[Zhongyingmei] The clown is actually me

Jason returned to the Batcave with a heavy heart.

Batman didn't look like a father who welcomes his child home, he said "You're back" to him with a little earnestness, this work was done by Alfred who was holding a teacup, standing in front of the blue computer screen Batman,? Stiff as a black gargoyle sculpture.He didn't even turn his head,? It seemed that he didn't see his son at all.Jason rolled his eyes at his attitude, and said coldly, "What should we do now?"

"Find a reason for him to move." Batman still didn't look back. "Jack's appearance is different from before. It is impossible for the Clown Gang to find him so quickly,? It should be an accident."

These words fell in his ears, and Jason only felt a stalk in his throat, "Bruce,? We shouldn't leave him in Gotham,? Do you think Batman should appear in front of him? ?Maybe awakening his past memories, then you should agree that letting him continue to live in Gotham will have the same effect."

"He's a clown, I can't put him in another city,? If something goes wrong,? The locals can't respond in time."

"Come on, Bruce,? It's just your control freak,? How much surveillance do you have in his apartment? If it wasn't too invasive, you'd stuff pinhole cameras in his toilet and bathroom, He even looked at the color of his underwear in the drawer."

"You don't understand the meaning of my leaving him in Gotham." Batman finally turned around: "The clown is the devil he locked in Pandora's box,? He can endure madness,? He can coexist with the devil,? But he Can't bear loneliness,? If we are not by his side, one day, he will open the box because he can't bear to miss him, in order to see the clown again."

Alfred coughed lightly, barely extinguishing the tense atmosphere between the father and son, and he said in the usual slightly teasing tone: "Master Jason, you have to be considerate of him, the phrase 'I just don't want to lose a friend' It’s really hard to say the words.”

"But he doesn't remember the clown anymore..."

Bruce gave him a cold look from a distance: "Why do you think the clown said he loved him? It's just for this day."

Jason seemed to be stabbed by a hidden spike, and all his anger was vented.He pinched the bridge of his nose, it's too bad, at this moment, he thought of Jack standing in the attic.

At that time, he was squeezed into an economy room, and the economy was not as affluent as it is now.The attic was low and dry, full of dusty cobwebs.The landlord filled the attic with clutter and only cleared a small space for him to settle down. He sat on an old stool with a palette in one hand and a paintbrush in the other.The bright sunlight fell from the slanted skylight overhead, and the black-haired man was as bright as an oil painting.

Although the air quality in the attic is not very good, and it is hot and dry all the year round, staying here is indeed a kind of torture, but Jason really sees happiness in it, the happiness of ordinary people, like a soaped towel, or an afternoon sun Quilt.It was hard for Jason to say what he was feeling at that moment. He and Bruce had always hoped that Jack would heal and live a normal life. Now they finally did it, but Jason had to think——

"Maybe he'd be better off if he'd never met us," he murmured.

He was sure that this sentence had been heard by Batman, but the latter still didn't make a sound, only the sound of fingers tapping on the keyboard, echoing in the huge Batcave, it seemed empty.Seeing that he was determined to put on a look of being unable to communicate, Jason was so suffocated that he turned around and left the Batcave without taking a few sips of tea. Alfred sighed a long time and walked to the operating room of the bat computer In front of the stage, he handed Batman a cup of steaming black tea.

Batman took the cup of tea and took a sip. His hand hidden in the cloak was holding a recording pen, and the mp3 file in the recording pen was playing in the earphone. When the black tea passed through his throat, he heard Jack screaming. Like a voice: "... If I really can't stand it, bring him back. Don't forgive me, Bat, I'm guilty."

Jack is still dreaming.

He was in a trance, as if he was awake, but he couldn't open his eyes.He felt that he was held in the palm of that hand again, it gently supported him, but in the next moment, something pressed on him, firmly fixed his limbs on the bed, like a heavy bed The blanket, he was so crushed that his limbs were numb, he couldn't move, he couldn't even catch his breath.

Wait... what, ghost press?

He failed to open his eyes, but he saw that there was darkness around him, but there was something blacker than the darkness on his body, like a sticky, shapeless ink or asphalt, with no eyes on its surface and no movement. It seemed to be wriggling, but Jack could still clearly feel its sight. The presence of that sight was terribly strong, and it was directly above him—it was staring at him condescendingly.

For a moment, a strange idea flashed in Jack's mind: this monster is a human being.

"Who... who is it?" He asked in a low voice with his last breath in his chest.

The thing hummed distortedly, like a television set with a bad connection that fades away after failing to communicate, and it gives up.Jack felt the bitumen, or ink, squirm for a moment, then his lips cooled slightly, and it took him a moment before he realized it was a kiss.

