beautiful him

At the end of September, the summer vacation was over, and Ping Liang saw Xiao Shan for the first time in a long time.This was the first time the two met since Xiaoshan's birthday. Although Hirao felt a little embarrassed, Xiaoshan came to talk to him as usual after class.

"Long time no see. Where did you go during the summer vacation?"

While walking through the corridor, Koyama asked casually.

"Didn't go anywhere. Stayed home"

"I see. Well, it looks like you haven't got a lot of tan."

Xiaoshan smiled ambiguously, as dull as Ping Liang also realized that this was not a casual question.During the summer vacation, Xiaoshan asked him to hang out with him many times, but Pingliang always refused on the pretext of being busy.Xiaoshan must have felt that his answer just now was contradictory to what he said before, which is very strange.But he still didn't say anything.

"hill"

"Ok?"

"I am always thinking……"

I have made up my mind a long time ago, but it takes a lot of courage to say it.

Ever since meeting Kiyoi again, Hirao has been broken.Or in other words, back to the past.

It seems that my head is broken, and I search for Qingju's name on the Internet every day.What was once so deliberately avoided, now explodes like fuel on the fire.I didn't even leave my phone when I was eating dinner, and my mother scolded me for it.Hirao himself felt disgusted.

Worst of all, he's once again indulging in something he himself banned in high school.Crazy collection of magazines with photos of Qingju, greedy to look at and then unknowingly out of control.No matter how hard he tried to restrain himself, he still had the desire to touch Qingju deep in his heart.The touch of the liquid in his hand hammered Hirara into the abyss of self-loathing, making Kiyomi even more distant from him.

"I thought, let's not meet and chat like this again"

After making up his mind, Hirao spoke in one breath.

Koyama said nothing.Looking straight ahead and walking.

"I quit the club"

Koyama remained silent.Walking through the cafe and the atrium, not knowing exactly where to go.Xiao Shan didn't even look at him, but just kept walking.

"Are you listening?"

Koyama finally stopped after asking this question.Then he looked at Hirashi with an angry face.

"I'm listening. Then I quit the club. Then again, have we talked about this before?"

"It's different from the previous time. I feel very sorry for keeping you waiting for so long"

"I don't feel like you're making me wait. I just like you on my own."

"I know this and I've been avoiding it, it's my fault"

Koyama bit his lip.

"We all know, don't we still get along well all the time, can't we always be like this in the future? I don't expect your response. It's enough to stay like this all the time"

"……No way"

It is no longer enough for Xiaoshan to say such things.

"How can this go on without pain. Even if I am stupid, I know this."

The corners of Xiaoshan's mouth were tense.

"...It really is Qingju?"

"Eh?"

"The person Hirara likes is Kiyoi."

Hirao wanted to deny it.But also know that denial doesn't make any sense.

"Um"

"Did you meet Qingju during the summer vacation?"

"No. It's impossible for Qingju to meet someone like me."

"Didn't he invite you to the celebration party?"

"To Qingju, that is nothing at all."

"Didn't Qingju laugh at your stuttering and call you disgusting?"

"He's been saying that since high school. I just love being so clean"

"I don't understand. Why do you like that kind of guy? The other party is also, why invite the guy who I think is disgusting to the celebration party. You are too strange."

right.Maybe so.but--.

"What do you like about that guy?"

Faced with such a direct question, Hirao couldn't help being stunned.

like where.Where do you like to live in Qing Dynasty?

Qingju is not a good person.Nor gentle.It's ugly.Get people to run errands.However, Qingju never called himself "Little P".Although he used himself, he never cheated his own money.Kiyoi stopped the other students when they tried to manipulate Hirara.Even if all this is not out of good intentions——.

Even if he told about all the things he had with Qingju, that's why he likes Qingju, but he also felt that all of this could not be linked to love.No matter how the language is organized, there are some things between him and Qingju that cannot be described in words, and it is these things that connect himself with Qingju.Being in love is an entirely personal matter.They pop up, or disappear, where morality and ethics don't make sense.

"Sorry, I can't explain"

Hirara answered honestly.

Xiao Shan lowered his head and said nothing.

In the corridors of the bright university campus, many students passed by them.

