"I heard you ran away once."

I sat on the ground and faced Andy, "Are you tired too? Being locked up in one place like this, I can only see the same people every day, two people who kidnapped you."

Andy grabbed his clothes awkwardly, his eyes erratic.

"Why do not you speak?"

After a while, I asked.

"...I'm sorry," Andy said, "I can't speak when I'm at gunpoint. Run away, uh...that won't happen again, I swear."

"No," I said, pulling the safety catch away with a loud click, "it's not punishment, Andy, you might as well play a game with you as me. This pistol has six magazines, but only one. One bullet, as long as either of us dies, the game will end, it's very simple." I said, gesticulating with my hands illogically, unexpectedly excited, seeing his unbelievable look , as if I could really decide anything.

I turned the wheel, my finger on the trigger.Andy stared at my movements closely, retreating desperately, as if he wanted to curl himself up in a corner, he covered his head for a while and put it down again, making a weak pleading. "Don't do that, Sue, please..." he said, and I shot him before he could finish.

Click and nothing happens.

"Ah, you're lucky," I said.

He stared blankly for a moment before he came back to himself, and then began to curse at me loudly and recklessly until I moved the muzzle of the gun to my temple.In an instant, his voice stopped abruptly, like an animal staring at the light, his mouth stayed in a position where he wanted to say "no".I pull the trigger.I am also alive.

So I pointed the gun at him again.

This time he screamed loudly, closed his eyes tightly, and made all the futile moves of self-preservation.click.Andy twitched like an electric shock with the sound, and there was a smell of urine from under his body.Then he cried in shame, begged and apologized repeatedly, and asked me if he had done anything wrong; I don't remember what he said, and by that time I had completely fallen into a kind of indifferent self, and I didn't care about anything.

At a certain moment, Andy seemed to suddenly collapse completely, no longer defending and screaming, but rushed forward desperately to attack me.This seems to be the first time I've seen Andy show such an angry expression. The tooth marks he left on my arm are still red and swollen. I have no doubt that if he has the chance, he will rush to bite me.

I sat a little farther away and let the rope hold him in place.

"Would you like a cup of coffee?" I asked.

He stared at me viciously for a long while and said, "Yes."

I went to make a pot of coffee, during which there was no movement in the bathroom, I felt panicked, and I always felt that Andy had escaped when I was not paying attention, so I suddenly dropped the coffee pot on the fire and ran to the bathroom. Look at him and end up completely brewing the coffee.The water is steamed too dry, and it becomes like the taste of the Italians. After being mixed with cold water, it tastes more sour and burnt, like washing pot water.

Andy was almost used to my comings and goings.Pushing the door open one last time, I took two cups of coffee and pushed the coffee over to him.He didn't drink for a while, so I had to repeatedly explain to him that I didn't poison him. I don't know why I wanted to gain his trust so much at that moment, even though I was trying to hurt him just now.

It was weird enough drinking coffee in the bathroom, especially when Andy still smelled like cold ammonia.I got a little nauseated and poured my coffee down the toilet.

"You were freaking out just now," I said.

He looked at me suspiciously, and then seemed to get angry again: "You mean you are joking?"

"No, I'm teasing you," I said. "There's no reason. How you're treated depends on how I feel. Things like this will happen in the future. Do you still want to live despite this?"

He was dumbfounded when he heard it, as if he couldn't believe that the cruel truth would be spread out in front of him in such a naked way, and his horror overwhelmed all other emotions for a while.I pointed the gun at Andy again, he looked at me silently like a lamb, his life became as light as the weight of the gun in my hand.click.Nothing happened.click.

After a few rounds, we fell silent, with longer and longer pauses between each shot, as if both were a little confused by the late arrival of death.

This is what Cillian saw when he broke in.Andy's ankles were tied to the hose, and he had a blank, lost look on his face.Our coffee is on the ground, the gun is in my hand.Noticing his gaze, I subconsciously gripped the gun even tighter.

"You're crazy!" said Cillian.

"Am I crazy?" At this moment, I turned the gun, only this time I opened my mouth and stuffed the barrel into my own mouth.

