Drowning in a sea of ​​moonlight

In fact, I should be satisfied, my life is so perfect.

I pour myself chicken broth.

...and anyway, he didn't shoot me again.In fact, when he pointed the gun at my forehead, I was ready to expose my skills.

Anyway, nothing could be worse than being tortured by them.If the time is not too long, I can come out again and continue to protect Dazai, although I don't think he wants it.

If it doesn't look like it's going to be over for a few months, I might just have to leave.

Then again, I actually felt that since the first time he met, I was already on the verge of being thrown into the torture room at any time.

But he hasn’t done this so far, either because he believes that I have the ability to hide and is valuable to him, or because he thinks I’m still interesting and wants to see what I think again.

... ahhh.Looking at it this way, I should actually hold on and try harder to say those positive things to him.

I thought he would be upset at the time, but now it seems that maybe this will cheer him up a little bit.

Maybe he just provoked me on purpose, to see how far he has targeted me, I can still say the words to him that keep him alive.

Although I'm a bit tired now, I can't forget the character design I made with Donna Arisia...

"What are you doing? Frowning like that."

...Ah, it's Fujii.

I raised my head and said, "Mr. Fujii, good morning. I was thinking about what to have for lunch, and I unexpectedly have no appetite today."

Fujii laughed heartily: "Really, that's not normal! Pay more attention!"

He trotted a few steps, turned around and sat next to me, and patted my shoulder: "At your age, you should be growing your body. You have to eat if you don't want to. Otherwise, what should you do if you don't grow taller in the future?"

...you don't have to worry about that.I already knew how tall I was going to grow.

Still feeling the warmth, I said, "You're right. I'll find something to eat in a minute. Are you off today too?"

"Yeah, what a coincidence! You should also take turns to rest now, right? I didn't expect that we could have the same rest. It just so happened that Mr. Matsuda caught a cold today, so he also rested for half a day. We made an appointment to go out for breakfast. Would you like to come too?"

I readily agreed and walked with them on the streets of Yokohama in the early morning of spring.

The city has not yet fully woken up, and the cherry blossoms on the roadside are also light in color, as if they are still covered with night light, and the dew on the petals is also glowing in a hazy light as if they have not woken up under the sunlight.

I looked at the white mist that evaporated and dissipated on the surface of the milk, and the bluer sky after the mist seemed to be soaked in water vapor, and I felt quite cold.

——Yes, it is very cold, because normal office workers do not have the habit of eating breakfast. We are now sitting on a bench in a park in Yokohama.

Fujii and Matsuda each took a rice ball and ate slowly, and I held a thermos cup filled with milk, feeling that I had already lived a retirement life in advance.

Matsuda probed over: "Oh boy, why do you eat so little?"

I held up the thermos cup, plausibly saying: "Not a lot, I still drink such a big glass of milk."

Fujii showed a pensive expression: "...does anyone use a thermos for milk?"

I choose to ignore his question, I think only hot milk is good.

Matsuda burst out laughing: "Oh, I miss it so much. My daughter also liked to drink milk when she was young. She took it with her everywhere. Now." He gestured boldly, "It's almost 1.8 meters."

I clapped my hands "popping" to show respect, and Fujii had obviously heard Matsuda's bragging, so he patted me on the shoulder as a sign of encouragement: "Come on! You're not far away."

...I feel, are they paying too much attention to my height?

Is it under the filter that parents see their children and subconsciously focus on the focus?

After chatting for a while, Matsuda seemed to be very clear about the difference between personal affairs and work. He didn't mention my transfer and kept bragging about his daughter.

He gambled his daughter all the way through her 20s.This matter is actually simple to say, it is nothing more than thinking "it will be fine next time", and then unconsciously stuck in it for the rest of my life.

His wife left him when his daughter was 15 years old, and he works as a security guard for others. Although he is getting poorer and poorer, he can live on.

This incident ended in the dragon head war two years ago, when his son-in-law was unfortunately involved in a shootout and died.

The daughter has just given birth to a child and seems to be suffering from a serious congenital disease, and the wife is on the verge of despair.

After he gave them all his savings, it wasn't enough, so he sold his life to join the port mafia in exchange for his grandson's health.

"I don't regret it," he said.

"They are the people I love the most in this world. Even if I am born later, I am very lucky to meet them and do something for them."

