You are my sin uncrowned poem

60

The first blade that Dean brought back terrorized the demon servants in the castle.He walked through the porch and the hall, and then the long corridor.After eating, the white lion yawned lazily and followed Dean with its tail wagging.The blood stained on the soles of the boots and the paws left a long string of dirty footprints on the expensive carpet, but no one dared to remind the man with the knife and the lion with his toes.

Sam wasn't in the room, Dean put the knife and grabbed a servant to ask, but he shook his head and faltered that he didn't know where the lord went.

"Didn't he come back early?" Dean frowned.

"Yes... yes, but where he went after that I don't know..."

Letting go of the servant, Dean thought for a moment before striding out of the room.The white lion was still crouching at the door, it took a look at Dean, and decided to ignore the masters' affairs and sleep.

At the end of the corridor was a winding staircase, and Dean walked up the steps.There is a small attic at the end of the spiral staircase, where the brothers used to hide and play when they were young.There, they can throw each other down to their heart's content, scratching each other's most ticklish spots with their fingers.Sam would hide here occasionally after being reprimanded by his father. He was a bit of a crybaby when he was a child, and Dean would laugh at him, so he likes to hide in alone.

The children felt that the attic was already so big that they could lie side by side and roll around on the wooden floor several times. As far as Dean could remember, the attic had always been that big until he got into it again after a lapse of many years.

In fact, it is as cramped as a small box, and the only thing it is better than a box is that it has a small window.

Sure enough, Sam is hiding here—it doesn’t seem to be very accurate to say that hiding, after all, Sam is no longer the child he used to be, and he has not suffered any grievances, just standing quietly by the small window and staring outside under the dark clouds. patio.

Back then they couldn't reach the top of the attic by jumping, but now Sam stood there and could easily touch it with just a slight lift of his hand.

Squeezing into two tall Alphas, the attic instantly became narrower, as if there was no room left for them to turn around.

It seems his instincts were right.

Dean let out a breath.

"Every time I came here to find you in the past, you were crying, or you were done crying, little girl." Dean squeezed to Sam's side, bringing up the past in a deliberate mocking tone, "You just curl up in that In the corner, still facing the wall, dare to lie to me every time that you didn't cry. Wow, what a little man."

Sam loved being here as a kid, because it was the highest place in the castle he could reach.He could see the whole manor clearly by leaning on the window, and at that time he would feel that he was a bird, unrestrained and free.He didn't like his father when he was a child, because his father would lock him in the castle. Although there was Dean in the castle, the loneliness of one person is loneliness, and the loneliness of two people is also loneliness.And because his father would always berate him for all sorts of things—and then it turned into berating Dean—and he never seemed satisfied with them, like they were just two failed fakes.

After many years, when Sam knew more about himself, he suddenly realized that his father's strictness and stubbornness in the past were all to protect him and keep him away from demons.But comprehension always came too late, he recognized the truth, his father had already turned into a pile of ashes.

Resolving misunderstandings makes people feel guilty and relieved, but death can only leave people with heaviness.

The father's soul will go to heaven, but so what? He stands in the paradise, but he can only helplessly watch his son become a demon.And the son who became the devil didn't even have the chance to apologize for the past misunderstanding.

Just today, after he heard the Hellknight's words, he thought of this place again, the highest place he could reach in the whole castle.The large attic in his memory suddenly became a wooden box, and he raised his head, as if the tip of his nose could touch the wooden board above his head at any time.

He never thought about it -- a question of time.Time can shrink the spacious attic in memory into a wooden box, and it can also make Dean who is alive at this time become a corpse in a coffin at that time.He never thought that even if Dean didn't die on the battlefield, and he had a smooth and safe second half of his life, he would still grow old until his skin withered and could no longer carry his heavy soul.

Then he will die.

"Death" is still a heavy and scary topic.In these short few months, he has seen too many corpses and too many dead shapes, but those people are relatives of others, they are parents of others, spouses of others, children of others, and he watched their relatives cry , to comfort the souls of those who died will go to heaven.

But even so, the sadness still can't fade away.

This sorrow no longer belongs to the dead, but exists in the hearts of the living.

If Dean dies, his soul won't go to heaven.He will go to hell.At that point, Sam might still be able to bring his soul out of hell.But the soul is still the soul, skinless and formless.

The beauty of life lies in the shape full of vitality.

Death is unstoppable.

This is Sam's grief. Dean will die, but he will live forever.

"Didn't Bobby be invited to the castle for a drink?" Facing Dean's teasing, Sam was indifferent.

"He's gone." Dean also looked down at the window, where a robin was about to land on the rose vine, "It doesn't seem like holy objects are very welcome here either."

Sam murmured, but didn't respond to Dean's joke.He thought that this place could help him relieve his inner anxiety and pain, but in fact it was of no use at all.The narrow space only made the gloomy mood more gloomy, but he couldn't think of any other place where he could hide alone, so that he could temporarily escape from the terrifying word "death".

Dean knew what Sam was hiding from.And he kept a secret - he didn't tell Sam that after he'd killed all the Hellknights, he'd go find Cain with the First Blade.He still remembers Azazel's words, though he never brings them up.

Death is actually not as difficult as imagined for the living.

Dean had dreamed of him every time he fell asleep when his father had just died in battle.He can't forget his father's death, nor can he forget what his father told him.The old strict image disappeared as early as the moment of his father's death, leaving only his gentle, clumsy and shy eyes.

Dad wasn't such a good father, but that's all he could do.

And as time went on, the frequency of his father's dreams became less frequent, and Dean didn't think about him all the time.The sadness and nostalgia are still there, but the time when I think of my father is less and less.This is not forgetting, but like a wound healing, first it hurts, then itches, and finally heals, leaving only a faint scar - that scar is all, a proof, the memory is still fresh, the pain in the memory is gone It is no longer as clear as it used to be.

No matter how heart-piercing pain can be smoothed into peace, when I think about it again, I may only have feelings.Love burns into another kind of peace too, and Dean just hopes Sam doesn't get too lonely.

But trying to persuade Sam with these words now would only make him appear unfeeling and an asshole.

And he didn't want to imagine a Sam Winchester without Dean Winchester.

"Hey, little man, if you..." Dean wants to take Sam out of here, because this place is not suitable for relaxing at all, the small box will only keep all the pent-up emotions in the heart, making it impossible to vent.But he was interrupted by Sam before he could finish his sentence - with a not tender kiss.

Dean was pushed against the wall by Sam, and pressed against him with lips and heavy breathing. Dean felt Sam flustered, like he was a teenager, encountering a difficult problem and thinking hard about it.That's when he'd always find Dean, and Dean would tell him there was a way.

Sam didn't want Dean to turn into a demon like him.

The tip of his tongue eagerly pried his lips and teeth open, Sam grabbed Dean's clothes with one hand and held his face in the other, his lips rubbed against Dean's lips roughly, and his teeth nibbled on his lower lip. Dean tried to comfort his nervous brother, but he couldn't say anything at the moment.

All the blood will be smoothed into scars, but the moment of injury is still painful.

Dean closed his eyes and cupped Sam's face in his hands as well.

"There is always a way..."

Sam murmured, and Dean just responded with a deeper kiss.

TBC