"……I see"

Xiao Shan murmured.

"Like for no reason, this is the most powerful. But I also have my own thoughts, and I need time to think about my thoughts. Until I sort out my mood, I hope we will be the same as before"

Although Pingliang felt that it would be useless even if it took a while, but after procrastinating for so long, it was too much for him to say what he wanted to say and let everything pass.

"I see"

After saying that, there was a moment of silence, Koyama sighed deeply and raised his head.

“A little thirsty”

Koyama loosened his shoulders and looked at Hirara.

"Let's go to the coffee shop. I want an iced coffee"

"Eh, but"

"Didn't I say, it will be business as usual until I sort out my mood?"

Xiao Shan said as if giving up on himself, and then walked forward quickly.

In the second half of October, Hirao quietly went to see a stage play in which Kiyoi appeared as a guest.

Because there is no public information, this is the precious information that Hiraoshi raped a girl who seems to be a senior fan of Kiyoi's Twitter and Facebook.

Hirao didn't want Kiyoi to feel like he was pestering him—although in fact he was pestering him endlessly—Pirara wore a hat, sunglasses and a mask, and went in disguise, but he didn't expect that the venue was much smaller than expected, He was quickly exposed.After the stage was over, Hirara was filling out the questionnaire distributed in the corner of the hall, writing some impressions about the stage, mainly about how good Kiyoju's performance was, when a voice came from behind.

"Where did the pervert come from? It's too disgusting to attract attention."

Shocked, Hirao turned around and saw Kiyoi standing there with arms crossed.

"Yes, yes, yes, yes"

Sorry, such a simple sentence got stuck in my throat.

"Instead of apologizing, why don't you come. Didn't your boyfriend come with you today?"

--Boy friend?

"Man, man, man, man"

"The guy who looks like a little beaver. Didn't we come together last time?"

Qingju looked around the small hall.It's incredible that they can have a normal conversation even though they only said one word.After calming down a bit, Hirara took a deep breath and said.

"Why, you know what I'm trying to say?"

Finally the words came out.Kiyoshi frowned in disgust.

"I've long been used to your stuttering"

Disdainful statement.unacceptable.But Pingliang's heart was full of joy.On the delicate balance that calculations by addition and subtraction probably cannot be regarded as addition, I am still happy.

——What do you like about that guy?

really do not know.It's okay that the original weighing scale has long been broken.Even so, I don't want to fix it.I don't think there is anything wrong with this.

"Where's your boyfriend?"

Seeing Hirara staring at him bewilderedly, Kiyoi looked at him impatiently.

"Today I'm Alone"

"why?"

Hirao was taken aback by Kiyoi's stare.

"No, there's no reason. I didn't make an appointment, and besides, I wasn't a boyfriend in the first place."

Qingju frowned suspiciously.

"Mr. Xiaoshan said that you two are dating"

"The hill?"

"Brother Xiaoshan. He said he was worried that his younger brother had a boyfriend."

"...Ah, so that's how it is."

Hirao finally understood.

"Isn't it your boyfriend?"

"No. But it was true that we almost dated each other for a while, that's why Brother Xiaoshan misunderstood."

"Hmm..., almost dating"

Qingju looked angry and murmured.

"Are you alone today?"

"Um"

"Are you coming to the celebration party?"

"Eh, can you?"

"Come whenever you want"

Qingju took out a folded leaflet from his pants pocket.There is a small map on the leaflet of the store where the celebration is held.Qingju brutally handed the flyer to Pingliang.

"Thanks, thank you. I'll go, I will definitely go."

Hirashi's chest was hot all of a sudden.Qingju just took a cold look at Pingliang, then turned around and left.Hirao looked at Kiyoi's back with a feeling of wanting to throw himself on the ground.

At the celebration party where there were no acquaintances, Hirara sat alone in the corner.

Qingju never came to his side.This was a matter of course, so Hirara didn't have any dissatisfaction.Compared with this, the joy of being able to watch Qingju all the time is even better.

During the celebration banquet, there was always a famous actor sitting next to Qingju.The actor did not participate in today's stage play, but just came to the celebration banquet.The two have been talking intimately.

