The high-risk occupation is actually me

This world often makes Yu Minzhi feel psychedelic and absurd. He looks gentle and gentle on the outside, but he is crazy on the inside. He will know better than anyone that he has an unsolved mental disorder as a doctor who studies the psychiatric field.

Oh, someone knows too.

Tired of flowers.

But this is also a lunatic, not much better than himself.

Oh, he's better than himself.

He is luckier than himself, and he has rhetoric.

Both Yu Minzhi and Hualei have a keen ability to identify the same kind. They know that they are friends of the same kind, but because they know each other too well, they never want to pour out their hearts.

Hualei is another kind of him in this world, with the same madness, self-destructive tendency all the time, fog and nothingness behind him, unable to grasp the real thing, and nowhere to return.

Seeing a person who is so similar to myself, I don't feel pity for each other, I just feel disgusted.

And when Hualei had her own anchor, Yu Minzhi felt even more disgusted, and felt disgusted by herself.

This disgusting feeling reached its peak after he said everything to Hua Ci.

It was very hot this year, they were sitting on a stone bench by the lake, the leaves that had not yet fully transformed into emerald green were densely covered on the top of the tree, and the golden sunlight reflected a kind of mottled tenderness, the sunlight shattered landed on the shoulders of the two.

There is a little ripple in the distance of the lake.

"Sometimes I feel, you kids, you always think I'm stupid?"

Huaci raised his hand slightly, as if scooping up a handful of broken sun in the air, and there was a slight smile in his voice.

There was no shock, no anger, he was so calm and gentle.

This kind of reaction was completely beyond Yu Minzhi's expectations, but it made him suddenly heaved a sigh of relief, and he let go of the tightly clenched palms after he exposed everything, and he turned his head uncontrollably profile.

Huaci also turned her head to look at him, her reddish lips curled up a little, relaxed and happy.

Yu Minzhi suddenly realized it, but he didn't realize it.

"Actually, I know all about it. I know that Xiaolei's mental illness is faking, and he is not ill. This is just a trick of his."

"You...know all of them?"

Hua Ci's tone was very calm: "The timing of Chen Zhenjin's appearance was too coincidental, and the timing of my discovery of those things that could capture my heart was too ingenious, including everything I saw when I came here later, like a The perfectly arranged chain of traps led me to fall step by step. Xiaolei understands me, just as I understand him. I will be blinded for a while because I feel sorry for him, but as long as I calm down, I can figure it out."

Yu Minzhi was surprised, but it seemed extremely reasonable. In the end, it seemed that he was the only one who was irrational: "You know it all, but you didn't reveal it, and you even accompanied him to the nursing home. Don't you know what kind of person he is?"

"Well, I know, he doesn't speak human words, doesn't do human affairs, and is full of lies." Huaci nodded, "All his emotions are controllable, and losing control in front of me is just a move to tie me up."

"Then why do you still do this?"

This question came from Yu Minzhi's mouth, but it was also what Huaci had been asking himself all along. He had been refusing to face it for so long, and now he suddenly found that this avoidance was already an answer.

The two were silent for a while, and Yu Minzhi said in a low voice: "Brother Ci, this relationship between you is only superficially acceptable, but in fact there are many hidden dangers. This kind of love is an unhealthy relationship. He can lie one lie after another in order to get you." Lie, you can pretend not to see him because you love him clearly, but you will always wonder whether what he said and done is true. With Hualei's possessiveness, after a long time, the sense of boundary and security will be broken, even if you are a normal person, the ability to love will be conservative and urged. In the end, you will only use the way of consuming love to repeat the same mistakes and experience pain."

Huaci smiled, and looked at him sideways: "You are really quite professional."

Yu Minzhi opened his mouth, a little speechless.

"When I was young, I would occasionally imagine the love I was looking forward to. It was nothing more than those few words. It was evenly matched, happy and bright." But it was not easy, "But Xiaoyu, have you actually paid attention to my psychology? It’s a sense of solidity.”

Breaking yourself down is so difficult.

Huaci tried hard to think of a suitable word: "It is about arriving on schedule, and it will never fail. What I gained from Hualei is the experience that is more precious than those bright loves, even if he lied to me and violated me. If he did something bad, or something even worse, I wouldn't doubt that he was treating me well."

