[Zhongyingmei] The clown is actually me

Jack was in a daze,? Unconscious, only felt hot.The hot wind made his mouth dry. In his dream, he became a piece of meat put on the grill, even the deepest part of the bone was scalded badly.

"Master Bruce,? He's running a fever," he heard someone standing beside him say.

After being hazy for a while, he fell asleep again. After a few cycles like this, his consciousness began to wake up, and the fog covering his brain gradually dissipated, like a drowning person finally surfacing,? Fresh air rolled into his lungs,? He When I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was the iron-gray ceiling and the shaking bottle, followed by the heat, so hot that there were layers of fine sweat in the cracks of the bones.He tried to sit up, but his wrists were handcuffed to the railing on one side of the hospital bed, and someone beside him held him down: "Don't move,? You have a fever."

He glanced aside: "Jason?"

Jason took off his owl-shaped glasses, and his gun, dagger and other weapons were taken away. There were some scars on the exposed skin, and a thick bandage wrapped around his right arm. He was handcuffed like Jack and was sitting On another bed the peel was flattened.Algernon squatted on a shelf not far away and dozed off, as fat as a round reed chicken.

"It's me. I was going to explain it to Batman, but he didn't believe it."

Jack smiled weakly: "He must think you were brainwashed by me,? Then he beat you, an unfilial son with your elbow turned outward."

"That's right. He's the donkey temper of a feudal patriarch." Jason angrily threw the apple peel into the trash can.

"Congratulations,? Generally speaking, being unable to stand your parents is the first step for a child to be independent. Besides, this Batman is bad enough, the one I know never hits me." Jack coughed twice, and now he was finally fully awake, and then A very crucial question was asked: "Wait a minute, where am I?"

"The Batcave."

Jack was so shocked that he almost couldn't catch his breath: "Dare he put the clown in the Batcave? Are you afraid that I will suddenly go crazy and cut Alfred into [-] sections, put a seal on it and send it to him in two years as a gift?"

Jason silently pointed behind him: "Ah Fu is right behind you."

Jack turned his head, facing Alfred who was coming with black tea.Just now he was enthusiastically discussing how to kill Ah Fu, and even contributed a valuable reference method with great interest, but he was caught by the real master in a blink of an eye, and he could only smile awkwardly.Alfred didn't have much expression, but just shook his mustache: "You can make your plotting louder, Master Jason and this—"

He handed Jason a cup of hot tea, put down the small table on the hospital bed, took out a bowl of hot soup from the tray, and put it on the table, which was obviously for Jack.But looking at the green scallions, bright red carrots, tons of rotten chicken pieces and fat shrimps floating on the soup, Jack felt his throat tickle and almost spit it out again.In order to cover it up, he could only grab the handcuffs and make a little metallic sound, indicating that he didn't even have the strength to hold a spoon now.

Alfred raised his eyebrows: "—and this Mr. Clown."

"I'm not a clown." Jack rolled his eyes angrily.

"Then this unknown guest, what name should be written on the invitation card you submit when you visit next time?"

Jack coughed twice: "The ghost born in the ACE chemical plant, the leader of the bat opposition, the pale man, the king of Gotham, the devil incarnate, the spokesperson of Arkham, the lingering curser of Gotham, the spirit of the antisocial lunatic Mentor, mad Laurent de Lavoisier, creator of 'Project Robin's long johns', mastermind of the No Superhero Underpants Act, sword-bearer of the Gotham Police Department, Arkham University Full Professor of Laughing Gas - Jack Napier."

As soon as he finished speaking, Batman pushed open the door of the treatment room, walked in, and said to Ah Fu and Jason: "You go out first, let me have a private chat with this professor of laughing gas at Arkham University. "

He was injured, his battle clothes were mostly damaged, bloodstains and wounds were exposed under the opened soft armor.Alfred and Jason walked out of the treatment room, Batman locked the door behind him, walked to Jack's bed, picked up the bowl of hot soup, put it on the bedside table, then folded the small table, and finally said to Jack who was lying on the hospital bed : "Take off your clothes."

It took Jack ten seconds to clean up his expression, and put on a look of shock, embarrassment and deep understanding: "Your relationship with the clown has progressed to this extent?!"

Batman's exposed lips were tightly pressed together, stretched into a straight line: "I just checked whether the scars on your body correspond to what I remember. It's not as dirty as you think."

"Uh... no, why do you even remember where the clown got hurt?" Jack's eyes became even more indescribable.

"Arkham Asylum keeps his medical form."