"Mr. Kiyoi and Iruma are so suspicious."

Hearing what the next table said, Hirara pricked up his ears reflexively.

"You just know. Iruma-san is famous for liking pretty young people."

"Is Qingju from there too?"

"Someone said so"

Listening to the gossip of the two people, Hirao's heart was ups and downs.

"That, that..."

Hirao plucked up the courage to interject, and the two looked at him at the same time.

"Is Qingju the same?"

"Eh?"

"I like men..."

Hirashi stammered, and the two men showed nervous smiles after hearing these words.

"Don't go out and talk nonsense. Well, it's not a rare thing in this circle."

The other party affirmed Pingliang's question very simply, and Pingliang couldn't help being stunned.

Qingju can accept the same sex as a romantic partner——.

In high school, despite being so popular with girls, Qingju didn't have a girlfriend.In retrospect, he also let himself kiss his hand.There was even a kiss on the lips on graduation day.If there is no such possibility, it is absolutely impossible to do this kind of thing with the same sex.

Pingliang never thought about what would happen to him and Qingju.But my heart still couldn't calm down.Music classroom, classroom after school.Recalling the tactile sensation when he touched Kiyoi, Hirao gently stroked his lips with his fingertips.

Qingju has been talking intimately with Mr. Iruma.Is that actor Kiyoi's lover?Will Kiyoi kiss that man?Will you do something further?Would that man kiss Kiyoju, take off Kiyoju's clothes, and touch every part of Kiyoju's body?

He would never be able to get Qingju, and he had already given up in his heart, but the overly vivid imagination still made Pingliang's heart hurt like a knife, and Pingliang didn't dare to continue thinking about it.

After leaving the first store, Hirara participated in all the next two meetings and three meetings.Of course it was because Qingju was there too.I don't even have anyone to talk to, but I want to see more clearly for a while.By the end of the three sessions of karaoke, it was almost dawn, and everyone who had already been drunk said goodbye loudly on the road.

Hirao watched Kiyoi and the actor quietly leave with almost sober eyes.He didn't think about where the two of them went and what kind of time they would spend.Thinking about it just adds to the pain.It is lucky enough to be in the same space as Qingju.Just think of it this way.

There was still some time before the first train, Hirashi raised his feet and planned to go somewhere to pass the time.

"Go back?"

Hirao turned around in surprise.

"……what"

Kiyoi, who was supposed to leave with that actor, stood there.

"Go back?"

Qingju asked again.Because of the fact that something happened, Hirara froze in place suddenly, Kiyoi said dumbfounded.

"I have to wait for the first bus, do you want to come together?"

Kiyoi asked impatiently, and Hirao nodded vigorously.

Hirao couldn't believe that now he and Kiyoi were sitting face to face at the coffee table. The 24-hour coffee shop is full of tired wage earners and customers waiting for the first bus.

"I thought you went back with that person just now"

"Mr. Iruma?"

"I, I heard that you two are lovers"

"What is that?"

"Ah, that, the person sitting next to me at the celebration party said that."

"There are so many people in this circle who like to gossip."

Qingju sneered and denied it.

"Aren't you a lover?"

"No"

The simple answer made Hirara heave a sigh of relief.Obviously, I can never touch it myself——.

"Ah... I thought you were a model, but suddenly you became an actor, which surprised me."

"I'm not serious about being an actor"

The focus of my work is modeling, and I occasionally play some supporting roles in commercials and TV dramas.In the past, I occasionally got tickets to watch the stage play which was very interesting. After that, I started to participate in the rehearsals of acquaintance's theater troupe, and occasionally played some supporting roles on stage.

"Besides, I'm still a student"

"Are you going to be an actor in the future?"

"It hasn't been decided yet. Isn't the four years of college just to consider these things?"

"Yeah. Since you've been doing this job since high school I thought you'd already decided"

After hearing this, Qing Ju said speechlessly, "How could it be so easy to decide?"

"Work is a lifetime thing. The guy who said easily at the age of 19 that he wants to eat like an actor is ignorant. Unlike ordinary workers who have a fixed salary every month, maybe the whole life will be a bamboo basket. Nothing."