Yu Minzhi's eyes widened slightly.

"Whenever I take every step in any direction, no matter whether I walk on a smooth road or a swamp or mud, no matter what it is, I am very sure. His eyes are on me, his people are behind me, and he is in front of me." Firmly focus and always choose me." Huaci sometimes speaks slowly, and sometimes speaks smoothly, and he is also looking for answers with himself, "You just said something wrong, I will not be in time because of I can’t help but doubt him because of his lies, I will always trust him, if he is leading me, closing my eyes will be stronger than walking alone with my eyes open.”

As long as it's him.

If it is, he will feel at ease.

If he said that he could live by jumping off the cliff, Hua Ci would jump off without hesitation, and he was sure that he would not die in the endless fall.

Yu Minzhi stared at him blankly, his eyes behind the lens were so full of emotion that he couldn't tell.

He has never talked much, but it is not because he is not good at words, but because he simply feels that there is no need to say more, but now he really wants to say something, but he is speechless looking at Hua Ci.

He saw the golden sunlight falling on the shoulders of Huaci's black coat, and he vaguely saw Huaci's appearance when he and Hualei returned to his home for the first time.

Hualei always loves to show off his brother in front of them. Yu Minzhi heard from elementary school and junior high school that although he had never met a real person, he seemed to be more familiar with him than his own relatives. He didn't express any opinions on this, but in his heart Never take it for granted.

Later, the Hua family suddenly changed, and Hualei became cold overnight. He no longer flaunted Huaci as if he would never be troubled, but every time he mentioned Huaci, it was like touching his own most sensitive heart.

Yu Minzhi still remembered that he was the one who helped Hualei fight that day. Both groups of them were wild. When they were in junior high school, they fought for real. Both of them were injured. Yu Minzhi couldn't go home directly. Said that his brother was very busy and came home very late, and brought Yu Minzhi back to his home.

The two treated each other's injuries in a mess like wolf cubs, and ordered takeaway to fill their stomachs.

When there was a noise in the hallway, Hua Lei was changing clothes, Yu Minzhi thought it was the delivery, he limped to the hallway, raised his eyes to meet Hua Ci's eyes.

At that time, Huaci had not accepted Huashi for a few years, and his whole body was sharpened like a thin edge and a cold sword, far from the sharp edge that was hidden deep below.

Yu Minzhi was fixed in place by this look, and at that moment he clearly felt the dense tremors in his heart.

The strangeness frightened him.

Afterwards, how did Huaci gently re-bandage their wounds while training them two junior high school kids, how did she volunteer to cook a healthy dinner for them but made a mess in the kitchen, how did she look at him seriously under the lamp and talk to him in a gentle tone? Speaking, Yu Minzhi didn't remember so clearly.

In the repeated memories, the impression is worn away.

Only the first glance at the first meeting, from sizing up to knowing who he is, the smile gradually emerged, which lasted forever.

Hua Ci didn't sit with him for a long time, he answered his question, probably also figured out himself, naturally there was no reason.

Yu Minzhi didn't stand up with him, this was already his gaffe, he just... the intertwining of reality and memory made him a little painful, but his expression didn't reveal anything, he just sat quietly.

He thought he had to be more decent, wait for Huaci to leave, and then he would be completely broken after leaving.

But why does the hair feel soft to the touch?

Not even his mother had ever touched him so tenderly.

Just like the first time I met more than ten years ago, Hua Ci rubbed the top of Xiao Yu Minzhi's hair, frowned and said, "You can still make yourself like this after a fight? Didn't you win? Are you not happy if you win? "

More than ten years later, under the shade of green trees, he rubbed his hair again, and his tone was still gentle: "Xiao Yu, don't look in front of you, don't look behind you, just look at yourself, see what you want, and then Just look at that and go down."

Yu Minzhi didn't dare to move, he was so stiff that he didn't dare to move, looked at Huaci and smiled at him before leaving, and then felt the temperature around him suddenly cool down.

He knew what he wanted at this moment.

What kind of shitty psychological research experiment, what kind of shitty observation object, but he didn't dare.

I dare not look at my own heart.

Hualei is indeed stronger than him.

Yu Minzhi raised his hand, and then slowly landed on the top of his hair, as if he could still feel a little bit of touch.

He saw a life he missed, even if he never had it.