alive in this world.

In the fifth month of the year he left, I was wayward and found a boy who was two years younger than me and became my boyfriend.The junior is very similar to him, tall and thin, white and clean, with a soft and soft voice, he likes to cling to me, rely on me, and let me do whatever he can.However, the younger brother is a very outgoing and cheerful person. I may be used to the quietness of Shuibei, so that I often feel that the younger brother is very noisy, and there seems to be a chatterbox in my body that can never be turned off.Even when it was cloudy and rainy, he talked a lot, asked and complained a lot, and as the years went by, I gradually became less fond of talking and kept things in my heart.

Perhaps, for my junior, I am his reliable boyfriend, picking him up from school, taking him to eat all the delicacies in the city, buying him the clothes that Shuibei liked to wear before, and loving him, but I know very well that my junior is nothing more than Baishuibei's cunt for me to satisfy my physical needs.

On that day, I finally couldn't stand my junior, so he lost his temper and parted ways with me.

At that time, my junior and I lived in the wedding room that my parents helped me prepare, and that day my junior didn’t say a word, but just asked me to drive him home and pack his luggage.I didn't save him either, I just picked him up from school at noon and sent him home.

When I got home, I sat on the sofa, crossed my legs, and smoked a cigarette, while my junior rushed into the bedroom, took out the suitcase under the bed, and took away the things in my house one by one.

His clothes, his favorite puppet bear, and the things I gave him were all thrown on the bed by him, the clothes of Shuibei's favorite style, the earrings that are similar to Shuibei's earrings, Shuibei I like scarves of various styles, as well as some small objects about music.

I knew that I was bewitched and there was no way out.

The junior dragged the suitcase, came out of the bedroom, put the suitcase by the door, and then sat next to me, with the usual posture, the whole body was nestled in my arms.

He hugged me tightly, like a restless kitten, crying and saying: "Shannan, quickly save me, so that I won't be hard-hearted, so that I won't leave. Quickly save me."

Hearing this, I didn't speak, I just smoked on my own.To be honest, I am already tired of this relationship, and I am very tired all over, and during the days when I get along with my junior, his carefree and thick-skinned personality is not suitable for me.

Seeing that I didn't speak, he buried his head on my chest, tears dripped on my thin trousers, and complained:

"Li Shannan, what they said is right, your heart is really hard and cold, it's chilling."

The younger brother is probably right. After leaving Shuibei, I have become like this, gloomy all day long, giving up on myself, just throwing myself to the ground.

I was still smoking in silence, my junior raised his head, stared at me with his teary eyes, and asked me, "Shannan, I love you, do you love me?"

When I was about to answer, he put his index finger on my lips, with tears in his eyes, like an abandoned woman, and said: "You don't love me, I know."

After a pause, he sniffed, and said with a sneer, "My best friend and I complained about why you are always so absent-minded in this relationship. Later, I discovered that I am the shadow of another person. I don't I know who that person is, but I know that in your heart, I am just his substitute."

It is true that the student who is superficially nervous has a delicate mind. He has penetrated everything about me and perceived the truth of the matter.

Hearing what he said, the shadow of Shuibei flickered in my mind. I picked up a tissue, held my junior's face, wiped the tears from his face, and said, "I'll take you back to school."

Yes, I am so ruthless, yes, I am such a scum, because Shuibei is in my heart, and I can't get rid of it.I've tried dating a woman at one point to straighten myself out, but I've found that it's harder than trying to get someone who's addicted to drugs to quit.I tried to fall in love with men, but the playmates I found all had the shadow of Shuibei.

That bastard in Baishuibei made me, who was extremely afraid of heights, fall from a height, and then left without saying a word, but then cast a curse on me, a curse that made me never escape this vicious circle.

"No, I'll just go back by myself."

After speaking, the junior let go of my arms, wiped the tears on his face, and walked towards the door.When he put on his shoes, I looked at him who was crying bitterly, without words, but he looked around, cried and shook his head, and said with a smile:

"When I first lived in this house, I thought, I will be with you forever, live in this house, then get married, have a child, and raise a puppy. Until now, I realized that everything is my self-concern."

After a pause, he sniffed his nose, wiped the tears on his face with the sleeve of his plaid shirt, and said:

"Since you still love that person, go after him! Why come out and harm others!"

After finishing speaking, he pointed his middle finger at me and cursed: "Go to hell, scumbag."

After finishing speaking, he dragged his suitcase and ran out slowly, while I just stood at the door and watched his back as he left.During the five-month relationship, he didn’t know what I like to eat, my past, and my family’s situation. He just desperately asked me to spend money on things for him, and let me declare in front of his classmates that he has A reliable boyfriend made him very respectable in front of his brothers, so in a daze, I was defined as a scumbag.

Forget it, I don't clean up anymore, I'm a scumbag, the head office is fine.

After my junior left, I walked into the bedroom and looked at the clothes and messy things. I just found a garbage bag, cleaned up all those things, and threw them into the trash can.