Hirao could understand what Kiyoi said.This is not to pour cold water on.The education they have received since childhood is that they can only fit five millimeters into a five millimeter gap.The so-called dream is to hope to squeeze one centimeter into the gap of five millimeters. At this time, their generation is more likely to consider the risk of failure than the imagination of success.

"Well, even if it's a childhood dream, you have to think about it a lot when it comes to reality."

"dream?"

Qingju raised his chin with one hand and asked back.

"It's not such an exaggerated thing. Well, although there were many things when I was young..."

Qingju held his chin like this, picked up his coffee and took a sip to fool around with this topic.

There have been many things, and this ambiguous sentence seems to reveal some thoughts in Qingju's heart.

—I look like my father.

Once, Qingju confided in him.Qingju is a child with a key, always alone at home, and once prayed to enter the world on TV.When I was in elementary school, I wrote that I wanted to become an idol in my anthology.The mother remarried and gave birth to younger brothers and sisters with a new father. Among the children, only Qingju looked like neither of their parents.It's these "many things".

With his chin resting on his hand, Kiyoi looked around the shop with his drunken eyes.

People always think that when they grow up, they will forget the pain of childhood, but Pingliang doesn't think so.Of course, some pain will be forgotten, but when he stuttered in class for the first time, everyone's surprised expressions are still in his memory, and he has not forgotten the feeling of wanting to cry at that time.Of course, although there are few happy things, he still remembers them.

It is the deposition of these things that has become the present self.As the saying goes, three-year-old sees big, in the luggage you carry all your life, there will be many things from your childhood unexpectedly.No one can exchange it with you, and no one can take it away for you.I can only keep walking by myself.until death.

What is in Qingju's luggage?Hirara stared blankly, when Kiyoi suddenly looked at him.

"Don't keep staring at me"

"sorry"

Ping Liang quickly looked away.

"You're still as nasty as ever"

"sorry"

"It's nothing"

Pingliang took a sneak peek and found that Qingju was not angry, so he felt relieved.

"What about you?"

"I?"

"How is college?"

"Ah, um, okay"

Hirao replied ambiguously.University life is extremely ordinary.Still participating in club activities as always, He Xiaoshan is still the same as before.A month has passed since Koyama said it would take time, but Koyama hasn't said anything.Their relationship continued as before.

There seems to be something different about the hill.Always tense like a poker tower challenge.When speaking, as long as Hepingliang disagreed, Xiaoshan would shut up.He always pays special attention to himself, but he deliberately quarrels over some trivial matters, and then immediately apologizes. His mood is very unstable, and sometimes Pingliang doesn't know what to do.

Pingliang didn't expect things to turn out like this.Although I have worked hard, Xiaoshan must have suffered more.Let's talk again, it's better to keep a distance.Maybe fight.Maybe he will be blamed.Thinking of this, Pingliang felt very depressed, but it was probably his own fault.

"why sigh"

Hirao looked up in shock.

"Shouldn't you still be ordered to run errands in college?"

"No, it's nothing like that. The friends in the club are all very good."

"Then why are you sighing?"

Qingju asked.Hirara spoke while thinking.

"College life is very happy. I have no friends since I was a child, and now my friends can tolerate my stutter. But the so-called making friends is to deal with people. Recently, I have begun to understand how difficult it is to deal with people, but Overall I'm happy..."

"Be more specific"

"……that"

How can I briefly and accurately describe the current situation?Hirao didn't know how to speak.Turning ideas into words is indeed an amazing technology.Technique requires practice.

"For example, although other people's kindness to me makes me very happy, but sometimes it is painful..."

After finally summing it up, there was a strange silence between the two of them.

"Hmph, that's how it is"

Qingju leaned back on the chair and crossed his legs.

"To put it simply. Being loved bothers you. Being loved by brother Xiaoshan"

"No, nothing like that"

Hirao couldn't help but raise his voice.Qingju widened his eyes.

"Ah, I'm sorry. But... Xiaoshan is a very good person. When I introduced myself to the club, I stuttered because of nervousness. He was the one who explained my stutter to everyone. Xiaoshan's brother also had a stutter when he was a child. He understands my pain very well. , will not have strange sympathy for me, always very natural, very gentle, very hearty."

yes.Xiao Shan was originally such a person.He was the first friend who felt happy to be together, but because of his incompetence, the relationship between the two became complicated.Just when Pingliang blamed himself.