Jack curled his lips resentfully, he was just joking, and there was also an element of deliberately disgusting Batman in it.Of course he knew that Batman was just checking the two Joker's scars to confirm the authenticity of Jack's identity, but he had a strong sense of shame about showing his body.During the years when he guarded Jason's body alone, he used some extreme methods. Now there are many scars on his body, which are shocking. In the eyes of others, it will inevitably attract criticism, as if deliberately emphasizing his dedication , It's the same as a way to repay your kindness.A psychologist himself, Jack knew that this negative feeling was called stigma, a negative emotion exhibited by people with mental illness.There is shame in asking for help, shame in speaking out, and shame in showing wounds.Once the patient is deeply immersed in this self-defiled emotion, shame is like a thread to sew his mouth shut.The reason is always clear, but a doctor cannot heal himself, and he is also trapped in the vortex of stigma, and it is difficult to climb ashore by himself.

He made a final struggle: "Why don't you take off your son's clothes?"

Batman didn't speak.Jack paused suddenly, realizing that he might have accidentally poked Batman's wound.So far, he has never seen what Jason looks like. The memory of Jason will always stay in that kid when he was 16 years old. One shot knocked him down.

"Sorry." He whispered.

He slowly sat up from the hospital bed, unbuttoned the buttons with trembling hands, and took off his white shirt. He had been wearing a formal dress for too long, and now taking off this bright layer of clothes was like taking off a layer of skin .

The body under the shirt was so pale that it almost glistened, his skin like bleached, taut paper over a thin layer of muscle.Now he is thinner than in the impression, and the contours of some bones protrude, showing a sickly bony feeling.Batman tore off his shirt and looked at his scars. The scars were slightly bulging, like the marks left after paper was wet and dried. The edges were even bloodless white. It seemed that even the fibers of the skin were clear to transparent .

There are not many scars on the body, most of them are scratches with sharp objects left a few years ago, and the color is very light.Batman pulled off his sleeve, met with a little resistance, but soon, his eyes were fixed, Jack's arm was full of scars, densely packed, layer upon layer, the edges were smooth and smooth, obviously knife wounds .Batman was taken aback for a moment, then said in a deep voice, "Self-mutilation?"

Jack only let him take a look, then put on his clothes in embarrassment, covering the scars, and shook his head when he heard the words: "No, some blood was bled for an experiment."

"I did a test. The medicine you took is doxepin and amitriptyline. Both are antidepressants."

"I've already seen a professional psychiatrist for treatment..." Jack said in his heart that the psychiatrist he was looking for was himself, as if a hole had been punctured in the painted skin he propped up. He knew exactly what happened to him, but he never wanted to Hear the truth come out of other people's mouths.This is the role of stigma, not only unwilling to tell the pain, but also trying to cover it up when others point it out.Just out of shame.He was flustered like an ant on a hot pot, racking his brains to stop the next words, and suddenly he had a flash of inspiration, and said to Batman: "What right do you have to say about me? You are also a mental patient like me. "

Batman said nothing.He chased after the victory, and was bound to bring this topic to the fore: "The clown is right here, I can hear his voice, he's inside..."

He raised his hand and stroked Batman's chest, the bat-shaped iron piece.Bruce recast the gun that killed his parents, cast it into a bulletproof bat pattern, and wore it on his chest, as if protecting him was the cry of a dead parent or an eight-year-old child.Jack stroked it with fascination, as if touching a lover's little white hand. No one could tell whether this fascination was for the Joker or Batman.Only his voice became lower and lower and more secretive: "He's inside, screaming at me..."

Batman grabbed his wrist suddenly: "You know I've been poisoned by the clown poison?"

"You can understand it as the spiritual resonance between psychopaths. A **** can't stop us. We are friends of the heart." Jack can't always say that he knows the plot, he can only pretend to be mysterious and lie, "Bat, We all have little secrets we don't want to tell outsiders, the only difference is that you are lucky because I can help you control the clown toxin. We have to make a deal."

"What deal."

The Arkham Knight's world view is slowly becoming malicious towards Jack. Now that his own existence has been known, the Arkham Knight who listened to the Batman's signal must have also got the news, which means that he is now exposed to the flames of war between the two.In the clear-cut tearing between the two sides, if he wants to survive, he must not continue to deceive himself and others to be neutral, and he has to join one of them.Hiding in the Batcave by Batman is undoubtedly the safest way, so he said: "I will give you a slow-release agent that can control the clown toxin, but you must protect me until the Arkham Knight and the Scarecrow are solved."

Batman pondered for a while. He should be thinking about whether the Joker's words are trustworthy. Finally, he raised his head and said without emotion: "What is the main ingredient of the slow-release agent?"

Jack grinned and slapped himself on the neck: "My cerebrospinal fluid."