[Zhongyingmei] The clown is actually me

Sober up.

Jack walked into the bathroom, stood in front of the sink, splashed a handful of cold water on his face, and then looked up at himself in the mirror.Looking back, the man's skin was pale, and his black-green hair hung over his shoulders, like wet algae.

His own gleaming complexion was like a canvas, through which Jack remembered the face of the young girl.That once excited and flushed face, as delicate and beautiful as a rose covered with morning dew,? When it was reflected on the screen not long ago, it has become exactly the same as him, with excessive blood loss and completely normal white.

Jack lit a cigarette and said this to himself in his heart.You need to be sober, Jack.

You have told her that the life of the leader of the operation may be in danger.She is an adult with the most basic ability to discern,? She did,? It shows that she is willing to take this risk.The most important thing now is to appease the opposition party, so that they will not be overly indignant because of the death of the leader, and cause riots. Only an organized, large-scale, and action-programmed mass uprising can deter the upper class. There is no order and it is just to vent their emotions. Riots can undo previous efforts.

Smoke curled upwards, and in the dark and cramped bathroom, Jack saw his own shining golden eyes.It was as clear as molten gold, and as bright as the pupils of a beast.

Until then,? He didn't realize how similar his pupils were to the clown's.Its size never changes with mood,? It just turns—like a bright spot hidden in the shadow of the eye socket and brow bone,? A shiny golden marble,? Or a straight shot The luminescence of copper bullets.In the two swirls of red gold,? He could not see love, anger, pain, sorrow,? His eyes were empty and smooth, like a mirror.

These are the clown's eyes, just in a different color.

Jack stood still in the dark, he felt a hand on his shoulder, not the Joker, but himself, and another Jack stood beside him and said to him: Where is your respect?

The girl who died, although she had the common problems of students, was too idealistic in her thinking, and her methods were not mature enough, but she bravely stood up and resisted tyranny/government and injustice. The city gave its young life.No doubt, she is a hero, but what about your homage to her?

what about your sorrow

What about your hatred for the murderer?

When you heard the news of her death, there was only one thing left in your mind, and that was: "Oh".Other than that, nothing else.

"You are confused. Let me miss the time when you didn't know who you were before. At that time, you were determined, smart, crazy and cute. You always had a bad face on me and yelled at me every now and then,' I'm not you', as if you really weren't." Suddenly the sound of a lighter came from beside him, and the clown stood beside him, took a deep breath of the cigarette, and then let it out again, the smoke gradually rose and dissipated in the moonlight, "but now You are isolated in the middle, you are not interested in being a good person, but you don’t want to degenerate into a bad person. So you are stuck in the middle, can’t get up and down, can’t find your own way.”

Jack was silent. Confusion was an unfamiliar emotion to him. At that time, he came to Gotham unexpectedly and opened his eyes. He was not confused. He fell into the world of injustice with Batman, and his arm was torn off by the injustice Superman. He was not confused. .But now, he is at a loss, he has come into contact with a world far beyond his imagination and cognition, here, he is as ignorant as a child.

"That's the bad thing about the separation of emotion and morality, Jack. Your morality tells you that you must be a good person, and you can't degenerate and end up like me. You care about other people's opinions and don't want to lose Batman as a friend. But your The ego doesn't think so, 'feeling' destroys the original balance, you know that you are the devil, the devil has no shame, will not be moved by heroes, and it is not shameful to be a villain. Your morality and ego are Pulling you, it becomes the current state - you are suspended."

"I do not have……"

The clown interrupted him with a sneer: "Then why don't you let Jason enjoy your affection? You have also been through life and death together, and besides Batman, he is the person you are most familiar with. You have always excluded him because you For him, no, but for me, you are on guard, you are afraid that one day you will open your eyes and find that you are holding a blood-stained crowbar."

Jack lowered his head: "According to what you said, what should I do?"

The clown stepped forward and pointed at his heart with a finger: "It's very simple, throw away your set of props."

When Jack came out of the bathroom, the clock on the wall stopped at 2.It's two eleven past midnight.He saw warm yellow light seeping from the cracks in the room in the corner.

"Not asleep yet?" Jack knocked on the door and found that the door was unlocked, so he pushed the door and walked in.Batman was sitting by the bed, making a palm-sized electronic device, and various metal parts were scattered all over the table.He must have not slept for a long time, and there was a black cyan circle under his eye sockets. Two months had made this playboy's face thin and out of shape, and the muscles of the cheekbones on both sides had shrunk.

"what is this?"

"A special chip jammer can disable the Mad Hatter's brain chips on a large scale. Tomorrow Director Gordon will use this to take back the Gotham Police Department and rescue Tim's parents." Batman said, glancing at him, "Why don't you sleep?"

Jack shook his head: "I can't sleep."

"Sleep is good for the recovery of liver and kidney functions." Batman paused, "You and Jason are very similar in that, you both think 'Bruce is tired, don't disturb him', and then keep the words in your heart. Yes Say whatever you want."