"If he's that good, why don't you just date him?"

Kiyoi's words made Hirara raise his head.

"Didn't you say that you almost dated? Then why not just date like this? People who can like a guy like you may never exist in the future, right?"

After Qingju finished speaking impatiently, he took out a thin book from his bag.The hand movements of flipping the book were very rough, Hirao didn't understand why Kiyoi suddenly got angry.

"Well, what are you angry about?"

Hirao asked cautiously.

"I'm not angry."

Qingju replied with a very angry face.Ping Liang didn't have the courage to continue asking.

"...This is, the script?"

Hirao tried to change the subject.

"yes"

"The next stage play?"

"yes"

There should be a degree of indifference.But at this time, you still have to show courage.

"Can I go and see?"

After asking this question, Qingju raised his eyes and stared at him.

"Don't confirm everything with me. If you want to go, don't you just go by yourself?"

"Thank you"

Pingliang couldn't help but thank him.Although Qingju's tone sounded very unhappy, the door that was once closed was finally opened again.No more shameful cross-dressing now.

"When is the play?"

"December. In today's theater"

"I search the Internet every day and don't know. Did I miss it?"

"search?"

Kiyoi looked surprised, and Hirao finally came to his senses.Searching on the Internet, and every day, must be extremely disgusting in Qingju's opinion.There had to be some excuse.

——Whether it’s a magazine or a stage, as long as Kiyoi is in it, I want to read all of them.

No, it's even more disgusting.What to do, just when Pingliang was anxious.

"Because I didn't go through the office, I can't make a lot of publicity"

Qingju briefly brought up this topic.

Ah, great.But the heart was still pounding because of the tension.We must be careful not to get carried away and say what should not be said.

"That's right. It's not easy."

"Well, that's right. It's hard to get a practice area without going through the office."

"Practice?"

"I'm away from home now and live alone. The walls in the studio are very thin. Last time I practiced my lines at home, but someone from the management company complained the next day."

Qingju sighed, not at all like his usual appearance.

"Does the practice field have to be a dedicated facility?"

"No, as long as it doesn't affect the surrounding neighbors."

"In that case, there may be a way"

Pingliang remembered that when his uncle's family came to play a few days ago, he said that their family would be transferred to Taiwan for a few years due to work.It’s okay to go overseas, but what about the house at home during this time?Uncle and the others are worrying about this matter.A house will age quickly if no one lives in it.Their two daughters are already married and living in the new home and cannot help.It is also possible to rent it out, but my aunt doesn't like outsiders to live in the house.

"I don't charge you rent, Xiaohe, why don't you also act as a manager and live alone in my house?"

Although the aunt asked, but the mother refused with a smile on the grounds that Hirara could not cook and clean.

"It's a single-family house with a courtyard. Both my cousins ​​are piano learners. There should be a soundproof room at home. I'll ask my aunt immediately after I go back."

Hirara spoke excitedly, only then did he notice Qingju's expression of not knowing what to say.

"Ah, I'm sorry, I can speak up by myself"

"Ah, your proposal itself has helped me a lot..."

Are you getting too carried away again?Pingliang was afraid that Qingju would say again: Annoying, stop following me.In this case.But Qing Ju just said vaguely with a frown on his face: It's nothing.Although his expression doesn't look like it's nothing—.

"Is that house really usable?"

"Probably. My aunt is worrying about it."

Pingliang hurriedly wrote down the new mobile phone number and email address to Qingju.

"I will prepare in advance, I hope you can contact me when needed"

But Qingju stared at the note in Hirashi's hand with a frightened expression on his face.

"...It's different from the previous number"

"The previous mobile phone dropped into the water and the data was lost"

"Wouldn't it be better if you dropped your phone in the water?"

"……that is because"

That's because Qingju said goodbye to him, and he decided to cut off all contact with Qingju.However, it was difficult for him to speak out.It wasn't a lie to make up his mind, but as a result, he still searched Qingju on the Internet every day, collected all the magazines that appeared in Qingju, and even went to see Qingju's stage play in disguise.What you do is completely a stalker, Qingju will definitely feel speechless after hearing that.