The heavy feeling of swelling disappeared, and he woke up from the dream.

Jack slowly sat up from the bed. The sun was bright and bright outside the window, and there were no monsters at all. He was only covered with a thin blanket. He was in a trance, and it took him a long time to really wake up. , He actually fell asleep straight into the afternoon.

He pressed his temples, and he seemed to be sleeping most of the time recently, sleeping drowsily, turning day and night upside down, this level of lethargy is completely abnormal, and he doesn't know why his brain needs rest so much.

Are you going to the hospital?

Forget it, go to the toilet and wash your face first.

Jack walked to the bathroom in his slippers, yawned and walked past the mirror in front of the sink, and suddenly he stopped because he caught a glimpse of the reflection in the mirror, a blur of purple, white and green that contrasted brilliantly.He immediately walked to the mirror, but this time the mirror didn't reflect anything strange, only the usual, ordinary man with black hair and white skin, just like what he saw in the mirror every morning.

illusion?

He reached out and touched his face. Except for his conspicuously white skin, there was nothing abnormal about his current appearance. He looked at it for a while in doubt, but he still couldn't see anything from the mirror, so he could only glance at it resentfully. I splashed a handful of cold water on my face, dragged off my crumpled pajamas, put on a shirt and trousers, and prepared to go to the nearest park for a few laps to wake up.

He locked the room, walked out the door, and took a deep breath of fresh air. There was a small steeple church near the park, which was said to be dedicated to the Virgin Mary, and some believers would come to worship at ordinary times.In the past, he had no interest in these religious activities, always thinking that they were mental anesthetics of the old days.Today he stood at the door, as if urged by something, he approached the church door in a strange way.

This is really a simple little church. The only thing that stands out is the statue of the Madonna enshrined at the front of the church. The statue of the Madonna is as tall as a person and is carved from a whole piece of white marble. The expression is serene, gentle and compassionate.There is a small square skylight behind the sculpture, through which the afternoon light shines in, and the holy light of heaven is reflected behind the Virgin Mary.

In the veil-like light, the loving eyes of the Holy Mother are looming, and everyone who looks up at it will have the illusion that Mary's eyes are falling on him, and the girlish and beautiful face shows amazing Motherhood, many people who gaze at the statue will feel that they have seen their mother.

The priest in the church was adding candles to the feet of the Virgin. When he saw Jack walking in, he straightened up immediately and said to him, "What's the matter, sir?"

Jack asked slightly jokingly: "If I don't believe in your teachings, will you bless me and listen to my confession?"

"Before the Messiah came to this world, everyone was a lost lamb." The priest's face showed a pious gentleness: "I bless you, stranger, may you have the strength to break free from everything."

Jack's heart skipped a beat. The priest observed his expression, smiled at him, and pointed to the confession room beside him: "Do you need to confess, sir?"

Jack didn't understand how he sat in the confessional. He subconsciously felt that this place didn't suit him at all, but when he sat in the small square space, there was only a palm-sized flower window with colored light. When he came in, he had the illusion of being outside of this world. Religion, which has provided human beings with spiritual comfort for hundreds of years, was too professional in this regard, and he really had the desire to confide in it.

"I... I don't know what I'm doing, I feel like I'm not alive." He opened his mouth slowly, crossing his hands on his forehead, "I'm standing there, or sitting here, eating, sleeping, all... …is empty, just the body moves, the soul stays where it is, and I can't make it move. I try to paint and express that feeling of emptiness, but I can't describe it at all. If I were to paint this feeling as a picture To paint it, it should be a hole, a big hole in the canvas."

The priest didn't speak, he continued: "I tried to break the canvas, but I couldn't express that feeling, it disappeared again, like... like you want to catch a ray of wind, an invisible wind. You try to catch it, but it always slips away. Finally I know what to do, I should break the canvas and tie it a beautiful bouquet of flowers and colorful silk ribbons."

He paused: "But I dare not do it, I am very scared. So I only paint still lifes."

"What are you afraid of?" The priest's voice came faintly.

"I once had amnesia, I didn't know what Gotham was like before, a friend asked me, 'Do you think Gotham has changed for the better', and I gave him dishonest answers, I don't think the city has changed , become me." Jack raised his head and looked at the colorful flower window, a small golden light fell in his eyes, like the fingertips of God who gave Adam wisdom in "Genesis", "I should have another I look the same, have a completely different life, and maybe have a mission. I should live like a fire, passionate, honest, happy, and full of meaning. Of course, the fire will go out, and I will not live long. But only when it burns , I really became myself.”