When my index finger hooked the trigger, Cillian's eyes widened slightly.

"No, no, come on, Sue, you don't want to do that," he said, speaking more quickly than ever before, "You could smash your own face and live, wouldn't you, doctor? You know It's possible. Do you really want this outcome?"

Yes, what he said was true.I hesitated, and at the same time he tentatively approached me step by step like a beast.I watched his every movement closely, and let him hold my hand with an almost infatuated expression. First, he put his palm on my wrist lightly, then circled it with his fingers and clenched it tightly.He slowly got the gun out of my mouth, and then moved it away from my face inch by inch.

There was a mirror behind me, but I didn't know it at the time, and suddenly I pulled the trigger, boom!The mirror was smashed to pieces, and I don't even know why I did it.I fell into a daze for a moment, and at this moment, Cillian suddenly bumped into him, the pistol flew out of my hand, slid on the ground for a while, and hit the wall.

He pinned me to the ground against my chest, my heart was beating like a hummingbird.My ribs are aching, and I feel like laughing, and when I smile, it hurts.

"Hey, officer," I said.

He could have done that, the gun was out of bullets, the game was over.However, Cillian seemed to be really frightened, his reaction was unprecedentedly intense, his stone statue-like indifference was shattered, and the soft and painful inside of a human being was exposed through the mottled cracks. "Don't make jokes like this, Sue, don't take this kind of thing as a joke..." He grabbed my wrist in a choked voice, begging me never to do it again, and I looked into his sad, tired gray eyes, Went up and kissed him.

Cillian didn't refuse, but just closed his eyes, and I saw the tips of his ears turn red; after all, there was a living person sitting next to us.Andy cast his eyes unabashedly, and I looked at him provocatively, watching the blood fade from his face, and finally returned to a demented paleness.

"Shall we go out and talk, Suy?" Cillian asked, as if talking to a child, his voice was very soft, a tone more like persuasion than discussion.I've found that if you're aggressive and uncontrollable, people suddenly become more communicative around you.I walked out of the bathroom with him, out of the living room, out the door.Cillian looked at me and said nothing for a moment. The silence of this moment was quiet and exhausting, and made me weak again.

"I'm sorry," I said, "I'm sorry about everything."

"I don't know what to say, Sue. But like this...I don't want to see someone locked in my bathroom."

"I can't do anything right," I said.

"Do not say that."

"I deserve to die," I said, "I can't see life go on."

I don't think Cillian understands why the conversation has come to this point, because I just keep saying what I want to say.His ears were red again, and I guessed this time from anxiety and embarrassment.Seeing him like this, I sympathetically handed him a cigarette. After smoking half a cigarette, Cillian began to talk about his mother without a clue.

He told me he was going to the hospital this weekend, not because there was anything wrong with his body.Is it taking care of your mother?I asked.He nodded.I asked him the name of the hospital again, and I could tell he didn't want to say it, but finally I got it: it was a Catholic public hospital in the outer suburbs, and it couldn't cure anything, and if that was the case, his mother's illness was nothing serious. Either it is serious enough to wait for death, so I didn't ask any further.Again there was silence.Cillian stood with arms folded, with his left shoulder leaning against the wall; he always avoided his eyes when he spoke, and the evening wind bulged his clothes as if blowing through an empty city.

After a while I told him I was going home because Butcher was still waiting for me.Cillian breathed a sigh of relief and patted me on the shoulder like a good friend.I wanted to kiss him again and he refused, saying not now, without telling me why not now.

I left, went back and forth after hearing the door closing behind me, looked into the room from the window, and could only see a corner of the dining table.Andy changed his clothes and sat there with his back to me. In front of him was a plate of ordinary noodles. Maybe Cillian said something to him, so he nodded vigorously.He is eating.I watched like this until they pushed back their chairs, stood up, and were out of my sight entirely.I suddenly became so lonely, even though I knew that I could push the door to enter at any time... But in that way, the atmosphere would freeze in an instant, and no one really welcomed me behind this door.If only I was too stupid to feel it at all.To make matters worse, I promised Cillian that I would come again on the weekend.

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Andy is so funny... like a sparrow(?)

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