otherworldly happiness

Li Jian, an ordinary shopping mall security guard in a second-tier city in modern northern China, grew up in a rural village with a height of 180 and an ordinary appearance. He is born in the 80s and is the boss of his family. According to the family planning, he can only have one boy, but his mother accidentally became pregnant due to health problems. Unable to abort because of the reason, and gave birth to a pair of twin siblings, and can only pay the family planning fine. Therefore, it can be said that the family that was fined was destitute, and all the food produced in the field was taken away. .In addition, before giving birth, he had to hide and hide in Tibet, and his nutrition was not enough. It was difficult to give birth when he gave birth. Zhang Zhongbao, the only child of the family, suddenly became half of the family's labor force. Every day after school, he had to go back early to help with work, cooking, washing diapers, etc. Because he often went to the field, he was very familiar with the various crops grown at home, and he was usually fine. During the busy farming season, every household seized the time to collect their own fields, fearing that God would be unhappy and rain would ruin the busyness of the year, and they had to wait for others to collect their own fields before coming to help.

The days passed in a busy day. Due to the frailty of the siblings, they were completely ignored without knowing it. Since childhood, they have been taught that the siblings are younger than you. As an older brother, you have to give way. They are not in good health. You need to help with work, etc. After a long time, even if you feel uncomfortable, there is nothing you can do. Gradually, the family thinks that you should do more. Because you have to help the family, you often ask for leave, and you don’t have enough time to study. Well, he couldn't keep up with junior high school, so he was asked to drop out of school by his parents. Anyway, you are not good at studying, and you are not as smart as your younger siblings. You should earn more money, they still need a lot of money to go to school.

He left home at the age of 14 and didn’t know anything. He was too young to be accepted by a regular factory, so he had to be introduced by a fellow villager to work in a small workshop. He was paid a few hundred yuan a month for fear that he would spend it indiscriminately. Parents, and every time I give a little living expenses, I can't eat enough. After two years, because I can't see the light all the year round, I will be quite pale, but I am very pale and thin, and my height is a bit shorter than my peers. After two years, my body can't stand it and fainted I was called home to work. I saw my old friends talking about who went to high school again, and whose sister went to college. I said in my heart that it was a lie not to envy. People of the same age who grew up together have less and less common language, and I feel lost in my heart.

Later, the same villager went home and told about his work experience. In what age, there are still people who can’t get enough to eat. Relatives in the family can’t see such a young child suffering so much, so they suggest that they go to a technical secondary school or a technical school to learn some skills while they are young. It is not so tiring to go out to work and find a job. I have grown up after two years of study, and my body has become stronger. It is not too late to earn money. I have learned that education and technology are important in the past two years, but going to school It was too late, so I had no choice but to learn technology and proposed to go to school

He will always remember that afternoon, the whole family plus grandma, uncle, and other people in the room. When he finished talking about wanting to go to school, there were only the sound of his father smoking and his mother crying. The mother who was at home all the year round said: "We It’s not that he doesn’t want him to go to school, it’s that he doesn’t have good grades. Now the family has no money, and the two younger ones still have to go to school. How can he get money to go to school? Who will do the housework? Going to work is better than us at home. The two youngest in the family can’t see meat all the year round. He earns money and wants to eat outside. It’s better than living at home.”

The final result was nothing. He stayed at home for a few months, ate enough every day and didn’t stay up late. When he got better, he took his woven bag of luggage and continued his working life. He had no education in the city. , I have no work experience, and I am young. I suffered a lot at the beginning. I had a quilt and a mattress, and I didn’t even have a pillow. I slept outside and the park was dirty, so I was taken by a man who was walking in the park. The old man introduced him to a restaurant to do odd jobs. He was busy here from morning till night, but he lived a good life. When he had nothing to do, he would surf the Internet with his colleagues and read novels until the restaurant closed. Then he found this job as a security guard.

Over the years, the relationship with his family has not been far or close. Every month, he pays his salary to his family in time. If there is any delay, he will receive a "caring" call. If he wants to go back during the holidays, his family will feel sorry for him. Three salary during the holidays, since the Chinese New Year is almost a year, I bought some gifts for my family, and rushed home excitedly, before entering the house, I heard the younger sister say, "Damn big brother, why are you still here?" If you don’t send money back, I won’t buy any more sweaters that I’m optimistic about.” Little brother, “Don’t say that, didn’t my mother say that she will call him to ask him to send money, and besides, there is still a three-year salary. Isn’t it just to earn money for us to spend, remember that when he comes back to eat desserts, he can’t ignore us if he eats delicious food and drinks spicy food outside.”He doesn't remember how he left home, and sat in the mausoleum by the river behind the village all afternoon. Since his grandma passed away and was buried here, no one has ever cared about living outside. Don't be reluctant to eat. Pay attention to your body, He didn't know what to say about that feeling, his heart was empty, he knew that his parents didn't care about him, but maybe they just ignored him, and when ignoring became a habit, he became an invisible person in the family.

When people of the same age around you get married and have children, what they tell their families is, "there are no young people at home these days, you can find one outside, and don't forget to bring them to the house to see if you want to get married. We can't help you much, your brother spends a lot of money in college, so I don't care about you." Thinking of the generous appearance of his brother leading his little girlfriend to patrol the jewelry counter he saw, he turned his head away I was afraid that I would embarrass him if I recognized him, I really felt bad.Maybe I am a superfluous person in that family. (The younger brother is in a junior college in this city, so I came to him and told him how many times he would have to spend money if he had no living expenses)

I'm 29 years old. Although I don't pay money to my family now, my monthly salary is only so much. After renting a house and other expenses, there is not much left. Now I have nothing and I am getting older. From the first crush to several loves He died without a problem. In fact, I don’t blame others. In this city, I can’t even pay the down payment. I don’t have a fixed residence. I don’t feel safe with him. Now I just want to save money for a few years and pay a down payment to buy a small house. Set up a home and live a good life, even if the house is small, it is still your own home.