Fujii's experience is very similar to his, but he seems to be a college student with a childhood sweetheart girlfriend who got married shortly before the Dragon Head War, and then suffered a farewell.

In fact, his wife didn't die in the conflict of the big organization at all, but was killed by a few hooligans who took the opportunity to make trouble.

In order to avenge his wife, he committed crimes, and then joined the port mafia, until now.

After listening to it with emotion, I reported my family name: I was just an ordinary orphan, and the only dean who was willing to shade me passed away not long ago.

So I was kicked out, and when I was wandering on the street, a small captain of the logistics department of the port Mafia saw that I was not bad, so he recruited me in.

...Of course, this is not the case, but the general lines of what to say are surprisingly similar.

It was nothing more than being picked up directly from the orphanage by our president, and the time was also brought forward, and along the way, I also gained my own relatives.

Speaking of loved ones.

I haven't been in touch with Donna and Alysha all day.

In fact, I will not take the initiative to contact them recently, and try not to delay them with my affairs. After all, their tasks are much more important than what I am doing now for personal reasons.

Fujii and Matsuda were going to buy gifts for the latter's grandson. On the way back to the dormitory alone after I separated from them, the intelligence team leader Powell @ me again, so I started another run-up.

Yes, that's right, I'm going to fish for people again.

I analyzed it before and felt that it was a bad idea to make him lose interest in me.

So I decided to go ahead and do something that might get me shot, but it wouldn't bore him, and maybe, just maybe, it would make him give up the idea of ​​suicide.

In fact, besides the trade-off between "making him happy" and "making him feel interesting", I was also confused for one reason.

That is, even if I am implementing his father's will, even in my own opinion, I also feel that what I am doing is correct.

...but, for him, what if he really doesn't want that at all?

If we just impose our will on him.But for him, being a human being is really too painful to accept, what should he do?

Even if his father gave his life for him.But suddenly, carrying someone else's life without knowing it is too much of a burden.

Then I chatted with Fujii and Matsuda, and I figured it out again.

I imagined that if Fujii chose to take revenge and I was by his side, I would not stop him.

Although his wife probably doesn't want to see him like this, I can understand his feelings after all.

That is his own choice, even if it is out of good intentions, I am not qualified to think which is better for him.

I'm not in a position to judge other people's lives in good faith, so if I do, I don't make excuses for myself.

This kind of thinking, spread a little bit, and this matter will be understood.

In fact, the so-called good intentions are mostly just a noble illusion.

As long as he is alive, as long as he exists as a "person", he cannot get rid of his own selfishness.

No matter how good you do for others, it is just "for others" in your own mind.After all, what is good, everyone's decision is different.

Therefore, no matter how selfless the act is, it is inevitably mixed with selfish elements.

What's more, if you help others, you will be very happy when you get thanked, but if it is not an effect, but a cause——

Isn't it easy to become "helping others for the joy of being thanked by others"?Moreover, who can completely distinguish the cause and effect?

That's why I never ask the source of kindness.

Whoever helps me is for themselves.After accepting this fact, I feel that, even if it is for myself, as long as they are willing to help me, it is already very rare.

So as long as they do what they see as "good for me", I will be grateful.

On the contrary, when I do something that I think is helping others, I will also correct my mentality and realize that I am not doing it for some noble reason, but because I think about it and feel that these things will hurt them. Well, that's all.

Therefore, I shouldn't give myself any high-sounding statements.I helped Dazai out of my own volition, not for him.

So even if I take his own feelings as a very important reference factor in my consideration.

But if this feeling conflicts with my purpose, my desire, which is the idea of ​​"giving him the hope of living", a trade-off is inevitable.

What's more, this is an extreme situation.I'm still willing to believe that maybe he's just waiting for someone to give him a hand and stop him.

The most convincing thing is that I have collected such a circle of information in the port Mafia these days, and found that with the frequency of his suicide, even if the timing and location are not favorable, as long as he is unscrupulous, he should have succeeded.

Whether he hadn't made up his mind yet, or he was simply picky about how to die, struggling under gunfire and dying in the river, probably wasn't what he expected.

So I will save him without hesitation.

...within the few seconds I was lost in thought, I was at the river's edge and saw the now-familiar figure floating on the water.