Hirao couldn't answer and had to lower his head. At this time, Kiyoi took out his mobile phone and entered Hirara's number while looking at the note.The next moment, the phone in Hirashi's pocket vibrated for a moment and stopped immediately.

"This is my number. Didn't you lose all your data?"

"Thank you, thank you..."

So happy that my voice changed.The eleven digits on the phone screen.Hirao looked at the lost number with disbelief, and Kiyoi asked, "What's wrong?"

"I didn't expect to be able to exchange contact information with you one day, it's like a dream"

This was Hirahara's true feelings, but Kiyoju's face was tense.

“Still as disgusting as ever”

The familiar conversation once again brought joy to Pingliang's heart, this time Kiyoju said: annoying.Ping Hao hopes to continue like this, but the customers in the store suddenly start to get up.It turned out that it was the time for the first bus before I knew it, and everyone was packing up their things and preparing to go back.

"What are you going to do next?"

After leaving the store, the two of them were walking side by side on the street under the rising sun, Qingju asked.

"I'll take the tram back. Which line will Qingju take?"

"It's not about this..."

Qingju faltered a lot.

"The topic just now, will you date Mr. Xiaoshan's younger brother?"

"……Eh?"

Facing the sudden topic, Hirao was stunned, and Kiyoi looked at him straightly.Although he doesn't know how to associate with Xiao Shan, he doesn't know if this kind of thing should be a topic of chatting.

"do not know"

"I don't know, does it mean that there is a possibility of dating?"

Qingju asked angrily for some reason.

"No, I just don't know. Why does Qingju care about this?"

"……why?"

Qing Ju was speechless.

"Enough. I don't care at all, please go out and date as you please."

"Hey, wait, why did you—"

But Qing Ju didn't seem to want to talk anymore, just walked forward quickly.

Following behind Qingju, Pingliang was at a loss.It's been a long time since he spoke, and it was Qingju who took the initiative to talk to him, but it turned out like this.He didn't know why Qingju was angry, and he also felt very miserable about his stupidity.

When approaching the station, Qingju suddenly turned around.

"That guy and me, who do you really like?"

It was too sudden, and Hirara stopped in a daze.

"what?"

Hirao asked back with a silly face, and Kiyoi's expression became very scary.

Kiyoi approached two steps in front of Hirara, and in the next second, Kiyoi kicked Hirara's calf, causing severe pain in Hirara's calf.

Hirao couldn't help squatting down, and when he looked up again, Kiyoi had already walked towards the station.Seeing Kiyoi's angry back, Hirao couldn't even start a conversation.After Kiyoi's figure disappeared into the station, Hirao could only hug his aching calf, wanting to cry because he didn't know why he was kicked.

—That guy and me, who do you really like?

What, that is.Not knowing what to say at all, Hirao looked like he wanted to cry.

The feelings for Kiyomi and the feelings for Koyama are of different kinds.

There is no difference between good and bad things Qingju gives him.When there are good things, you will be happy, and when there are bad things, you will be sad.He did this because he was happy, and he did that because he was sad. He didn't have such an idea in the first place.Qingju is like a sudden storm that does not change according to his will and efforts.Qingju is such an existence.

Xiao Shan is a living person around him in reality.Not long ago, I also wanted to face reality.Giving presents and confessing to Xiaoshan on his birthday, even if I feel like a factory product, I plan to ride on that assembly line conveyor belt.It's a little lonely, but it's reassuring.

However, the reappearance of Qingju easily overturned the reality.

I will probably follow Qingju all the time in the future.

Refuse to reach out to your hand?

No matter how hard you search, you can't get it?

Hirara thought of Captain Rubber Duck floating in the river.The rubber duck captain who has been protecting Hirara for a long time.He hadn't thought about it for so long, it felt so nostalgic.But it's different from before.Captain Rubber Duck is not floating in the river of sewage, but in the beautiful golden river.In the river of the glorious kingdom ruled by Qingju, the captain of the honored king's rubber duck floats alone in it.

