Drowning in a sea of ​​moonlight

Before leaving today, Dazai had never realized that his existence had become so close to a drug to him.

Warm, reassuring, even joyful, almost like flying in the sky.

I have never had such an unreasonable sense of security, as if as long as this person is by my side, I will never have to worry about getting hurt.

As long as this person is by his side, no matter what you do, no matter where you are, even if you are on the edge between life and death, you don't have to worry about being alone.

So, until now when he was gone, he found that there was a piece of emptiness in his heart.

It's like being in an ice cellar, nothing can fill it up, nothing can warm it up.

Only then did he realize that before, he had been in such an addictive warmth.

And it wasn't until the warmth disappeared, and it was never seen again, that he realized that he had depended on him so much.

Already, completely addicted, yearning for him every moment like dying flowers and plants thirsting for rain and dew.

He thought that his heart was very well protected, with sharp thorns erected, he watched everything in the outside world with a cold eye, and he would not have any unrealistic hopes for things that would be lost sooner or later.

——But he has already discarded his armor and armor.Already in the deepest part of my heart, where consciousness cannot touch, I am deeply and hopelessly longing for something that I know will disappear sooner or later.

Sometimes he would dream, dream about the explosion.

More often, he would dream that he was still alive and everything was the same as before.

The latter kind of dream is the scariest, because in the dream, or even in the moment of waking up, he will feel so at ease, so relieved and ecstatic.

I would always think that it turned out that the child left me was just a nightmare of mine.

So my whole body felt light and warm, as if I no longer feared anything.

But until he woke up from the dream, until the moment he woke up, he realized that the happiness he felt just now was the real dream.

——I will be hit hard in the heart by the reality that suddenly hits me.

Standing at the entrance of the cemetery, Dazai watched from a distance as Chuya stood in front of the tombstone, putting down a branch of pink gladiolus.

The language of flowers is "remember".

He could actually understand the mood of the little dwarf.

Vibrant pink, straight as a sword, shining brightly on the white marble tombstone, it is not the flower that should be used for memorial service.

But in this way, it seemed that he could not admit that he was dead.

It was as if he had just traveled to some unknown corner and would come back anytime.

He had no intention of eavesdropping, but Chuya stood there quietly without saying anything.

It took a long time before he raised his head and strode away, his steps were sharp as if he was charging, but the circles of his eyes were red.

Dazai silently watched him walk away, then walked over, put a large handful of blue primroses in his hand in front of the monument, and gently stroked the words on the monument:

Nozomi Imatoki

There is no birthday, because he can't remember it himself, and the records in the file are randomly made up.

After all, he was just a member of the Mafia, and it was already very good to have a monument here.

The wind passed through the cemetery, brushing his forehead hair, he looked at the monument, but did not speak.

What else?What more can I say?

It's not him after all.

The real him had already been turned into ashes in the sky in that explosion, and he could never be found again.

In fact, he is very envious of the little dwarf. Although he is not human, he can shed tears and express his feelings frankly.

He hasn't shed a single tear since the explosion.

Only the dull pain in the chest, looking at this monument at this moment, increased a hundred times.

In the dormitory of the Ability Secret Service Division, by coincidence, there were only two sofas.

Putting them together can make a fairly comfortable bed, but he is still used to laying them parallel and sleeping on one of them.

Maybe it's because of this.

...He had that dream again.

The dream is full of chaotic and illogical images.

First, Mr. Mori sat at the desk, put his hands on his chin, and said with a smile on his face: "Dazai-kun, the fate between you and you at this time is destined by heaven. Therefore, it seems that the best plan is for me to decide. Marry you to him."

Then at some point, Odasaku stood behind him and solemnly said, "I agree."

Ango also stood aside, holding on to his glasses, and said sadly, "I agree."

Then the scene changed to a bar in Mafia, the port. Accompanied by his own laughter, the children looked bitter and hatred, and tried hard to prevent Zhong Ye from further destroying public property.

Then it turned into three people walking on the road, walking and walking, but Zhong didn't know where they were going.

So now, he carried himself home all the way, put him on the sofa, and blow-dried his hair, with a can of steaming beer beside him.