After tidying up, I took a shower, turned on the computer, and continued researching a divorce case I was accepting at the time.At that time, I was the defender of the woman who filed for divorce because her husband had cheated. The woman only asked me to let her get the property and custody of the children as much as possible, so that the heartbroken man could leave the house.After more than ten years of relationship, the two of them tore apart like this and ruined everything. The rest is just me and the other party's defender negotiating in court because of a dispute of interest, and the judge's judgment is all.

The most pitiful thing was the child whose parents were divorcing. If the child was lucky enough, that would be fine. If the child was as unlucky as Shui Bei, he might be another poor child.

I always think about things, when I think about it, I think about Shuibei.

Right now, all I have to do is to prepare materials so that the woman can get custody of the child, because I think it will be easier for the child to follow his mother.

After writing the materials, it was already pitch black outside the window, and as usual, I clicked on Shuibei's always gray profile picture, and simply said hello to him and asked him how he was doing recently.But I know that the avatar will not light up, and he will not answer me.So, like a lunatic talking to himself, I used the account that would never respond as an emotional outlet, tapped the keyboard, and told him everything about me and my junior.

Anyway, I think I'm already on Shuibei's blacklist, so he can't see what I say.

When I was wearing a vest and shorts, sitting on the bay window, smoking a cigarette with an ashtray in hand, and watching the lights of thousands of houses in the city, at that moment, the computer rang a notification tone.I thought it was an email, so I put a cigarette in my mouth, scratched my head, and went to see what the email was, only to find that a new message appeared below my long description of what happened between me and my junior, It is from the north of the water.He only said one thing, blamed me for being too much to my junior, and called me a heartless scumbag.

Seeing the gray profile picture light up, I felt like thousands of butterflies were dancing in my heart, because I finally got in touch with the person I had lost contact with for a long time, Baishuibei.

There are thousands of words to say to him, but after repeatedly typing and deleting, I only asked him if he was doing well.

He didn't reply in a second, I sat and looked at the lighted head, my heart was flustered, my hands were folded, and then clenched into fists, I was afraid that this moment would come and go too fast.

"I'm doing well." Shui Bei replied.

Wanting to know his coordinates, I asked him, "Where are you? What are you doing?"

I know that he should work hard outside, otherwise it would be impossible to free up 1000 yuan every month and send it to grandma to subsidize the family.

Shuibei replied very slowly, but my heart kept trembling. I was afraid that he would not want to return to me, and then he would disappear without a trace as before, so that I could not find him.

"I have been in Wuxi, working as an actor in a film and television base." Shui Bei replied.

When I saw this, I was surprised. It turned out that he just went to a nearby city, Wuxi.

"When are you coming back?" I asked.

For a long time, Shuibei did not respond to me. When I was completely discouraged, Shuibei told me that he had just gone to take a shower, and then told me that his boss recently helped him accept a movie, which was filmed in the same place, and he was going to go back. Suzhou for a while.

Seeing that he was going back to Suzhou, I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. I just typed on the keyboard and asked him when he would return to Suzhou.

Later, after he told me the exact time, I made a simple arrangement and prepared to meet him on a Saturday.

It was summer, and when I drove to the train station, the bullet train that Shuibei was on hadn't arrived yet.At about two o'clock in the afternoon, the bullet train pulled into the station, and I stood at the corner of the exit, my palms were full of sweat.The familiar figure appeared, wearing a simple white T-shirt, dark blue trousers, carrying a backpack, wearing sunglasses, and his hair was shaved to the side.I called his name and waved to him, and he saw me and walked towards me.

Following him was a man in a slightly older grade, carrying a suitcase, who was as tall as me, but had a beard, and looked very sophisticated.

Shuibei walked up to me, and the man behind him handed the suitcase to Shuibei, shook hands with me, said hello to me, and said, "Shuibei's brother, Shannan, please take care of Shuibei these few days." gone."

After finishing speaking, he said goodbye to us briefly, and then ran towards the crowd, while I looked at his back, asked Shui Bei, and said:

"Who is he?"

Shuibei followed me while playing with his phone with his head down, saying, "A friend."

However, having been in contact with various people for many years, I know very well that that person is definitely not Shuibei's friend.I was driving the car, with Shui Bei sitting in the co-pilot, driving on the viaduct.

"Are you going to visit grandma?" I asked Shui Bei, and Shui Bei shook his head and said:

"No, if I go to grandpa, I will have to use a knife."

"Then what do you want to do next?" I asked him after taking a day off.

He held his chin with one hand, thought for a while, then touched his stomach, and said, "I'm hungry, let's go eat."

"Okay, what do you want to eat?"

"It's up to you, you can eat wherever you think it's delicious." Shui Bei turned his head, looked at me, and replied with a smile.

For me, he handled it easily without the slightest embarrassment, but I was a little unnatural.

I think it was probably because he didn't love me at all.

Later, I simply took me to a department store closer to home and took him to have a meal of Jiangsu and Zhejiang cuisine.At the dinner table, he held onto the chopsticks with his bored hands, groaning while claiming to be hungry, but I just ordered the food and asked the waiter to serve it quickly, so as not to neglect the hungry man opposite.

