[Zhongyingmei] The clown is actually me

The pale light in the morning penetrated the clouds in the sky, covering the earth like a snow-white veil.

Batman took off his mask and cloak, and Alfred stepped forward to help him take off his pitch-black bat armor. Wipe the blood stains on the surface with a special detergent and a soft cloth. Every set of bat armor is Tailor-made according to Bruce Wayne's body weight,? The manufacturing cost exceeds one million dollars, and it must be carefully maintained to prolong its life.

Bruce slumped on the sofa. Not long ago, he had a fierce battle with the men of the double-faced man. He was not seriously injured,? But exhausted,? Fortunately, he had a short rest for four hours in the first half of the night,? He should not be on the board of directors today doze off.

He picked up the hot lemon tea handed by Alfred, took a sip, and the steaming water rolled into his throat, warming up his body which was blown by the cold wind.He looked around, Nightwing wasn't there, Barbara wasn't there, Jason was still throwing a tantrum, Tim went back to his parents for a while.There were only him and Alfred in the huge bat cave, and the empty wind blew in from the exit of the cave, rubbing against the dark cliffs and making noise.When he came back, there was a drizzle like a spider's silk, and a series of spring thunders tore the white lines of the sky.

"How's Jack?" He sighed—and at the mention of Jack,? He couldn't help sighing.As if some curse had been lifted, Gotham's public safety improved under the joint efforts of him and Commissioner Gordon, but Jack's mental health did not suffer from improvement at all.

After waking up,? He became unusually silent,? He didn't laugh anymore,? He seldom spoke, was in a daze, showing an abnormal state of stupor. Most of the time he was convalescent, he just sat and didn't care about people or things. It will not be reflected, as if only a pale husk remains.Batman and Jason searched to try to persuade, but they didn't know how much Jack listened to, maybe the effect of consolation was not as good as an antidepressant.

Alfred's answer was beyond his expectation: "It's gotten better recently, a few hours ago he asked me for paints and brushes."

"Drawing again?"

"Yes, if nothing else."

Bruce pondered for a while, put down the hot lemon tea, took the elevator up to Wayne Manor, and walked up the stairs to the guest room on the second floor. During this time, Jack stayed in a room with enough light to recuperate. He gently opened the door, and Jack Already fell asleep.Brushes, paints, brush holders, and some fragments of canvas were placed in a mess on the ground.He raised his head and saw the easel placed in the corner. The canvas was torn out by Jack and there was a big hole. There were colorful ribbons tied to the shattered cracks, and a bunch of flowers that were cut in a mess. He had completely seen it. It is unclear what was painted on the canvas.

"Drawing..." Bruce picked up the pieces and put them together, and soon found out what Jack had drawn.If he thinks right, the content of the painting is eyes, one after another, densely stacked together, like a huge honeycomb.

draw.

Sleep, wake up, eat, draw.Sleeping and waking are constantly tossing, like jumping back and forth between life and death, everything is blank, everything is disillusionment, only the feeling of the brush falling on the canvas is real.

"You can't draw anymore." Bruce took the paintbrush in his hand and said to him, "If you keep drawing, you will suffer from shoulder and neck muscle strain."

Jack was stunned, as if the pause button was pressed, and then he moved, his consciousness gradually became clear, as if his soul had returned to this body, he looked around, and the corners were full of used and useless objects. A few paintbrushes are randomly soaked in the dark brush holder.He looked at Batman again, and suddenly a sour, swollen and hot pain came from his shoulder and neck, as if a heavy hammer had hit his head.

"Awake?" Bruce said, not knowing why, but it was good that Jack woke up from a completely abnormal state of stupor.

Jack was still stunned, and after a long silence, he said this without end: "They are watching."

"what?"

"They are looking at me, people outside this world, they are looking at us, always, always..." Jack looked at his flat hands, a pair of pale, slender hands, with which the clown killed countless People, he saved a few of them with the same hands, and now his hands are shaking, "If they exist all the time, what's the point of living like this..."

"Calm down and speak clearly." Batman patted him on the shoulder.

Jack was silent for a while, maybe the truth was too cruel, enough to deny Batman's hard work for so many years, even if he said it out of his mouth, he hesitated a few times: "Bat, have you ever thought that you are in a novel or other fictional works? character?"

"Thought about it." Bruce gave him an unexpected answer, "After all, in order to fight crime, becoming a hero in a cape, no matter how you think about it, is not like what normal people would do. If someone manipulated me, I would It wouldn't be a surprise either."