The wonderful imagination made Hirao couldn't help laughing.

Lonely.sad.But I have no choice but to accept it.

Qingju will not become its own.But he will not let go of Ping Liang.My own destiny is to become the king's toy, even if the king no longer needs me, I will never give myself up to anyone.That's fine.No matter how lonely and painful, I don't want to be let go.

——I want to keep making things about Kiyoi.

My calf is still aching.Hirao squatted on the side of the road and looked up at the orange morning sun reflected from the windows of the building, when the phone in his pocket vibrated.He thought it was Qingju calling, but it turned out that Xiaoshan's name was on the screen.Hirao couldn't help but feel a little disappointed, but immediately felt guilty again.

What's the matter with calling so early.Just when Hirao was hesitating, he hung up the phone, but he called again immediately.Forced by a weak vibration, Hirara pressed the ON button.

"Hey……"

Hirao picked up the phone cautiously, but there was a coughing sound from inside.

"The hill?"

"Yes, I'm sorry to disturb you so early. I seem to have a cold"

Xiao Shan has been coughing since some time ago.

"I thought I'd get better after a night's sleep, but the fever got worse and worse"

"Have you taken your medicine? Have you eaten?"

"I took all the medicine yesterday, and I haven't eaten yet. The refrigerator is empty..."

Xiao Shan's words revealed the meaning of wishing him to go.

"Where's your brother?"

"I called him and said he was on a business trip to Kyushu."

Hirao didn't know what to do.He hasn't been to Xiaoshan's house for a long time.He always felt that he shouldn't go.But he couldn't leave the patient alone.

"I'll go there now. I still have some medicine to drink, can I buy some porridge and pudding?"

"Thank you. Sorry to trouble you"

Xiao Shan's voice sounded more cheerful.

"It's okay. I'll hang all my shopping on your doorknob"

There was silence on the other end of the phone.

"……why?"

Xiao Shan murmured.Then he coughed again.

"Did I say anything that bothered Hirara? I didn't say I wanted you to associate with me. Why did you distance me like this?"

Hearing Koyama's painful tone, Hirao didn't know what to say.

"Hey, why. Didn't I say it's good to be friends?"

"…I'm sorry. But it's not okay"

"Nothing is wrong"

"I can't. You can't either. Xiaoshan, are you crying now?"

"I didn't cry"

The voice on the phone was slightly distorted.In addition to being sorry, Pingliang also felt a little upset.Thinking like this made Ping Liang feel guilty.All kinds of emotions were mixed together, which made him want to say: If you know it, it will be the same as before.It's good to be able to fool the past like this.That's a hundred times easier to say.Because no one wants to be a bad person.

Pingliang once again felt that Qingju was indeed very powerful.No matter what others think, no matter whether the situation is favorable or unfavorable to him, Qingju always holds his head upright.That strength made Hirao look forward to it very much.

"...There seems to be the sound of a car. Hirara, are you outside?"

"Well, playing outside"

"It's rare to be out all night. Who are you with?"

Xiaoshan knew him well, and Pingliang never played outside all night except with friends in the club.

"Is it He Qingju?"

"........."

"He must not have taken you seriously."

Self-defeating, completely unlike Xiao Shan's tone.

"Qingju seems to have said a lot of bad things about you to my brother. Said that you are a disgusting guy who has no friends like a stalker. He can say such things with a face of indifference."

Pingliang didn't want to hear this.Because Koyama who said this now is more hurt than himself who was said so.

"It's okay. That's just who I am"

"It has nothing to do with reality. The guy who talks bad about people behind his back is the worst"

"That's what Kiyomi said in front of me too. Disgusting, annoying, stalker or whatever"

Since high school, I don't know how many times I have been said.

"...What, this is"

The sound of the hill shattered like fragile glass.Make a clicking sound.

"makes me look like a nasty guy"

"Nothing. Koyama is a good guy. I know that"

Only this must be made clear.

"...I'm sorry, Hirara, I didn't want to say that at first."

"Ok, I know"

Pingliang didn't feel angry.Knowing that it can't be done but still pursuing it desperately, I feel disgusted with myself like this.From this point of view, he is very similar to Koyama.

Koyama keeps saying