I got him out of the bank and put him on the bank. After checking his breathing and pulse, I found that artificial respiration was not needed this time.

So I took off his black overcoat, wrung it out and put it on him again.Then he got up and wanted to leave, but the moment he turned around, a hand grabbed his wrist.

The person behind said in an emotionless voice: "Why, you interrupted me to enter the water this time, and you want to slip away before I wake up?"

I turned around helplessly, and met his deep eyes: "Because you said that you don't want to see me 'show courteous' again, but you didn't say that you don't want me to prevent you from entering the water again. So I thought, should I not let you know That's it?"

"Besides, it's not considered a hindrance. I just think that if you fail to commit suicide by diving into the water and stay in the water all the time, it will be very uncomfortable."

He was silent for a few seconds, then suddenly burst into a low laugh, looked at me, with renewed interest in his eyes: "...Ah, sure enough, it's interesting like this."

He stood up and said with a smile: "Then let me see how far you can do it."

Then, just like the face-changing in Sichuan opera, his whole demeanor changed, and his tone of voice rose, with a singing-like rhythm, becoming frivolous and lively without losing his voice: "So I say~~ Today Shi Jun, if you want to do the aftermath of my failure to enter the water next time, you must remember these few points~"

He paced up and down in place, and stretched his fingers, "First, a hair dryer! Even if you dry my coat, my hair is still wet, which makes me uncomfortable."

"Then, let me think about it... yes, second! Prepare a car! It's tiring to enter the water, and so is hanging yourself. I don't want to walk back."

"Third! A safe house, some change of clothes, and drinks! Of course, the aftermath work must be done thoroughly to be considered qualified~"

After counting, he clapped his hands with a smile: "The above! I leave it to you, and you must be ready every time you go out with me~ Otherwise, I can only ask you~"

I replied straight away: "Okay, I will remember."

He stopped in his tracks, the exaggerated expression on his face subsided, he glanced at me blankly, then curled his lips, and said, "This time, it's your first offence, so don't worry about it. Go and contact the person on duty today. , tell them to drive.”

...So I rushed to buy a hair dryer, and at the same time called the team leader of my team, asking him to contact other people, and then bought a can of beer, opened it and threw it in the oven at the convenience store to heat it up , and then covered it with the cup sleeve I got from the coffee shop, and handed it to Dazai for him to drink when he came back, and stood behind him, blowing his hair slowly.

His fluffy and smooth hair like black crow feathers was scattered between my fingers. Dazai sniffed the beer can, frowned, and looked disgusted: "Wow, hot beer."

Then he tucked his fingertips into the sleeve of his coat, took a sip, showed a somewhat miraculous expression, and stopped talking.

When the car arrived, there were two on-duty personnel sitting in front. Dazai and I sat in the back, one on the left and the other on the right. Dazai leaned back on the seat back like a lazy cat. drinking beer.

And although I stared straight ahead, with a blank expression on my face and a hair dryer in my right hand, I felt that there were pink flowers floating around me that were visible to the naked eye.

The author has something to say:

The process of being resurrected with full blood now, and Dazai Xi mentioning the nanny.

The habit of putting milk in a thermos has been relentlessly complained about.

And later Dazai didn't talk because he accidentally liked hot beer hahaha, and now he can see it.

I searched for a long time, but I didn’t seem to find that Japan has the habit of drinking hot beer, so this is the first time that Dazai drank it privately, and now I observed that he usually likes to drink beer and then wanted to feed him hot drinks. combination.

Then there is a lot of carbonic acid dissolved in the beer, and when heated, carbon dioxide will float out, so you need to turn on the heat, and then the metal tank will be very hot again.

In fact, hot beer seems to have the effect of nourishing the stomach, so it is wrong~

In this chapter, Zai's cat attributes are exposed in front of Jin Jin for the first time.

Because it seems that it is quite resistant now, and then through the bugs, dormitory monitoring, and normal performance, it is basically confirmed that this person will not physically harm him at least, and even if he wants to calculate himself, he has not started to do it at all.. ....Knowing that he might be an undercover agent, but also a bold person with high skills, he thought that he might be able to become the second nanny after Zhongye, so he was a little happy.

And now because he finally thinks about being better with his body, he is also very happy, and Dazai is not so happy when he sees him happy hhh