At the age of 19, his peers are all in college, but Shui Bei has already worked hard outside.

I think he has lost a lot of weight in the past two years, and he is also darker than before, but he is no longer as gloomy as before, and has more sunshine and confidence.When the dishes were ready, Shuibei was like a little tiger, gnawing on the braised pork ribs, while my stomach was not good at that time, I just ate porridge and side dishes.

"Are you tired outside? You look as thin as a monkey."

As I said, I picked up a salt and pepper steak and put it in his bowl, telling him not to eat it.

He looked down at the strips in the bowl, then at me, then put the strips into his mouth, and said, "It's okay, just run around the country."

"Why do you earn so much as a stuntman?" I asked casually.

Shui Bei took a sip of tea calmly, licked his greasy mouth, and said, "Because I'm not afraid of death."

When I heard this, I was startled, and the water in the teacup almost spilled out.

He just said so easily that he is not afraid of death, so he makes a lot of money.

"People don't dare to jump into the river in winter. I do it, and the boss gives me money. People don't dare to ride motorcycles to do stunts. I do it, and the boss gives me money. People don't want to be slapped by actresses or actors. I do it, and the boss gives me money." I have money. That's the reason."

After a pause, he swallowed the meat in his mouth, and said again: "I can't help it, there are hundreds of people robbing me for jobs every day, so I can only do what others don't do."

Hearing what he said, my mind was already filling up various dangerous scenarios, so I persuaded him, saying:

"It's so dangerous, don't do it."

Hearing this, Shuibei looked at me, chuckled, and said with a smile: "Well, I will do it for a few more years, and when I have the money to open a small bar, I won't do it."

"I have made a lot of money over the years. If you want to open a bar, I can help you." I said.

It is true that since I was very young, I have been protecting Shuibei and helping him as much as I can.Helping him, no matter which aspect, I am used to.

"I don't want to rely on you at all, really." Shui Bei replied.

Hearing what he said, I didn't say anything, I just gave him some food, so that he could eat more after suffering outside.

It was already six o'clock in the evening when I got home, Shuibei stepped into my house, looked around, studied the decoration of my house, and I just poured water for him.At night, he and I each took a shower and stood on the balcony to smoke.

"Auntie has already bought you a wedding room, you should find a girlfriend to marry." Shui Bei said, flicking the ashes on his cigarette.

I took a sip of the cigarette, exhaled the white smoke, and said with a dry smile, "How can I have a girlfriend?"

Where can I have a girlfriend, how can I have a girlfriend?And I also plan to die alone, not looking for any girlfriend.

"There will always be the right person," Shui Bei said.

"No, you don't understand." I replied.

How could he understand?From beginning to end, I thought I was his man.

The conversation did not continue, I looked at the sky, and there were a few dark clouds floating above my head, so I snuffed out the cigarette butt in my hand, and said to Shuibei: "The sky has changed, let's go into the house."

Shuibei looked up at the sky, nodded to me, then stubbed out the cigarette butt, threw it into the ashtray, and followed me into the house.

In the living room, bored, we watched a popular TV series at that time, a martial arts TV series.Seeing a scene where a masked scholar in white was holding a sword in his hand and fighting with a group of men in black, Shui Bei pointed to the TV screen and asked:

"I'm in this one, guess which one is me?"

I took a look, pointed at the tallest scholar in white, and said with a smile, "The protagonist."

Hearing this, Shuibei smiled cheerfully, ate a piece of potato chips, then pointed to a masked man in black with a sword lying on his side, and said:

"That person is me. I didn't practice kung fu when I was a child, so I can't act as a substitute, I can only play tricks."

"kindness."

I can only listen carefully to his anecdotes about their acting, because I don't know these things, so I can't intervene.However, as long as he is willing to confide in me, I am willing to offer my ears to listen to such obvious gossip about men and women, Chinese opera students who are underappreciated, unspoken rules in the entertainment industry, and so on.

We chatted until twelve o'clock in the evening, and Shui Bei yawned when he was sleepy, and then stood at the door of the guest room, waiting for me to bring him a pillow and bedding.

It turned out that he and I could no longer sleep in the same bed as we did when we were young.

I took the pillow and futon from the closet, held them in my hands, and handed them to him who was standing at the door of the guest room.

"Go to bed early, you have to sue someone tomorrow." Shui Bei smiled and took the quilt I handed him.

"Well, you too, go to bed earlier." I responded with a smile.

There is an invisible wall between me and him. Although I can't see him, I can clearly feel its existence.

Shui Bei hugged the pillow and quilt, and was dumbfounded, while I also stood in front of him, not speaking.

After 1 minute, I took a deep breath and said to him: "Good night, let's go into the house."

"Good night." Shuibei said, but did not enter the house for a long time.

"Go in, I'm used to watching you go first."

I said, and he nodded, walked into the room, and I closed the door for him.

I have been used to it since I was a child. I am used to him hanging up the phone first, I am used to him not talking first, I am used to watching his back, and I am used to watching him go first.

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