Jack was stunned for a few seconds by his calm attitude: "Aren't you angry? The people who created you sell your story to make money. The story in their eyes is your life. You will always fight and be scarred, but you can't face it." Come to your own ending, you can't eliminate criminals, you can't save Gotham."

Bruce shook his head: "Jack, my life is my own choice, and I am willing to take this path. I don't care about being watched, and I don't care about other people's evaluation. Praise and endings are foreign things, the most important thing is to focus on In front of you."

"No, you'll just be stuck in the Sisyphus cycle of pain, forever and ever. Because those people, the author... and the readers, they want to see you and the clown playing a game of cat-and-mouse and running away, for If you play with you and this city for a little fun, your battle will not come to fruition. If this is the case, what is the point of your efforts?"

Bruce sighed, grabbed Jack's wrist, dragged him a few steps, and opened the French windows of the guest room.It wasn't until the tender green came into view that Jack realized that winter had passed while he was in a trance, the weather was gradually warming up, and the scenery of spring burned Wayne Manor like wildfire.The sun sprinkled warm light on the earth, and the sky was high and blue, without a single cloud.The sycamores in the courtyard survived the severe cold, and the timid green sprouted from the branches, and there were birds chirping up and down amidst the green shadows.Looking down from this angle, the shaggy lawn looks like an expensive carpet, with clusters of bougainvillea and English roses planted beside the railing, and pale yellow wildflowers swaying gently in the spring wind.

"It's real, isn't it, Jack? You're real, I'm real, and this city is real, isn't that enough?" Bruce pulled a creeper leaf and handed it to him, "I don't I know what the clown said to you, but if you pursue meaning too much, you will fall into nihilism. As for the Sisyphus trap you mentioned, everyone is living this kind of life. , but civilization is still progressing. There is no need to think that I am a hero, just feel sorry for me, I am also an ordinary person."

Jack was speechless for a moment: "You know, but you still choose to fight?"

"If I don't do it, someone else will do it. The meaning is not important. The important thing is that the evil is here, and I am here too." Bruce plucked a flower, crushed it deep in the palm of his hand, and then opened his palm, the broken petals Blown off by the wind, "I'm Batman."

Jack stopped talking, and now he understands that even if the moral principles of the two are completely opposite, Batman and the Joker do reach the same goal by different routes. They both have extremely strong vitality, their own behavioral standards and logical closed-loop values, like They live vigorously like the sun, and they don't care about the evaluation of others' eyes. They are free, selfish, arrogant and self-satisfied. With themselves as the yardstick of truth and morality, a person can live a full and rich life.Whether it is love or hate, their feelings for the world are equally abundant and sincere, completely transcending themselves and believing in themselves, and they are unwavering.

It took him a long time to whisper, "I can't change a thing, Bruce."

"Oh?"

"I didn't change my fate, what should have happened happened. Jason was still killed by the Joker, Tim is still your third Robin, Gotham is as chaotic as ever, Arkham is still the revolving door of Gotham City ...I curbed the clown, but it didn't make the world much better."

"Jack, we are all ordinary people, don't always think about changing the world. You think you haven't done it, but you really saved some little people, at least Jason. Thank you for letting him come back to me." Bruce breathed a sigh of relief "So we hope you get up as soon as possible, not just for you to control the clown. I introduced the psychiatrist to you for this purpose. I hope you make new friends and have your own, A life independent of clowns."

"A life independent of the clown..."

"Are you sober now?" Bruce patted him on the back, "Go outside for a walk if you have time, and bask in the sun. Spring is here, don't be bored in the studio all day long. If you don't have psychological problems, you will have mental problems."

Jack stared at the vibrant green and fell into a brief absence. Bruce knew from his expression that the solution was effective. Jack is not stupid, but he likes to get to the bottom of it too much, so he will detour himself into a dead end.At this time, it is necessary to pull him out of the endless loop in time, and we must grasp the timing, and it will be enough. Besides, it will make Jack uncomfortable to be spied on.Bruce looked at the time, he wasted a lot of time doing psychological work for Jack, and there was also the board of directors of the Wayne Group in the afternoon, so he had to be there in time.

He turned around, and just after walking a few steps, Jack's voice chased after him faintly: "Bat, if the clown is no longer around one day, do you think I can still live like an ordinary person?"

"That depends on you. If you want, I can hide you. With your intelligence, you can spend the rest of your life peacefully." Bruce paused, "Even if there is no clown, we are still friends."