Still being spotted by the greatest detective in the world, he knew that his recent psychological activities could not be hidden from Batman.Jack sighed, moved a chair out and sat down, was silent for a while, then took out a cigarette from his pocket and lit it.It was rare that Batman didn't stop him from smoking. He took a deep breath and said, "Bat, I may have a hard time controlling the clown."

Batman stopped assembling the instrument for a moment, then raised his head and looked directly at Jack: "Nightwing and Batgirl will sneak into the rescue team and enter Gotham, and they will bring your medicine from outside the city. Hold on for a while. "

"That's not what I meant. I'm afraid that even if I take the medicine again, it will be difficult for me to continue to contain the clown. The line between me and him is becoming more and more blurred, and then... I just realized that it's not that he needs me, I need him. I need him to stand there and tell me, 'Don't be as evil as him.'" Jack hung his head and gave a hoarse laugh, "I don't know if you feel that way, he I also said that I am more like you than him."

Batman shook his head and put a hand on his shoulder: "I know it's hard, don't trust the clown, you have to stay awake."

"I'm sober, I'm too sober to play house with your birds, Bat, it's hard to explain, but... I can't be happy with them, I can't see them as friends, I can't Have feelings for other people and not be touched by them. I don't care about anything but you and the clown, I..."

……Fear.

Jack heard the clown's voice again, and in the dark bathroom, the clown leaned into his ear and said, "You're afraid of rejection, you're afraid of their hearts. You must have thought, 'Don't get too close to them, the clown will hurt them'."

Taking down Cain's cross and turning off the "Masquerade" skill is a big gamble.Because of Unyielding Chaos, his sanity will drop to a very low level. In addition, there are many props at hand that lower sanity and the upper limit of sanity. It is like walking a tightrope on a cliff. He himself would disappear from Joker's memory.He didn't come to Batman for anything, he told himself, he didn't take down the cross for Batman, let alone for those little bird cubs, he did it for himself, and his feelings and morals were slowly torn apart like this , will definitely be completely out of line.Either become a saint who only pursues morality and disregards human feelings, or degenerate into the most evil devil. These two lines pull him tightly and let him hang in mid-air.When this kind of foot does not touch the ground, everyone wants someone to give him a hand.

Yes, I just need him to give me a hand.I'm not here to test anything, to measure whether Batman's friendship is enough for me to take off the cross...not like that.

Jack took a puff of smoke and said with a wry smile: "...I don't know what I want, and I don't even know how to tell you. Bat, I'm alone and helpless in this matter, and you can't help me. To be honest Yes, I am an ordinary person, I can't hold him to death forever in my heart, it's a miracle that I can last for two years."

Batman put down the instrument and shook his hand instead: "Jack, there's no such thing as 'alone and helpless', I can help you."

Jack shook his head blankly, remained silent for a long time, and finally said: "Bat, before, before I appeared, did you regret not killing the clown?"

"Regret, regret every day and night, regret all the time."

"He keeps running, he keeps killing, he keeps playing cruel games, he keeps soaking you in regret and screwing up Gotham... You know he'll never repent. But you'll keep him alive. Why do you keep This kind of morality?"

"Jack, I told you this story: I was tailing a prison van with a little pistol/gun, trying to shoot the criminal who killed my parents. But I didn't tell you, even now, I still want to do it. I'm sorry The expectation of killing people is not lower than yours. If I have to do a psychological evaluation, I have to go to Arkham to be my neighbor with the clown. I must restrain myself with morality, because my spirit may not be as normal as yours."

"Won't this kind of morality... make you miserable?"

"Yes." Batman looked at Jack, and the look on that haggard, stubbled face coincided with the boy standing in the dark alley many years ago. His eyes were lowered, and his long eyelashes covered the sapphire blue. Dark eyes, "Often."

However, there is no more pain than watching the bullet pass through the chest of my parents that night.And standing next to the dead body of my parents, still alive, my heart beating against my ribs in my chest.

Jack looked at him. At this moment, he suddenly had some kind of hallucination. He saw Batman standing at the end of the hanging ladder in the chemical plant, reaching out to him: "The clown will always come back. Even so, why do you still have to fight with him?" fighting?"

"Yes, the darkness will not be eliminated, he will come back in various twisted ways." Batman looked at him, his blue eyes were like molten gems, he spoke slowly, every word was firm, "But it doesn't mean he's reasonable, it doesn't mean we just have to live with it, we can't ignore the elephant in the room. Maybe he can't be eliminated, but we have to fight him."

There is always a clown.There will always be a Batman.

"If you still had the chance, would you save the clown?"

"meeting."

"Even if he did all those bad things?"

"Even if he did a lot of bad things."

Jack froze for a moment, his eyes reflected the mercury-like moonlight.On the cloud layer, the bat light suddenly lit up, and the bright yellow beam of light hit the cloud directly.Why didn't I find out before that the light emitted by the bat light is like the light of a flashlight.He said, "Then will you save me?"

"It will." Batman said firmly, "It will."

Now, walk along the beam of light.

Jack shook his hand and made up his mind: "Bat, I have something to confess to you, about props and... the system."