He looked down at himself, with a warm golden comforting smile in his eyes, and said,

"Sleep. I'm here."

When he opened his eyes, he saw a familiar sofa. He was in a daze, and suddenly remembered that the child was sleeping on the sofa opposite tonight.

So he turned around excitedly, wanting to take another look at the way the kid smiled at him after waking up.

——The sofa opposite was empty.

Ahhh.

I understand.

It turned out that just now, the kid's smile was just a dream.

He felt very cold again, and he wanted to go back to sleep, back to that golden dream.

But it was impossible, the last bit of warmth from that dream dissipated.

The only way he could see that person again, was gone.

"Dazai-kun."

"...Ah, I seem to hear the sound of an annoying mosquito. Or is someone talking?"

Sitting in front of the computer in his cubicle, Dazai said without raising his head.

He heard Ango sigh and put a small box in front of him.

The box was made of sandalwood, blackened by smoke, and the contents inside could only be jewelry.

He just wanted to impatiently ask Ango to take it back where he got it from, when he heard him say: "...this is given to you by Jinji-kun."

Dazai held his breath.

For a moment, I couldn't believe what I heard.

An Wu rubbed his temples and said: "...It was found in that dormitory building. It has been investigated and there is no clue. I fought for it and got them to agree to give it to you."

"My ability can only see things from two months ago at most. This is probably what he had been carrying before then, and it was not made into an accessory until recently."

He looked at himself, he seemed to hesitate to speak, but he just said: "...I'll go first. You... have a look."

Before leaving, close the cubicle door for yourself.

Looking at the box, Dazai felt that his brain was blank and his heart hadn't resumed beating.

After a long time, I stretched out my hand cautiously, with trembling fingertips, and opened the lid of the box.

A silver necklace fell out, and it was an oval-shaped gemstone, a hazy blue, with a quiet luster, and in the dim light, it was as soft as moonlight.

At the same time, a note fell out.

To Osamu Dazai:

happy Birthday.

——There are many things, I think you have doubts in your heart.

But never doubt, everything I do is to hope that you will be well.

I hope you will be happy and be able to meet all the beautiful things in this world.

——But these are all my selfishness. You are a free bird and should not be imprisoned by the world.

...So, from now on, let's live freely.

I wish you all the best.

look now

"pat".

The handwriting on the paper was dyed and turned into indistinguishable ink-colored flowers.

It was as if the silent lacrimal glands were clamoring for his own resurrection, the tears fell silently and violently, he couldn't see anything clearly, and the soreness in his nasal cavity was unbearable, and the faint blue light was completely illusioned It became a blurred haze.

He groped to pick it up in a blur, held it in his hand, and stuck it to his heart, as if this would make it less uncomfortable.

"To be free".

You say so.

but.

But ah.

...What is freedom without you?

In a small, silent space, he held the necklace tightly, curled up, and finally could no longer suppress his sobs.

The author has something to say:

A chapter of Daozai.

This is far from the end, and the end is still so-so long.

Ha ha ha.

Here Dazai went to sweep the grave, he must have been followed by people from the Supernatural Secret Service, but I didn't write about the atmosphere too much.

It can also be understood as Dazai meeting with Jinji (the tomb) as if there was no one else around.

The flower language of primrose: I will always be with you, and I have no other love but you.

Of course Jae only took the first part.

(Who are you kidding?)

The title is taken from "Jiangchengzi.Yimao's Dream of the Night on the [-]th Day of the First Lunar New Year" is the song "Ten Years of Life and Death", and the mood is very similar.That song is so good to cry.

I was surprised that I already had quite a lot of nutrient solution, and I am very grateful to all the little angels who gave me nutrient solution!

Special thanks to the little angel for "calmly squatting in the pit", contracting more than one-third of my nutrient solution (shocked

Recently, the code words are too strenuous, and I don't know why.It has completely changed to the next day, I will slowly (cover my face

A little angel pointed out that the name of my article affected the popularity. When I wrote the article, I really chose this name without thinking much, and it seems that there are quite few clicks recently (cover my face). I don’t know if you have any good suggestions?

(What kind of name can trick more little angels to come in and give me more motivation to update, hehe)